Memory Lane

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Memory Lane…..Mother-in-Law Style.

My mother-in-law is 90 and is still mentally alert although not in great physical shape. She likes nothing better than to chat about the good old days and, out of politeness, I have to grin and listen. My main gripe is when she talks about her time as a secretary with an American car manufacturer when she was about 21, i.e. almost SEVENTY years ago. She has recalled every quirk of some long-dead Yank boss, that incident involving a blunt pencil sharpener (“It was so funny. It was a scream!”), that Christmas kiss from a sales manager (“A randy chap, he was. Scuse my French”) under the mistletoe (“Wasn’t I naughty thing in those days after a couple of sherries?”).

Mother-in-law, much as I love you, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Nominated by: Mr Polly

61 thoughts on “Memory Lane”

  1. I like her mr Polly.
    The pencil sharpener incident sounds a hoot!!
    You should be more respectful to her really, take her on holiday with you, treat her to a meal!
    Know you scots squeal when you have to put your hand in your pockets, but its family.
    Bring her the ISAC xmas do, she gets off with people at parties ,
    Find her under the coats with Fiddler.😆

  2. My mother-in-law bores me senseless too Mr Polly.

    And she’s incredibly LOUD with it!

    Can’t say I hate her, but certainly don’t love her. The self-centred old cunt.

    • PS: Thanks to Coronavirus I haven’t seen her since lockdown.

      Every cloud…

      • Evening Thomas.

        Your situation must be almost unique: you hate your missus, but adore your mother-in-law!

        Does mother-in-law share your opinion of her daughter?

      • Ho ho, partially!
        She always said I was brave to shack up with her daughter. I suspect she always knew that her eldest was a bit of a cow…

  3. My mother in law is great. She tells me time and time again about how things were hard and the three jobs she had just to make ends meet. I think it is all true and sounded like she had a shitty old time when my cunt of a father in law fucked off. However shite it all was she still amazes me when she says that her two grand kids are spoilt and should get a proper job like she did. She moans about her life of hardship and graft but thinks that others should have the same experience just to be worthy of any respect. The “good old days” concept is by and large a pair of testicles wearing rose tinted spectacles! BTW grandma, your grand kids are now ICU nurses. Is that proper enough for you? To be fair she is not a cunt, just talks a load of cunt. she would do well on here!

    • My mother inlaws nice.
      Get on well with her.
      Lives on her nerves though, im trying to cure her by shouting and banging stuff whenever shes around, aversion therapy so to speak!
      Wait till shes sat talking with a brew and pop a balloon right behind her.
      She’ll soon be right as rain.

      • @MNC I took my mother in law out today.
        I must say my sniper skills are gradually improving.

      • My shooting is improving but on my MIL It took two body shots then I still had to finish her off with the knife

  4. My ex mother- in law was a right cunt, thankfully she’s dead now.
    As for trips down memory lane she had dementia, so she couldn’t remember a fucking thing.

  5. I loved my gran and grandad to bits, but I used to cringe when one of them launched into an ‘in my day we used to make our own entertainment you could get a pint of beer for a penny at four in the morning and a joint of prime beef for sixpence blah’ Alan Bennett monologues.
    Hope my grandkids don’t think the same!

  6. Even today’s looters have got it easy.

    Try running down the street holding a colour TV made in 1970….

    • I know what you mean JR C, in America it’s the shop lifters I feel sorry for. There is nothing left for them to pinch.

    • Jr Cuntley, I would have expected at least 30 gags from you in a ‘mother in law’ cunting. Dig deep my friend.

  7. I can’t believe I’m on ISAC saying something positive (and not my usual pathetic, racist ramblings) but I absolutely adore my mother-in-law and will sorely miss her after my imminent divorce.
    Normal service will now be resumed:
    Down with wimminz, commies, dark-types, etc!

  8. My dementia makes it difficult for me to tell jokes.
    Throw in the fact that I’m dyslexic and I have a tendency to punch up the fuckline.

    • Evening Bertie, I just saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman…he had a cat flap on his head.

    • Two dyslexics in a room
      One says “Can you smell gas ?”
      The other says “Gas ? I can’t even smell my own name…”

  9. My doctor has said that the test results have come back and I’m dyslexic.

    I think the results are wrong, so wrote and told him. It’s bullthis….

  10. Brings a tear to the eyes-all you great big ISAC’s are just like the Krays-will smoggy all before you but love yer mummies ❤️

    Well for balance, I fucking hate my in laws and fortunately my fine lady feels the same.
    I do, however have the greatest respect for my elders (generally) and enjoy tales from them.

  11. My mother in law drives me fucking insane. Never fucking shuts up, especially in the car. And tries to find shit out so she can spread it round her fucking coven of horrendous old bags.
    Bless her.

    • Do you not make tons of shit up for the old crone, CC? Like when Priti Patel was caught sucking off Timmy Mallet in David Attenborough’s back garden?
      You could have a field day.

      • You getting your profile out there now Thomas?
        Eligible batchelor,
        Tender yet passionate,
        Bubbly personality,
        Likes long walks, sunsets, and dining out?
        Or just hitting pornhub?☺

      • Maybe I’ll try my honest profile:
        “Ugly, selfish wierdo looking for fit, pervy nympho.
        Must like: classic cars, motorbikes, horror movies, pterodactyls and giving bj’s. No blue-haired wimminz or fatsos.”
        I’ll be rolling in desperate, middle-aged pussy, don’t you reckon, MNC?

      • It would probably work-women like honesty.

        Spike Milligan placed an anonymous lonely heart in Private Eye:

        Wanted, billionairess with a great condition.
        He got several genuine replies.

      • I think the pterodactyls will be a clincher, women love men who like animals!
        Good trick on a first date is have a crying woman approach you both, thank you profusely and hand you a massive roll of notes, (£50 on the outside, monopoly on the inside) and say
        “We cant thank you enough Thomas, our family owe you everything!
        Little jordan has responded well to treatment, without your help hed of died, ‘sob’
        God bless you Thomas.”
        Result?=wet winky.
        Also wear medals and hint at dangerous activities in far flung countries.
        Maybe a eye patch?

      • I tried dangerous things in Thailand once MNC…never again, my arse was killing me for a fortnight!

      • Was that due to the chili in the cooking or renting overly endowed and dominating lady boys?

  12. Mmm it does seem a teeny weeny bit harsh to give the old dear a cunting just for being boring? God forbid but we might all be like it ourselves in a few years time. Surely she doesn’t deserve to be in such esteemed company as Ghislaine Maxwell, Donald Trump and that towel headed cunt from yesterday?

    • Credit where credit’s due though, SC…Ghislaine Maxwell’s lasted longer than I thought she would before her inevitable “suicide”…

    • Nice link CG!👍
      Enjoyed that, when men were men, Britain was great.
      Before the rot set in.

      • Perhaps that film should be compulsory viewing in all schools and colleges MNC-to demonstrate white privilege?
        😉

      • Great vid CG, not a YouTube influencer or perennial student in sight.

      • Agreed! It should.
        Im a big Lowry fan CG,
        He painted quite a few of Stockport, and ive sat next to his statue in Mottram once or twice.

      • Indeed MCN-watching Tim Spall in his biography as I type this-it was either that or second helping with er indoors-don’t want to spoil het😉

    • Anyone who’s white British, and 60+ years old, has had the hideous experience of seeing their country, its traditions and glories, built up over thousands of years, slowly slide from view.
      At this moment in time, all we have left are the final, flickering embers of the nation that built the modern world.
      The most galling aspect of this tragedy, is that the rot has come from within, rather than without.
      Once majestic Blighty, sold out by traitors.
      Just memories in the dust.
      And a grim monument to treachery.
      Goodnight.

      • Jesus Jack, have me bawling my eyes out,
        But console yourself with this,
        Treachery is paid with hate, and all debts get settled in the end.

      • Morning MNC. The firing squads can’t arrive soon enough. Can’t see it happening though, just more ‘ fiddling while Rome burns ‘
        One nation under a bunch of cunts.
        Morning all.

  15. Fucking awesome cunting.
    We all know full well how wicked old people are, and all that memory lane stuff is simply because they know everyone hates it. Fucking Sadists.
    However, if that’s the best they can come up with then they deserve a cunting.
    If I make it to old age I intend to have my walking stick milled from titanium bar for maximum crippling effect, I intend to get pissed every day and loudly but very clearly insult everyone around me. The nurse that comes round with the drugs trolley is going to need a riot squad rescue every time her round gets to my room. I also intend starting smoking again so that I can flick the still burning butt at the youngest family member dull enough to visit. Fuck it, I think I might as well start selling cocaine – even if the authorities gather the balls to put me inside I’ll be a fucking hero. Whilst we’re at it, why aren’t the old of today buying guns and shooting the scum of society for us, knowing they’ll have performed a civic duty and will likely never see the inside of a jail cell?
    I tell you, achieving old age is a golden opportunity and they are frivolously wasting it.

  16. He’s got his arm round her aggressively- round her neck. That’s why she looks awkward even though she’s smiling. You see the same thing in the footage of him coming out of the New York apartment – grabbing the girl round the neck and then pulling her to him.
    Not a nice man.

  17. Call me a moaning old cunt if you like but I long for the days when a trannie was a battery operated radio.

    • No drink here Freddie.

      I suppose if they are black male to female ones they must feel a special bond.

      Here it comes –

      They must feel like transSISTAHS!

    • Yeah blowing a tranny at the races in America means a completely different thing ahhhh the good old days

  20. I sound like your mother in law banging on about the past it’s a downward trajectory till death best years over now when you were out drinking and riding bobby Moores life was beautiful I listen to that song glory days by Bruce Springsteen and it’s nearly brings a tear to my eye

  21. My mum does this, she starts talking, then she just seems to dominate the conversation and then she is talking at you as opposed to with you, and then you have to find a convenient way of leaving the room. I find it always seems to be women that do this – men on the other hand actually seem to converse with one another more easily, sense when to end a conversation or just stay quiet.

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