So the old Swedish tarte is living her life post menopause (claims to be 52) in quiet retirement in the tabloids. Not so long ago it was “Ulrica is dating again” with accompanying soft cheese shots and now this, the above. We take pause. Then we give thanks. At least it is not a grey haired open minge trout pout shot with the old titties oite.
What we have gentlemen is a presentiment orf the wife in fifty years time if we allow it too many holidays in the sun. Watch oite Dioclese and those sun-kissed cruises with ‘er Indoors. Keep a mask on ‘er.
Point is Ulrika according to the copy “worships the sun” hence the leather back turtle vibe. Word to the wise Ulrica, if sojourning in the souks and casbahs orf Morocco avoid the leather markets or the wogs will skin that old face and neck orf yours and knock up a nice handbag and a pair orf sandals.
The good news is that Ulrika remains available and so if any young cunter fancies a mature Swedish massage with truck grease and molybdenum (her speciality moisturiser) apply to a tabloid orf your choice.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/12104322/ulrika-jonsson-52-post-shower-selfie-hair-wash-8-days/
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Aaaagh! The last time I saw anything like that it had just chipped it’s way out of an egg! 😱
She be nasty!
21
Or ripped itself out of John Hurt’s chest in Alien?
8
“You’re one UGLY MOTHERFUCKER!”
7
This cunt was one of the founder members of the ” ladette movement” fuck me she’s disgusting, anyone that would fuck that has gotta be too lazy to have a wank I reckon!
8
Anyone that can laugh at Vic Reeves is a cunt.
1
52 my arse ! looks more like 82 !
The last time I saw leather that wrinkled & scabby, it was covering an armchair at the local tip.
‘available’ for what ? fucking halloween parties ? I’d like to see some of the expensive skin cream they sell on the shopping channels try to improve that !
15
Yikes!!
She looks like that pepperani advert “bit of a animal’..
Shes another mentalist,
Well have to have skingrafts from world of leather if ill.
20
I imagine she would make a topping settee – and a change of career from being a bike.
Single eh? Can’t believe it – I am sure the Baron would have snapped her up to marry his creation! 😄
11
Funny you should say that.
Last time I saw something that fugly, it was being chased out of town by angry villagers with burning torches and pitchforks.
She looks like Frankenstein’s ringpiece.
23
Four kids by four different blokes. Plus she went with Stan Collymore. And got a right hander for her trouble.
Seems to be a day of cuntings for unstable ladies/ bunny boilers.
23
Even Covi-19 wouldn’t be interested in this witch. Mind you, if she can survive Sven Goran Erikkson’s ancient winkle being inside her, she can survive the Chînky Flu.
21
If she presented herself to me like that I would give her more than a right hander, I’d fetch my cricket bat and teach her some manners.
Is there any wonder she can’t hang on to a man, parading about like that.
It bears out what I think about europeans.
Mucky old slag.
11
Mars attacks!
16
Are they remaking Terrahawks or what?
Mind you, in her TV-AM and Shooting Stars days, I’d have done her senseless.
22
still would, bit bored
9
Don’t you have any standards to maintain sir?
9
the men in white coats are on their way to help you !
4
TV AM and Gladiators era , definitely.
10
Fucking hell! Is that really her? Jesus!
18
Often wondered what the inside of a Dalek looks like…
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52?152 is appropriate
10
Was that the temperature she was cooked at? Did she escape Unkle Terrys oven before she was fully done?
A compelling advert for face masks!
14
Looks like shes just walked out of the ashes of grenfell tower!!
“Mr Karloff! Your wifes here!”
13
The fucking stuffing fell out.
9
Obviously spunk eventually evaporates then.
1
Is that pic genuine!!!?
Fuck me with a monkey puzzle branch on the end of a piledriver (literally!) if it is.
Hells teeth I would have fucked her until her eyes fell out of the back if head when she was young.
If it was a choice between this and abbott the hut, I would be on the horn of a true dilemma and would do the only decent thing – jump in front of the nearest fucking combine harvester.
Reminds me. I must sell my soul to the devil. I could hardly end up in a worse state!
17
Have her teeth been on holiday – they look lovely and brown! 😄
12
She reminds of something in Starship Troopers 2.
11
She looks like the daughter of Skeletor but where’s He-Man…
Perhaps not as that cartoon that I remember fondly would be ripped apart by the snowflake, BAME, WOKE and every other cretin fighting for diversity and inclusion (and am sure Greta would have her say).
There’d be no He-Man or Man-At-Arms, most likely She-Man, Tran-Man or A-Man or Keep-At-Arms away from me (that last one was a bit of shite dad joke…).
Anyway, you get my point and I digressed a little…
12
She might look like a raisin but I’ll respect her for not giving a fuck and just enjoying life. Better than being her age with cosmetics troweled on trying desperately to appear young.
Her younger self is immortalised on google images for our delight anyway 😎
16
At first, I thought the photo was of Una Stubbs. However, Una at 83 and 30 years older has worn far better than this creature. I’ve got fewer wrinkles on my scrotum.
10
Used to fancy Una Stubbs something rotten when she was in Till Death Us Do Part. She then became milfmongous in the sequel, In Sickness and in Health.
12
Crikey O’frigging Reilly! I’m 52 and if I looked anything like that I’d have been wearing a face mask long before any of this Chinkona virus shit started. Actually I think I’d have gone for a paper bag over my head.
10
My wife is 75 and looks 20 years younger than this pile of scrunched up tissue paper. What the hell happened to her?
12
My nan is 90 and looks younger than her.
10
She looks like she’s spent the last 20 years eating dessicated coconut and the coconut got the water back from her.
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I’d have gone for a fucking plastic bag over mine!
7
Ive just found out she rehomes neglected dogs so mustnt be too harsh.
Anyone got a home for her though?
13
I have no opinion about her as a person but if that is really how she looks then ‘gone downhill’ is a massive understatement.
9
Memememe..I have rented fred wests dungeon
4
Scandinavian, lily-white skin and a Mediterranean sun don’t mix. I reckon old Dot Cotton has a better complexion. Ulrika was the ultimate blonde, blue-eyed spooge receptacle fantasy back in the TV-AM and Gladiator days.
Nowadays she looks as wrinkled as Sir Cliff’s neck and probably even more wrinkly than his old, but under-utilised winkybag. 4 kids by 4 men – clearly she is not a ‘keeper’. Mad as the old Glenn Close bint in Fatal Attraction.
14
Mate. I dated Miss Sweden 1987 for a while.
Now that is the ultimate blond.
Ulrika would have been a bog-average , ten a Penny munter in Stockholm.
You should have seen the place back in ‘88 – wall to wall fucking cock-bursting bimbos – with brains.
Fat fucks stayed at home , and ugly fucks knew their place.
Saddest thing that ever happened to the world , is that we now view all as equal.
Which , as we know – is total shite.
0
Christ on a bike !
She looks like a cat that’s had all its fur shaved off.
10
Bollocks, I’ve been there and looked fucking well better.
6
Well that’s cured my hunger pang.
For the next week.
8
It’s what all the rancid spunk does to you. More cock than a hen house. She used to live in a pretentious village up the road from me and drove a bright yellow saab, probably to be noticed. Not my cup of E.T.
10
Does she share shells with Chris Whitty?
5
Ulrika ‘look at me’ Jonsson surely has enough money to get done, as it were, by a cosmetic surgeon. Laser resurfacing, fat injections, botox, brow lift and bleph needed.
6
Fuck me Ulrikakaka, me son has bearded dragons that look like Auzzy sunscorched cow pats, but i think Oil of Ulay would have much chance of moisturising the lizzards, and its dating again i would her snatch must look like that dusty cave from Indiana Jones.
As i lie here with broken ribs after being taken off my bike by some fuck monkey im thinking it could be worse i could be banging Ulricka Johnson, it must be like trying to fuck a rusty ten speed racing bike from the 70,s.
Sometimes its better to remember them as they were, she was in my wank back, now she would give me a soft on….
5
Her tits went south years ago, probably a result of having to supply more milk than unigate. So, without her tits pulling on her chins, fuck knows what she looks like. Shame, she was banging when she was young.
4
She looks like the winner of a gurning competition.
To be fair, I thought she was rough on shooting stars-fuck me what a boiler.
9
Anyone else remember the tabloid photos of her naked on holiday, frolicking in the sea- the tabloid hack described her “junk” as “dangly ham”-I remember feeling slightly sick, the dangly lipped, low morality slag, hag, bag😂
10
When she sunbathed on the beach people thought she was a turtle and kept throwing her in the sea.
6
You could dry your fucking car to a streak-free finish with her skin.
9
In the words of Don Logan in Sexy Beast “You look like leather, like a crocodile, could make a bag out of you, fat cunt”. OK, maybe not the fat cunt bit you get the gist.
9
Come on. That’s a leftover prop from a George Romero film. Gotta be…😁
7
You beat me to it. Yeah she looks like a 5 day old dead corpse.
3
This bike has seen more japs eyes than emperor hirohito I heard the gladiators ran a fucking train through her pish flaps back in the day
6
On top of the gladiators, she has made more premier league footballers go down than BLM😉
7
No, just ……. no.
7
I still would, crushed glass in the ky, up her swedish dirtbox
6