This nom is a bit different from the norm in that I want to focus on those annoying little things that piss me off on a daily basis. Things like:-
- Cash Machines being out of order when you need cash in a hurry.
- Shoe laces that either come undone at the most inconvenient of times, or get knotted when you try to undo them.
- Batteries in remote controls that die on you and you’ve got no spares.
- Cunts from Amazon who send you something small and harmless like a flash drive, but decide to pack it in a cardboard box the size of a shoebox, full to the brim with millions of polystyrene chips that go all over the fucking place as soon as you open the lid!
- Tinned food that don’t have ring-pulls, and you don’t have a can opener.
- Dust.
- Grubby/sticky tables in pubs that haven’t been wiped down properly.
- Blobs of butter in the jam/marmalade jar because some cunt couldn’t be bothered to clean the knife beforehand.
- No toilet roll in the gents bogs in restaurants (but only noticing after the event!)
- Unscrewing something, but there’s always ONE screw that won’t fucking budge!
- Postmen who don’t shove letters fully through the letter box thus resulting in soggy letters due to rain.
- Electrical fuses that go pop and finding you have every spare fuse under the sun other than for the amperage you need.
- Waiting at bus queues and some cunt tries to start a conversation about the bleedin’ weather! (Always, always ALWAYS the weather, and not something more edgy like Owen Jones being a complete cunt?)
- BST & GMT – fucking about changing the clocks (and there’s always one you forget).
- Website forums that pick up on your spelling and insist on correcting you with the American spelling of the word.
- Dropping the TV remote control or your phone while your nice and comfy in your chair, and the remote is always just slightly out of easy reach.
- Dropping a £1 coin, which always seems to roll into inaccessible/awkward places.
- Shaving every day.
- Condensation on your glasses when you walk into a takeaway on a cold night.
- Long lists of pointless shite…..
Any more you would like to add?
Nominated by: Technocunt
Waiting ages in a pub to be served. Then all of a sudden some cunt comes through the door and gets served immediately. What makes it worst is when the cunt has not got the courtesey to say, he was first.
12
Taking your g/f or missus to the pub/restaurant, and you end up paying for the drinks/meals. And yet they have the affront to bang on about equality and empowerment – that is until the bill arrives!
9
I was going to say that techno. My ex girlfriend Louise always played that game. When ever the bill apeared, she apeared in the ladies.
3
Your driving down a long road and see a car coming in the distance. Between you both is one car parked which means as long as you don’t pass each other where the said car is parked you won’t have to slow down. So why is it you always cross each other exactly where that fucking car is parked .
10
Middle class Green Lefties who cycle through busy traffic with there toddlers in a trailer attached to the bike. Oh how green and environmentally friendly I am towing Tarquin and Gemima through rush hour traffic. I’ve watched cars swerve in an attempt to miss crushing their little brats.
I’ll be nominating a Cunting for these Cock suckers soon.
14
Raspberry Ripples that scream and shout in Pubs and Restaurants and dribble food all over there spaz mobiles
7
Cunts not lifting their dogshit every fucking time I go for a walk with the family I’m always saying to the kids watch out for dog poo and everytime one of them stands in it and I go fucking mental shout fucking dirty bastards need to lift their dogs shit and the kids get upset and I say its not your fault but it fucks up the day and puts me in bad mood
7
Are but I bet your kids have never seen an old white crumbly dog turd Purple ? They were very common during the 50’s and 60’s.
6
Yes Fenton you never see white dog shite anymore I use to live on a council estate in the 80s and would regularly come across dried out white dog shite haven’t seen any this last 30 years the dogs must have a different diet these days
4
I think in days of yore they ground up more of the bones and all, so more calcium in the dog eggs.
2
Cunts who cant use commonsense and stick blindly to rules.
Thinking of the vet who wouldnt let me come into the vet surgery because of corona virus even though I said id wear a mask, and thought he could take my suspicious akita away from its owner, muzzle it, without 1)stressing out the animal
2) getting fuckin mauled.
But!
Found a mobile vet that does house visits, and full range of treatment at your own home.
Great idea, great service.
Know few on here have pets check your area see if any similar vets.👍
7
You must be rolling in it – most vets charge a fucking fortune for home visits!
5
No Ruff, its cheaper than the vet surgery!!
Assume she doesnt have the overheads of business rates, rent, etc.
Dogs much happier having a nice lady come our house and show her attention, rather than dragged the vets and have some gormless bloke try and muzzle her.
Great business idea.
5
Many things on my list have been covered by fellow cunters, but would like to add a few things:
Always one teaspoon or dirty knife left in the washing up bowl, after I’ve tipped the soapy water down the plughole.
Missing sock after I’ve taken my stuff out of the washing machine.
Noisy cunts in the flat next door who come in late at night and slam their door.
Leaf blower machines.
Cling film, already mentioned by Technocunt, but I thought I would endorse it.
4
Leaf blowers. I thought I was the only one. I hate them with a passion.
0
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Pikeys
Etc. etc.
8
The next train ,departing from platform 4, is the 15 : 30 ‘ Tarmac your drive and rob your garage sorr ‘ to Sobibor.
Get To Fuck.
5
I hope you lot realise that you’ve just provided Michael McIntyre with a set list for the rest of his life.
5
With a bit of luck, the Pikey / Sobibor gag will finish his career on television for good.
The fat cunt.
Ooooooo Betty.
7
You want me ti hold mcintyres arms Jack while you work the body?
😁
3
Good kick in the bollocks is what he needs MNC.
Or a tap on the turnip with me lead loaded Holly stick. 😀
3
Millenials
7
Supermarket home deliveries of fresh veg, with a sell-by/use-by date of just a day or two rather than at least a week. Fucking pickers!
12
Rats. Horrible verminous, disease carrying cunts. I live in a block of 3 houses and they have come in through next door’s sewer plate and are now moving about in all three of our attics and in the cavities between the walls.
Pest control are on it and a couple of the rats have died so that’s progress but it just seems to be taking forever to get rid. It’s totally horrible. I have a heart condition and shouldn’t be stressed and the chap next door is in palliative care, the last thing he needs is an invasion of vermin.
I can hear one of the little bastards between the walls scrabbling about, It’s like your house has been violated. The worst thing is that yes two of them have been nailed but how many more are there? One? Two? Twelve? Both my elderly parents had covid-19 this year and luckily survived. I got it off them and survived and now this! For crying out loud what the hell else can go wrong in this rotten year??
13
Pubic lice perhaps?
0
I should say that I live in quite a nice area in York but it is near the River Ouse and apparently the high water has driven the rats inland.
Fortunately next door rent their place and their landlady is paying for the pest control which is a good job as the council removed pest control services I believe. No doubt they were saving money to give to her c***s like Dave Taylor the York councillor who celebrated Jack Charlton being dead. Taylor is one more f****** rat but that’s a different story.
6
Cunts who have just finished their supermarket shop and are too fucking bone idle to push their trolley to stack into the rear of the empty trolley in front in the trolley park.
There are fulll size trollies and the smaller ones. The cunts who try and push the larger trolley into the rear of the smaller trolley and then just leave it askew when it doesn’t stack. The result – a haphazard fucking melee of trollies that spills out into the car park.
Also, cunts who throw their litter on the floor or who throw it out of a moving car.
May a thousand angry red ants infest their anus.
Oh, and Tom Bradby. What a fucking helmet.
16
Wimmin at supermarket checkouts, cashpoints and railway ticket barriers. Why the fuck can’t they have their card/ticket ready instead of rooting around in their bag trying to find the fucker and holding every cunt up? Every bloke in the world can do it but not a single woman can. How the fuck do you explain that?
21
– Hearing how badly off other countries are suffering from chinky flu and asking for our hard-earned £’s, as if we’ve been totally unaffected.
– Seeing illegal immos crossing the Channel daily, incl 20+ today. If the TV News can cover it, surely the authorities can prevent it!
– Having to watch a daily update in the news on how some crazy bitch sh!t in some crazy actors bed, sapping up UK Court time.
– Major ‘boiling my piss moment’ tonight was item on ITV where some ‘refugee’ woman with 4 kids (and no significant father/male partner) and with her hooded head back to the camera, harping on about how poorly they were all treated by the authorities during the ‘locking-in period’ (sic).
– FFS – the UK is well and truly phucked!
14
Sorry folks … closed my post before I added the most important and constant ‘boil my piss’ irritation over the past few weeks which is the blackvoices shite that ITV are peddling at almost every advert break.
Both the main TV channels are now polluted by this crap.
11
Sepp Blatter’s continued existence.
12
Cunts that rush to get ahead of you on the escalator then stand motionless all the way up, it’s a convenience not a fucking ride.
Cunts that wait until it’s their turn to be served at a butchers, bakers, bar, chip shop etc before making up their minds as to what they want.
Cunts that ensure they’re the first to alight the bus and proceed to ask the driver a multitude of questions when everything they’d need to know is displayed on the bus stop pillar.
By the way I’m the CUNT that leaves the bog roll empty or two sheets with no replacement, that drops his guts on the bus, lift, shop etc just before leaving and loosens the tops of salt and pepper shakers(except at working class lunch bars). Petty vindictiveness that brings me joy, what a cunt.
6
Loved the loosening of the tops of condiments pots SDC.
Reminds me of a place where I once worked where the visitors bogs had high level cisterns. I’d often slacken off the fitting below the cistern and tilt it forward. Subsequent toilet users would flush after their business, facing the cistern and be soaked by a curtain of water.
t was so difficult to remain composed when they emerged.
5
That’s a right cunt’s trick to be fair!
4
Utter fucking cunts who park their entire cars on either pavements or grass verges.
Cunts with George Cunting Floyd ‘I can’t breathe’ BLM car stickers.
Fuckmongs who actually think that Mrs Brown’s Boys is funny.
Buses with gay pride rainbow hearts all over them (fucking why?!)
Twats who think football started in 1992.
Wimmin that talk endless babbling crap when you are trying to watch something on TV.
11
Mrs Brown’s boys is about as funny as burglars who steal everything and then shit on your floor. That Brendan O’Carroll is a prize winning cunt. Pays himself through some offshore company to avoid paying any tax apparently. Arsehole.
24
Mrs Brown’s boys is ‘entertainment’ for retards or chimps in the zoo. Utter fucking wank ! As funny as having face cancer & washing with dog piss.
23
Lazy arsed cunts who just put a new bog roll on top of an empty tube. Instead of putting a new one in the holder. Cunts.
7
Dead people because you can’t injure the cunts and torture the fuckers like I want to.
4
Cunts who never stop moaning.
3
Good Morning
Litter , cunts who throw litter out of their cars should have their cars crushed, while they watch.
3
From inside. , of course.
1
Or, as a mates dad used to say “the sheer bloodimindness of inanimate objects”.
2
Halogen car headlights, I’m not a fucking P.O.W trying to escape, so fuck off. Also, the auto feature that means they come on if the car goes under the shade of a tree during the height of Summer. How many pedestrians do you see holding a torch in case they pass under a shop awning on their daily shop? Just stop it.
Wankers who bag up their dogs (or Amber Heards) shit but then chuck the bag down or leave it hanging like fruit from the Crapper Tree. Double cunts.
Millennials, the future of this country? Good luck with that, you entitled,lazy,soppy,wet cunts.
Agree about wimminz in till queues, just why do they look taken by surprise when asked to pay, what were they expecting???
And then proceed to count it out in small change, fuck off, eat less, put the change in your purse into a charity box and get on with it, multi tasking does not involve chatting shite while hunting for the last 5p as the queue grows longer and more impatient,dozy cunts.
My potato headed neighbour and his Justin Bieber lookalike poofy son, you’re in the fucking crosshairs now you cunts.
Hello,good morning and bollocks.
13
Cretins who ignore “road closed” signs due to road works, or “Road Flooded”, but choose to drive through anyway, and then end up stalled in the 3ft of water and expect to be rescued.
5mm of snowfall and the country grinds to a halt
2 days of hot temperatures the country grinds to a halt
a week of heavy rain the country grinds to a halt
Cunt drivers who intentionally drive through puddles splashing pedestrians
Those plastic clamshell covers that come with a new pair of scissors, pliers, knives etc. They’re so fucking tough and hermetically sealed you need a bleedin’ chainsaw to open the fuckers!
6
What? The scissor bubble-packs that actually need scissors to open them?
What’s wrong with that?
1
All types of ‘screw cap’ beers that you can only open if you have a bottle opener handy or welding gauntlets! Overtightened little cunts! Another stupid woke idea dreamed up to make laziness rife in the home drinking sphere. As if it needed any help?
3
My next door neighbours exercising late at night.
I’m trying to sleep!
2
People who put fuel in their car at a Tesco Express forecourt shop and then do a weekly shop, taking up a pump for ages. Always wimmin, cunts! And then they take five minutes to do their hair and look for their keys before setting off. I have recently started sitting on the horn at these bints and it works, they panic drive off and nearly crash – a great sport.
5
Driving behind a cunt in a trilby – while driving – Why?
Driving behind a cunt in a Nissan.
Driving behind a cunt driving a Nissan AND wearing a fucking trilby!
2
I have a 350Z.
You won’t be behind me for very long.
0