Creative Performance Protest

Having yet some connection with the theatre dodge after a lifetime presenting productions in celebration orf the female form (me last production “Yes it’s nude, Yes it’s rude”), Yours Truly is on occasion emailed or FB’d invitations to support the profession.

Thus in these trying times – theatres closed across the country, refused a performance license by the fucking council for me discreet supper club, boraccic thesps trying to touch me for a sub – nobody can afford a hand cart to go to hell in. Last resort prostitute me butler’s old arse orn the street but no cunt will come near – social fucking distancing!

So lots orf time to give back to the profession (not that it’s ever given me anything the cunts) so joined the group Creative Performance Protest as invited in order to give the resting cunts the benefit orf me experiences.

Noted in passing most orf the posts were orf the woke right on workers solidarity schtick. No fool like an old fool so assumed the unemployed luvvies (most orf the cunts have never been employed) would appreciate a light hearted piss take orf the chinko cunts who have put us all orn queer street.

Posted the below and within seconds was echo chambered as a waycist and banned by admin. May I humbly request that cunters who have FaceBook please join Creative Performance Protest if so minded and give it the benefit.

Lock Down Special Menu for the Indigent Thesp

Bats Bollocks Wuhan Style or Fried Monkey Chuff Peking Style
(Served with Non Sustainable Bottom Trawled Sea Slug Sauce)

Pangolin Penis Special Soup or Fresh Uyghur Body Parts Pottage
(note all Uyghur ingredients sourced from our own farms)

Galapagos Islands Chinese Big Fleet Weird and Wonderful Rare Species Fish Platter

Rat Fuck Ice Cream

500ml Tiger Bones Lager

Food Safety Declaration: Cuisine may contain trace quantities of nuts and strange meats and fluids.

Ts & Cs. To win free one way flight and Covid test in Hong Kong Scan Barcode with your Haiwei 5G device and enter personal data as prompted. Note our partner network will harvest data automatically. All such intellectual property thus harvested may be sold or transferred to approved entities World Wide. For your security in any event it remains the sole property of PROC (THE PROPRIETOR) and Haiwei (THE MANAGEMENT), the Chinese Peoples Army (CUSTOMER RELATIONS) and Xi Jinping (THE DICTATOR). We do not recognize Equity Contracts or English Law.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

41 thoughts on “Creative Performance Protest

  1. Ducky Darling!!
    Wonderful, a fellow patron of the arts, as I was saying to dear old Larry, not a pot to piss in nowadays your average board tredder.
    Disgraceful, poor duckies.
    Its been a while but saw Sooty and sweep at the Davenport back in 74,
    Not a dry eye in the house…

  2. Fuck me ISAC is surreal today.
    And my Lucy My Cock post disappeared as well.
    Fuck it.
    Taurus Scrumpy for me.
    Stick your theatre up your arse.

    • I think most of the theatrical types will be very used to having things stuffed up their arse Unkle Terry!
      And I of course am a well respected thespian in my own right – I once played DIck Whittington before the Queen – and I think it’s safe to say my Dick was highly appreciated in the Royal box!

      • Here you go, Guzziguy: even more odd odes for your perplexity. I nearly put this as a reply here earlier on today, but wisely thought better of it. This seems as good a place as any, other than the bin.

        More nonsense from “Golden Thunder’s World of Never-Never: Her Majesty Eyes Doctor Octo Twice”

        “Her diamonds are never in bond” says James,

        “Let alone enough pussy in service to finger with,” retorts Octo.

        “Kill a golden spectre from Russia with your daylight again tomorrow, man!” says Golden Thunder cryptically.

        “A quantum view of living is solace enough for you; and your license to skyfall from the Moon to die for,” slurs Octo, [who has been trainspotting all day yet again, just before falling over and knocking himself out].

        “You never! The gunman in the casino who let Raker kill loved a secret royale ball,” screams Her Majesty excitedly [at the prospect of a heavy drinking session].

        “Not another spy!” says James, wearily.

        There was more of this horseshit – it started as a mash-up of all the Bond films titles, obviously… but that’s quite enough. Fkn jetlag plus Varenicline – combined with extreme tedium and a welter of intoxicants – is notably unhealthy.

  3. Not an actor laddie myself, but Mrs. Boggs was approached to play a part in an amateur production of “Oliver”. As a young girl she played the part of Nancy, and she was disappointed when Mrs. Coombes-Paterson, the leading light of the AmDram group turned her down for that role, but she was offered the role of “Fagin”, and she didn’t even have to wear makeup. You can see her appearing with the North London Womens Street Theatre For Peace, at the Owen Jones Memorial Park every weekend. I believe a younf whippersnapper called Hilary Benn got the role of Nancy, but thats just because of the way he walks.

    • I had dreams of cutting a dash on broadway as a youth, took to wearing a cape to show I was serious!
      Suited a heavily bearded 6ft 8in young Miserable,
      I had a audition with that delightful Kevin Spacey!!
      Simply wonderful!
      He gave me a sherry to calm my nerves but cant remember much after that?
      I awoke to the taste of sweet n sour pork in my mouth and my underpants on inside out?
      Theres no business like showbusiness!!👏👏👏

      • It could have been worse Miserable, you might have been invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

      • All supervillians have private islands dont they LL?
        Pants down Jeffery
        Grinning Richey Branson
        Dr Moreau
        Kong had Skull island.
        Love a island naughty types!

  4. I’ve trodden the boards – never met a straight actor yet. Most had huge tubs of Vaseline in their make-up kits.

    Vocal exercises (from Giles Brandybreath), to be enunciated in a very plummy voice:

    Hip bath, hip bath
    Lavatory, lavatory
    Bidet, bidet

    Project those consonants!

  5. Steptoe: ‘Actors? They’re all poofs! All that make up? Love it, they do. Love it!’

  6. Andrew Lloyd-Webber is doing his bit to encourage people back to Theatre Land by promising not to stage any more of his shit musicals.

    • You got a favourite actor Dick?
      Im a fan of Clint Eastwood and Robert shaw.
      Oh and Gene wilder
      Loved that cunt.

      • Good choice.👍
        Watching ‘im alright jack!’
        While having my tea.
        Terry Thomas
        Margaret Rutherford
        John le mesurier
        And the great Peter Sellers as Fred Kite the trade Union commie,
        Mrs Kite Irene handl.
        All best of British.👍

      • Aye,I’m watching it too….I’m having tinned hamburger stotties and then some loganberries that I managed to pick afore the fucking birds got them all.

      • Freds house Dick, budgie cage hung up in corner etc,
        Reminds me of my grandparents house☺
        My grandad in WW2 was involved in sending messenger pidgeons,
        Told me about shooting peregrine falcons on south coast with some high up Rupert, a young Miserable indignant at such a bird of prey shot☺
        Had no choice I realise now.

  7. I performed on stage once with a ventriloquist’s dummy that I’d made myself from off cuts of old carpet.
    It was ruggish….

  8. I am open for offers of work, typecast as serial killer, preferably. Because
    all the summer cunts have descended on Komodoburg today. Including the stragglebearded camouflage crusty, its vinegar-visaged woman and screaming brat. They are partaking of a supermarket barbecue in the yard adjoining mine so that having my windows open as the humidity grows means I have to smell their fucking chav meal while listening to their squalling spawn. I fear this may be a regular arrangement, the cunts.
    It’s a shit day, IOW.

      • Thank you, Dick. Please feel free to enjoy some schadenfreude at my expense, as you arm your security gates and loose the hounds for the night.

  9. There’s been some rather random shit on here of late.
    Makes a pleasant change from the usual racísm & xenophobia.

    I am, however, a little crestfallen that my short poem about a certain MP never made the cut after I’d put a bit of effort into it. Nae bother, I’ll save it for another time.

    I think Spoony holds the record for the most random and obscure of cuntings. That said there have been a number of strong contenders of late.

    • Although a big fan of hatred towards my fellow man, I have to agree Harold!
      I like different subjects to discuss/debate/argue/sulk about.
      Spoons nursery rhyme nom definitely wins most obscure.
      I like the ones were the cunters are split 50/50.
      (You winning mate?)

      • Have you taken delivery of your illegals yet Miserable?

        You’ll have to get cracking setting them up in your garage knocking out substandard PPE for the second wave of Covid to sell on at an extortionate price and a mini call centre in the living room telling British pensioners they have won the Nigerian lottery and just need a small down payment.

      • Hehee evening LL.
        No theyve not arrived yet, to be honest I dont want the wheelchair one,
        Dick was out of order pulling that shite!
        What use will he be?
        Unless I tip him out the chair and use him as a draught excluder.

      • I suppose you could dress him up in wigs, beards and cultural rags then drop him off on different days to claim disability benefit.

      • Ill probably just leave him outside let his wheels rust solid, try to ignore his moaning.
        Let his friends bury him at the bottom of the garden.
        Here lies Stephen Hawking
        Rust in peace

      • Aye MNC, not so bad. Reading a book about the Knight’s Templar on and off. Whilst drinking a bottle of Iron Maiden’s own ale.

        Not a fan of the racist stuff on here tbh.

        I tend to give it a wide berth. I’d say I sit somewhere left of centre in some things and veer towards the right in others.
        I did CMC’s test the other week and I was more or less where I thought I would be.
        I tend to think people are people. I try to judge people by their actions. Plenty of cunts of all shades and some decent folks the same.

        There’s a young lad down my street who I’ve always thought was a bit of a tw@t – sleeve tattoo, tanning, that hairstyle that the gym bros all have, always looks around to see if anyone’s looking at him. Does the attitude walk even though he’s white.
        He’s being loud and obnoxious with his nobhead mates and I want to go all Jack Reacher on the motherfucker to shut the cunts up.

        But I am not skilled and don’t fancy ending up doing jail time, so I’ll just put my headphones on and drown the fuckers out.

      • The Iron maiden beer is made in Stockport same as me!
        Funnily enough I was reading about the knights Templars myself,
        Fell foul of a spanish king & the catholic church,
        Game over.
        Theres a tv show about two blokes, millionaires,
        That collect Templar treasure, got the best collection of Templar artifacts in the world.
        They were the last to leave a battefield while the rest retreated.
        Templars I mean not the millionaires.😁

      • It’s by Michael Haag.
        King Phillip IV of France fucked them over. The cunt.

        Don’t trust the French.

        (Apart from Eva Green – I’d like a crack at her. So to speak.
        No holes barred.)

  10. I dont know who that is Harold,
    But if shes french she’ll put tadpoles or slugs on your butties for work.
    Stear clear, cant trust the french!!
    The last Harold who tried to reason with them got a arrow in the eye and we got norman overlords!
    (Not Norman on here)

  11. As usual havent got a fucking clue what limply is on abite, but laughed my Lambs rum infused bollocks orf.

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