Corona virus Crafting

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Corona virus crafting.
To give you an idea what this is, this where you pick up your old shit and make something out of it, its that WWII spirit you keep hearing about.
Sister in law dropped off a very tasteful camouflage face mask for me, I didn’t want to break her heart and tell her I had a proper Bio hazard full face one.
Any way I have been crafting, doing all the little odd jobs round the house in the garden whit bits of shit from the shed, I made a bird feeding station from the old dog 3 bowl feeder, fitted locks to gates, re jigged various things with existing shit.
Mrs B has bigged me up with her sisters and sent glowing reports to them on my crafting abilities.
To the extent that I have received order for a bird house and a picture stand…..
No Idea what I am going to make these things from but if that is the way forward I will make a cold frame for the MRS, good bye dinning table and shower door but I am sure she will be happy.

Nominated by lord benny

73 thoughts on “Corona virus Crafting”

  1. Im aware of this, I was given a mask with charcoal filters, lad that gave it me said it should be £15, handmade, took it out of politeness but just chucked it in the glovebox in the van.
    Then got a email from a site thats making masks with imagery on,
    Can have a snarling pitbull, a knights visor,
    Metal robot teeth !
    I dont wear masks, unless its something kinky .

    • I’d wear a mask if it said in big clear letters, “I have Chīnký Fļu” or “I råpėd Jīmmý Såvīle” on it.

      • You râped Jimmy Savile, Mr Cunt Engine? Good on you! 👍

        Is râpe a trigger word?

      • Getting payback for all those unfortunate Deacons he řapėd at Stoke Mandeville.

      • And I don’t know if it’s a trigger word, but presumably…it certainly triggers feminist wimminz when you make light-hearted jokes about it…

      • Hehehe!
        Thomas thats got to be one of the most surreal songs ive ever heard.
        Catchy though.👍

      • Brilliant TTCE, it should be our entry in the next eurovision cunts contest.

      • Hurrah! It went through unmolested. Another word we can cross off the trigger list!

      • Ah, Peter Wyndgarde, a real man’s man! Not in a gay way you understand.

        Brilliant song – I must email that link to my feminazi sister-in-law right away!

  2. Hasn’t that posh bitch Kirsty Whatserface got a tv programme on exactly this theme? I haven’t seen it but I understand it’s Blue Peter for overgrown kids and tight fisted cunts. She ought to just get her tits out, the cow.

    • Kirsty Allslop is dirt. She looks like she’d let you do her up the wrong ‘un, then go and make you a lasagne.

      I know, I have pictures of her and Nigela on my desk

  3. Wherever I go I am seeing a lot of these BOVID-19(84) masks discarded on the ground, many in seemingly unused condition. How heartless and wasteful, they could be donated as fairy hammocks to those suffering ‘period poverty’. As far as I’m aware, you can’t contract it through the clunge. Or maybe you can, and that’s why they didn’t want the grooming gang report getting out – it is our moral duty after all to prevent peacefuls from getting infected and it damaging their ability to continue enriching us.

  4. When the Bat-signal was beamed into the sky over Gotham City the Police Department were in need of Batmans’ help.
    In Wuhan it just means dinners’ ready….

  5. There’s an old Biddy in the village who occasionally make me jars of jam and piccalilli. I hope she hasn’t croaked..she still owes me for a load of logs that were delivered before “lockdown”.

    • Find out who her executor is, and put a bill in for two loads.
      Hard times.
      You’re an absolute shower.
      Good evening.

      • Bill them and take the logs back…just say that the profligate old trout must have burned them.

        Evening Jack.

      • Same result, but more effort. Better off spending the time capitalising on the demise of some other old duffer, or pursuing your Facebook stalking campaign.
        So much to do.

  6. The Bengal Lancers have been shut for weeks and I demand a chicken Jalfrezi.
    Perhaps those lazy yet excellent blighters can craft me one of them and fetch it in the Corona Corolla.
    Anyhow Just Eat are a set of cunts and they can craft a top hat out of Mrs Terry shite.

  7. Corona Virus. It’s the topic that just won’t go away. 😀

  8. Get fucked to wearing a mask, homemade or not. I just came from shopping after work, and saw a twat wearing a mask driving his car. Stupid fuck. Because I’ve worked pretty much the whole way through, me and my colleagues are quite blasé about the whole thing. We try to do the whole social distancing bullshit, but it’s not really worth a wank. I have noticed a big difference to the way people are behaving because of this outbreak. Those like me who have continued working, and I’m not referring to ‘front line workers’, theirs is a totally different experience, but the rest of us came to terms with the risk of working, and seem to be as near normal as can be expected. Those that have been furloughed, or are self isolating are the ones that are scared shitless to leave the house, or have become fucking lazy, enjoying getting pissed every day watching shit daytime TV. If anecdotal reports are correct, the first wave of squinters cough was back in December, early January, so most people will have been exposed to it then, meaning this economy killing lockdown is a complete waste of time. All those cunts hiding at home don’t want to leave until a vaccine or a cure is found. Good for you, stay there, but do it on your own coin. Get back to work, I need to buy some fucking carpets!

    • They are fuckin dreaming if they expect a cure, it mutates into sub strains,
      Some people are absolutely terrified of it.
      The lad who works for me I never considered mard or soft, but this really scared him, I was a bit shocked.
      Hes back to work next week, im working on my own or using casual labour till hes back,
      But id feel a bit, well, ‘dramatic’ in a mask.

      • Ah but Miserable we all wear a mask to some extent don’t we? We show our faces to the world but keep inner our selves hidden? Who are we behind the mask…?

      • Who was that masked man they say…it was the Lone Ranger!
        Dunno really Miles, take most at face value but suppose you never can really know someone.
        Who are you beneath your mask Miles?

      • One of the guys in our local building society wears a mask when meeting the public. He’s become known as the Loan Arranger…

      • 🎶
        Even the greatest stars discover themselves in the looking glass

        He fell in love with the image of himself
        And suddenly the picture was distorted

        Even the greatest stars dislike themselves in the looking glass

        He made up the person he wanted to be
        And changed into a new personality

        Even the greatest stars change themselves in the looking glass 🎶

        (Kraftwerk 1977)

      • ‘Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth’.

        Oscar Wilde.

      • “Crafting”? Back in ‘t old days (pre 1997) it was just called “making stuff!
        I have always made things, common sense and a small degree of finesse – not hard work really.
        But now elevated into a virtue signalling “art form”, because the look on snowy and wokey’s faces is priceless – “you mean, things get made by, like, people – not apps”?
        We no longer live in caves and drink water from puddles (unless a resident of pakistan, obviously!) because we try, we fail, we learn, we make things, we improve things and we pass on our skills and experience to others.
        But this all stopped with Wokey McSnow and his/it’s/they generation, because they have been taught nothing useful – some of my Nephews are constantly calling me for help with the most basic of things – changing spark plugs, changing a fuse, repairing a puncture on a bike etc, and the look of tearful confusion on their faces because they can’t do it by tapping a mobile phone is priceless, babies in arms are less helpless.
        Easier to buy shit from China than make something worth having in the UK though I suppose.
        We have gone from being the workshop of the World to the wokeshop of the pathetic.

    • In my opinion, FWIW. This Filthy Rinky Dinky Fu Manchu Oh Mr. Fucking Wu Bat Flu, has been around longer than we’ve been told.The missus started being ill before Christmas, said she’d never felt anything like it before, then I started after Christmas, we both did nothing but cough, have a temperature and other assorted symptoms. It was knackering. The wife floated the idea that we may have had the virus, when events really started unfolding in February. I must say that I was sceptical at first, but as time goes on, I think the old bag may be right. Since the incessant coughing stopped, I developed a strange little rash on my arm, which has since subsided, and I have days where I feel totally knackered, ditto the missus. Yet today, I’ve worked my bollocks off and feel as fit as fuck. As I work outside, on my own, I have continued working all through lockdown, yet I know other people in a similar situation who have locked themselves away at home for weeks. Whether they’ll have any customers left when they finally come out is anyone’s guess.
      Bizarre.

      • I think you’re right Jack.This thing has been around for longer than first thought. If we’d been dealing with honest Rinky Dinks, we would have been able to pinpoint it more accurately. Consequently we’ve always been playing catch up and the test for its presence will have come too late for many people. We really need to be up to the stage where we are testing extensively with an antibody test. We would find out a lot more from knowing how many people have already had it.

      • Correct, Bertie. I bet everybody and his brother’s had it.
        I doubt very much if there are any honest Rinky Dink’s.

      • I’m sure I had it back in January. All the symptoms, coughed my tripe out for three weeks, had fuck all like it. Didn’t miss a day of work though. Back in March, other people I know were saying similar, but a surgeon friend said it was impossible, because it hadn’t been in humans long enough to have made it here by then. This is because he believes, like the majority of the medical profession, the fucking lies the chinkies told. More importantly, the whole world seems to have based its reaction to what the Chinese have said.

      • A friend had all the symptoms before Xmas, including the loss of smell/taste. She was vey ill for three weeks. And that was in fucking Grimsby. Not a lot of chinks in Grimsby. Or anything else.

      • Back in January my temperature shot through the roof and I was coughing so hard I thought I had blown my ring out. I was also coughing up lumps of jelly.

        Never missed a day of work.

    • Cuntologist@
      #metoo
      I go to a engineering works where I know a few lads that work there, and pick up 15ft long pine packing crates & pallets.
      Made new fence panels, back fence, a fitted kitchen, and all the doors in our house.
      Nowt more satisfying than making something yourself and saving money!

      • That’s the spirit MNC. The bloody price of timber is ridic. If you can get it for free then wheeee 🙂 A bit of know how, an electric chop saw, some paint or stain, caulk if necessary is all that’s needed to make it look a million dollars.

        Btw I’m very partial to a bit of tongue and groove, not in a B&WC way, the stuff you put on your walls.

      • p.s. made a dog pool out of gravel board and tarp the other week. Dogs bloody love getting in it when its hot. Better than those things you buy out the shop – dogs can’t chew it and deflate it!

      • Random one, but I am strongly minded to make a coracle.
        (Should sell well on the French coast!😁)

      • Agreed Cuntologist,
        Only real cost has been wrought iron hinges for doors and having paint made up to copy that posh Farrow & Ball paint.
        Think Vernon Fox restores stuff and makes stuff too.

      • I make and fix everything you can think of MNC – and Farrow and Ball paint is a rip off – easy to make up stuff that’s better and a lot cheaper!
        Random one but I have spent today refurbishing a Scott mountain bike I bought recently, works beautifully now – it’s a genuinely good feeling starting off with something tired and shabby and bringing it back to perfect.

      • Know what you mean Foxy.
        I did a job and bloke wanted his cellar clearing, was a old farmhouse welsh dresser, kids had spilt paint on it, looked a state.
        Brought it home rather than the tip, missus whining ” its horrible!”
        Stripped it, sanded, repainted in a F/Ball copy, put wrought iron handles, knobs, S hooks on it.
        Whenever anyone visits and remarks they like it she says yes WE restored it!!
        Its her pride and joy now😁

      • You watch ‘The Repair Shop’ Vern? Some excellent skills in this country that don’t get the recognition they deserve.

      • LL, I still rate british workmanship and know lads who are blacksmiths, leather crafters, carpenters, wood carvers, to brickies, tilers, plumbers etc
        All talented, all at the top of their game and wont settle for anything but turning out the best they can.

      • Admin@
        What got me moderated there?
        Cant see what did , not even a swear word.

      • Good on you Vernon and MNC.

        Fuck F&B. A better paint imho is Little Greene – their eggshell paint goes on like cream – lovely stuff but expensive.

        Next on my list is home made sausages. Don’t fancy spending hundreds on a sausage machine, will just get el cheapo caulk gun style stuffer and see how it goes!

      • Being married to the clumsiest woman in Dog’s fair creation, I have vast experience in the repair of fixtures, fittings, appliances, load bearing walls, motorised vehicles, bicycles, leather goods, pottery etc. etc.
        She’s got to fucking go.
        Get To Fuck.

  10. I see a new law has had to be introduced to cricket today because of the virus. Bowlers will no longer be able to spit on their balls. I kid you not!
    It seems as though they’ll have to get someone else to lick them instead.
    😀

    • It should at least stop those fuckin’ Aussies (earlier nom) from tampering with people’s balls.

      • Definitely a baptism of fire for our latest contributor Bertie, felt a bit sorry for the poor guy! 😀

    • They should get dogs to lick their balls. Dogs love it! Not speaking from personal experience obviously, I haven’t played cricket since 1966.

  11. I always feel like an outsider here, but then again I do in the other world (yours).
    When I left the army none of my skills were transportable.
    You know blowing shit up, killing people and all that shit, I never thought that my NBC shit might help.
    I would say that the attitudes on this thread are poor.
    I doubt many of you have killed anyone, I have always said it is not a problem, but killing someone by accident is a hell of a cross to carry.
    I know this because I had to meet the family of a man my unit killed.
    3 kids and a wife.
    So you don’t want to mask up or wash yourselves, that is fine.
    If you infect and kill your nearest and dearest that is fine.
    Do not put other people at risk through your own stupidity.
    On other news the Mrs made a bird box out of our old gate.
    Hope you are all well remember it is “is a cunt” not “be a cunt”.
    Fuck that is me banned.

    • Lord Benny if you mean Gutstick Japseyes post or mine let me reply.
      I dont mask up, but do keep to social distancing of 2metres, do wash,
      (No one said anything about not washing?)
      I take the welfare of my family seriously and the reason ive worked part of lockdown is to provide for them.
      I dont know how many people on here wear masks?
      But I dont.
      I stay away from customers and use a alcohol based handwash.
      If you think thats a poor attitude well nowt I can do about that.
      Oh an no, never killed anyone.

      • I stay away from people as much as I can, mind you, I’ve been doing that for years.
        Missus calls me ‘ Billy No – Mates ‘.
        It’s a badge of honour I wear with pride.

      • Evening Jack, things are slowly returning to normal, my phones suddenly gone into overdrive with work coming in , and noticed the roads are a bit busier.
        You stayed pretty steady throughout havent you?

      • Hello MNC. I’ve been fortunate, I’ve just carried on as normal.
        Good to hear that things are picking up for you.👍

      • Your missus calls you Billy?

        Anyway, whaddya talkin’ about, you got loads of mates on here… Miserable wants you to select the music played at his funeral, ffs!

        Evening Jack. 🙂

      • What was it again? ‘Valhalla Awaits’ before being sent a burning pyre into Lake Windermere.

      • Thats true Ruff, Jacks got the gig.
        While I know your a massive music buff I think you might stray off course and play some avante garde krautrock or upset my kids by playing Zappa.
        I dont think ‘baby snakes’ sets the right tone.😁

      • You’re too kind RTC. My missus is a ‘ bad sort ‘.
        I don’t think MNC is considering departing yet !
        Good evening.

    • You seem a good sort LB, and your posts are always interesting and welcome! 👍
      And, without wishing to sound in any way facetious, as our ex military contributors know – all it takes is one itchy trigger, one more widow, one less white n*gger.

  12. Best thing to get top of the queue and scare off any cunt that pisses you off is to get a doctor white sanitary towel smear the front of it with ketchup attach it to your fizzog and say , last time I go down on your mum again..

  13. No point cunting crafting.

    There’s years of ‘make do and mend’ awaiting us.

    At least the millennials will be fucked.

    ‘Ok boomer… how do you open this tin?’

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