Amazon, their Staff and Drivers.
A Yuletide cunting for these cunts please. A new Amazon depot has opened near Cunty towers. Hmm you think so what? Well the drivers cannot follow the highway code for a start.Any turning off the road, blocked by a fucking Amazon van. Ask them nicely to move fuck off. There are a set of traffic lights at the depot, Yours turn green, some cockwomble is coming out on a red light. I was always told that red meant stop, silly me.
Next onto the staff, long fence behind the bus stop, diamond link fencing. Where do you think the Coffee cups go? Yup you got it in the fucking fence. A veritable new plastic artwork, done by fucking Amazon’s monkeys.
Who do you think clears this artwork up, you’ve got it the fucking council.
Why the fuck they (the council) don’t get the useless fucking rozzers to prosecute the cunts, fuck only knows
Must finish now before my bladder bursts under the pressure of my piss boiling.
Nominated by: CuntyMort
Added to by: Norman…
Oh, and never order a 12′ record or LP from Amacunts. It’s packed in a flimsy plastic bag and loads of other crap is put on top of it in the van. Said record arrives with dog eared sleeve. Complete bollocks.
…and talking of Amazon, here’s one from Cuntologist
Black Friday on Amazon
Don’t see any amazing deals just a few quid off tat I don’t need that still seems expensive for what it is.
The Black Friday home page is currently proudly displaying ‘0ver 30% off Giant Toblerone 4.5kg Jumbo Bar for £44.99, was £73.99.’ Do I want it? No, that’s nearly 50 quids worth of chocolate. Ridiculous!
Do I want £20 off an Echo Dot? No, little spying machine fuck off. I’ve got two legs and two hands, happy to select my own channel or look up the weather or whatever.
Do I want a Shark vacuum cleaner that was £350 and is now almost £200? No, still too expensive for something that sucks up dust.
Bah humbug to it all.
Also piling in on Amazon is General Tso’s Chiggun:
I would like to nominate packaging. I picked up a weighted blanket in Amazon’s Black Friday Week sale to help with my sleep, which arrived today. And, lo and behold, it is packaged in not one, but TWO separate boxes, both sellotaped tighter than a nun’s cunt. What is the fucking point of that?
They are world dominating cunts.
Round my way it’s DPD drivers and their vans that shit everywhere.
All driven by sweaty Nigerians for some reason.
Always nice to start a conversation with “Get your fucking van off the pavement you daft cunt.”
Fuck them all.
14
I don’t buy off the cunts.
Driving for a living, I sort of have a code,
Let other van drivers out,
Other big vehicles, HGVs,
Bit of courtesy, flash them out,
All working fora living,
And plenty of others have done this for me.
Not these cunts!
Amazon should train their drivers on road etiquette,
And learn to fuckin park straight!!
14
I agree that there should be more legislation for commercial drivers, people of a certain age can drive up 7 ton on a standard licence
3
A quadruple cunting!
One for Amazon. One for the staff. One for the drivers. And one for Jeff fucking Bezos.
Merry Christmas to all. 🎄
17
I see Kamala Harris is preparing for the Presidency this morning General, perhaps she ought to wait a while for the corpse to “cool”. Her statements of what she intends to achieve go way beyond her current pay grade methinks.
Enjoy your yuletide General, Merry Xmas to you and your family.
8
Thank you Father and Merry Christmas to you and your flock.
Your assessment of Old Flatback’s preparations is quite correct. The California Concubine has surrounded herself with a coven of evil cunts. They’re all gloating about how much power they hold and how long over due it is for women to hold all that power.
They remind me of modern day Stygian witches. All gathered around the pot, stirring their noxious brew. The biggest difference is, it isn’t an eye they’re sharing.
“It’s my turn! Give me the brain!”
As for the old Hair Sniffer himself, he’s like some senile old Sultan. He’s under the delusion that he’s in charge while the eunuchs are really running things and the Harem plots his demise.
Utterly fucking clueless.
Merry Christmas to all. 🎄
12
Far, far worse are Hermes drivers.
A couple of weeks ago my wife was expecting a delivery from Hermes. She got a text saying they had attempted delivery but there was no reply. Even though we had both been in all fucking day. Then she got a text the next day saying it had been delivered. After much investigation we found it had been put in the shed, which is around the back of the house. Again, we had both been in all day. It was far harder to do what they did than just walk up to the front door and knock on the damn thing.
They are utter, useless, cunts.
Amazon drivers, in my experience at least, are absolute professionals by comparison.
8
That’s my experience as well. Until recently we had a great Hermes driver but he vanished to be replaced by a peaceful who has, in the last few weeks, twice left parcels on the front doorstep in the rain and full view of any passers by and both times we were at home. He seemed incapable of ringing the bloody bell until yesterday when I thought we’d made progress but when I opened the door it turned out the parcel was for a different road.
8
Spot on. Hermes has got to be the repository of all the remtards too stupid to get a fucking job with Amazon and DPD. Turning up in their own battered scrapyard fodder with squashed parcels covering every fucking window is the first clue, followed by them chucking the missus’ Xmas present at you or acting like Estate Agents taking photos of your front door. Utter cunts.
3
Hermes deserve a cunting of their own.
Used to be decent but now are shite.
In the last 2 weeks:
1. Said they attempted delivery when they didn’t (Apparently they get paid for each attempted delivery, plus mileage).
2. Given tracking numbers that don’t exist.
3. Their idea of delivering to a safe location is yeeting my package over the back fence.
4. Attempted delivery yet again when they didn’t. (They must provide all employees with cloaking dvices as the fucker never showed up on my security camera).
5. Left a fucking massive box in a ‘safe place’ behind my green bin which wasn’t fooling anyone.
When you call to complain you get an automated system and can’t speak to any cunt.
4
They are utterly useless
2
Not for me this one,I’m afraid.I like Amazon.
I live in a remote spot miles away from any large shopping spots so it’s far easier for me to just order stuff off Amazon and have it delivered…massive choice and doesn’t seem any dearer than anyone else. It also means that I don’t have to endure the creeping old farts,chavvy filth,screaming brats etc. that infest most shops.
Never had any bother with deliveries either,they just shove the stuff in one of the sheds if there’s nobody about and leave a card.
Amazon may well be destroying the High Street but as long as it’s more convenient for me,I don’t really care…my local town’s High Street is nothing bar twee little coffee-shops,charity shops and fucking health-food stores anyhow.
12
PS…Couldn’t give a shit how much packaging they use either…I’m not paying any extra for it and it comes in handy when I’m setting a bonfire away.
10
The more boxes they use, the more trees they need the more business you get. Excellent.
7
Dick, I assume your too shy to ask, but do you want me to visit an keep your spirits up over the festive season?
We can play ‘pissed up charades’ and go egg neighbours windows,
Drinking games, bit of shooting,bit of axe throwing,
Maybe get a midget brass in one night?
Tell you what, I’ll take it as a yes,
Dont worry about the train fare,
You can pay me back when I get there!
I’ll bring some eggnog.
8
I would,of course,normally be delighted to see you,MNC….unfortunately I’m not sure how comfortable you would feel. I’m hosting one of my exclusive Country Mansion party weekends…the cream of Northumbrian society will be joining me for a couple of days of shootin’ and huntin’ culminating in one of my simply fabulous Masked Balls..The Great and The Good dressed in all their finery drinking the finest of wines and dining on pheasant,grouse,venison etc…I’ve little doubt that it’ll all descend to the usual orgy,..I’ve got my eye on 2 of those daughters of The Duke of Northumberland..they tried to knob me last year but I was a bit wary..I clearly remember porking their Mother 30 odd years ago ( the same age as the daughters) and I’d hate to discover that I was indulging in a spot of “family-lovin’ “….but I’ve had a close look at the strumpets and they quite clearly lack my fine,aristocratic features and refined bearing… they are bred to common stock obviously,no real class so I think it’ll be safe enough to give them a right gud rattling.
Feel free to visit if you like,Miserable, just leave my present on the doorstep and Fuck Off….I’ll let the Hounds at ye if I see your face peeping through one of my vast windows eyeing up my priceless collection of antiquities and objects d’art with a mind to stocking your van for the next car-boot sale. Consider yourself warned.
11
Fair enough.
Any Dw@rves going?
2
Aye,I’ve hired Warwick Davis for the runt-chucking contest…chuck the nasty little Cunt down a wishing-well when yer done.
2
Amazon and Hermes both mostly use Peacefulls as drivers . Most of these cunts can’t speak English let alone have read the Highway Code.
I was on an on line speed awareness course the other day and the lecturer had to throw one guy off because he couldn’t understand the question of “why do people speed?”
Most come from third world shit holes where litter and bad driving is something to be celebrated.
Cunts!
9
We have the Amazon drug and alcohol / interview testing place just opened up on our compound, so we have the dross of humanity driving around lost looking for the place [you would think as an Amazon driver a sense of direction would be an asset] but that dosnt seem important to Amazon, the best bit is most of these poeple look like alcoholic, crack addled weasels who couldnt find their arse holes with both hands and are more likely to sell what they are supposed to be delivering dodgy cunts….,
9
What gets me is Amazon Prime. It takes forensic attention to detail when ordering to avoid being saddled with it.
8
I have been saddled with Amazon Prime and I am not technically qualified to get their TV Channel so it is £7.99 a month at the moment. I called their helpline to have it removed and I was put through to an Indian lady who told me do all sorts of things on my ‘phone and then put me through to a website. A sign came up that said the website came up and said it was being used by scammers.
7
The family are constantly ordering off Amazon, due to the lockdown.
Like Fiddler, I fucking hate high street shopping, even worse are the ubiquitous shopping centres-full of chav cunts, obese cunts, slapper cunts and peacefuls. So Amazon is useful.
The fucking drivers on the other hand☹️
I have a huge driveway with lots of parking and turning areas and not only do the cunts delivering to me use it for turning, they come in and turn around when delivering to the few neighbouring properties, which have much smaller drives.
My driveway is 10mm shingle, immaculately raked over type 1.
I had to admonish a fat Romanian/Bulgarian Pikey bitch a while back, she left wheel ruts down a 30m section due to her trying to imitate a rally driver. I pointed out the security cameras in the grounds and took a photo of her number plate-her reaction, to drive off leaning out of the window screaming:
“Fukovv fukovv fukovv!”.
It would have been amusing if it wasn’t my driveway😢
Nice to see they have grasped some English-probably gleaned from the chavs in the high street / shopping centre…..
Cunts.
13
I must admit that up to now (touch wood) all the stuff I have bought from Amazon has arrived in good condition, even little light bulbs from China, packaging has been ok and most stuff comes via none Amazon logo delivery vans.
I always remove my card details after a purchase, fuck leaving a default card on their website.
Our local Hermes lad is polite and white so double bonus, DPD drivers look a bit rough and ready and tend to be a bit heavy on the gas.
3