This nom is a bit different from the norm in that I want to focus on those annoying little things that piss me off on a daily basis. Things like:-
- Cash Machines being out of order when you need cash in a hurry.
- Shoe laces that either come undone at the most inconvenient of times, or get knotted when you try to undo them.
- Batteries in remote controls that die on you and you’ve got no spares.
- Cunts from Amazon who send you something small and harmless like a flash drive, but decide to pack it in a cardboard box the size of a shoebox, full to the brim with millions of polystyrene chips that go all over the fucking place as soon as you open the lid!
- Tinned food that don’t have ring-pulls, and you don’t have a can opener.
- Dust.
- Grubby/sticky tables in pubs that haven’t been wiped down properly.
- Blobs of butter in the jam/marmalade jar because some cunt couldn’t be bothered to clean the knife beforehand.
- No toilet roll in the gents bogs in restaurants (but only noticing after the event!)
- Unscrewing something, but there’s always ONE screw that won’t fucking budge!
- Postmen who don’t shove letters fully through the letter box thus resulting in soggy letters due to rain.
- Electrical fuses that go pop and finding you have every spare fuse under the sun other than for the amperage you need.
- Waiting at bus queues and some cunt tries to start a conversation about the bleedin’ weather! (Always, always ALWAYS the weather, and not something more edgy like Owen Jones being a complete cunt?)
- BST & GMT – fucking about changing the clocks (and there’s always one you forget).
- Website forums that pick up on your spelling and insist on correcting you with the American spelling of the word.
- Dropping the TV remote control or your phone while your nice and comfy in your chair, and the remote is always just slightly out of easy reach.
- Dropping a £1 coin, which always seems to roll into inaccessible/awkward places.
- Shaving every day.
- Condensation on your glasses when you walk into a takeaway on a cold night.
- Long lists of pointless shite…..
Any more you would like to add?
Nominated by: Technocunt
Binmen who always put the bin in front of your driveway once they’ve emptied it so you always have to get out of the car and move it before you can park your fucking car when you get home. Particularly annoying if you live on a main road like me. Thoughtless cunts.
14
Lucky cunt, our bin mongs leave them wherever the bin lorry stops, so you have to go through the pile like some cunting jumble sale.
11
“No toilet roll in the gents bogs in restaurants (but only noticing after the event).”
What do you do in such circumstances?
Stagger from one cubicle to another, with your trousers around your ankles?
6
Wipe your arse on your pants, flush them, and then go commando for the rest of the evening.
12
I used to carry around an old calendar for such emergencies Bertie, thankfully those days are behind me.
10
I never asked you what you did when you needed a wank!
😅
6
Use your hand and sign the wall.
Or use your clothes and exit naked.
4
why do they always leave the men’s door open whilst the women’s is closed?
1
Ahem, falling off your bike outside the pub when pissed? (Bad Fox!).
Sitting down to find the remote is on the settee across the room.
Little shits on stinkwheels with deafening exhausts.
Listening to the Friday/Saturday night chavs stumbling by my place at 2AM shouting like deafening braying donkeys.
The delicious blonde from Home Bargains using that awful mace stuff on me! (Poor sport!).
The strange way that as every shop closes it turns into a takeaway/mini supermarket, all run by the darkened kiddie lovers, who are now seen driving round town in brand new Mercs (where does a 19 Year old get the money for a 50 grand Benz?) and walking around in groups trying to pick up underage girls (I got evidence of these p*dos and passed it on to the Police, to be told there was no proof – when I had just f*king provided the proof!).
Voting for a Man who melts and leaves the running of the Country to Moby.
Not being allowed to wear my favourite SS uniform (designed by Lewis Hamilton) in public.
Having to wear trousers and underwear in my garden.
My lettuces not coming up.
Threatening emails from a Mr Percival Parrot stating my deviant habits will be exposed to the World unless I pony up with ten grand and a big bag of trill.
Not being able to club gals over the head and drag them back to my cave.
Being blocked on twatter for asking Ms Bongs-Daily to explain the benefits of communism to the hundred Million people it killed in the 20th Century.
Manchester United and blind Dave being ar*eholed by Chelsea in the FA cup.
Jeans which come in 32 or 34 leg instead of 33.
Not running the World.
Being a hated ethnic minority in the Country members of my Family fell defending.
22
Excellent nom. The whole bloody world is there simply to fuck me about.
Example in the last 20 seconds: queueing outside the local chippy and watching the hgv driver roll his wheels over the pavement 10 centimetres away from my feet instead of slowing down.
Cowardly cunt didn’t stop so I could beat him senseless either. Fucking prick.
I wonder what the next twenty seconds will provide?
Fucking bastard cunting fuckhead pricks.
16
Shaving every day? Who the fuck does that? Maybe once a week if you’re lucky. I’m more concerned about biting various parts of my mouth at night.
11
I have not shaved for three Months RTC – I look like grizzly Adams!
25 Years of being told to shave and wear a suit? No more Sir – I am a free Fox!
And, apologies for going off nom but Tommy Robinson has just told me on Parler I’m a legend! 😄👍
14
That will get you added to a watch list foxy. I can just hear the beeb newscunts reading from the autocue ‘Vernon Fox, real name…..’😂
7
3am visit from the men in black now being arranged…
4
Airline at garage ‘not in use’
Getting bread from breadbin an noticing blue spots,
Going to make a brew and some lazy cunt hasnt refilled it.
Telesales mitherers from 3rd world shitholes,
Falling off ladders before you coped a eyeful,
Exposing yourself and its a blind lass.
Taking a shortcut and stepping in dogshite!
Trying on the missus underwear and realising youve gone up a bra size.
18
The uncomfortable insulating effects of having a humongous viking beard in hot weather!
I refuse to shave – I just need to work out a beard cooling system! 😄👍
5
We bearded brethren suffer in silence in public Foxy.
Do what I do and weep while sticking my face against the fridge!
We’ll be laughing come winter!
Chin and neck all warm, without a penny spent.😆
7
Come Friday Miserable, you’ll have to have a word with your beloved beard and tell it to behave and “get inside that fucking face mask”.
4
No, it says a mask or face covering LL.
I have loads of bandanas I use as hankies, im using one of them like a wild west bankrobber!!👍
Im more for the Billy the kid look than Spiderman!
4
I’m personally using a Ned Kelly style 1/4 inch thick iron helmet. Not sure what the local newsagent pak*s will make of it.
6
Fuck em LL.
Our country.
You want to shop in a aussie hero metal helmet, well, your English.
Its your right by birth.
I might wear a stetson with my face bandana.
Get into the role.😁
7
What’s wrong with a simple burqa?
6
You cant say ‘simple burqa’ Ruff!
It implies muslim women are of below average intelligence.
5
Evening Creampuff, has Lady Creampuff picked out a suitable one for the shops? A nice black one, classic yet reassuringly oppressive.
4
Evening lads.
Lady Creampuff has made her own face mask, out of an old pair of my underpants.
She’s decorated it with a swastika as per my suggestion. The swastika is a symbol of good luck in India. 😃
She’s made me a similar one out of the next door neighbour’s wife’s panties.
5
The Japanese lady or the ‘bottom’ of the gay couple?😁
5
i’ve heard that beards will be made illegal so that people can mask up – the only thing they haven’t done yet is tell when i can have my dinner – cunts
3
Trick or Treaters. So much of the shit here comes courtesy of our trans Atlantic cousins. Think I’ll be the one playing the trick this year, gonna wire the doorbell up to the mains supply. 240 volts should sort them out. Actually I blame the parents.
14
I turn all the lights off on trick or treat night! 😄👍
#tightyorkshire fox
6
Foxy@
Cooking beans over the flame of a Gwenyth paltrow fanny candle?😁
5
I always photograph the little sods just to piss the parents off. They invariably try to hint that I am related to Jimmy Saville whereupon I point out that I am legally entitled to photograph anything on my property. I then demand the parents phone the police to investigate the matter. The family retires to lick wounds.
6
ex lax choc chip cookies
4
Majestic nom, Techno.
I’d add to your list;
*soggy white chips
*cunts playing horrible ‘music’ at full blast with car windows down
*cunt cyclists
*finding a hole in your sock
*dropping a full mug of tea/coffee all over the carpet
*coming into the house and finding dog shit on your shoe
*losing stuff like keys, bus pass
*nuisance phone calls
*car breakdowns
That’ll do for now!!
9
Football and all other sports
15
The alarm going off for work when you really could do with a few more hours.
Having a great sex dream and then being woken up at the best part. Once had both Minogue sisters in their prime servicing me only to wonder why a feather duster was being rubbed in my face, only to find (as I jolted upright) the bloody cat was walking around my head wafting its tail on me. Tried to get back to sleep quickly but the moment was gone.
Cold delivery food.
Cooking a pie or whatever, sitting down and then finding that the middle of it is still frozen.
People who overtake on blind corners.
Women taking time off fucking work all the time and expecting every other cunt to cover them.
How all the tasty stuff is bad for you.
How alcohol is great until the next morning.
Adverts on telly whose volume shoots up way louder than the TV program your watching.
That ‘Go compare’ cunt.
Knee takers
People who think just because they dropped a kid out of their cunts (or dropped off some jizz in minge that reached the egg) that they now automatically qualify for priority leave at Christmas or during hot weather.
Charity ads – the mistreated animals ones. Can handle starving kids but not injured donkeys or mental bears.
Employers making you use social media with them so you end up getting contacted at home or on weekends for no extra pay. Cheeky cunts.
Having a shit in a public bog, (work etc) only to have some cunt enter in the next cubicle when you want to let rip with a huge fart and a rush of arse sewerage, that sounds like the bats flying out of the cave at the start of Scooby Doo.
Sneezing fits
Hiccups
A never ending arse wipe
Piles
The BBC still trying to say that they’re impartial.
Racism against whites being celebrated. Expect an Adolf if it continues, you muppets.
Modern ‘music’
When your undies go up your arse crack in a public place.
Itchy gonads in public.
Needing to wipe my arse sometimes when I don’t even need a shit after reaching my 40s.
When you have one item in the shop and the cunt in front with a trolley full turns around, looks at your one bottle of milk and doesn’t let you go first.
David Icke fans.
Women who wear almost nothing on a night out and then complain if they catch a bloke staring at their (on display) tits.
Irish people who think it’s perfectly fine to call English people cunts to heir face without provocation.
Forgetting you left your tea to brew 2 hours ago.
Cricketers who don’t walk when they know they’re out (Pakistan worst for this).
Prick teasers
People who pay with a card and cash at the same time to buy stuff worth about £4 in total. Ok, I’m having a go at the poor here so I’ll finish by calling myself a cunt too.
26
Only a true cunter like Techno could think of 20 cuntings in one!
Like to get your moneys worth?
😅
6
Ah, money!
The move from cash to a cashless society. All very well until something goes wrong.
Loose change that always makes a hole in your trouser pockets
4
You’ve just reminded me. McDonalds advert. Heart disease, obesity peddling cunts. Fuck them. More Yank shit we’d be better off without.
8
Whats the difference between Ronald Mcdonald and the Joker?
Ronald McDonald has killed more people.
8
Skin tags on my neck.
Broken zips
Having to wipe every tin and packet from the shop with wipes and latex gloves thanks to ching chong lurgy.
Engine Management lights that go on for no fucking reason during a long drive with your mates.
Pollen
Horseflies
Bluebottles
Children screaming for no reason.
Baseblall caps turned backwards
High rising terminal/millennial speak.
BBC idents
Wanky hipsters food on pub menus.
Professional vegans and atheists.
Geek fetishism
Wine snobbery
Cold scallers and scammers
Clumsy peolple
People who stand iin the middle of pavement chatting then get upset when a 20 stone bastard barges them out of the fucking way
14
Great Nom, TC – Puts me in mind of Cunt Reviled’s Inanimate Objects Nom, back in the day !
http://is-a-cunt.com/2018/06/inanimate-objects/
8
That reminded me of the Fawlty Towers sketch where the car doesn’t start.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78b67l_yxUc
7
Taking at least three attempts to fit a usb cable into a device.
Mumbling cunts in films. So you turn the volume up and then you’re deafened by loud music!
Always a missing items in a delivered takeaway
office workers who nick the milk you bought yourself for your cups of tea. Or worse nicking your chocolate bars or sarnies in the office fridge!
Remembering passwords and pin numbers
Cunts who don’t buy a round of drinks in the pub, and they magically disappear to the bogs!
Saying “no thanks” when some cunt behind the chippy counter asks if you want salt & vinegar with your chips, and put a load on anyway.
Chuggers
People who knock loudly on the door when there’s a perfectly workable doorbell 6 inches from their stupid faces
people who fart in lifts and then do one at the next floor.
11
Being arrested for hiding amongst the frozen chickens in Tesco and having a wank.
And the guys confusing accent on the Confused. Com advert. What the fuck is that? Seriously, listen to it!
10
Irish American with a touch of Worzel Gummidge by the sound of it.
9
The Money Supermaaarket twat needs a calloused palm to the back of the head as well.
0
Cunts that walk on the right side of the footpath and expect you to give way(I don’t).
Cunts that ride bicycles on the footpath and expect you to give way (I don’t).
Ethnics, mostly wøgs whom have no sense of personal space and give you the Dracula stare.
Lorikeets.
Chugger cunts. I got hassled by ‘Hypertension research’ today, I’ve got it and the medication costs 50cents a day FFS.
Children gone ferral in supermarkets.
Cats shitting in my yard.
All reality TV especially the relentless ads for the shit.
11
Cunts that walk slap bag in the middle of the designated cycle path when the footpath beside it is empty
7
People…fucking people.
16
Walt Whitman the great Humanist poet said we should worship people. He said old masters painted a nimbus round a special person’s head but he paints a nimbus round everyone’s head. He loved the common people did old Walt. Mind you with all this BLM stuff we’re not far from Whitman’s vision. I bet in the future instead of a handshake we’ll genuflect to each other.
4
Cunts who don’t pull over to the left when I’m on blue-lights.
NHS 111 – UBER cunts.
Cunts who think they’ll be seen quicker going into ED by ambulance – you won’t, I’ll make sure of it.
‘That’ first-aider.
Americanisms.
Piss-poor grammar.
‘I though I’d ring, just in case’??? We’re an EMERGENCY ambulance service, you cunt.
Footballers that wear their socks pulled over their knees. I’d set fire to them.
This could go on a while….
12
Armchair experts. No fucking idea or experience but it doesn’t stop them holding and spouting forth their views.
Just fuck off. When I NEED advice on being a cunt, you’ll be the first one I turn to.
11
Gee DCI, that sure is neat!
Dude.
😁
5
You cunt🤣🤣🤣🤣
5
I could write a book, but the most recent was, they set up a temporary traffic light near my house because they’re digging the pavements up, and every two minutes there’s some cunt parked in the road with his window open banging out some total crap music which I can hear over my tv.
5
Sorry to hear that Allan. But fear not because local councils are known for there speed and efficiency when digging up the fucking road. Hang in there.
6
Great cunting….
DIY cunts….
I’ve never seen DIY wiring that was done right, I’m fucking sick of sorting it out.
Noisy cunts….
Revving motorcycles and cars, playing shite music and talking like a fucking fog horn on the blower. Some woman here lives 2 houses down and I can still hear the cunt on the phone.
Smelly cunts….
especially the brown ones.
Allan keys
Why. Just fucking why? I’ve got every Allan key in the set, except the one I need. Just use a normal screw you cunts.
That stupid writing that women like to put on walls in their houses….
I see it everywhere….
“In this house we live and we love,
Memories are made and hearts are shared…” uurrgh 🤢🤮 piss off.
Lawyers
Fucking conning cunts scamming the taxpayer out of billions with over complex laws that no other cunt can understand just so they can steal our hard earned money with countless appeals for cunts that should’ve been shot in the head as soon as they were arrested.
Oven symbols
What the fuck do any of them mean? Why not just write ‘grill’ or ‘oven’ …. ?
Gay pride….
Degenerates.
Celebrities.
I could add a couple more but admin told us not to be racist anymore 😂😂😂
15
People who ding your car in a car park and then just fuck off. Cunts.
7
Majestic nom.
Old bags with cocktail stick legs, Olive Oil clothes and bite-sized dogs they let shit all over the pavement and never clean up.
Puffed-up, weight-throwing farts who ask, “Do you know who you´re talking to?” Fuck off Prince Andrew!
My brother-in-law who has about six different containers (all biodegradable, of course) in his kitchen for waste – organic food, non-organic food, wood, glass, metal etc.
My brother-in-law – yes, the same bastard as above – whose legs are about six feet long and whose idea of a walk in the park is like a sprint for me.
Public farters and burpers.
Being offered a seat on a bus by a middle-aged woman, thereby implying I am 100 years old..
9
Looking for my glasses. 9/10 times a day.
Every fucking day.
And no, I am not buying radioactive pink fuckers to make them easier to spot. Or hanging them round my neck.
7
Make your own contact lenses!
You can use a layer of transparent skin off a pickled onion!
Its cheap, dont break if you drop em, and loads in a jar.
Try it, my mate blind Tommy swears by it.
9
Selfish twats who cycle on the pavement instead of the road.Do you own the pavement?NO!!!!!Ride on the bloody road you cocks.
8
Or ride on the rosd next to a cycle path/lane. Hanging’s not good enough for these cunts.
5
Having something you don’t know anything about explained by comparing it to something else you don’t know anything about. The current Sky ad is an example. I’ve heard of minions, I even know what film they’re in but I have no fucking idea what they are, so what does minion-proof mean?
7
Imbeciles who say/write “y’all”.
People who use powertools at 8.30 sharp.
Cunts who drive white vans. All of them.
Gypo scum that steal and defile.
Moustache hairs that curl up and tickle your nose.
Nose hairs that grow down and tickle your bloody nose.
James O’Brien.
10
German cars everywhere
Harley Davidsons
The arrogant cunts that own them
German cars everywhere
Harley Davidsons
The arrogant cunts that own them
Repeat ad nauseum etc etc etc…
9
Oh and anything made out of fucking plastic…
6
Cunts who drop litter, especially the cunts who drop litter when four feet away from a bin. What’s hard about it?
Graffiti. I would honestly hang the pricks.
Twats on my road who don’t bother buying a parking permit but then take two spaces up with one car.
BLM. Total cunts.
9
Hipster wankers who have never smoked, but take up vaping to look trendy, then end up addicted to nicotine anyway… CUNTS!!!
6
Women who look surprised in Tesco when the bill comes up. Then they spend 5 minutes pulling thier purse out to pay. Have your money ready you Cunts.
12
Yes the look on their faces of utter astonishment when arksed to pay…”I’m in a shop, you’ve just rung up my purchases, and you want me to do what when?”
The same Trollops who will belabour you about their xx given multitasking skills
9
Common courtesy – or the lack of! Whatever happened to a simple “please” or “thank you”?
Pictorial-only instructions that come with flat-pack furniture
Cling-film
Snack vending machines. You put your money in, make your selection and the fucking thing jams – no KitKat, no refund.
Opening a new shirt from its packaging, along with loads of cardboard and millions of those plastic clip things, one of which you’ll miss until you put the bleeding shirt on!
Hairy Cunts (no, not you MNC, lol)
10