Quite recently, there was a nomination for Barry Island. And it got me thinking (which doesn’t happen very often), about my dreadful holidays cooped up in some tiny tin-can caravan or shite B&B in Weston Super Wank when I was a kid.
It was a depressing shithole back in the 70s, and I recently went back there to find that it had become an even greater shithole today! Chavs, Eastern Europeans, chavs, benefit scroungers, old cunts, chavs, Africunts, chavs, p1kies and bastards!
So what would you consider the worst seaside resort you’ve ever had the misfortune to spend a holiday?
Nominated by: Technocunt
Clacton.
For our American friends…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ny2azUt5d3Y
3
seconded. It’s a windswept desolate shithole at the best of the times
2
Butlins in Bognor Regis is a right fucking shit house full of Brain Dead Chavs fighting and thieving from other campers. They should all be offered a Zyklon B communal shower on arrival .
Spelling corrected: detention for Mr Fistula – admin
12
You mean forced right?
0
Fuck spell checker .That should of read Zyklon B.
3
That’a exactly what I told my mates Goebels and Eichmann
10
I can nominate the UK’s by far shittiest seaside town:
Jaywick, Essex
A 100 megaton atom bomb dropped on Jaywick would markedly improve the ambience and overall quality of this remote, Essex seaside town.
11
Never heard of the place. Which is probably a good thing.
Actually I got a little confused with the name, thinking it was Airwick, which ironically enough is an air freshener!
6
Saw a bit of a programme about living on benefits which featured Jaywick. I had no idea that such a place could exist anywhere on the planet let alone the U.K.. The architecture (?) came second in strangeness to the people ,90+% on benefits and scarcely a tooth in the head of anyone over the age of 15.
15
I seen that one from Jaywick as well. Nice place.
I especially liked the bit where that couple from London just moved there for a better quality of life. lol
Fuck me. things must have been really really shit.
Anyway classic scene is when one of her sprogs asked their mum if they could have buns next time they had hot dogs….(They where probably sick and tired of raw spaghetti pushed through chopped up hotdogs and boiled to a frazzle)
My god her reply was as if one of them called her a cunt.. Her answer….ohhhh are we getting all posh now (in a posh voice) hahah
my god the mind truly is a mysterious muscle.
13
Forgot to add that this fucking cunt had 2 dogs and umpteen fucking snakes. So if she thought that bread was posh then were all fucked.
10
Was it called this by any chance? “Benefits by the Sea: Jaywick”
According to that documentary the place is the most deprived in Britain, which is saying something!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4854472/reference
5
Jaywick is not only the most deprived place in the UK (even below Tower Hamlets etc.), but one of the most deprived places in Europe. But no-one cares as they are all white. If Jaywick was full of darkies, then maybe something would get done.
8
Towyn (sp?) in North Wales- down the coast from Rhyl and with even less charm. Decades later, the mental damage done from a week in a caravan, which even a gimmigrant in Calais would turn its nose up at, packed in so close with other chav-vans you were serenaded to sleep by the sound of kids whingeing or skanks rutting-well, it put me off for life.
When it got flooded and made the national news a few years back, I felt no pity.
A rancid boil on the arsehole of Wales.
13
Margate.
Back in the ’80s it was the place to go having bunked off school for the day.
A £10.80 return train ticket got you entance to’ Dreamland’ in the price.
It was a dead end shithole of a town then and it still is.
The only difference is nobody speaks English now.
Funnily enough we used a photo of Margate in all its naked glory for our header pic. Classy! – admin
6
Those were the days, Admin.
There was a little shopping arcade next to Dreamland where we used to get served booze, fags and poppers by heavily tattooed and thoroughly bored looking shopkeepers. We were about 14 / 15 years old at the time.
The only positive thing I can think of about that place was one of the ‘do as you likey’ kids at school had a caravan down there and a season pass for Dreamland.
The enterprising little tyke would go in early doors and camp out under the Mary Rose ride all day and collect all the loose change and jewellery that fell out of peoples pockets. He was quite literally raking it in.
Used to get us as much free candyfloss and donuts as we could stomach too. Top lad!
10
Anywhere inTurkey. Total cunts plus shithole = Came home early.
11
Paris! went for a weekend stay at the ‘otel tim’ just by the opera house, could’nt have been more fucking bored in me life, hairy arm pitted, garlic smelling lazy cunts to a man/woman.
3
Looks like the aptly titled Whige City had some fun last night. Partying jigs and the fittest police force in the country
9
white *** fkn too early to type
5
Just wait till the last weekend in August when all the scum who usually descend on Notting Hill, and who already feel victimised innit, because it’s been cancelled this year will go ahead and do it anyway – and their bruvs in the Met will probably let them.
13
They’ll not only let them but will be ordered to take the knee too.
9
Cultural appropriation by the bredren! it used to be the ‘Notting hill winter festival’ da cunts.
1
BLM will be insisting the place is renamed Fair City or some other pot of wank.
12
I went to Hastings once.
Full of scouse junkies and other offal.
No dooshkas as it was mid 90s and megacunt B.Liar hadn’t let them all in yet.
Complete shithole.
Needs a mustard gas make-over.
17
I lived there many years ago. I quite liked St Leonards but as always the years has turned into a total shithole. People there were absolute fucking cunts. only place where i witnessed a fully grown man throw a brick at a pram with a baby in it.
And he knew there was because some woman was pushing it.
Horrible Horrible place. Infact East Sussex as a whole can go and fuck itself
12
Went to Hastings in 2015. The air stank of chip shop grease and there seemed to be an endless parade of fat bastards without shirts. Simply hideous.
13
ANY stretch of coast is better than the landlocked shithole I live in – London. London the home of the hipster, the poofter, the n* gger with a chip on her or his shoulder, the protester, the marcher, the 100% “on trend” cunts – Eddie Izzard and Sadiq Khan who thinks he is the queen of his kingdom. No sound of the seabird, no early morning mist on the waves. Just concrete and shit.
28
The best thing in London is any road out of it!
4
Feel you’re hurt mr boggs! i skiddadled years ago, live by the sea, countryside just 5mins away, no dark keys just the obligatory parking stanley corner shop (which i never use) early morning walks, dawn chorus, waves crashing on the beach, glorious would never go back to that shithole london to which i am a native for all the yorkshire tea in …. errr!
1
Weston-Super-Mare is full of Brummies wandering around wearing wife-beaters, faces like brake lights with their over-weight missus and cushion-faced offspring. Straight out of a ‘Next’ catalogue they’re not.
13
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
One hundred and eeeeeeeightyyyy!!!
Good darts sir-went once. Will avoid repeating the experience. Like Portsmouth (Southsea) but with more mud and less history.
8
Port Adelaide, South Australia. Docks so nasty the rats get ON the sinking ships. Once bought a serve of chips there wrapped in the pages of an old wank mag. I certainly wasn’t going to ask for mayonnaise…
17
Love a seaside town me, shithole towns inland and let’s face it are even shitter and at least you have the added dimension of the sea in one of these places.
Boring holiday by the sea as a kid? That’s because your parents didn’t bother and you had a poor imagination.
Seaside towns full of cunts, usually cunts from inland who can’t afford to go to a Spanish beach resort for their cuntery.
The sea has served us well as a nation, the Navy was a cornerstone of the empire.
If anything seaside towns are now symptomatic of the apathy of the population, the current state of this country is a direct result of what we’ve allowed to happen.
17
I too like coastal towns and seaside resorts, and even when theyre rundown somehow it doesnt matter, still like it.
When a kid you went either Blackpool or Rhyl,
Maybe Llandudno or Southport, but mainly Rhyl an Blackpool.
Loved going to both.
Remember the teacher once asking if we were goung anywhere in the summer holidays and all the kids saying one of the above bar one kid who said “France”.
No one believed him though.
11
Speaking of school trips. I remember when I was about 13 going on a class school trip to Rhyl. There was about 30 of us on a coach along with two teachers, one of whom was Ms Ross.
Now she was a real prick-teaser. Not only did she wear provocative clothes during English Lit lessons (sitting on her desk in front of class, and doing the odd “Basic Instinct” in her black mini-skirt); but wore hot pants and braless t-shirt on the school trip!
I remember fuck all about Rhyl because I was totally fixated to the twin-peaks and glorious globes of Ms Ross!
Happy days!
14
Cuntflap, aged 14yrs went on a school camping trip to Anglesey,
Climbed onto the toilet block roof in a early version of urban parkour,
Fell through the roof knocking myself unconscious and woke up in hospital with some bloke trying to talk to me in welsh.😁
My dad had to drive down to pick me up from hospital and he wasnt best pleased!!
10
We went on a school trip to somewhere near Chepstow in the last year of junior school. I and 3 friends were caught streaking round the place at 2 in the morning and made to stand around getting ‘told off’ whilst the girls watched us from the main building. We were heroes for the rest of the term.
8
You didn’t miss much-The Sun Centre, dogshit, getting stung by wasps and jellyfish.
I too would have been “birdwatching”😉
8
I will see your Ms. Ross, Technocunt, and (ahem) ‘raise’ you Ms. Cheshire, the Aphrodite of my school days. Short skirts, thigh-high socks and a chest like a dead heat in a zeppelin race!
11
My parents had a caravan in Rhyl, there is nothing to remember about Rhyl.
5
Thank you SV and MNC for making an old sea dog a happy man for those kind words, It’s true though the sea makes things just that more bearable. Imagine Newham On Sea or Brixton By Sea, mght make them slightly less crappy.
7
Rottnest Island. Named so by the Dutch due to the rat like marsupials that infest the place, largely barren rock that was used as a prison of no return for natives and then internment camp for wogs and boche, now an expensive and terminally boring holiday resort. Guano encrusted shithole.
10
Nice ferry ride out from Fremantle. Even better catching the one back, though.
8
Port Welshpool near Melbourne, stinking mudflats and had to follow dad around fishing. I went without a shirt and got blitzed by a million sandflies, itched like facking hell I thought would die. I wanted to scratch my skin off with a fucking wire brush
6
Blackpool has to be up there somewhere, especially when its pissing down and blowing a gale.
Brighton used to be decent 3 or 4 decades ago, but fuck knows what it looks like now with all the woke brigade infesting the place
10
I was there 5 decades ago and it was still a fucking dump then….
7
I lived in Blackpool for 3 years earlier this decade. Really nice, but cheap, rented semi 100 yards from the sea. Enjoyed living there although food was pricey but when it got a bit breezy, say 50mph, it was like living in a blast cabinet. I’m sure the car had lost 3 coats of paint by the time we moved.
10
Trecco bay.
Crowbar marks on the caravan windows.
Smoking leatherhead toothless grannies.
Tracksuit adorned pickpockets.
It’s a Sun £9.50 holiday destination if that makes it any clearer.
13
I remember it from the 70s. World’s biggest caravan site full of fellow Welsh cunts from the valleys. Was as far as any of the cunts had ever been. Great.
10
Is your idea of fun, fun, fun planning your funeral?
Like living in the 1910s?
Is your hobby watching weeds grow in a graveyard on a freezing cold, windy, drizzly day?
Want Dehli belly* on the cheap?
Like the smell of rotting sewage?
Like watching illegal Chinese immigrant cockle pickers drown?
Enjoy the company of drugged up down and outs that even Blackpool won’t have?
Fancy a paddle in the Heysham Nuclear Power Station enriched sea water to cure your veruccas?
Then visit Morecambe. It’s your kind of place.
*Dehli belly guaranteed at all hotels or your Universal Credit back.
(This advert is sponsored by Grotadvisor)
15
Morecombe-if you imagine Blackpool without the “Bright lights” and household name theatre acts, that’s Morecombe.
As a kid we drove there, went up and down the front a few times and as a family, decided not to stop😂.
Is frontier land still there? What a fucking dump.
11
Frontierland closed around 1999/2000. As far as I am aware the site is still derelict (i.e. pretty much the same as when it was open).
9
We drove there from Blackpool for a day’s lookey see, but we’d exhausted all possibilities by lunchtime so we drove to look at the power station from a distance, it was far more interesting.
7
Spent the winter of 75 in Morecambe. Still haven’t recovered.
10
Would it be Wise to go to Morecambe?
I’ll get my coat.
15
The problem with seaside towns is that they are seasonal. This means that half the year no-one has a job, so toothless feckless benefit claimants make up a large part of the population.
If I want to visit the beach I get out to the middle of nowhere. Britain has loads of hidden little coves and beaches that are miles away from cunts.
My favourite beach involves a twenty mile drive to the field where you park, and a two mile trek down to the beach across fields. When you get there you have to clamber down a short rock face.
It’s absolutely perfect.
And you can’t get there in a mobility scooter, so no fatties munching ice cream and chips.
15
Not quite off topic, but has anyone read “crap towns”? Funny, but quite depressing. There was enough material for a second book.
12
Are those the books that some people objected to because their towns weren’t listed? Civic pride in misery or what. There are enough towns & cities in the UK to produce enough volumes to resemble a complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.
7
I think they were.
If only we had had the foresight to leave a few hundred thousand copies lying around the calais jungle.
7
A special edition “Readers Wives” style w*nk mag of assorted British “beauties” posing in front of various architectural monstrosities might be better. Naked Nineteen stone Nora (56) from Newcastle massaging brown sauce from her bacon butty into her norks in front of St James’ Park might put ’em off.
12
Just in for me lunch, was going to have a cheeky bacon butty (‘‘tis the weekend after all and had a few, ahem, libations last night😚) -the image of Lardy Geordie avec bacon butty has put me right off☹️☹️☹️
Bastard!
10
I especially like those heavily Photoshopped picture postcards of some such dismal holiday resort.
Always bigging up the almost-empty golden sands, the deep blue sea, cloudless blue skies and lots of greenery.
Of course the reality is quite another thing!
6
I live not far from the life-sucking hell hole that is Skegness (“Skeggy Vegas” as the local pondlife call it); a dingier, more depressing, chav-infested shitbox you will never set foot in. When I was a nipper I used to love going there, being of an age then where I could spend 50p in the video games in the arcades and have a right old night of it; seen through adult eyes it mystique is sadly missing.
Now nothing but fried doughnut kiosks churning out portable heart attacks for lycra-clad and mostly invalid scooter-bounds feral wankers, arcades full of nothing but slot machines, and kebab shops where every so often you’re sure you just spotted part of a flea collar slowly revolving on the greasy clump of “meat” in the window, 10 minutes spent there now is enough to spend me running for less depressing places. Like Colditz.
What I don’t get is that people FLOCK there; you’ll hear Scottish, Yorkshire, Southern accents there all proclaiming how marvellous and characterful the place is. Is it just the novelty value for these people; have they never seen a 14-year-old schoolgirl getting fingered out the front of the KFC in broad daylight before (while not once letting go of her mega bucket), or a labrador-sized seagull with one leg regurgitating a used johnny it’s had the misfortune to gobble up out of the sea???
20
I went to Skegness a couple of years ago to spent a weekend in the caravan of a lady friend . On the Saturday evening we went to a brilliant, family run Italian restaurant which was totally unexpected given the surrounding area.
And yes,you inquisitive buggers, I got my leg over – twice.
11
Not twice in one night GG surely – you’re not Ron Jeremy are you?? For my sins I normally end up there a couple of times a year purely cos there are some great biking roads (generally plod free) that lead around and to the place
7
Actually it was six times in a single night but I did not wish the less gifted members of the site to feel inadequate; I am not that boastful chap from Northumbria.
6
What he doesn’t tell you, CtC, is that it was six times with the gây Eyetie waiter of the restaurant he went to in lieu of the bill he could’t pay. Gave him a proper seeing to with the pepper grinder, he did.
5
Six times in a single night, G.G ? Do you have a premature ejaculation problem perhaps ?….I only get the leg over once a night…but can,of course.last six hours (for the Ladies’ pleasure)
Perhaps you could try some “delay spray”
8
@ DD…. Now you’re just being silly….the very thought of me at some Eyetie eating-shop. I only dine out at my exclusive Members-Only Club…you would get blackballed if you attempted entry.
8
??? Dick, are you GG in disguise or have you been on the sauce early???
PS. When you say you dine out at your club is that ‘cos they won’t let you dine in?
6
Ha ha-Skegness- even the name sounds grim-Skeg sounds like a particularly offensive vaginal discharge.
Seaside towns are desperate places-Skegness, Worthing, Blackpool-all the same.
Funnily enough, loads of people from Northern seaside towns go on “holiday” to the Isle of Wight-cleaner water and beaches and the temperature must feel positively Saharan after what they usually experience, Scratch the surface though and still the same, high unemployment, huge drug problem and Shute amusements full of chavs- particularly Shanklin (or should that be Skanklin?)
9
Talking of dismal-sounding places, how about Grimsby!
It’s not exactly a seaside resort, more of a fishing seaport. But the actual name doesn’t exactly promote itself much.
Have never been there, so for all I know it could be the Las Vegas of the NE of England!
6
Only been once Cuntan and agree with what you say.
Where I work quite a few of the blokes have caravans there and Ingoldmells, it depresses me just listening to them talk about the place.
5
Any town name ending in -by is a remnant of the viking invasions.
Grimsby lierally translates as Uglytown, or town of the ugly people.
1
Bridlington was to be great. Used to charter a boat and go fishing. They seem to have moved half of Hull there. The ones who are too rough for Bransholme.
Another shithole was a place in Minorca. San Bou I think. On it’s own at the foot of a fuck off hill. Nowhere to go and 3 Chinese restaurants in a miniscule town centre. Made Benidorm look classy. A week that lasted a month.
7
was great not was to be. Cunt.
2
the only time i was in Bridlington, years ago, was when they had a storm of ladybirds – millions of them everywhere – but the fish & chips were great – now too far to go for a takeaway!
2
Oh I forgot “Great” Yarmouth too! That was where I was taken as a kid for a very rare special treat – Skeggy on steroids. As I remember it was actually quite a decent, fun (for an 8-year-old) place with perhaps even a slight hint of the old class British seaside resorts used to be known for? Had to visit for work about 10 years ago – fuck me what a difference. Even the sky was permanently grey as though the sun couldn’t be arsed with the place; gimmegrant-riddled shithole with a missing persons poster on every other lamp post
8
You paint such a vivid and honest description of these places, Cuntan, it’s a pity you didn’t host that cheesy holiday program “Wish You Were Here”, with Judith bleedin’ Chalmers and Anthea Turner!
Perhaps ITV should do a reboot you could host called “Don’t Come Here For Fuck’s Sake!” 🙂
10
I’d go for that…. needs a gimmick, maybe have a big green screen map of the country I could put little stickers on to represent various places?? Little smiling sam bow faces or gollywo*gs for places with a fair number of our BLM friends; or little Burberry-clad mobility scooters for the more indigenous ones?
Oh and I’d need Carole Kirwood as an assistant so I could 1) have a good play with her knockers and then 2) knock her teeth out to stop from ever opening her gobhole again
6
Hmm, moderation you say… I wonder what the trigger was
4
I also love seaside towns. Nothing I like better than to sit on the seafront in the truck whilst waiting for a job, listening to the radio, watching the ‘wildlife’ waddling up the promenade or as is so often the case nowadays, Mr and Mrs Atric, first name ‘Barry’ (and Beryl), on their mobility scooters, candy floss in one hand, sack of chips in the other, not straying too far from our ambulance, just in case, the cunt traffic wardens waiting to pounce if you stay a picosecond after your time.. Much better in the winter. We can sit and watch the sea, the lighthouse, boats and enjoy our tea and coffee without playing ‘Spot The Cunt’. If I went back in time to the 70’s, like in Life On Mars, awful though some of to 70’s were, I’d be finding a fucking way of STAYING there, not getting back to the present like Sam Tyler was…
12
DCI, Never understood why Sam Tyler wanted to go back to 90s Stockport from 70s,
Like winning the bloody lottery!
By 2hrs in his situation id have my flares on, and forgotten all about the future.
10
You and me both, MNC, you and me both.
6
Absolutely the worst holiday I ever had was in Lloret do Mar back in the 1970’s.
Bars and discos open at midnight and thump out ear spolitting music all night. During the day the piss artists can be found lying in pools of their own vomit on the beach.
The one decent day we had was a day trip to Barcelona.
We were young and naive and it was cheap. I’ve never been back to the Costas since and never will. It scarred me for life.
Why the fuck would anyone want to go there? Ever….
9
Dioclese, I know what you mean about Lloret De Mar. We went there in 1973. We flew from Luton, there was a group of pisshead rugby players on the flight and the first thing the cunts did when we arrived at the hotel at about 3 a.m, was to ask for the bar to be opened. I remember what a depressing place it was even then. Maybe we were there at the same time? I seem to remember that my hotel room had a nice view of the back alley and bins.
It’s probably 1000 times worse now.
4
My old man grew up in Margate and worked at Dreamland as a teenager. Always raved about it and for years said he would take me there and show me the wonders.Well, it took until I was seventeen to eventually go and experience such a delight. Thanks Dad,never again! I am 52 now so can only imagine it has only got much worse. Now living on the north Devon coast where we only experience minimal cunts so far. Only a matter of time with staycations rumoured to be popular this year.
7
When I was a kid we used to camp every year for a week near Ilfracombe Horatio.
Been back a few times with my son camping, Ilfracombe is rancid but for some strange reason still enjoy it.
5
All seaside towns now seem packed to rafters with Ivans and other assorted imports from Africa, Asia and fuck knows where.
I avoid them except when I have go on a call out for work, they are very depressing.
9
I live near Seascale in the Lake District. It’s on the coast with a decent beach, although not really a proper holiday resort, which suits the locals.
That said, the Sellafield nuclear refinery plant is just up the road, so perhaps that puts a lot of tourists off. In fact I can count the number of tourists who holiday here on my 3 hands …
18
On the plus side, 500 bags buys you a fucking country estate.
The sun always shines in Seascale, Drig on the other hand….they probably do have three….😳
4
Ilfracombe is a crap hole. I was staying in Lynton and took a bus there. I had a brief look around, decided it was shite and got out as soon as I could. The best thing about Ilfracombe was the bus station, knowing it was my escape route.
7
Methil in Fife had the same effect on me. If it’s a resort at all, it’s for junkies. Also Hartlepool.
3
I has my holiday to Sorrento and Positano cancelled because of the virus hoax – and still haven’t got my money back – so talking about crap seaside resorts makes me even more angry – I would definitely nominate Blackpool and Morecombe as shit holes
3
So is there anywhere suitable for the coastal destination for this years ISAC Jolly Boys Outing?
I can picture Sir Fidler as a Boycie type, flicking cigar ash at the peasants….
😂
7