Elton John [9]

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Elton John is a cunt, isn’t he.

The chubby, old queen has collaborated with the makers of Barbie to create a doll that replicates his famous style.

“A jacket with striking rainbow colours, flared trousers and platform rainbow-coloured heels”

What, no specious “I’m ashamed of Brexit’ or “I’m not a Stupid colonial imperialist” tee-shirts? Psh.

It also has a purple bowler hat and pink sunglasses, capturing the odious has-been’s most immediately recognisable looks.

Is it just his clothes the Barbie will wear or will she have that daft Sturgeon Legohead? At least that’ll be authentic Elton John: Tufts of artificial doll hair drilled into the cunty scalp.

I thought when it said, “replicates his famous style” it meant the doll would be involved in a grubby celebrity brown-love threesome whilst simultaneously clutching an Elton John Barbie doll Super Injunction.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

43 thoughts on “Elton John [9]”

  3. Who the fuck would buy their kids this monstrosity for Christmas?
    The bargain bin will be full of these air rifle targets in the new year.

    • That’s a great idea. I wonder if they’d let me take one to the range, then l could use a proper gun and blast the bastard to pieces in a single shot. Could make a nice 20sec YouTube clip.

    • Spanky, You’ll just have to settle for Reg’s soon to be released album of his famous hits re-written to support oppressed members of the LGBT community. All proceeds will go his AIDS foundation.
      Hits to include:

      1. Don’t Let My Son Go Down On Me

      2. Sorry, I Seem To Have The Hardest Wood

      3. Breaking Farts (ain’t what it used to be)

      4. Don’t Thrust That Woman

      5. The Bell End Will Come

      £12.99 on Amazon. Order now in time for Christmas to avoid disappointment.

      Cunts.

  6. An Elton Barbie, eh?

    Does it have a glaringly obvious ‘Irish Jig’, a hooter decimated by devil’s dandruff, and an an arsehole the size of a moon crater due to too much doughnut punching?

    I’m Still Standing?
    I’m not fucking surprised, considering the state his arse must be in.

  7. What about ‘Ken”? Ken was ginger was he? They should have done him up as a Gaylord Ken.

  11. Yes he is a cunt, Barbie doll aside! I’d like to smack him round the chops with a large wet fish (bass or something similar) the fuckin tantrum throwing little twat!

    • What every little girl wants for Christmas!
      A doll of a speccy gaptoothed fat sodomite.
      Do they do a Gary Glitter doll?

      • Christmas morning poor David Furnish showing ‘the kids’ the new doll of Daddy. ‘But Daddy David why haven’t you got a doll?’
        Family life eh…

      • They will have to explain to children why the saville doll has a corpse on the end of its nob!

  13. Elton John is a “Saturday night’s alright for fisting” bandit cunt…who makes my fucking skin crawl….

  15. What next, a Michael Barrymore doll (comes with a play pool for you to fist then drown other dolls)?

  16. Only 65 fucking quid from Amazon already going for higher on eBay. Limited edition you see, like the brains of the cunts buying them.
    Likes a pound note does Fat Reg.

  17. Elton John is a fat cunt-that doll should be much bigger. Maybe with a pull cord for his most iconic phrases:

    -more cake please
    -more coke please
    -more cock please

    Does it cry real tears and leave white stains, when it sits down?
    This christmas will be a real dilemma-should parents go with the Lilly Mongberg body massager, the Marcus Rashford Doll with authentic Black power salute and free food for cunts, the Elton John dolly or a rubber dingy, for the great escape from Englanistan.

      • Thomas, one Christmas I got a ‘jimll fix it’ soap on a rope,
        Made to look like the famous jimll fix it badge.
        Remember been a bit dissatisfied, off a elderley relative probably?
        Dunno what it smelt like?
        Probably rhophynol?

      • Fuck me Thomas, I hope that is a complete “mock-up”.
        If not, the fucking irony!!!
        I don’t like the way he has his “eye” on that little speccy twat. Is that Chris Evans, perchance??
        It would explain his “cuntitude”……

  18. he packed my fudge last night pre-flight
    Zero hour 9:00 a.m.
    And I’m gonna be dry-i-i-bummed
    As a cunt by then
    I miss the Earth so much I miss my “wife”
    It’s lonely for a cunt out in space
    On such a time-ime-ime-less flight

    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    ‘Til lockdown brings me ’round again to find
    I’m not the man they think I am at home
    Oh, no, no, no
    I’m a Cocket man….

    Cocket man, burning out his arse up here alone
    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    ‘Til lockdown brings me ’round again to find
    I’m not the man they think I am at home
    Oh, no, no, no
    I’m a Cocket man
    Cocket man, burning out his arse up here alone

    Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your Skids
    In fact it’s cold as hell
    And there’s no one there to raise them
    If you did
    And all this science
    I don’t understand
    I fill my arse five days a week
    A Cocket ma-aa-aa-an
    A Cocket man

    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    ‘Til Lockdown brings me ’round again to find
    I’m not the man they think I am at home
    Oh, no, no, no
    I’m a Cocket man
    Cocket man, burning out his arse up here alone
    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    ‘Til Lockdown brings me ’round again to find
    I’m not the man they think I am at home
    Oh, no, no, no
    I’m a Cocket man
    Cocket man, burning out his arse up here alone
    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time
    And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time…..

    Apologies fellow cunters-had to be done!

  20. Some EPIC comments on this thread!!

    Thank you fellow ISACs for giving me a right old laugh!!

  21. 🎵 So swallow my yellow thick load 🎵

    Filthy decrepit old queen.
    Take your creepy little doll and go and furnish David’s particulars with it.

  22. Don’t suppose i am allowed to go into the, facts regarding hypocritical super injunctions admin?
    Not that I’m homophobic, some of my favourite internet sites prominently feature hot lesbian slurping. Chaturbate (choose female option obviously) being my current go to viewing.

  23. Ah, but isn’t Fat Reg breaking new diversity and enrichment rules?
    I thought white dolls were banned now. How come the Elton Barbie isn’t black?
    Because everything else fucking is.

  24. This Elton doll could sell like hot cakes.
    In the words of Eric Idle in The Rutles:

    ‘People were buying then just to burn them’.

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