Foreskins

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Jews don’t like em, cut em off.
And i see their point.
Mines like a carrier bag , have to roll it up like a midgets jeans.
Sometimes when having a gypsy it stops the stream of widdle and im pissing 2 jets!!

Its why I prefer pissing outdoors, once got it trapped in my zip,
Now that gets the heart racing!
And when younger a heavy handed young lady snapped my banjo string, causing fair bit of blood and me to howl like a bloodhound.
Its a liability.

On the plus side it looks like Walter Matthau without his teeth in.
Anyone else got a troubled me foreskin?
Send Admin a pic, (No! Definitely don’t send any pics of your gnarled old droopy bits, thanks – DA)
Best one wins a prize.

(Don’t be a tease DA, we all know you like dick pics – NA)

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt

62 thoughts on “Foreskins”

  1. Who’s that fucking retard in the header pic?
    Hope he was in agony for hours with it.
    Daft cunt.

  2. In my much younger days I got off with old woman of 48 yrs. To be fair she had a cracking figure. She ended up snapping my banjo string, her bed looked like a murder scene. She’d be pushing 80 now…

  4. How about male genitals in general? A truly shit piece of design (if god designed the human body he did a piss poor job. Fucking amateur).

    Always there, in the way, dangling, always needing to be moved (hence frequent displays of pocket billiards).

    Why couldn’t they just be hidden away, to be brought out when needed?

    • A knob and bollocks shelf? By the way Robin, are you one of my long lost relatives? There’s a certain resemblance.

  5. I’ll always remember what Mrs Norman said when she heard Jerry Hall was marrying Rupert Murdoch. She remarked that Old Rupe looked like ‘a foreskin filled with mashed potato’.

    Got a sense of humour, my missus. Let’s face it, she married me.

  7. Lots of women envy us. Envy us having a proper bride frightener, rather than a little rosebud, clit.
    I bet Owen Jones feels the same way😢.
    Mis-be proud to have fully intact genitalia-even if it does resemble Droopy👍
    Make sure you leave it to medical science-I believe there is a museum in Europe, that is dedicated to the cock. Full of penis’s on display.
    Just like the EU parliament 😄

  8. Didn’t I read somewhere that Jennifer Lopez used a very expensive skin cream made out of babies’ foreskins?

    Dirty dago bitch.

  9. A quality nom Sir Miserable!
    From a personal point of view I would lay waste to the earth if someone approached my gentleman with a scalpel.
    And, ’twill be a cold day in hell before a Yorkshireman gives something away for nowt! 😃👍

  10. Another bizarre ritual that could only be attributed to wacky religions is the removal of said flap. Which deranged, sadistic pervert back in the deserts suddenly thought, “I’ll say it’s the Lord’s request and see how many credulous fuckwits start practising it.” There was even a New York rabbi who, during the ridiculous process, removed it with his mouth.

    • They shoved it in the religious books because without the foreskin, the cods head loses sensitivity, and anything that takes pleasure out of sex those backwards fuckers are up for it. It also has the unintended consequence of keeping the fucker cleaner, as although bible cunts didn’t shove space dust up their hood, washing the cock cheddar build up wasn’t high on their priority list.
      As for rabbis, orthodox front wheel skids will suck the blood from a circumcision, in an act I can only think as child abuse on top of the abuse of chopping off dick skin. I was mortified when I read that years ago, as babies were getting STDs and it stemmed from this practice.
      I thought god made man in his image, yet he wants a bit of the dick back? The male equivalent of FGM. MGM!
      Backwards cunts.

  12. Fucking brilliant nomination, MNC. Occasionally a nuisance but generally quite attached to mine. Might come in handy if the Nazi’s get back in. Weighing all the evidence to hand, I have to disagree.

  14. They should be compulsory in Mecca, Jerusalem, Islamabad, Medina, Damascus, Baghdad, Aleppo, Tripoli, Kairouan, Tarim, Jakarta, Bradford and Londonstan….

  15. Well done MNC but no.
    I like mine a great deal and wouldn’t be without it.
    I read on Twatter the Bat Virus vaccine makes it fall off.
    Should I get some insurance?

  17. The fella in the nomination is an idiot for doing what he did, but more so and idiot for telling the newspapers about it. Something like that he should have kept quiet and moved on.

    Maybe try rice crispies next time? Not that I have.

    • Spoons: surely Sister Dolly must have something suitable in her well stocked cake-making pantry?
      Avoid curry powder. Hundreds and thousands should be safe👍

    • As long as cnuters are reading and not clutching another blokes m & 2v I can’t see a problem.

  19. What does the male foreskin do? Well, number 12 on the link below says it feels details as well as the fingertips can.
    If erotic fiction is produced in braille for the visually impaired is that how they are meant to read it? If so, I wonder if libraries should set aside special reading rooms?
    https://foreskinfunction.org

  20. As Corbyn has been re-admitted to Labour tonight, it wouldn’t surprise me if Dame Kweer makes all his male members face the mohel in 8 days time to demonstrate how anti-anti-semite ze party is, so if you see Bendover Bradshaw, or Streeting or one of his other arse-lickers walking strangely…….

  21. All Americans used to have them lopped off for some reason. It was a real novelty and got me plenty of fun. Now you see it, now you don’t. Worked wonders.

  22. Superb nomination and superb choice of picture admin….
    Me and the lass are trying for a baby but my foreskin can’t keep up with the pace so gets red and swollen and my banjo string is tender to say the least.
    Still wouldn’t chop it off though…. just thinking about those fucking bris scissors makes my eyes water

    • Cold is good for sperm production-I suggest a walk in the hills, like Mia, with it hanging out might facilitate “impregnating”.

      You have not been charged for this information👍

    • Oops, sorry for duplication. Original link attempt in support of Capt Mag’s statement got stuck in a spam filter and has ended up down here.

  24. The nom picture/story, reminds me of a joke I heard years ago:

    Two mates in a pub, one says to another:

    “Ere, you were right in thinking that that barmaid would be a kinky bitch-I pulled her last Friday night-fucking amazing!”

    “Really? Why, what did she do?”

    “Well she told me to strip off and lie on the bed. Then she did a slow strip tease-fuck me, what a fucking body! Made my soldier stand to attention mate!”

    “Result! What else did she do?”

    “Well, this is where she got really kinky. She said: lie still and don’t move. Then she went downstairs, then returned from the kitchen with armfuls of stuff”

    “Fuckin’ hell-what?”

    “Well, firstly she a jar of chocolate spread-she spooned it all over me cock and spread it on. Then she took a can of squirty cream and put a full fucking can around me cock. Then she sprinkled hundreds & thousands all over it, finally a glacé cherry on the top!!!”

    “Fucking-hell-mate! You were right, she is a kinky little bitch. What did she do next?”

    “Oh-not sure mate. It looked so good, I ate it meself!!!”

  25. I should’ve beem circumcised as a child. My foreskin was tighter than a scottish jėw.
    Twenty five years ago (aged 23) I was boning a bird (with a tiny fanny) rather enthusiastically and the ol’ foreskin hole turned back round my helmet and the foreskin was inside out and strangling my bell.
    By the time I got to hospital, my wangoogle had turned almost black with blood and I had to have an emergency circumcision, which saved my knob end. Thank fuck for that although a couple of dozen stitches in the bell end as an adult is no laughing matter.
    Well, for you cunts maybe but not for me at the time!
    Especially at night when you’ve no control over your boners! You wake up feeling like a dozen red hot chili-infused needles are poking into your cock.

    • All well and good Thomas-more important: what she a tidy bitch and did you go back and take care of business, once the stitches dissolved?

      (I sincerely hope you didn’t have to get the district nurse to remove them-a but embarrassing for a young chap😢)

      • Thankfully the stitches were dissolvable. I got stuck back in 6 weeks later though! She didn’t know what hit her, poor lass.
        Quite depressing to think isn’t it, CG, that all the fit young tottie we knobbed a quarter of a century ago are now veiny, boring, fat, middle-aged frumps with a 2-3 kid floppy pussy like a badly-packed kebab, horrid grey meat and of questionable hygiene!

      • Thomas-“you cant “ ©️B&W Cunt

        I have a massive “wank bank” library. How dare you pour corrosive acid on those memories😢😢😢

      • PS:

        Well played on getting back in👍👍👍😀
        It shows the character that put the Great, in Great Britain 👏👏👏

  26. Doc talking to a new dad…
    Ehh, bad noos the wee laddie has no eyelids
    Is there anything you can do?
    Well, we could use his foreskin to make some eyelids
    But will that make him cock-eyed?
    Yes, but he’ll have great foresight!

  27. Bloke pulls a bird one night and ends up going back to her place to have some some filth. They strip stark bollock naked and the bird starts wanking him off, and then she just suddenly stops, stands up and walks into the kitchen leaving the poor cunt lying there with a semi waving around all over the place. After a short while she appears carrying a box of Ritz Crackers. “What’s the matter Babe, are you hungry?” He asks, “No” she says pointing to his cock, “I just needed some crackers for all that fucking cheese”

    Ok, i’ll get me coat!!😁

    • It would appear that either “g r i s t l e” or “b l a n c m a n g e” sind hiermit – eventuell beidenfalls -strengstens verboten (or both, obvs).

    • Evening CS,
      Can you still get blançmange? Not seen it in years.
      As a kid, I used to have a T-shirt that said, “I’m a blançmonster”.

  30. Got to say….being circumcised at the age of 50 for medical reasons is a cunt…..ummmm so my mate tells me !!

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