The Christmas Message

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Before we begin with the next cunting, may the Admin team and I wish you all a very happy Christmas (or holiday if you don’t recognise Christmas) – Day Admin

 

The lesson today is taken from the New Testament, 2020 p.c. edition…

– And it came to pass that Mary, wife of Joseph, a lower-income benefit claimant from a disadvantaged family, was with child. And Joseph was sorely displeased and giveth unto his wife a backhander

– And he sayeth unto her “How art thou with child, bitch, when thou hast not parted thy legs for me since we was espoused, init?”

– And Mary did quiver, and replieth “An angel came unto me in a vision and sayeth that I was to be impregnated with God’s child and that he would come forth in the world to end all our sins and his birth would be foretold by a great star and gifts from three kings”

– And Joseph did take another swig from his Stella and giveth unto her another backhander, saying “That’s the biggest bullshit I hast heard since the great lockdown! This is the only fucking Stella event you are likely to see, you lying bitch”

– But Mary wast not afraid, having the strength of the Lawed upon her. And she sayeth unto Joseph “I will take myself unto social services and willst have thou arrested, thou heinous pig”

– And so it came to pass that Mary was rehoused in temporary accommodation in the East End and Joseph was served a restraining order for he liveth in a tier 3 area and wast not part of her social bubble

– And so it was that on December 24th, Mary didst receive a threatening letter from the landlord saying “I have re-rented thy flat so begone from here tonight, whore, or I shall breaketh thine legs”

– And so Mary went forth into the night. And it came to pass that she stumbleth upon a homeless person and he taketh pity upon her, saying “Come unto mine squat in a nearby old stables where thou mighst findeth comfort in thine hour of need”

– And Mary dist reply “But we shall breaketh social distancing not that I giveth a shit being in a low risk age group so bollocks unto it”

– And at this moment, a great star burst didst appear over her head. “Taketh no notice,” sayeth her benefactor. “‘Tis only the bloody locals celebrating diwali”

– And Mary went with him and as she entereth the stable her waters didst break and she goeth into labour.

– And in the early hours Mary didst give birth unto a boy child, amongst great cries of pain and loss of much blood. And the child was laid in a manger for a bed

– And three men didst appear in the doorway, fresh home from a party, and each weareth a mask with a crown painted upon it. And Mary did behold them and sayeth “I see three kings!”

– And the first sayeth “Shit, girl, you been through it, ain’tcha? Have a swig of this..” and didst give unto her his bottle of Castlemaine Gold.

– And the second sayeth unto her “I have nothing to give you but a few foreign coins” and handed her a Franc and some Cents

– And the third sayeth unto her “Ah eh! I’ve nought for you, gerly, for I am only a poor scouser and am in a right state. Look. Even me hurr falleth out”

– And so it came to pass that the prophecy was fulfilled. A child with no father was born in a manger, under a star burst, and 3 kings from the East End had brought gifts of Gold, Francs and Cents, and Hurr.

– And the donkey in the corner didst dip its hooves in disinfectant and didst brayeth “Eee Ore! It’s a fuckin’ miracle…”

Here endeth the lesson.

We shall now sing hymn 123 “We three kings from Orient are; One on a scooter, two in a car.” All rise…

Nominated by: Dioclese

73 thoughts on “The Christmas Message”

  1. Been to the beach and had a very good lunch. Not too pissed yet but a nice buzz.

    Happy Xmas, cunts.

    • Merry Christmas fellow cunters and Admin.
      All the best.MNC,🌲🌲

      Thanks Miserable. Have a good one yourself – NA.

      • And a late and pissed one from the Fox – a merry Christmas to Admin and all contributors!
        Right, back to the ale and Spartacus! 👍🤪🍺🍺🍺🍺

  2. Merry Christmas Dio, Admin and fellow cunters. Here’s to a great 2021 on the cunting front.

    And you too, CM. Blessing be upon thee or whatever. – NA.

    • Admin, thats a fantastic arse in the header pic!!
      Is it Dios?
      Is it yours?
      Well done anyway!!👍

      That was Day Admin who added the arse pic. Bit of a metaphor we think as DA is a bit of an arse. Night Admin is awesome though – NA.

  3. Still Christmas Eve here in the Land of the Trannies. Just wrapped a gob load of cheap shite made by the Chinks and I trust I didn’t get a full viral load of their Chinky minky Christmas special while out shopping.
    Listening to Joe Satriani and eating cookies.

  4. Merry Christmas Cunters…. Cunt’s mates cunt. I try not to do envy but I’m struggling right now. Here it’s fucking 1 degree and drizzling. Enjoy your sun and beer.

  5. Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler on at said:
    Glad Tidings of Great Joy,Cunters.

    After a Christmas Eve of supper of stilton.port and Bushmills, I slept rather badly…just as well as it turned out…I was gently dozing in my vast four-poster wearing my nightgown and pointy bed-hat when I was awoken by some fucking trespasser…the Cunt was obviously even drunker than me because he chose fit to announce “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past…and I’ve got some mates coming soon to help me sort you aaahhhttt,you miserable old Caaannnnttt”…I realised immediately what was afoot… The Gays, The Commoners and The The Dark-keys had risen ! (all under the leadership of B+WC who was obviously,in a gross parody of the KKK, hiding under a bedsheet to deliver his announcement). Luckily even in our befuddled state, The Hounds and I were on him in a flash….”Begone,ye foul Demon…Fuck Off and stay Fucked Off” I roared as I unleashed both barrels from the shotgun I keep conveniently on my very valuable Queen Anne bedside-table… a huge flash from the barrels and the Cunt was gone (as was most of my ceiling and Louis the 12th crystal chandelier,unfortunately)…nothing left but the smell of gunpowder and fried chiggun.

    But enough of my nocturnal activities…I’m away to deliver an eviction notice to the family of that malingerer in a wheelchair, “MuchBenifeets Mustapha” later..at least I’ll get some joy out of this Christian (Repent,ye Sinners…The End Is Nigh) Holiday
    .

    Happy(ish) Holiday, Cunters.

    • Ha ha, nice one….you ought to change your avatar to ‘Ebenezer Fiddler’!
      Have a good one yourself and may I offer Christmas good wishes and a hopefully prosperous year to all other fine fellows here on ISAC.
      Cheers, you cunts!

      • Morning,Mr. Cunt-Engine.

        I suspect that you’ll be the happiest Cunter among us this morning….she’s finally gone,eh?

      • Yes indeed; although she was more difficult to remove than a gypsy tick covered in superglue.
        Now I can finally stop my pathetic, boring whinging!

    • Haha good one DF, but what you failed to realise was that I paid my disgraced cousin White and Black cunt to pretend he was me. It was all a diversion, which I knew would work after your boozy supper and subsequent hangover took effect. Whilst all of the commotion was taking place I took the opportunity to relieve you of your vast gold reserves and vintage port collection and it’s safely in the Audi on its way to London. Unfortunately white and Black cunt died of his gunshot wound and although he was my cousin he was a cunt who got up to all kinds of debauchery with women’s bumholes…I shall therefore settle for a £10,000 payment and when paid I’ll suddenly know naffink abaaaaaht the Christmas day robbery shooting of half Bame White and Black cunt.
      C’mon now pay up. 😁

  7. Great Dioclese, and subsequent D F-F.
    Merry Christmas to all cunters. Enjoy whatever you can with whomever you can.

  11. Love the header picture. I’m imagining B&W Cunt is frenziedly licking his computer/phone screen.
    Merry Christmas to you all and long may this site continue. A place to let off steam and laugh has been great to find.

  12. Merry Christmas Cunters, may dog bless you, one and all. Keep yer peckers up over the festivities. I’m sure there be a festive smorgasbord of cuntitude to comment on in the next few days……

    Apparently the fucking BBC started it last night with a effnik remake of Wurzel Gummidge. Cunts.

  15. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and thanks to admin for all your work and efforts in keeping this website going. It really is a good laugh and that’s what we need in these cuntish times.
    May God bless our rotten souls.

    Thanks B&WC. We do our best and greatly appreciate the support. We too at Admin Mansions enjoy the laughs and the banter. Still some cracking noms to come later today which we hope you’ll enjoy. Time for more coffee – NA

  18. Cheers Admin, merry Christmas cunters.
    Now fuck off. 🎄🤶🎅🍾

    Cheers Cuntle – NA

  23. Excellent work, Dioclese and DFF!

    Party already underway with fucking fireworks starting things off in our street at seven o’clock this morning. Cunts across the way already arguing about something. Fuck the restrictions. Just waiting for some Covid “Marshals” to turn up to instruct us how to celebrate safely!

    Have a great Christmas and thanks to all fellow cunters and Admin for so many laughs and quality debating. Mrs Twenty sends her regards.

    Thank you, Twenty. Fireworks at 7AM, huh? Santa didn’t leave you a water cannon under the tree by any chance? – NA.

  24. Good nom. Made me chuckle.
    Mrs. Dio looks lovely.
    Seasons greetings to all.
    👍👍 to Admin. For all their sterling work.
    Carry On Cunting.
    Jack. 🍺

    Thanks Jack. Carry on Cunting indeed – NA.

    • I can assure that Mrs D’s arse is even better than the picture. At least it was 30 years ago 😉

  26. Good morning all. Walking wounded this morning after yesterday’s Gin Tsunami, but still managed to get out early with the dogs and growl miserably at the other sad cunts doing likewise.

    Thanks to all of you who have made me laugh at things I shouldn’t, even the cunts I don’t agree with, during a year that has put ‘Gallows Humour’ to the test.

    Merry Christmas

    Gunner

  27. A very Happy & Peaceful Christmas to all my fellow Isac members.

    Whether we agree on noms or anthing else, I wish you all the very best.

    ” Gawd Bless Us, Everyone ! ” …… (except Cunts) 🙂

  28. Merry Christmas cunters, and here’s to 2021 which will be a wonderfully prosperous and memorable year indeed….

    It had fucking better be! – NA

  29. Merry Christmas and even though you don’t deserve it I will deign to bestow my apostolic blessing on you all.

    👌

    • I’m disappointed in you Miles. I had expected an idiosyncratic cunting of the baby Jesus from you at the very least!

      Merry Xmas and may your God go with you. 🙂

  30. Huge Seasonal thanks to our beloved Admin for keeping us going and to every other cunt on here for keeping me sane!!

    Thanks for the last twelve months of acerbic hilarity and here’s for much more to come in 2021!

    CRAPPY HISTMAS YOU CUNTS!!!

    The beloved Admin thanks you. ‘Tis a joy to bring to everyone’s attention the antics of those who would be cunts. Peace – NA.

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