Here in England we take our favourite foods seriously and do not like them to be messed around with, the Cornish pasty, fish and chips and the iconic full English brekkie. Only Heston Blumencunt hasn’t got the message and decided to reinvent the wheel and put the full English breakfast into sandwich form.
I don’t where to start with this. Coffee tasting ketchup, baked bean-tasting bread, cannellini beans in sauce or the fact some twat will pay £3.80 for it from everyone’s favourite middle-class greasy spoon, Waitrose.
Blumenthal comments he put the sarnie together so Brits could “satisfy the craving, anytime, anywhere”, typical of todays world, every fucking thing has to be instant or on demand to the whims of whiny me me me cunts. One of life’s small pleasures is a quiet weekend with the paper and a full English and enjoying it before the vegan mentalists ban it or BLM declare it racist.
So Heston, leave off our grub and stick to stiffing gullible wankers flogging them tramps toenails in their compost bin souffle.
Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator
Always reminds me of Joe 90 this cunt, except Joe has bags more charisma and is probably a better fucking cook.
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Hes one of the castle guards from Cloppa Castle.
4
This is the same up his own arse arrogant talentless prick who was given the job of revamping Little Chef and came up with snail porridge.
Like all “celebrity chefs” he thinks he is a national treasure and indispensable.
I have news for you Heston – cooking is turning raw stuff into food using heat, anyone can do it – even a chef!
Well, must nip to the WC – I have something to press out which resembles one of Heston’s “recipes”.
Good nom LL – I fkin detest celebrity chefs.
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He’ll probably go the way of all pretentious celeb-chefs and disappear up his own arse when he realises most people just don’t give a shit about his poncy food, especially given we have the mother of all recessions looming and everyone will be skint!
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You mean you wouldn’t spend two hundred quid on a raw sheeps brain dragged through a quarry, pissed on and garnished with dentures Techno?
Heston will be upset! And skint.
My Brothers pretentious hag of an ex Wife would insist on going to the most expensive restaurant in Leeds (200 quid each!), eat a mouthful, pull a face, say “I don’t like that” then have a Karen strop.
Our kid said “what would you have done”?
I replied “push her face into the plate and hold it there – she either eats it or suffocates – and either way she’ll be fkin quiet”! 😄
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Now you can have ‘heart attack in a sandwich’ instead of on the plate. No thank you, Heston. It looks like where food has gone to die.
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This speccy arsehole has much in common with his namesake, the delightful, run-down Heston Services on the M4 at Hounslow.
Shit, cold, repulsive, overpriced junk food. A sneering, supercilious reception, toilets to die for (literally) and the feeling your wallet has been arsefucked in both cases.
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I don’t call it breakfast unless animals have died to provide it….”Oinky-Poinky, Porky-Pig” in particular…. pasty-faced,whiny veggie Cunts can stick to their rabbit food…I likes flesh and blood in my breakfast sarnie.
Fuck Off.
PS….Blumenthal is a fucking mental.
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PS…..I once sacked a lad after he stayed in the van eating “muesli” while the rest of us went in for a fry-up…when it came out that he was actually a full-on veggie I realised that he would have to go forthwith.
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Very fair minded of you, Dick. I hope he understood his folly, after?
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Probably not,DCI…I just told him in the yard that night that I wouldn’t be needing him again….I would hate to come across as unreasonable.
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PS…but I did let the tyres down on his pushbike before I told him.
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Veggie? Pushbike? Your restraint does you credit, Sir.
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I have had several vegetarian girl friends over the years-fortunately they all “puffed out” on my pork sword 😀
Morning Sir Dick👍
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Fish and chips you say? Remember , we’ve got refugees to thank for that.
FFS
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Fish with potatoes in various forms eaten in the UK by Jews and Catholics on Fridays a long, long time before Linecunt alleges – and the first ever fish and chip shop was opened by an Englishman.
We had fish and chips well before any impertinent dinghy jumpers.
On other news – I have fitted a new shower.
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Is it anywhere near Unkle’s oven?
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Lol👍
I have that Zyclon washing powder you asked for Vernon- it was a bastard getting my uncle Hermann to part with it.
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Top form CG! (Great Uncle Hermann always a tight fker and usually ate all the pies!) 😁👍
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From my perspective, this cunt is providing a valuable social service by keeping the miserable, middle-class twats out of Aldi and Lidl, where you can buy food of similar quality without the BS.
Perhaps he could team up with that other haunt of the cunt – Pret a Manger – and save it from going to the wall.
A lot of mediocre restaurants and cafes are going to go to go down the tubes. Good riddance. As long as there are fish n chips and greasy spoons, we’ll do just fine, Heston.
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‘Ken oath. I worked for these smug cunts in the ’90’s during the time of work place agreements, 60+ hours a week on less than the award rate and only paid for 37.5 hours. Nothing gives me much more joy than seeing a meddling class prat go to the wall, losing their house and end up having to work for a living.
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I like looking through the windows of the Pret A Manger in Leeds frightening people!
If Heston Blumenthal did fish and chips you would get turbots ear and the soil the potato came in.
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I’m more likely to eat something served up by Hannibal Lector than by this bespectacled bell-end.
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This dirty git was with a woman in her 20’s while he was 50. He looks the type to like them even younger so i commend him for restraint there at least. She broke up with him sharpish in any case. Perhaps his very small portions of meat and veg weren’t to her pleasure. If this thunderbirds puppet looking cunt knocked on my door to flog his Bin Juice curry or whatever, i’d set my dogs on him and show them what pretentious cunt tastes like.
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The only cook I will watch is Keith Floyd.
All the other puffs fiddling with bits of odd veg can Fuck Right Off at once.
This cunt can be lovingly roasted in the Oven.
I’d rather fucking starve that eat that shite.
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Good old Keith!
I remember his cookery programmes on BBC2 back in the late 70 or early 80s. He was a bit of a celeb but he never bragged about it, and certainly knew how to cook in a very unpatronising way.
Moreover, he was quite often half-pissed while cooking, and a glass of good quality wine was never far from arm’s reach.
Compare and contrast him to the current celeb bellends, most of whom probably despise the very people they’re trying to reach out too with their shite sarnies.
9
Aye I remember his Tour of Wales back in 80s,broadcast on BBC (before cunt infestation) & he got hammered preparing a casserole for a rugby team.
As he walked into the dining hall he went arse over and launched the food.
Quite entertaining.
Unlike the cunts of cookery now.
The cunts.
8
I’m 5 minutes from this cunt. The village where his Fat Duck restaurant is is full to the brim of £2million+ houses and spivs and toffs. The restaurant has no clear windows in it and there’s always a concierge outside waiting outside for gullible cunts who’ve waited 6 months to eat his shit, it looks more like a knocking shop from the road. Got a Michel Roux restaurant up the road and Tom Kerridge, never been in any of them. Call me old fashioned but I want to eat my grub from a plate, and not be served something that should be hung on a wall that costs more than a service on my truck. Fucking dickheads the lot of them, if you want to pay stupid money for this shit because you think it’s cool then you’re a bigger cunt than Heston.. and that takes some doing.
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Celebrity chefs. Untouchable mardy arsed perfectionists . Demanding the most exclusive ingredients and kitchens with more equipment than the mclaren F1 pit crew. Everything they painstakingly create will be falling in a toilet the next day garnished with a jam rag or tissue full of bloke paste .
(I am so pleased I scheduled this nom in tandem with everyone’s breakfast time! – DA)
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The Dominic Cummings of the kitchen.
Not a chance id let this mentalist near my food!
If eating mash potatoes I don’t like to find out its made of earwigs that he cooked on a space ship!
No!! straight forward, well cooked, English food,
Thats what I want,
A good sign of a decent place to eat is if they have bottles of ketchup on the tables.
Heston should be sectioned before he poisons someone.
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Is there any black pudding (& white pudding in Ireland) in it?
(You bloody racist!!! – DA)
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Only a deranged mentalist would put a full English in a fucking sandwich, I saw this cunt once make tobacco ice cream, if I wanted ice cream that tasted like fa’gs I’d buy a Mr Whippy and take a drag of a cigarette after each mouthful, but if this fairly dull, boring and bizarre sandwich sends vegan cunts into an apocalyptic rage I will forgive this minor misdemeanour with a dozen lashes of the sjambok!, but he’s still an utter cunt!!!!
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I’m sure I used to eat a roll with bacon egg and sausage in it when I used to go to our monthly meetings in Sheffield back in the 90’s. Could even get black pudding crowbarred in it if you went for the baguette.
Heston is a bit late to the party on this one.
What a cunt.
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Yeah its called a trippler or belly buster up here in Glasgow.
Sausage, egg, bacon, Pattie scone, black pudding…all in one roll.
Fuck off Heston please.
I like going into Waitrose sometimes as they have some nice stuff but fuck me they can be so pretentious and complete snobs which is a shame.
3
Tattie scone
1
Blumenthal is the epitome of ‘I saw you coming’
Quirky shite dressed up as haute cuisine for poncy idiots. Not surprised this was fucking Waitrose, the daft cunt’s Aldi.
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Looks like Heston is trying to get a slice of the sandwich market.
britishsandwichweek.com says UK consumers buy 4,000,000,000 sandwiches from UK retail or catering outlets each year, spending £8,000,000,000 a year. Mind boggling. Imagine all those plastic containers thrown away, the mountain it would be.
9
Blumenthal is undoubtedly a cunt (as are most of them), but what do cunters think about Gordon Ramsay?
A posturing, obnoxious prick but fair play to him, I say. I rather like him for swearing in American wimmin restaurant owners’ faces.
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Ramsay’s undoubtedly another ‘celebrity chef’ cunt. I can never tire of watching this clip. Especially when Sheringham gives him a slap round the chops when he gets up! (Prior to this, Cunt Ramsay was throwing his (not unsubstantial) weight around..
https://youtu.be/46kOb0kzw-o
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And the cunt had to be stretchered off and taken to hospital, just to heighten your viewing pleasure.
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Comedy fucking gold!!
Not seen that before.
Nearly chocked on me hobnob. Are hobnob’s really made from the orthodox Hobbit’s left over 4skin?? 🤔
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Love it when he goes into filthy restaurant fridges and finds food with mould/slime on it and goes mental at the gormless staff and owners – some of them have the nerve to say that’s from ‘a couple of days ago’ – lying gits.
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I vote Cunt.
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Please see my Ramsay vote below.
Thank you.
2
Fuck me ISAC page has a mind of its own today.
Is it the Koreans again?
The cunts.
2
He looks like Popeyes younger brother.
1
My missus is always banging on about what a great palate she has and can easily determine flavours.
Last night, I’m in bed just about to doze off when she elbows me in the ribs and says, “I’m going for a piss, when I get back why don’t we do that thing where you put on one of those flavoured condoms and I try and guess what flavour it is.
A minute later she’s back, slides under the duvet and says, “Cheese and onion, definitely cheese and onion.”
I said, “I haven’t fucking put it on yet.”
14
Going back a bit, but I loved the time when Jonnie Craddock signed of the show with the immortal, “Thank you for watching. Good night and I hope your doughnuts turn out like Fannies”!
Priceless!!
Ps. Marco P Whyte is a bit of a cunt apparently, but he can shoot straight!
8
Picture this.
In the bushes.
Next to the playground.
Wanking.
Piggy eyes.
Glasses.
Baldy head.
Expression somewhere between a leer and a sneer.
Dribbling.
Looks like the header picture doesnt it?
9
I’ve been to quite a few Michelin starred restaurants since being with Mrs Fontlacunt but Heston’s restaurant called Dinner was the most disappointing meal I’ve ever had.
It was fucking bland. Lidl pate has more flavour. Really spoilt my 50th and had to go to Tom Kerridges Hand and Flowers for some refugee fish and chips to chear myself up.
Yep, totally agree that Heston is a birthday spoiling, first class cunt.
4
An old friend of mine said he went to uni with him and he’s a proper cunt
5
What an utter Cunt! there always has been the full English breakfast in a sarnie you posh sounding Cornish cunt. It’s call the Bacon, Sausage, egg, Bap with a slice of black dag and hash brown on top ..
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His best work was in Vic Reeves big night out-as “Les Bub”. Second only to the man with a stick.
“Whats on the end of the stick, Vic?”
“Why-its one of Heston’s full English breakfast sandwiches Bob”
“Eurgh! Vic-is that porridge dripping out? Smells like snails”
“No Bob-Heston walked past the local primary school on his way here……….”
Unkle Terry-oven please.
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