EastEnders (2)

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EastEnders

Fackin’ ‘ell, we need ta tawk. As if fings weren’t bad enaff wiv that bug goin’ abaht, there’s ah bit ah noos goin’ rahnd that’s got me in ah rite ol’ two an’ eight. Proper dan mah fackin’ ‘ead in it ‘as, innit.

Ah mean Gawhdon fackin’ Bennett if the ol’ Beeb ain’t startin’ ta film yer ‘EastEnders’ again by the enda June orwah samfink, no wot ah mean? It’ll be ‘ard fer ’em cawse, wiv onny ah small crew an’ that tart Danny Dyer ‘avin’ ta do ‘is arhn ‘air an’ makeapp an’ wotsit, bat they’re gonna git back on scween ta lighten the ‘earts uv the nayshun wiv ah good ol’ ‘Knees App Mavvah Brahn’ dahn the Old Vic.

Wotcha sayin’, ya fink it’s ah rite load uv fackin’ miswabble ol’ pony? Yer bang ahrt uv fackin’ awdhah! Yer need samfink ta cheer yerself app mah gel. ‘Ere’s ah Betty Driver fer yer trabble, darlin’. Garn buy yerself samfink narce dahn the markit…

Nominated by Ron Knee

60 thoughts on “EastEnders (2)”

  1. Fuck me Ron have you had a stroke? We can ask RTC to send his man Stroker to fetch and carry for you.
    Get well soon.

    • Thanks CC.
      The doc says I’m suffering from Cockney-19; a miserable affliction but I’ve every chance of recovery, no wot ah’m sayin’ innit me ol’ cock sparrer…

      • Ah, I see. Apart from Eastenders, a speech defect no longer heard in that London.

      • Is all da Londin multieffnik now, fam.

        I’m off to da Hackney chicken shop wid da yoot.

  3. Cockney wankers? Gawd blimey shirl, what a mug, bleeding ell, lawd luv a duck, cockneys? Give me a break

  4. Eastenders is a cunt indeed. If it had died during COVID Some good would of come out of it. 86 million pounds on a new set? for a soap opera?

    Cunts cunts bbc cunts

  5. BBC are committing £100 million to extending cultural diversity in the organisation.

    Time to revoke the licence and let those with an interest in this sort of nonsense put their money where their mouths are.

    Cunts

    • I enjoyed it in the early days in the eighties until they bumped off Den then it fell a bit flat for me. Den and Ang were morbidly funny with their banter and Den’s vocal tones made me snigger a lot. Also, I found Dot and Ethel’s voices comical. Pete’s cheerful chappy persona was perfect for the market and bang on character “awight tweacle”. There seemed to be a bit of humour in the characters to balance the earthy storylines but now it’s just misery overload and of course the usual pc woke shit to meet current standards of acceptance. In fact the only good thing about it for me IS the set. I always thought they used a genuine victorian square as the buildings really look authentic late 19th century. I was amazed when I later found out it was constructed in 1983. However, Deadenders is past its expiry date and I don’t think the BBC (Barmy Bullshitting Cunts) should spend the licence fee that I’m not going to pay on a new one.

    • And not before time, there definitely aren’t enough women, gays, blacks, the nicest peacefuls you ever did see etc on the BBC these days.

  6. “You wot?! You ‘avin a fackin bubble* intcha?!”

    East enders is depressing. It should have ended years ago.
    Neighbours was the antidote but that eventually went depressing as well.

    *bubble bath – laugh.

    • Im a soap dodger.☺
      This shites for women,
      Is it all catalogue models rather than actors like Coronation street?
      Does it have a message of diversity?
      A trans story?…yawn.
      Only characters of any value in any soap ever.-
      Eddie Yates
      Hilda ogden
      Seth Armstrong
      Amos Briely.
      *just realised all white & Northern?!!
      Hope the present climate in statue vandalism isnt turning me racist?!!😨

    • I only really enjoyed Whitney, the big-titted chav slut with the bedroom eyes, and MILFy blonde, Tanya Branning. I wanted them to get cornered and molested by Dot Cotton.

      Other than that I haven’t seen it in years.

  7. All the Cockneys I’ve ever met are thieving self centred big mouths and a lot more shifty than Scousers.
    They do love there old Mum’s though.

  8. It’ll be interesting to see how they deal with C-19. Good chance for a new utterly fucking misearable storyline, kill off a couple of characters…
    Makes a change from killings, trials and all the other light-hearted themes we know so well.

  9. They will be doing a storyline about everyone going vegan. It seems that if you work in a meat processing plant, in the US, UK or Germany you’re certain to test positive for Covid.

    If I was cynical I’d think that Greta and co were using Covid to take meat out of the food chain.

    “Fuck me.”says Phil, “they took the crack away, then the Booze, now I caan’t av an f-ing steak.”

    • I was going to suggest a trans story line, but the wife (who sometimes watches RearEnders) said they did that years ago. Good old Beeb, eh, always at the forefront of diversity and ‘ishoos’ stuff. perhaps they’ll do a ‘peaceful’ terror attack story soon (not); oh, make that a ‘far right’ terror attack….

  10. British Broadcasting Communism……a fine institution.
    Tonight on 4…….
    1 The Remnants of Slavery
    2 Black and British:The Forgotten History
    3 Storyville: The Black Panthers
    While on 2
    Stephen: The Murder That Changed a Nation
    But they haven’t forgotten us, as on 1
    Hunting the Neo Nazis

    Do you think they are trying to tell us something?

    • Thanks for letting us all know Fred. I for one will definitely be tuning in…

    • Might watch Eva Braun in “Tits aus für das Reich” on Channel 5 at 9:00

  11. If Eastenders were cancelled now it would do the nation a favour. The doom and gloom of the story lines is relentless. They embrace (exploit) every ishoo and mangle them up good and proper. I can’t bear to watch more than a couple of minutes and find it all so false and dramatic. The faux cockney the characters speak all fink and fort and faaamily encourages the chav masses to talk like twats and think it is fine to do so. There is no humour.

    Get Grant back to team up with Phil, give them a pair of AK47’s, throw a party at the Queen Vic so they could mow every one of the cunts down.

    What a finale!

    Then do it for real in Broadcasting House.

    • I used to like Ethel Skinner’s Little Willy but enough about my trans fetish.

      • Jesus Christ that’s going back. I remember the pug. Funny little chap.

  12. Will they rename the Queen Vic?

    After all, she was enthroned during the greatest imperial extension in land mass and influence by any nation ever.

    I request that the pub be renamed the “President Mugabe” or as an alternative, “The Field Marshall Amin”

    • This is a very fine suggestion CT. I’m sure the Beeb would be grateful if you passed it on (if they haven’t thought of it already)

  13. I was at a party and needed a piss.
    Went to the khasi, lifted the lid and sitting on the water in the toilet bowl was a large brown leaf.
    My mate banged on the door and wanted me to hurry up. I told him to come in. I pointed at the bowl and asked him, “What’s that all about..?”
    He said, “Looks like some vegan has left a floater”….

  14. I’m not that keen on being lectured at by a crappy woke soap.
    So, simple, i avoid at all costs. Mind you, i avoid all soaps on all channels anyway.

    • I get more than enough soap when I’m having a wash so any on TV can fuck off.

  15. i doubt if your average Eastbenders viewer knows who “Queen Vic” was so they will need some education to increase their White Guilt. “Albert Square” can stay though because he was a German and that racist Churchill dropped bombs on those poor people.
    Meanwhile, in the USA we have more education. An ice cream company called “Eskimo Ice” is changing its name and branding. This is because the word “Eskimo” is derogatory and, essentially racist. Well fuck me, I didn’t know that. You learn something new every day.

  16. Haven’t heard proper Cockney since, oh, the 70’s. The main languages in London are now Diversish or Multicultic, although the chattering classes still converse in Woke (lisp essential).

    EE only has nostalgic appeal now, if that.

    • If you want to hear proper Cockney you have to go east into Essex, places like Epping, Basildon, Chelmsford etc. In today’s East End you’ll be lucky to hear English never mind Cockney.

      • I should have qualified that with ‘in London’, true.
        Plenty of properish Cockney to be heard in East Anglia, from retirees etc..

      • Bloody hell Freddie. I live in Chelmsford. Not too many Cockerneys, other than those coming in from Basildon, Witham and Harlow. Used to rehouse those from the Eastend after their houses got flattened in WW2.

        Ruined the local Essex accent, which is more rural.

        Essex inside the M25, is Lahore meets Mogadishu.

  17. I never could stand that programme. It’s not working class at all. It’s a middle class fantasy about what working class life is like. That’s all it’s ever been.

  18. Havent seen it since Dirty Den was fucking Angie abaaaht. (aptly named as it turned out)

    • I had to watch this drivel once Years ago, but as a result of my dedication I got to have sex with a gal afterwards.
      When I realised she wanted to watch it EVERY time it was on I put a TV in the spare room! 👍😁
      Al-Beeb just announced 100 Million to fund even more “diversity” – but they are continually whining they are skint.
      Remove the licence fee and make it subscription only – let’s see the three “remaining” (see what I did there – quality!) viewers fund it, but the sly little rats are trying to load the price of the poor tax onto broadband users – I think the phrase “you can bollocks” sums up my thoughts on that one!
      So glad I don’t pay for a TV licence – and close that tunnel fore we all get bleedin rabies! 😄

      • The other sly fucking move from bollocks broadcasting VF is to bump it on to you’re council tax…. sly fuckers!

    • Indeed. Didn’t he go off the rails circa late 90s, videoing himself touching himself and fingering his ass and suchlike? I think his sordid escapades were major headlines back in the day. Dirty old cunt!

  19. Mondays obviously bring out the worst in the OP. That sure is one huge dollop of cockney vernacular that I would be unprepared for at the best of times, not least on a Monday afternoon! Shame on you, sir. Shame on you. 😉 As for the show itself, well, one is of the opinion that, especially if you are a fella, you need to re-evaluate your fucking life if you watch it with any regularity; it’s surely a contender for the nadir of tv, imo. I’ve never liked the show and probably never will. I did notice recently that they tried to weave some ‘wokeness’ into the show’s fabric, especially ‘teh gayness’. Fuck off! The only positive aspect of Eastenders, I suppose, has been the appearance of some top tottie over the years. For example, I vividly recall when I was in my prime in the late 90s/early noughties, a time when I was working in an office as a civil servant, I had a thing for Martine McCutcheon. She sure was (and probably still is) a cutie. I always got the impression that beneath her innocent, bubbly, girl-next-door exterior, lay a real goer. And make no mistake about it, I’d still lick her balloon knot!

    Good afternoon, ladies and gents.

      • Too late… The flashing red bust of Enoch on his desk means he already knows, he’s saddled up and on his way.

    • Afternoon FB – I did a sentence in the Civil Service, a dreadful experience!

      • I am in the squirrel service currently, can’t wait to jump ship.
        Any organisation that thinks it’s remotely acceptable to take a whole year to recruit basic staff need a bloody good working-over. Fucking total shower.

      • Afternoon, Vernon (is your first name really Vernon, like that big lucky bastard from Bolton who’s married to that big sexy nail Tess Daly?). Actually, VF, I kinda enjoyed my time working in there (the work, although predominantly sedantry, was easy but interesting, received a decent pay for relatively easy work, had flexi-time and, above all, there were loads of women to choose from, from youngish nublie women through to the old frustrated divorcees . . . I actually fucked the arse of a big chubby slag called Lynne who worked in the Social Fund section in the office that was downstairs and it is still one of the best shags I’ve ever had . . . she had the bleached blonde hair and sunbed tan and was quite gobby . . . you know the type . . . great body, though, and absolutely dynamite in bed!). Happy days. Didn’t know I was living. 👍😉

    • Afternoon FB.
      Is Martine McCutcheon the bird who was in ‘Love Actually’ and who ends up with Luvvy Grant? She was a bit orlwight.
      Didn’t know she was in Eastenders.

      • Good evening, Ron. That’s the very bird, mucker. Well cute (and sexy, too.). She seems like a decent lass personality wise, too.

  20. Fucking Eastbenders?
    I think I watched it once when that taxi murderer jumped over the bar.
    Never again.
    Dear me what a set of BBC cunts.

    • I’m beginning to think that the show’s had a few good good points over the years, and there’s a couple of them right there.
      As the advert (for what I can’t remember) used to put it, ‘tasty, tasty, very very tasty, they’re very tasty’.

    • Top form, Norman. She was a big hunnie with lovely big piercing blue eyes and a bangin’ body. I had forgotten all about her. I think Samantha Janus was in it too, a few years back. . . she had a great body. A couple of other honourable mentions go out to her that played Stacey and some curvy bird called Jacqueline Jossa.

  22. Sometimes It pops on when I’m flicking through the channels and without fail it’s someone shouting their head off. No doubt things might change when the BBC lose their funding ( fingers crossed)

  23. If your thinking of topping yourself watch an episode of eastenders, guaranteed to help ya do the job.

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