An arty farty cunting for out of focus camerawork.
Everyfucking thing you watch now uses this wanky technique. And I dont mean where they are protecting identities.
It seems to be somehow profound to present half the fucking picture out of focus to make things look profound. It isn’t profound it is wanky and annoying.
Drama or documentary, some cunt thinks fuzzy is great viewing. It ain’t.
And modern cameras don’t need to do it. It’s cunts who think this is great television.
Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble
Nice one CC.
Another thing that drives me up the wall is the fad on the part of certain film directors to indulge in that jerky camera and ultra fast cutting technique as a means to emphasise a film’s pace and action. See ‘Jason Bourne’ as a prime example.
It ain’t good. It breaks the viewer’s attention and is downright fucking irritating.
5
Oh, I don’t know. I always thought the intro to the original Hawaii Five O was dog’s nuts cool when the camera shakily zoomed along to McGarratt standing on the balcony, for him to turn around and give a big cheesy grin.
2
Hawaii Five O intro was a classic, but as I remember, McGarratt just turned to the camera looking ultra cool without any grin, and with the edge of his fringe blowing in the breeze.
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Bugger me, you’re right MM. There was I thinking he had a big, cheesy grin plastered over his face. Just goes to show that the passage of time can play tricks.
For everyone’s pleasure:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR8RHBXjMlE
2
More of a smirk, I’d say?
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Paul@
Probably one of the greatest intros to a tv show ever!
Cool as fuck.
No one had ever heard of Hawaii till that,
Put it on the map.
Ps
Jack Lord gives a wistful ironic smile in my opinion.
2
I think that the Japanese had heard of Hawaii; they bombed the fuck out of it in 1941.
2
They thought it was somoa.
0
Then there’s those entire movies shot on a minicam by idiots running around being chased by zombies. The result would make a viking barf of seasickness
2
Again its your eyes.
Weve never noticed this!
Crystal clear camera works all I ever see.
Can you read this?
,, …. .. ,, ::…
No?
I’ll start a whipround.
😁
5
Yes, it says:
‘I am a tattooed bearded cunt.’
No whipround needed.
I still cant read the fucking shampoo/bath oil/ bath gel/ conditioner/ cleanser/wanking cream bottles though.
2
Hehehe😀
, ive done alright for the whipround!
We’ll split it, we’ve got the price of a new Labrador we can spend on ale!👍
3
Got to be a Staffie.
3
For a guide dog?
1
Guide dogs for the thick.
0
Not noticed any arty shit like that on Law & Order SVU to be honest. Liv Benson nailing rapists, paedos and sundry deviant cunts right left and centre is proper entertainment. Long may it continue.
I seem to remember that there was some funny camera stuff going on NCIS. I stopped watching it. It always was shit, whatever Teresa May MP says. She can fuck off as well.
0
Agreed. Always some TV cunt trying to be arty.
But my real bete noir from this ilk is the modern tendency-in nearly every drama these days- to have multiple gimmicky timeslips and flashbacks. What’s wrong with telling the story in its proper sequence?
And don’t get me started on how it’s always dark and fucking raining on everything (except Doc Martin so Im told).
3
And every crime drama has to be convoluted cat and mouse intellectual bollocks and psychological shite like Broadchurch, The Fall and Lezzing Eve. Whatever happened to good old fashioned cops and robbers? Goodies and baddies?
And those BBC cunts. Whatever classic 60s or 70s stuff they haven’t wiped, they still ruin. They put irritating and pointless ‘information’ captions across archive TOTP or OGWT footage. They really are wankers. They fucked up this rare Stones film for a start.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqygygUNffo
3
That Jagger really is an ugly reptilian cunt. What’s with the anorak ffs?
1
Yes, the blurring in Japanese porn is a fucking menace.
14
You need to acquire a different source for your naughties, Mr F…
There’s a number of different places to see uncensored Japanese flaps.
Links on fboom.me, for instance.
Incidentally, as the only Jap porn I watch is lesbian stuff, in straight Jap porn, do they censor out the bloke’s little dong?
4
They do,Mr.Cunt-Engine….a single little blurry box seems to be enough for the average Nip.
3
Ha, I always suspected as much.
It was rather a shock to find out that far east pussy has the same vertical flaps as western birds, despite being told in my formative years that their fannies are horizontal.
9
Same goes for a Jap bloke’s Jap’s-eye.
About five degrees off horizontal. True
2
A modern affectation I’m afraid. Someone probably started it by mistake and then all the copycats thought “hey that’s so edgy”.
Ridiculous angles are also annoying and all these “techniques” have been adopted by the TV advertising arsewipes.
Pathetic.
4
New cunter here,it’s your eye sight or your TV (my dad has these issues) iv’e been a pro photographer/cinema photographer since I left the Navy where I trained in photography,nice to meet you all cunts
1
Jar Jar Abrams uses that cunt lens flare shit on all his films. No fucking ideas of his own the cunt. Ruined Star Trek. Needs a warp factor 9 up his arse.
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As long as the porn is in HD those daft cunts can do what they want.
It is a shame about Jap porn and their pixels I have to say.
The little bastards.
2
Why they don’t pixelate the moans rather than the visuals I just don’t understand.
Japenese women sexual sounds are like the squeaky helium voices of those mice in Disney’s Cinderella. Fucking awful.
5
Yoko Ono? As heard on Velly Melly Chlistmas.
2
What John was thinking I don’t know. She must have had a real snapper to make up for everything outside of it.
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Try fboom.me forums for your links, UT…don’t go too far down the rabbit hole though..there are terrible things on fboom…
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Haha splendid,I thank you sir.
1
ANPR cameras should use this technique (CCTV cameras already seem to) but no, those fuckers can clearly read a number plate from a mile away if you’re going 1mph over the limit.
6
Even worse. Cinematic AntiChrist (and shitty remake peddler) JJ Abrams and his fucking lense flare…
2
One is engrossed in a scene suddenly your watching a replay of your last migraine visual disturbances. Adds fuck all to the film/program just makes me think cunt and turn off, over.
2
One of the worst examples I remember of cunty camerawork was on the otherwise very good Man on Fire, starring Denzel Washington. In that one, there were constant whooshing noises and sudden close ups, or flashes of bright light as the scenes changed. Didn’t make it edgy, just cunty.
1
Looks like the contents of my stomach after 15 pints of ale.
4
Modern small mirrorless cameras are used more and more nowadays as opposed to the larger ENG cameras we are used to seeing on the news. It’s become fashionable to use lenses with a large appature of say 1.4f which blurs out the background. Looks great for static interviews but useless when people are moving as it’s very hard to keep focus with such a shallow depth of field. You’ll see many fly on the wall type documentaries nowadays struggling to focus. Cunts.
4
Good nom, and it isn’t just things being out of focus, it’s all kinds of stupid visual tricks that, as Lord Helpuss says, are meant to look ‘edgy’. There’s a programme on the documentary channels that I’ve liked for years, but I couldn’t watch the last series because some twat decided it would be ‘cool’ if they changed each scene before your eyes could focus properly on the one before. It was as though the editor was on methedrine and they made it totally unwatchable.
1
It is ironic that now that the video makers cannot show smoking that they increasingly use the smoke generator.
Hero enters sealed building. He/she/it/whatever is the first one in for hundreds of years, but the air is full of fine smoke.
Films about it being Grimm Oop Norf, or anywhere, people were forbidden from wearinf bright clothing, particularly red. Cos they woz poor.
However the drab clothes they wear are all brand new. No frayed cuffs elbows.
Any dusky skinned characters? Well there are lots now, even in 1066.
The scenes have to have a blue shade, cos that flatters the skin tone.
The makers of this dross would not recognise a cliche if it bit them on their arse.
Then there is the foreground noises. Even on news. I end up with ears ringing, but cannot make out the mumbled speech.
Watch an old repeat or a non English language programme and there is none of this shit.
1
Well said Fud-man. Peaky Blinders is an example. A great programme but it had a black Army Major.
Well, checking the history archives, the first one of them was in a Major Seth Anthony from Ghana who was commissioned in 1939. About 20 years after the time period of Peaky and he wasn’t educated at Eaton.
1
I wouldn’t know because I don’t watch any TV made after the mid 90s. That’s when it all turned into mind-numbing shitsoup in accordance with Agenda 21.
2