The Pope and Gossip (6)

Posted on by

The Pope is a cunt, isn’t he!

“Psst! Have you heard? Mary is pregnant!”
“She is? Who’s the father?”
“Well….people are saying…it’s the Lord.”

Q: What’s worse than the Wuhan Flu and its disastrous, economic consequences?
A: Gossip.

No, this isn’t a low-level BBC-type joke but what the Pope told to the credulous pilgrims in St Peter’s Square recently imploring the dopey idiots not to engage in malicious mutterings.

“Gossip closes the heart of the community, closes the unity of the Church” he said wearing a small pancake hat. “The great talker is the devil, who always goes about saying bad things of others because he is the liar who tries to disunite the Church. Chatting is a worse pest than Covid!”

That Devil sounds like a scandalous peddler of the rumour mill.

The Pontiff also removed his face mask recently whilst meeting worshippers as he chatted to and touched members of the congregation. His Worthiness insisted that the Covid-19 pandemic would be defeated by “God’s love” as he addressed the packed courtyard in the Vatican. Don’t worry Your Eminence, if you contract the ChînkyDink virus you shan’t require a ventilator, we’ll pray for you; that always works.

Psst, have you heard? There is no God

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous 

56 thoughts on “The Pope and Gossip (6)”

  1. Covid 19 won’t be stopped with God’s love, but by not crowding round a lefty spik version of the grand wizard of the KKK, but what is life without a bit of gossip eh?, it would just be facts, which would be terribly boring!!!, now let’s all sing……

    🎶First you get down on your knees, fiddle with ya rosaries, bow your head with great respect and genuflect, genuflect, genuflect🎶

    • Just been listening to Fleetwood Mac.
      “You can bend over backwards I ain’t gonna kiss your ring”. *
      Which ring does the Pope think needs kissing?

      * Somebody, from the album Mystery to Me.

      • “You can bend over backwards I ain’t gonna kiss your ring”.

        I bet Stevie Nicks did it though. What a coked up slag she was.
        Probably still is.

      • Thank you for that. I’ve heard a lot of Lehrer – my parents had two of his LPs – but never seen him before. Wow. One of the few of your countrymen who can really play with the language.

      • @Komodo

        You are more than welcome my friend. I just about choked on my coffee when I read that lyric.

        It’s good to find others who appreciate his under thoroughly underrated genius.

  2. The Pope, what the fuck, well if we are going to keep banging on about slavery, the Catholic Church has its unholy past, the Inquisition, that was the church using gossip to further it’s ends.
    Fuck off Pope, a vaccine will defeat the virus not God, unless he has got shares in GSK and Astra Zeneca 😂

  3. Rumour has it that some of this chaps foot soldiers like playing winkey-wankey-woo with vulnerable youngsters in their care. Rumour has it.

      • Yes we know!gods always watching so why doesnt he do something sbout the child molesters who join the church!what did the pope whisper (another nonce this week

  4. The virus might die out if chav slags and their mutant offspring didn’t go into my local Co-op without masks and buying booze and scratchcards, making out they are colourful local characters. Fucking pig ignorant thoughtless scum.

  5. Fucking ridiculous, it reminds me of South African Muslim cleric louana tootla who told a gathering that they were all protected by allah from the nasty Kung flu , Couple of weeks later tootla was brown bread Covid apparently, a family member said allah had recalled him ? Blind faith ……..

      • Evening RTC, LL.
        Percy has always been in to religion.
        It goes back to the time he was given a Jehovah’s Witness Advent calendar when he was little. Each day when he opened a door, someone told him to fuck off!

      • Ah… I thought it was cos Percy had a special penchant for strapping Humanists and other non-Christians down on that rack you bought him for Christmas last year, and applying heated metal knob pincers, thumbscrews, red hot dildos and other devices designed to burn, pinch or otherwise mutilate their infidel heads, hands, feet and arseholes.

        Evening Bertie. 🤣

      • Evening Ruff. You’ve got a very fertile imagination there! He does have ways of getting the truth out of people, usually grabbing people by the balls or muff!

    • Don’t worry Bertie, when you get to the pearly gates Percy will have beaten you to it, spreading vile rumours about your good self. I’m already resigned to the fact they know about my association with Miserable and Fiddler.

  7. Has his Popeiness mentioned the deal his ‘establishment’ did with Mussolini?
    If he was still in charge, the Pope wouldn’t even say anything about Coivd without Benito’s say so. And I bet the church did a lot of grassing and blind eye turning on Il Duce’s behalf (not to mention his German pals). And he has the brass bollocks to yap on about the evils of gossip?
    Ah, get to fuck. Popey.

    • Norm-popey.
      That’s fucking brilliant, just inspired me:

      He’s Pope-eye the holy man
      He lives in the Vat-I-can
      No gossip, diminish
      His faith to the finish
      He’s Pope-eye the ho-leeee man

      Ug ug ug, I’ll gets ya Olive.

      • Why did Popeye beat up the Pope?

        He heard he was going to Mount Olive.

        (I’m sure that joke was dug up and carbon dated going back 2000 years – DA)

      • Look Admin, if the BBC can get away with so many repeats, I sure as can, especially as I don’t charge!

        (good point. Carry on – DA)

      • What are you doing here anyway? Surely your day shift is over?

        (Indeed. But Night Admin is still in a bit of a state after seeing Man City get a right royal stuffing – DA)

  8. The Pope has a heart attack and gets taken to the hospital. They are wheeling him on a stretcher when he regains consciousness.
    He looks around and says “am I in heaven?” The doctor says “no Holy Father, we’re taking a shortcut through the children’s ward.”

  9. I wonder how many people got into an argument with Jesus and at some point retorted with….

    “I don’t give a fuck who your dad is”….

  10. I heard some right goss – check this!
    Joe comes back from 2 years contracting as a carpenter and is somewhat confused to find his Wife Mary pregnant!
    Mary explains “no mate, what it were – this ghost off this geez called God got me pregnant, honest – ask Shaz or anyone”!
    Fast forward to the Pontius Kyle show for the results of the lie detector..
    “No, Joe, I propah luv yer – this lie detectors wrong – they’re just trying to split us up mate – ask Trace or anyone”!
    “MARY! you should stop smoking weed, stop sleeping around with half of Galilee and get a job”!
    “No I never, ask anyone on Stonetabletbook! Ah’m stormin’ off nar, yer all liars”!
    I mean – who could believe that about Mary?

  11. Apologies for going off nom but Switzerland has voted by an overwhelming majority to end free movement.

    • It’s amazing how this arsehole in a frock can come out with some utter horseshit and millions around the world will be hanging on every word. That’s what I don’t like about most people – they’re fucking cretins.

      • The same can be said of all religions along with their past and current leaders. It’s one of the oldest and biggest fucking scams in the book. Feeble minded mental midgets are to blame.

  13. How does it work i wonder the rank in church Assuming that the pope right at the top of ladder so to speak is the biggest child molester(thats how he got to be pope)then you have cardinal s /priests/vicars etc
    I know they am all kiddy fiddlers but.

    • I think they look at real world politics and current “thinking”.
      They the elect a pope with the greatest mass “appeal”.
      The latest “vicar of Christ” is from a poor background-ticks all the right boxes to appeal to the easiest marks-poorly educated Spanish speaking catholics.

      The world biggest business, with branches everywhere.
      What-a-fucking-racket👎👎👎

  14. I love a bit of gossip, me. It’s a way of letting off steam and explaining how you properly feel. Reckon blokes gossip more than birds do and there’s nowt wrong with that. The Pope can fuck off.

      • It most certainly is. I got it from my neighbours you see. Rumour has it he sacked his Pilot for taking a dump in the Black Males only lavvy on his jet. Annnd.. he doesn’t like women taking a shit anywhere near him in his houses. Weird cunt. You heard it here first.

      • Ernst, Cafflick priests can’t get little boys pregnant but Lord above, if they aren’t trying!

  15. I laugh at the cretins who try to kiss his ring and he acts like he’s stuck his finger in the mains socket. The ring on his hand that it is. I suspect he has no problem with choir boys removing his rust however in his humble chamber.

  16. There’s a black family at the bottom of my road who have recently installed a life sized two sided sticker of the great pontiff raising his hand in blessing on the rear blacked out windows of their 4×4.

    It’s as hilarious as it is striking, and quite clever in the fact that the shots have been taken by two cameras either side at the same time. There we have it. More Popeish gossip.

  18. I is a-wunderin, when will di vati-can be gettin a black pope?
    Then we will get the official canonisation of Saint Chicken Floyd George.
    Mammy!

    • If they use white smoke to signal a new Pope has been chosen, David Lammy will take that as a sign of Catholic white supremacy. What does he want? Lionel Richie warbling “Hello, is it me your looking for?”

    • Hush yo mouth boi. Yo lips am too tick. Ain’t be ever gonna be no black man in place’a prominance. Sheeeeeet Nigga!

Comments are closed.