The Christmas Message


Before we begin with the next cunting, may the Admin team and I wish you all a very happy Christmas (or holiday if you don’t recognise Christmas) – Day Admin

 

The lesson today is taken from the New Testament, 2020 p.c. edition…

– And it came to pass that Mary, wife of Joseph, a lower-income benefit claimant from a disadvantaged family, was with child. And Joseph was sorely displeased and giveth unto his wife a backhander

– And he sayeth unto her “How art thou with child, bitch, when thou hast not parted thy legs for me since we was espoused, init?”

– And Mary did quiver, and replieth “An angel came unto me in a vision and sayeth that I was to be impregnated with God’s child and that he would come forth in the world to end all our sins and his birth would be foretold by a great star and gifts from three kings”

– And Joseph did take another swig from his Stella and giveth unto her another backhander, saying “That’s the biggest bullshit I hast heard since the great lockdown! This is the only fucking Stella event you are likely to see, you lying bitch”

– But Mary wast not afraid, having the strength of the Lawed upon her. And she sayeth unto Joseph “I will take myself unto social services and willst have thou arrested, thou heinous pig”

– And so it came to pass that Mary was rehoused in temporary accommodation in the East End and Joseph was served a restraining order for he liveth in a tier 3 area and wast not part of her social bubble

– And so it was that on December 24th, Mary didst receive a threatening letter from the landlord saying “I have re-rented thy flat so begone from here tonight, whore, or I shall breaketh thine legs”

– And so Mary went forth into the night. And it came to pass that she stumbleth upon a homeless person and he taketh pity upon her, saying “Come unto mine squat in a nearby old stables where thou mighst findeth comfort in thine hour of need”

– And Mary dist reply “But we shall breaketh social distancing not that I giveth a shit being in a low risk age group so bollocks unto it”

– And at this moment, a great star burst didst appear over her head. “Taketh no notice,” sayeth her benefactor. “‘Tis only the bloody locals celebrating diwali”

– And Mary went with him and as she entereth the stable her waters didst break and she goeth into labour.

– And in the early hours Mary didst give birth unto a boy child, amongst great cries of pain and loss of much blood. And the child was laid in a manger for a bed

– And three men didst appear in the doorway, fresh home from a party, and each weareth a mask with a crown painted upon it. And Mary did behold them and sayeth “I see three kings!”

– And the first sayeth “Shit, girl, you been through it, ain’tcha? Have a swig of this..” and didst give unto her his bottle of Castlemaine Gold.

– And the second sayeth unto her “I have nothing to give you but a few foreign coins” and handed her a Franc and some Cents

– And the third sayeth unto her “Ah eh! I’ve nought for you, gerly, for I am only a poor scouser and am in a right state. Look. Even me hurr falleth out”

– And so it came to pass that the prophecy was fulfilled. A child with no father was born in a manger, under a star burst, and 3 kings from the East End had brought gifts of Gold, Francs and Cents, and Hurr.

– And the donkey in the corner didst dip its hooves in disinfectant and didst brayeth “Eee Ore! It’s a fuckin’ miracle…”

Here endeth the lesson.

We shall now sing hymn 123 “We three kings from Orient are; One on a scooter, two in a car.” All rise…

Nominated by: Dioclese

73 thoughts on “The Christmas Message

  1. Merry Christmas to all cunters everywhere, from the sublime to the ridiculous. There will be plenty to cunt in 2021, so a happy new year goes without saying.

    Total animals depicted on cards this year, five robins, a kitten in spectacles and a Highland cow. Can’t beat tradition.

    • I only got one card this year and it was from my M.P….which considering that I wrote “closet knob-jockey” next to his name on the ballot-paper and sent him several strongly worded letters regarding his ability to do his job really does show a remarkable spirit of generosity on his part….or perhaps it just shows that he never actually reads his letters.

      • Another possibility is that he identifies as a closet knob-jockey and took it as a compliment. There’s nowt as queer as woke.

  2. Merry Christmas ladies and gents, hope you all have a great day.
    Admin, this can’t be the easiest site to run, so top job, may this bastion of insane sanity live a long and productive life.

    Thanks GJ. It has its moments. It’s mostly quite fun working behind the scenes. Made easier by the hilarious banter of you lot. Let the insane sanity keep us all in good spirits. – NA.

  3. All the very best to my fellow cunters. Here’s to a BBC-less Christmas and a woke free New Year.

    Even Her Majesty won’t be on in Chez Norman today, as the ‘Beeb’ is totally boycotted and verboten.

  4. Happy Christmas to one and all, and hats off to Admin for steering the Good Ship ISAC through some undoubtedly choppy waters!
    If any government spooks are tuning in… crawl off back under your stone!!

    Thank you, HBH. It does get a bit dicey every now and then. We love free speech and freedom of expression as much as you all do. We do our best to keep us and you lot out of trouble though. Still, a cunt’s a cunt and that’s why we’re here. Enjoy your day – NA.

  5. Ozzy Osborne said of Live Aid ‘Geldof (cunt) is a genus. Getting all these fucking lunatics in one place cooperating’.

    I saw Ozzy’s point, but admin does a much better job at keeping a load of nutters in line than that cunt Geldof ever did. Happy Christmas to admin. Without whom….

    LOL. “load of nutters”…funny. Thanks Norman. We like to think we do OK keeping things going. We at Admin Mansions really are chuffed that the cunters enjoy the site. – NA.

  6. Good morning and a most happy Xmas to cunters near and far.
    Been ‘off air’ for a while but thinking about you cunts!
    Best wishes to Admin too for their continued sterling efforts!

    All the best

    Ron

    Thanks Ron. We’ve missed you. Looking forward to more Knee reporting in the new year. – NA

  7. Do they know they’re Cunts Mis?

    It’s Cuntmas time,
    there’s no need to be afraid
    At Cuntmas time,
    we let in whites and we banish sp@des
    And in our world of plenty
    we can spread some Covid joy
    Throw your germs around the world
    at Cuntmas time

    But say fuck off,
    fuck off the other ones
    At Cuntmas time, it’s hard,
    but when you’re slagging scum
    There’s a cunt outside your window,
    and it’s a cunt with dreads and beer
    Where the only willies flowing
    are the bitter sting of kweers
    And the Cunty bells that ring there
    are the sciving cunts on zoom
    Well tonight thank Dog it’s them
    instead of you

    And there won’t be cunts in Africa this Cuntmas time
    The cunts are on there way to the UK (Oo-oo-ooh)
    Where migrants never work
    They scrounge, they stab, they shirk
    Do they know they’re fucking Cunts at all?

    Here’s to you, flick a “V” for everyone
    Here’s to them, Unkle Terry, please oven them
    Do they know it’s Cuntmas time at all?

    Cunt the world
    Let them know it’s Cunting time again

    Cunt the world
    Let them know it’s Cunting time again

    Ho Ho Ho
    Merry Cunt-mas IsAC
    😘👍

    Had to make a few edits to keep us out of hate speech/racial slur territory – NA

    • Phew-thanks Admin(s)-and a Merry Chrimbo to you and yours😃👍

      You’re welcome, CG. It was funny so well worth the effort. The Uncle Terry reference was particularly well crafted. Merry Chrimbo to you too. – NA

    • Fucking marvellous, a massive improvement on the original money grabbing dirge. If anybody’s not having a good Christmas, you don’t have enough Tanqueray or Woods rum. Have a good one all!

    • Actually this was a Christmas Song of mine a few years back.
      After Band Aid 30 I decided if those cunts could do then I could do better so I recorded Bland Aid 31

      Humourless fuckers on YouTube banned it copyright infringement
      https://dioclese.wordpress.com/2015/11/27/the-dioclese-christmas-song-2015/

      Chas managed to bypass the censors somehow so enjoy this crap from 2015
      https://chascmusic.wordpress.com/2015/11/27/bland-aid-31-the-2015-christmas-song/

      We sitting round
      In the burning sun
      It that time
      When de white man come
      And he give us lots of money
      So we never have to work
      And dat is how we know
      It Christmas time

      So spare a thought
      For de poor white man
      Who has to work
      Work hard doing what he can
      To earn an honest living
      Wishing he could be like me
      Hanging out and chillin’
      And drinking ice cold beer
      Sitting in de sunshine
      Underneath a shady tree
      Knowing it will soon
      Be Christmas time

      And we won’t be going short ‘round here dis Christmas
      ‘Cos there’s loads of stuff arriving every day
      And the trucks dey keep on coming
      And de dosh keep rolling in
      It’s Christmas time
      There’s plenty for us all

      Sitting round drinking beer and having fun
      Lazing round underneath de burning sun
      It’s Christmas time
      That time we do fuck all!

      Send the money!
      We don’t care – it’s Christmas time
      Truck de food in!
      Save us working in de fields
      Send de workers!
      Build us houses, build us schools
      Keep it coming!
      We t’ink you’re a load of fools
      Life is easy!
      That’s how we know it Christmas time
      Bugger working!
      Just wait round for Christmas time
      Oh no – it Lenny Henry!

      • Nice one Dio👍

        I fucking hated the 2/3rd versions-they lacked any originality and were truly fucking worthless examples of lazy virtue signalling 👎

        Well done on your “fuck you” version😉

  8. That picture is Minced pie guy in drag. Admin’s got a strange sense of humour.
    Merry fucking christmas to all who believe in it. Festivities my arse. I’m looking forward to the new year and my first covid jab.

    That bum pic was DA’s idea. He’s a strange one, but can’t help it. We think the glue sniffing addles his brain. – NA

  9. A belated Merry Festivus to one and all Cunters. If any of you are familiar with Festivus traditions you will understand the true meaning of airing of grievances part, so please respect our differences.

    A special Merry Christmas to General Cuntster who seems to have disappeared. I enjoyed reading his outlook from across the pond. He may have needed a slightly thicker skin but sadly seems to have taken the bait from what can only be described as one of the most boring cunts I’ve ever had the displeasure to quickly post flick through, a self-indulgent, back patting, yawnfest of a man who I can only imagine would be the sort of person everyone trying to escape from at a social gathering he had gatecrashed after not being invited again, who by a true Festivus miracle also seems to have gone missing, but in this case, thankfully.

    Finally, If I have offended anyone via my Festivus airing of grievances belief, I would like to apologise to almost anyone offended.

    Fuck off.

    • No fence sitting here old bean.
      Ho Ho Ho
      Thankfully this yulefest nonsense will be over for another cunting year.
      PS: I too enjoy the transatlantic posts.
      Ooh, he said trans, get you ducky.

      Rangoon is the capital of Burma.

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