HSBC

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I’ll be concise.
1) Sneery “we are not an island” anti-Brexit adverts
2) Using Chinese flu as an excuse to lay off staff.
3) And most damning of all, latest radio adverts voiced by Sandi FUCKING Toksvig.

HSBC. The C is for Cunts.

Nominated by: Guardian Hater 

The New HSBC Ad

So the remote has broke from the telly. So I have had Classic FM on. It has calmed my nerves somewhat. Not going back.

The trouble is the ads. Especially one- Sandi Toksvig doing the new HSBC ad. I say new but it seems to be almost the same script. She repeats for example-‘we are not an island’. (piss boiling in itself) but ‘Thanks the Unsung and the Bringers of Yum…’..the bringers of Yum. ‘Local heroes’ they are, key workers. That is what HSBC is about – thanking ‘key workers’ on our behalf it would seem . The arrogance of that to go her arrogant pompous fucking voice…fuck!
There are no words to express how it grates on my nerves. It was bad enough with the insufferably smug Richard Ayoade but then to choose he excruciatingly self satified Sandi Toksvig. Fucking hell it’s all just too much.

Luckily they play Vaughan Williams which calms me again.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

42 thoughts on “HSBC”

    • Thankfully, I don’t watch mainstream tv or listen to radio. If I did I am pretty certain that a heart attack would have seen me croak by now.

      • ‘The bringers of Yum:’. Couldn’t they come up with something better than that? Might text my lorry driver mate ‘thank you you bringer of Yum’.
        Liberal voices RT? Yes what makes them worse is the fact its on radio.
        So intimate with them as it were. O’Shithead, Radio 4.
        Mind you Classic FM have some nice soothing voices.

  2. Just like the Dark Keys who claim to be overlooked by the media, the Lezza in society seems to be guaranteed media work. regardless of how minimally talented or downright piss-poor they are. There is some fat ugly Scotch lezbo called Susan Calman who dresses in mens three pieces suits – looks like a shrunken Stephen Fry in drag, Calman and Toksvig were always on that “comedy” show called the News Quiz, both are as funny as piles.

      • Sue Perkins epitomises the talentless ‘ I went to Cambridge,am an ugly lesbian,could never hold down a proper job’ creature that infests the BBC in particular but also other areas of the media.
        Have to go fo a lie down now.

    • I often get Calman and Ruth Davidson mixed up.

      Two rugs from the same munch…..

      • Ghastly wimmin. Probably a good job they are lesbians, because I doubt even the most desperate man would want to give them one.

  3. Strange one by HSBC (Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation – kung fu cash and propaganda pretending to be a UK bank) – we ARE an island, but filled with poisonous shit from the toilets of the World.
    Detestable snowflake nonsense, and Toksvig should face legal action for fraud – she falsely claims to be a comedian!

  4. 2 don’t dos from my view of life :

    1. NEVER apologise on my behalf
    2. NEVER thank anyone on my behalf

    In brief, don’t do any fucking thing for me for I will crush your pet tortoise with a steamroller and post it through your letterbox wrapped in dog shit.

    And that Autosergei ad can fuck off too. Irritating little shit like the Mulatto Merkle (can you get that in Starbucks?)

    Now fuck right off while I fetch my meds…

    • Yea the arrogance of thanking ON OUR BEHALF key workers. You are a private fucking company out to make profits…

    • I had been fortunate enough to avoid the Autosergei ads until recently (albeit I was swamped by the even more cuntish tiktok adverts) but fucking hell are they annoying now I’ve seen them. Still better than that fucking opera singer at GoCompare though.

  5. Commented to mrs B months ago about bank adverts. All going out of their way to help people in need and key workers. Give them a couple of months before the red notices go out. Thieving money grabbing cunts.

  6. Adverts?
    By fucking banks?
    No just fuck off.
    Oh and stop robbing the taxpayer.
    Royale cunts all.

  7. I loathe the HSBC – and they are my bank.

    For 30 odd years I paid their exorbitant business account fees and then, when I suffered a temporary cash flow issue they pulled the plug on my modest overdraft and hounded me for months. Loyalty? Fuck off. The listening bank became the bullying bank.

    As for the tv ads they are sick-making. So is that repulsive little dyke Tansy Toxic. The “we’re all in this together, thanks to the little people” stuff doesn’t work any more if it ever did. All through Brexit it was “don’t be a little Englander we are part of something bigger.” Yes. we know what that is now =- a pandemic during which the banks sat in their counting house counting out their money and not lending any of it out.

    The NatWest ad is just as bad. They are still into their Zoomarama mode where their mong staff make infantile, insincere comments whilst sitting on their fat arses smiling smugly. Dunno why mateys, you are probably already on the redundancy list. Then you will find out just what corporate, uncaring cunts the banks are.

    I recall the days when we had high street branches. I walked in when the old Midland sign was coming down to be replaced by HSBC. A member of staff denied what it actually for and said it was about “global branding” and all for the best. I predicted she would be out of a job before long. She laughed. Not long after she was sacked and withing a few years the branch was closed.

    • Any bank that tries to put a positive spin on itself by sickly advertising isn’t fooling anybody – we all know the type of cunt they are and, in my opinion, they’d do better to keep their fucking heads down.

      • That’s true. They’re going through your pockets looking for any money they can get their hands on.

  8. The proud moment when you go with your Dad to open your very own bank account at the Midland, run by Captain George Mainwaring by Hobbits for Hobbits, that’ll do son, that’ll do. The years pass, then one morning I get a statement in the post that tells me I now bank with S.P.E.C.T.R.E. with a note “Go fuck yourself, no wait, that’s our job. Please find attached a sachet of lube, a pineapple and a credit card. Yours insincerely, CEO E. S. Blofeld”.

  9. I love the way that bank adverts often make out that they’re there to ‘help’ us, the ‘we’re with you every step of the way’ approach. Cue shit eating grin from a model wearing a corporate uniform.
    I don’t even know why they bother. Banks are cunts, there purely to make as much profit as they can, and everybody knows it.

    • Remember Howard from the Halifax? He made a whole career out of cringing ditties pretending he was doing us a favour while the industry carried on fucking everyone up the arse.

      • I like Sandi Toksvig.
        Seems a down to earth type of bloke.
        Type who can help you fix a car and knows his power tools.
        Not some pretty boy who shaves every day.
        Well done Sandi lad!👍

  10. Just wait until all the repos kick in from cunts sitting on beaches and in pissy old pubs when they should be working…we’ll see how caring all these cunts are then.

    • I used to work in corporate banking, all banks treat their customers with utter contempt when they are not making them loads of profit and I would go so far as to say they hate them.
      Greedy thieving rats, each and every one of them.

  11. The thing is Ron, I think they are real staff as you couldn’t get actors so ugly and who voice the lines so badly surely? I reckon they are the actual brainwashed dimwits who work in the office. Not the branches as there are none left.

    The Halifax cunts certainly are as are the Nationwide cuntomers who send in their stupid little vids. I would not want people to think I banked with or alongside these cunts.

  12. Shifty who’s, one and all.

    Not listening to the radio or TV and being subjected to this vexing shite is blissful really. I can barely tolerate clicking on google news to see headlines before my piss flashes back over into super criticality.

  13. In other News, Dame Cressida Strapon has apologised on behalf of the police to Umbongo race-card waving athlete Bianca Williams… for nothing.

    “Despite two reviews by the force’s directorate of professional standards, Dame Cressida said the force had found no misconduct by its officers.”

    Dame Strap-on told the Home Affairs Select Committee: “We apologised yesterday to Ms Williams and I apologise again for the distress this stop clearly caused her.”

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-53307561

    Earlier this week Ms Williams and fellow savage failed to stop when directed to by the police. The British public await her apology. They’re not holding their collective breath.

  14. Why the fuck is Toksvig famous anyway?

    Can she sing? Can she fuck. Never heard her try.

    Can she act? Nope. Never seen her in owt.

    Can she do stand up? Absolutely not. About as funny as a life sentence in a North Korean gulag.

    Errm…Well can she present? Well, she has done this quite a few times but she’s shite. Very unfunny, sneery and sarcastic.

    Seems perfect for an HSBC advert then.

  15. Just thought her voice grates. And another one (the worst possible voice imaginable) Mariella Fostrup. The connection both from Denmark is it? Sweden…A Nordic country anyway.
    Mind you I didn’t mind Ulrika.

    • Muriel Frostrupps voice is horrible!
      Like Davros if he had lung cancer.

      • She sounds like she is gargling roll ups – and her tits are terrible!
        Gone too far – off now! 😄🏃‍♂️

    • Stuck up ghastly horror show. I assumed she’d died but she wrote a column in a free supermarket paper recently. Sneering at Trump. She’s a cunt.

  16. I had my business account with Allied Trust who were excellent until South Africa became respectable and they renamed as Investec. Then they decided that all the small businesses that had kept them going during the apartheid years could go fuck themselves.

    I’ve had accounts with all four major high street banks. You find a good one then the manager gets moved and it all goes tits up.

    I banked with the rather misnamed Intelligent Finance fir years until the cunts decided I needed to pay them for the priveledge of letting them have my money.

    I now bank with Tesco who, to be fair, seem to rather break the mold and haven’t buggered me about thus far and are quite helpful but then they have no branches.

    Don’t start me on Santander,. The fact they use cAnt and Don’t in their adverts tells you what a bunch of twats they are…

  17. I actually had the misfortune to work for these cunts for 20 years. Always remember, after my Dad died suddenly ten years ago, the heartless fuckers never even sent me a condolence card. Then tried their best to make me resign by not giving me any work to do, the days were fucking endless. One day I had enough of the pricks and handed in my notice without a job to go too. Hard at first, but the best decision I ever made. I honestly wouldn’t give them the
    steam off my shit. Cunts.

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