“Hey granpaw, sez hayer thit they’s mekkin’ uh noo ‘Indiana Jones’ movie!”.
“Wassat, sonny?”.
“Ah sayeed THEY’S MEKKIN’ UH NOO ‘INDIANA JONES’ MOVIE!”.
“Land sakes boy, ain’t no need ta yell. Ah ain’t deef!”.
Well I suppose that Hollywood being Hollywood, the land of sequels, franchises and reboots, they just couldn’t leave well alone. Indy’s last outing was over ten years ago, the “Crystal Skull” farce, but it made a shed load of dosh. Now Steven Spielberg says that a new “Indy” is in the works, with a scheduled release date of July 2022.
There’s been talk of casting a new actor as Indy, but Spielberg says that Harrison Ford is such an iconic presence that nobody else could possibly fill his boots. I can understand the reasoning, but there’s just one small problem. We all expect Indy to do stuff like jump out of burning planes, get dragged along behind speeding trucks, and generally kick shit out of Nazis, commies, and other badhats. By the time the film hits the screen, Harry will be eighty; it won’t be so much a case of whether he can still swing that bullwhip with zest, but whether he can manage to swing by the post office to pick up his old age pension.
The new film is provisionally titled “Indiana Jones 5”. May I respectfully suggest to the producers that it be called “Indiana Jones and the Last Zimmer Frame” when released. It sort of sounds appropriate for a last sad attempt to squeeze more out of their cash cow. Come on guys, this just doesn’t fly for me. Knock it on the head before you embarrass yourselves.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Spielberg and Harrison must be skint.
10
“Spielberg … must be skint.”
No he isn’t. The fucking cunt! Not if he can chuck £8,000,000 into the crooked and corrupted defence of Deborah (cunting) Lipstadt in the Irving trial and then bankroll (in tandem with the (cunting) B.B.C.) an even more twisted and deceitful film about it.
For that reason alone I’d string the interfering bastard, Schwindler’s Grift means Fenton’s herd of carnivorous piggies get to chow down on his despised corpse.
9
Perhaps against the rules of ISAC to ‘troll’ other cunters, but Cunty Chops, you are a cunt.
9
CuntyChops, are you saying you side with David Irving, the Holocaust-denier cunt?
8
“‘troll’ other cunters, but Cunty Chops, you are a cunt.”
Why thank you. One tries but it doesn’t come easy.
“CuntyChops, are you saying you side with David Irving, the Holocaust-denier cunt?”
pfffffft….ok if you really want to know I’d reply,
“Go read the trial transcripts, find the pdfs, all the docs are on his site, about 70Gb I think in total, judge for yourself because Mr. Justice Gray certainly didn’t even though he acknowledged that Irving’s knowledge of the FACTS was unquestionable and authoritative and that their ‘expert’ Prof Jan Van Pelt didn’t know his arse from his fucking elbow when it came to actualities of the architecture of the alleged homicidal Kremas.
Maybe watch some of his speeches, chuck a quid at a remaindered copy of “Denial” , compare and contrast Timothy Spall’s shambling impersonation and ask why Spielboig required that portrayal if indeed he was in fact responsible for the direction. Spall’s a better actor but still too fugly to take the part. Compare and contrast the fragrant image of Rachel Weiss’ Lipstadt with the real thing. I mean there’s artistic licence but fuck me… not even close to the stunted repugnance of Muzz Lipshidt.
Note also that she never took the stand. This wasn’t because she “refused to debate a denier” but because she was advised by her counsel that had she done so she would have opened the way to an arraignment for contempt of court/perjury for witholding crucial evidence and her whole fucking dog and pony show would have had to have been thrown out. No mention of that anywhere.
Consider also why Lipstadt’s ad hominem literary frothings can be picked up for a handful of shrapnel (cheaper than bog roll and throroughly absorbant) but a fair condition 1st ed of Hitler’s War (once a standard text at West Point, Sandhurst and the like) is gonna set you back upwards of a hundred and fifty if you can find one.
Consider further the incredible lengths certain highly coordinated internationalist parties have gone to to ensure he is silenced.
This is not about a minor mis-reading of Himmlers spidery old gothic handwriting (which even German’s circle-jerking ‘court’ historians can’t decipher, never found and never even bothered looking for!)
And Clarkson was a cunt for ripping the uncredited content of the “Destruction of Convoy PQ17” note for note to make what was probably the best bit of TV he’s ever done.
As for denying WW2 holocausts, which one are we talking about? If we’re talking about Holocaust ™ with a capital H in which…
“Adolf Hitler…
ordered…
the mass extermination…
of 6milllion…
jews…
in gas chambers…
at Auschwitz… Dachau…Matthausen etc
using Zyklon B…”
then that’s a different matter, the ‘gas chamber’ they show they bus Europe’s children through is a fake built in 1948 by the Polish communists as was admitted in 1988 by the then Dir of the Auschwitz Mem Mus. Franzicek Piper.
The Aktion Reinhard camps Belzec, Sobibor, Majdanek, Treblinka are another partitioned element of this narrative that simply doesn’t survive investigation by ground penetrating radar. Some drippy prof from Staffs Univ called Caroline Sturdy Colls tried to make a name for herself with “an archeological” investigation” into the facilities at Treblinka in concert with Ch5 (f.f.s.) and it really is a laughable pile of heavily edited, misty eyed wank. Fucking Time Team is an order of magnitude greater in its method and rigour. If you want a link I’ll happily give one to the commentaried full cockumentary describing the ludicrous conduct and gross incompetence of this woman’s efforts but I doubt that it’ll get through mod. 850,000 bodies were alleged to lie in that field, not a trace did she discover, nor anyone since.
Wanna know the actual chemistry of Ferric ferro-cyanide in mortar, brick and plaster then hit Germar Rodolf (Max Planck Inst) or Fred Leuchter (at the time the ONLY US Dept of Corr, expert and supplier of execution epqt, holder of 5 patents, designed the US navy’s first digital sextant) until he dared to place his report into court. Inexplicably they refused it on the grounds that we “wasn’t a certified Engineer”??? There was and is no requirement in US law for that to be so unless you’re involved in signing off construction drawings. In the end he had it read into the record verbatim which got him a Mossad tail until he stuck a 45 through the window of their car! 😎
Why would Mossad do that, why would the US facilitate, or even permit that to happen to one of its citizens? You have to ask why… why… why… is this the case.
Do thou likewise
9
I detest Holocaust deniers. Y’all gonna carry on as per or say something?
4
Are they mental!? Last time I saw Indy he was being chased by naked tribespeople with blowdarts and repeatedly stealing and destroying other people’s cultural heritage.
This should be quite funny.
15
Wouldn’t surprise me if Indie fell down a mysterious magical pit in the Amazon Jungle, and came out as a dark key, thus getting round the problem of Ford being an old cunt, as well as extending the franchise to include a bit more compulsory diversity.
The new dark key Jones, will of course be a raving poofter, banging on about climate change, and BLMs. He will also have a feminine side, and will insist on being called non-binary, while also refusing to raid temples in case it causes grave offence to the camel jockeys.
Gawd help us!
21
A bit like this advert in China. Fuck me, that was funny. Imagine if Daz tried this in blighty? Fucking country would be on fire lol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDcBFCo8gKU
11
Not only did it wash off the black but it gave him slitty eyes 😂
4
Can’t see what’s wrong with this advert. If he refused to take a shower, is she just supposed to put up with it?
4
Actually, it’s only a matter of time before somebody claims ‘Daz’ washing powder is racist for making clothes ‘whiter than white’.
7
Stained clothes matter 👍
3
There’s probably a lot of truth in what you say, T.
The pit will be a dried up Fountain of Youth (caused by climate change, natch) in deepest Africa which is why the Jones character will emerge from it the darkest colour you can get this side of black hole. This person of colours version of a Time Lord rejuvenation will also enable the franchise to run forever and ever.
“His” (pronoun of choice yet to be decided by a focus group) LGBT and other alphabet tendencies will be put down to pollution from a nearby abandoned gold or diamond mine once owned by an oppressive slave owning white Imperialist from Victorian England.
“His” chicken owning shapely assistant, will wear a grass skirt locally grown from sustainable organic eco-farms owned by darkïes but farmed by chained up whïtey descendants of the former Imperialist overlords and will turn out to be a gobby mathematically challenged polymath savant. A shoe in debut role for Ms D Abbôtt (although f*ck knows where they’ll find a field big enough to grow the amount of grass needed for the skirt).
The role of Ms Abbotts mother to be played by Ms O Winfrey in a role reversal recognition of the American Ford/Scottish Connery son/father relationship.
Film funding to be organised by G Linêker (Offshore Tax Dodging Celebrity Film Schemes) Pty, Caymen Islands.
Catering will be by KFÇ (Mozambique).
Provisional film name “IJ puts Whitey to the Sword” as suggested by a Cambridge University Blâck Lives Matter professor.
Counterfeit sweatshop produced merchandise will be available in all Pâki cornershops soon.
5
They only rehash all this old stuff because Hollyweird can’t make a fucking decent film anymore. In the end, they need money after their umpteenth woke shite flop so they resort to this.
Expect Die Hard with a Motability Scooter next. Or Dirty Harry saying ”I only put on one pair of pants today, nursey. Now either they were Y-fronts or incontinence pants. In all this excitement I’ve forgotten myself. It’s time to clean my ass. Do you feel lucky, punk?”
15
I’m waiting for Rocky Balboa to have his statue taken down. Afterall, he beat up 3 black men AND a Communist.
10
This is a fucking kids film innit? Perfect opportunity for some woke nonsense with lots of black heroes and rugmunchers. Mr Ford can still appear but he can play himself, an old white man…..the very epitome of the American villain.
I don’t think you can make a film with whips in it these days. That’s very insensitive. You might make some snowflakes cry. Can’t have that.
15
Only thing cunts at Hollywood plow actors into now and spend millions on is Animation, still green screen isnt far off anyway
1
And you can’t have cunts called “Indiana”. That is so offensive to Native Americans and will also make the snowflakes cry. I can’t really see this film getting off the ground.
12
perhaps an “air bridge” might help? They seem to be all the vogue these days, whatever the fuck they are!
6
This is George Lucas’ fault; that man knows how to milk and keep on milking this is why he gave the world umpteen Star Bores films.
Maybe they’ll CGI Ford like they did to Brad Pitt in Benjamin Button.
6
Ah wrong, Lucas sold Indy to Disney so that Disney could milk it instead.
5
As long as Harrison doesn’t have to fly a plane in it.
5
They could put a peaceful in to fly the plane
1
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-53182750
Not if it’s a PIA peaceful, they couldn’t.
0
Suddenly the line from The Last Crusade “That belongs in a museum!” “So do you” suddenly becomes quite apt.
7
Never seen any of them. This seems to fit with the juvenile shite that Hollywood now specialises in.
2
I’d pirate a copy if a decrepit old Indy tried to out shuffle a rolling boulder but failed. Or pulled his arms out of their sockets trying to rope swing a gap. Or chose poorly washing down his heart meds.
4
If the one trick pony wooden old fart took the knee
(aka “Took the Ron“) he’d probably be unable to get up again.
7
His new masters would help him to his feet I’m sure. They care and forgive you see.
3
“Indiana Jones and the writing of the last cheque”.
8
As long as they don’t use ‘technology,’ to make old actors younger as Scorsese did in The Irishman. What a pile of horseshit that was. Over 3 hours if it.
You would have thought that someone with such a camera eye would see it.
Has made me reevaluate his earlier films and yes…not sure now they stand up.
They were as all just too flashy my feeling now.
5
The Irishman was indeed a big, steaming, pile of shit. The scene where the supposed 30ish something De Niro character beat up some poor grocery store clerk was as cringeworthingly embarrassing as anything I can remember. Scorsese, along with Spielberg, De Niro, Pacino, Ford and that arch cunt Street need to all fuck off and retire before they pollute the world with any more boring, shite films.
2
I laughed out loud when he tried to run in Episode VII. Getting away from those new black troopers no doubt added some needed spring to his scuttle.
5
And when a 70 year old Al Pacino ‘chased’ Robert De Niro in Righteous Kill. Fuck me, he would’ve been passed by Stephen Hawkings on the way to the Co-op.
6
De Niro beating up that shopkeeper in The Irishman was like watching your 90-year old great grandfather trying to dance at a wedding.
6
That was fucking laughable. The only one who managed to look as mean as a wasp in a jam jar as he got older was Clint Eastwood.
Stallone looks like a huge melted candle in ‘The Expendables’.
Steven Segal, with his 90 inch waist and dead racoon hairpiece, is a complete joke.
5
“Nobody can possibly fill his boots” Eh? Ford might be filling his y-fronts By then. I think Hollywood and ‘full of Spiel’ -Berg are trying to avoid commiting an ‘ist’. ‘Ists’ have gone unnoticed for years, wreaking havoc with people’s emotions and sense of self worth. ‘Ists’ are pernicious and must be rendered impotent at any cost because they’re always wrong and unfair.
Harrison Ford is THE one and only, now fully woke and 2022 compatable Indiana Jones and he’ll be coming to a cinema near you shortly. You’ll notice that Mr Jones will be drinking copious amounts of water because men of his age dehydrate more, especially when they sweat. Mr Jones will not be seen fighting or appearing to discriminate against others beliefs and infringing on potential victims rights during his government instructed missions. Where possible, every effort will be made to show Mr Jones’s ability to reason and achieve his goals through non violent means. Audiences will no doubt realise that Mr Jones is now 80 years of age and the storyline will reflect this. We live in a world of equal opportunity and with Mr Jones’s life experience he can bring much to the table and to think otherwise is ageist.
Modern film making brings with it new challenges with the need to reflect the changes in society over the past decade or so. We know you, the fans of Indiana Jones will support us in this ever changing landscape and be more than willing to be bored shitless as a result, but you will be right so don’t be a cunt and not buy a ticket when the time comes.
3
Fucking hell Dai, that sounds so right it’s scary.
‘Indiana Jones and the Black Lives Matter Crusade’.
Hang on, can you say ‘crusade’ these days?
4
Wow, the millennials and gen Zeds are doing a fucking great job, aren’t they?
No fucking decent band or album.
No fucking decent films.
No decent comedy
Just banning all the good stuff because there aren’t enough dark key disabled lesbians in it. Or somebody in it said ‘dark key’ at a party in 1954.
Footy and sport dead or dying due to players doing black fucking panther salutes.
Cunts rioting because of one dead cunt on another continent.
Statues torn down. Cunts not giving a fuck about a pandemic.
Cunts not bothered by dead honkies at the hands of dark keys this week.
Black Lives Matter — yeeeey! Here’s a promotion. White Live Matter —boo! You racists! You’re fired!
Cops running away, getting on their fucking knees or doing nothing to stop huge celebrations, riots and the like.
Government too scared to do anything for fear of the ‘r’ word.
Well, well done you stupid cunts. You’ve made your bed, now fucking lie in it.
7
The problem is we have to lie in the bed some other snowflake cunt made.
5
That is true
2
Maybe in this new edition of the franchise, our hero can can travel Western civilization saving statues of dead white men from roaming bands of BLM Marxist thugs. Instead of a gun to the head or strapped to a bomb by the bad guy, will Indy be forced to take a knee alongside self-loathing white liberals, Tristram and Jemima ?
5
In a hundred years time a Jones figure will be rummaging round the rubble that was London and come upon the cross that was atop St Paul’s.
4
London in a hundred years time….
“How dare you call me a racist, some of my best friends are white”…..
9
I’m not sure there will be any of us left by then.
6
That’s Newham right now.
2
Indy loves to topple statues and vandalise history so I would say it’s a definite money spinner with the current crowd.
Indy and the Face-mask of Death (and marigolds) coming to a fleapit near you soon….watch it while being enveloped in anti-bacterial fog.
4
I don’t think Harrison Ford will have a big part in the film anyway.
I think he’ll be killed off in the first few minutes when it’s discovered that in 1972 he said, ‘Why do black guys always win the 100 metres races?’ Such racism will deserve the death penalty, of course. As he goes to the gallows, he makes a confession that he was taught everything he knew, with regards to his herioic deeds, by a dark key woman he kept in his cellar. She is rescued and then leads the way to fight for LGBT and BLM rights.
She travels by her solar powered car (that she invented with the help of some dark keys and gays) to various places to destroy racist and homophobic images and buildings, including the White House and the sexist and fat shaming ‘Statue of Liberty’. These are replaces by the ‘Black Palace’, complete with room for the President’s ‘hos and bitches’ and bouncing cars in the courtyard. Also, ‘The Statue of Gay Obesity’, which features two fat dark key lezzas rug munching while free bleeding.
It will end with her organising a slap up vegan gay diversity banquet with honky waiters, who are forced to walk on their knees while chained to their dark key masters.
All reviews are 5 Stars out of 5 lest yee want to be called a nazi.
7
Hollywood will be queueing up to write the cheques on this one.
4
If it turns out to be a load of shit, well that’s usually the case with sequels. Look what they did with Blade Runner.
1
It’ll be the fault of white men, even though the lead actress says the film isn’t for white men in the pre-release press junkets.
0
Both misleading and fuckin rubbish.
I watched these films where Han Solo is a archeologist, and it inspired me to follow his career choice, expecting treasures, rolling boulders, whipping and shooting foreigners in market places, and all round fun.
Imagine my disappointment to be in a muddy field in Chester surrounded by cunts in multi coloured jumpers and that marxist cunt Tony Robinson!
Adventure my arse!
Archaeology should be banned its fuckin rubbish.
8
A bit off topic but just heard before a film ‘warning, this film contains scenes of mild violence’. This was on the SyFy channel not fucking CBBC. What next? Warning, this film has scenes with whitey in it, and a cock. Fuck off. Why do we need warning about fucking everything?! If you want to warn us about something, how about warning people when there’s a mad black/wog bastard running about stabbing whitey?
2
Zimmer frames are all the rage for elite criminals, Hilary Clinton, Harvey Weinstein.
Epstein didn’t use a Zimmer frame.
The Clinton’s know 52 friends who have committed suicide. What are the chances.
6
If I was a friend of the Clintons I would do the decent thing too.
3
I see Steve Bing was connected to the Clinton’s and Epstein also. Does that make it 53 now or is he the 52nd?
1
On ‘Yesterday’ “some WW2 footage contains historical violent scenes”.
Buffy the vampire slayer “this programme contains scenes of violence”.
If you’ve been affected, you can call our councelling hotline.
2
Yes, some of the stuff on ‘Buffy’ is enough to make you shit your pants. I don’t know what the world of entertainment’s coming to.
0
When Faith (Eliza Dushku) turned up I used to end up having to change my pants.
0
The Indiana Jones series ended with The Last Crusade.
Just like the Bond films ended with Goldeneye…
1
Agreed. Both pretty good efforts in my book.
‘The Crystal Skull’ was a joke. Bond’s been shite for years, now it looks like it’s going to struggling under the additional burden of being ‘woke’ shite.
0
A black Bond now looks nailed on, along with football something else I wont be bothering with.
0
People have been going on about that cunt Idris Elba getting the gig for years. He’s really a fucking clueless actor in my book; about as animated as a tree stump.
1
Indiana Jones and the Stairlift of Incontinence.
Indiana Jones and the Original of Werthers.
Indiana Jones and the Sun Life Insurance Plan.
Indiana Jones and the Freight car of Hornby
Indiana Jones and the LP of Val Doonican
Indiana Jones and the Mail on Sunday
Indiana Jones and the Puree of Swede
Indiana Jones and the Minibus to the Community Centre.
Indiana Jones and the Obese Bichon Frise
Indiana Jones and the Swiss Clinic
3