Christmas in September (8)

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A peace and joy to all mankind cunting please for the gift that is Christmas.

Apparently the annual cuntfest is just around the corner according to my local pub who have just put out their Yuletide menus, and the wankstains at Sony Movies who are going to be showing wall to wall Xmas themed films on their Classic channel from 24th September.

Presumably in an effort to cheer everyone up they are determined to make people’s lives even more miserable by inflicting the festering pile of dog shit on us a couple of weeks into Autumn.

This has to be the icing on the Christmas cake for what has been a truly cuntish year (2020 should be Isac Cunt of the Year on it’s own). Annus mirabilis my arse.

Nominated by: Cupid Stunt The First

74 thoughts on “Christmas in September (8)”

  1. Clinton Cards or The Card Factory (they both look the same to me) had their entire front window done out in Yuletide offerings on our local high street – on bank holiday Monday, so still August. With stamps at 70p or thereabouts they are an expensive proposition these days. If I have to send a few I always use charity cards.

    I think this Xmas will be a desperate last roll of the dice for some high street names but it is no excuse – neither were the fucking fireworks going off round here last evening. Never mind – the easter eggs will be out next month.

  2. Christmas is cancelled, well I fucking hope so, it’s the biggest pile of crap after Easter and the Ramadmaladingdong shite the peacefuls go on about, but at least the later only lasts for a month 😂

  3. It’s bad enough that it all begins this early but some cunts are talking about it throughout the year, babbling on about Christmas shopping and decoration and who’s going where. It’s a cuntfest of commerce, greed and one-upmanship. Load of shite.

  4. Having Christmas shoved in the face early l can deal with, it’s the new year period I dread and its the run up to New Year’s Eve that I find most stressful.
    Then again, I have always suffered with Old Langxiety….

  6. Well at the beginning of September a dedicated Christmas music radio station started.

  7. I’m loving it, beats the rest of the shit that is supposed to pass for entertainment. Terrestrial channels stuffed to the rafters with repeats. Not good repeats from decades ago but repeats of shit shown, probably for the third time already, 3 months ago.

    • Oh let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!
      Oh ho ho!
      Love Christmas me!
      Mince pies baking, scent of the tree, goodwill to all men, we 3 kings, carols, turkey dinner, jebus’s birthday, Rudolph hess,
      Frosty the snowman,
      His son the snowflake

      Love it
      Oh and sprouts!
      Merry Christmas Tiny Tim, merry christmas fellow cunters!
      🎅🎄🍖

  8. Oh for fuck sake it gets earlier each bastard year /best part when its fucking over!commercialised to fuck end ov

  9. Mince pies in the shops already and fucking summer has only just fucked off.

    Annus Mirabilis? More like Anus Mirabilis.

    Ding dong merrily on cunts. Ho ho ho and get fucked.

  10. Christmas is due to be banned because the wokes aren’t happy!

    They’re offended it will offend other religions,
    That Father Christmas is a white, racist, bigoted, gammon burglar
    That it will offend the poor, especially Mtebi in Umbongoland when he realises all the money people spend on Christmas for each other here in the UK could have gone to him (or rather his corrupt president and other assorted officials)
    And the wimminz and the non-binaries won’t be happy because Father Christmas shouldn’t be a bloke at all.
    Oh, and XR won’t be happy with all the waste
    And the Vegans won’t be happy because of the millions of turkeys slaughtered
    And the BLMs, well they won’t be happy because they never are!
    And don’t be surprised if BlowJob Boris dresses up as Santa because he too is a fat selfish cunt who will probably send covid marshall stormtroopers down everyone’s chimney on Christmas Eve night.

    I await the queen’s speech (not fat harry) with baited breath!

    Bah fucking humbug!

  11. don’t forget the skytv have 2 customised christmas channels already showing christmas movies – what kind of fuckery is this?

  14. I wonder if Flabbott or Butler will be expecting a good stuffing coming down their much used darkened soot-stained chimneys

    • Perhaps Jess Phillips will accuse Father Christmas as head of the patriarchy “He filled my stocking and it was’nt even Christmas”

  15. I cant wait!
    Pour a craft ale, a homemade mince pie, put my slippers on (sheepskin)
    Put the lights on the tree and laugh at the charity adverts begging!
    Thats what christmas is about-jollity! Drunkenness, selection boxes etc
    The childrens rosey faces as the hang George Floyd from the tree,
    Me wrapping boxes for the homeless in cheerful paper, empty boxes obviously.
    Then feet up with a turkey leg each for me and dog watching Muppets Christmas carol.

    • You paint a rosy picture there Mis.
      Do you allow Mrs Mis and family into the house too, or do you make them stand at the windows, shivering like Bob Cratchets family?😀

      • Certainly CG!
        Its about family afterall!
        The doors are open to all who come in peace at Christmas.
        Obviously not if theyre french or something.
        Missus M likes Christmas too, we’re like a Northern hillbilly version of the Griswold family.
        I try to involve some asian neighbours in yuletide cheer too,
        Spray fake snow on their windows
        “Go back to your own country
        Merry Xmas’

  16. It should be a legitimate excuse for murder, that someone insisted they told you how many sleeps there were until Christmas. Toybrained cunts.
    I’m not a fan of Christmas at the best of times, I find it false as fuck, tacky, and tedious, since it went from the twelve days to three fucking months.
    But it’s not the best of times, is it. The only saving grace of the whole shit show is spending time with people you like, bit of time off, and a good excuse to overdo a bit of swig. That’s probably not going to happen this year, as lockdowns, restrictions and whatever other joys are in the pipeline, as we all get caught in the vortex of the last flush of the toilet.
    I have hardly spent any time with my family and friends since March, some friends I haven’t seen at all. My dad is in the final stages of dementia and is currently in a home, where we can only visit for a half hour a week, outside, and masked up. Now that has been suspended, and I won’t see him for at least a month, by which time will he remember me?
    I’m quite happy being on my own most of the time, but once or twice a week I used to see mates, and that kept me going, so the last eight months has been fucking miserable, and the prospect of another six is going to fucking do me.
    Fuck Christmas.

    • Seriously GJ That is terrible. People often forget that Xmas for a lot of people is a sad time, because they have family members who are desperately ill and unlikely to recover. It can be an especially difficult time, and the constant mentions of it from early autumn afterwards just makes it worse. All the best.

      • Cheers, it’s a far from unique situation, a reality of being in your fifties. Life goes on.🙂

  17. I admit I used to like it. Slade, Eric and Ernie, football matches with snow covered pitches and an orange ball, my mum’s Mantovani Christmas album, Pifco Christmas lights, traditional advent calendars, Woolies near Piccadilly Gardens, when the BBC was good and had those nice idents,and being thrilled with a Chopper bike.

    Now? Advent calendars for a tenner done by Disney and Mars. Spoilt kids demanding PS5s and iPhones. Mrs Brown’s Cunts. A shite Xmas Number One for the last twenty odd years. Those Sky cunts ruining the game and fucking up the Christmas football. Jools Holland and his Cuntenanny. The high street filled with peacefuls and dooshkas. And the less said about the BBC, the better. Christmas now? It is fucking shit

    • Well cunted.
      It’s great for kids and Randy teens, for adults it’s like fucking someone you have fancied for ages, only to discover they are frigid:
      A Huge Fucking Dissapointment👎

      • Dead right, General. Even the works parties are now shit. Crap like Black Eyed Peas, Maroon 5 and all that rap bollocks blaring out. And one never cracks it with the fit one or the bit of class. One always get pursued by the workplace slag. Mind you, so does everybody else.

      • How will that work now, I wonder?
        A knee trembler in the stationary cub board whilst maintaining social distancing???
        😢

  18. I fucking despise Christmas. Just an excuse for corporate cunts to make a killing.

    And Halloween. Even worse.

  19. I was looking forward to the students being isolated in their halls over Xmas. Oh the weeping and wailing. Would have cheered me up but it looks like the cunts are going to be let out.

    • Why would it make anyone feel better to think about christmas? It depresses me. There is nothing at all which represents christmas that I participate in. Mince pies are shit, pudding is shit, stuffing is shit, family and christmas cheer is all shit. It ought to be banned. There’s something to be said for Sharia Law after all.

    • Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.

      Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker!

  21. Oh fucking Ada. The clocks don’t even go back for another month!

    The worst thing about Christmas – even more than the insufferably shite Santa-themed TV – is the same old dross you can’t avoid from Slade, Wizzard, Jonah Lewie and Co.

    Hasn’t any cunt bothered to write something new these last 40+ years?

    PS Channel 5 start their Christmas films in October. Always have done. Just in case you don’t get it, the word is always in the film title. Cunts.

    • Theres a awful lot of you on the naughty list this year isnt there?
      Not me.
      Positive little fuckin angel ive been.
      😇
      The Donald getting a 2nd term would be a nice present, failing that a new crossbow.

    • I don’t think they should put the clocks back this year, I mean who needs another hour of 2020?

  22. If The Donald wins, with no more votes to worry about, he can steam in and clear the trash off the streets. A load of dead commies would be a nice Xmas prezzie but the looks on the faces of the weeping slebs will do.

  24. A family occasion. What better reason for not having a family?

    Put Grateful Dead on loop, write “Do Not Resuscitate” across your forehead so that DCI Gene Cunt knows, remove your Santa* themed hohoho masks, drink a great big belt of hand sanitiser and stay unconscious at least until Covid-21 ™ has arrived.

    *Santa’s a Nigerian trans lesbian shemale this year, and will be bringing your vegan turkey and culturally appropriated pud.

    • I bet the long winter nights will just fucking fly by knowing that and you can keep the fucking umbongo bongo out of it /white xmas

  25. You,ve heard of the cat in the hat well this is the cat in the nom(see the pic)yeah my trees up bitch!unlike your fucking keks which have been up&down all year !ya fucking slag
    You,ll have to excuse him hes a sourpuss

  26. I notice that none of you cunts has used the word “Crimbo.”
    Not very right on are you?
    Fucking Boomers.

  27. He is also a bit mental/last year when santa come down the chimney he chased the fat cunt round the room b4 tripping him over and taking a shit in his hat

    • Then after that the cat said to santa hows this for a present for ya and fucked him up the shitter

  30. Well.
    You lot can speak for yourselves.
    I have just put the sprouts on to a slow simmer.
    Should be just about ready, come the big day.

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