The Guardian (11)

The Guardian Newspaper

I actually used to avidly read and pay for the occasional copy of The Guardian when I was young and foolish but I had trouble taking this article seriously when I stumbled across it earlier today:
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/apr/15/coronavirus-pangolins-protections-us-trading
Donald Trump is responsible for the demise of the pangolin- is he fuck.
Of course ,whatever the tiddledywinks/splitlinks/rinkydinks (delete as appropriate) choose to have with their chips, peas and gravy has no affect on the pangolin numbers.
I didn’t even know what a pangolin was a few months’ ago so my gripe about this article is the bigotry of low expectations exhibited by The Guardian. Yeah, that’s right Mr Guardian newspaper, people of colour have no agency so it must be the fault of old YT. Give it a fucking rest will you.

Anyway, Frasier can sum up the Guardian way better than I can:

Nominated by SimmyJavill

54 thoughts on “The Guardian (11)

  1. It employs Owen Jones. No more need be said about the cunts on that count alone.
    However, I have to agree with everything you have written and it is clearly the bad orange mans fault. Or possibly mine?

  2. I was reading in City AM (or rather on their website) that newspapers are having a hard time enduring the virus, some might not survive. One can only hope The Guardian becomes a casualty and then the smug cunts who write so loftily in it can experience themselves having to go to the Job Centre and claiming JSA – though I suspect great Aunt Gemima will help them out poor little things. Imagine Owen Jones having to become a rent boy to make ends meet….

  3. How many fucking pangolins has Trump eaten?

    How many of the Chinese have eaten them?

    Fucking idiots!

    • Trump single-handedly catches every pangolin sold in China some are sold as food and others are used to make the world famous Trump brand pangolin soup. I thought this was common knowledge, clearly not.

      If Trump turned round and said he was impeaching himself these dumb fuckwits would turn around and shout “Look at Trump impeaching himself he was elected he should serve his term! He’s taking a wrecking ball to the constitution”

  4. A-fucking-stounding! These cunts will twist anything – that is as convoluted an accusation/implication as you could possibly generate & for MSM to actually publish that is akin to the crazy conspiracy theorists on youtube.
    Fucking arseholes.

  5. The Groaniad…words just fail me.
    Mind you, no joined-up thought in that rag.
    It makes Python’s Hackenthorpe Book of Lies look credible.
    Condensation is due to the number of fish in the atmosphere…
    I rest my case, Brenda Cocklecarrot !!

  6. The don’t even eat the poor little fuckers.
    Chinese medicine use the scales are used for a variety of ailments. The pangolin is boiled to remove the scales, which are then dried and roasted (unsalted?!), then sold based on claims that they can stimulate lactation, help to drain pus, and relieve skin diseases.

    The Yanks should exercise the use of their 9 megaton Mk/B53 high-yield bunker buster thermonuclear weapons and eradicate this filthy medieval race

      • Kick fuck out of em now. Ask questions and, if needs be, a muted apology later has served me well for the last 30 years.

      • Those piss coloured cunts should apologise to the world for what they’ve done.
        .. and to all the bats and other cuddly animals they’ve scranned, the dirty cunts

  7. Even in these times of shortage I still wouldn’t use the Groaniad as bog roll. My ass deserves better than that.

  8. The irony of the Graun’s twisted article is that Pangolins don’t even live in the US.

    The headline suggestion is that Trump has failed to protect US Pangolins from falling into filthy chinkaay hands to become deep fried crispy Pangolin – Honk Kong Style.

    The Guardian is the incontinent outpouring of utter fucking lunatics.

  9. The former CEO of Guardian Media, David Pemsel received salary and benefits in 2018/19 worth £706k.

    His basic salary being £600k.

    Guardian Media had a T/O of £214m and made losses of £62m, losses had reduced under Pemsel

    In the previous year Pemsel cut 300 jobs.

    Anyone who reads any article on the Graun’s website will know that at the end of every article you are presented with a begging letter that’s right an actual begging letter.

    No doubt the article you just read was all about Tory fat cats or how everything is racist and how all racists are fat cats

  10. Yeah, this shitrag and the New European are taking a hammering mainly due to the fact that most of their readership are London libtards who are not going to work and not hanging around Starbucks all day. A couple of months and we might see the back of these remoaning traitor cunts. Jonesy can suck cocks in the House of Lords and champagne socialist, Polly Toynbee, can retire to her villa in Tuscany. She can turn her Blackheath mansion into a refuge for the illegal immos she loves so much. The rest of that trash can kiss my arse and fuck off while they’re doing it.

  11. Poor Pangolins, I feel sorry for them being scoffed by those slanty eyed virus spreaders.

  12. Great shout Simmy.
    The cuntitude of ‘The Remoaniad’ knows no bounds. It’s a weaseling shitrag, along with its bastard offspring ‘El Independiente’ and ‘The New Euromoaner’.
    A very poor substitute for bogroll, strictly for use in a dire emergency only.

    • Depending on who is pictured, the front cover can be used to line the floor of parakeet cages

  13. The Groaniad is as bad as this James O’Brien’s. What a smug cunt he is. Not content to contrive his left-wing agenda via a woeful excuse of a radio show, this righteous prick does it in such a lack lustre way, that the effect is similar to sitting in front of a smoky old fire. You can feel yourself aging as you listen to this fucktard. Life slipping away.
    This in fact, may well be, his strategy. Some sort of hypnotic brainwash of the masses too tired to turn him off. What really pisses me off about this immigrant feltching, closet homo is his glib mannerism. You can actually hear him getting over excited with what he is about to say before he ejaculates his wisdom over his adoring cuntish listeners (me included today unfortunately). This worthless plastic paddy, monotone, streak of goat spunk should be waterboarded with his own piss. Insufferable CUNT!

  14. The Guardian might be of use if our toilet broke and the floor was covered with watery excrement and required soaking up. The smell might not be as bad as Polly Toynbee who stinks of shit anyway. I abhor this shitrag.

    • I had a History teacher at school who used to encourage us to read The Guardian. We would bring in copies of anything just to piss him off. We’re looking at other resources, we’d say. Always on the edge of a mental breakdown. Probably induced by reading this shit.

  15. Off topic, there are riots in French housing estates getting out of control apparently people of the peaceful religion are kicking off over the lockdown

    • We know the Guardian are a bunch of cunts wholl blame Donnie Tango for anything,
      Snowing? Tango
      Traffic? Tango
      Johnny split on the vinegar stroke? Tango.
      But those pangolins, despite wanting them protected I cant help wondering what they taste like?
      Just me?
      As for the chinks, nuke em.
      Survivors? Crucified.

  16. Right = Dexter
    Left = Sinister

    Republ ‘I CAN’
    Democ ‘RAT’

  17. I am beginning to think the Guardian is edited by Titania McGrath. Although it is even beyond parody. Does any fucker outside of Islington take it seriously?

  18. I think a colony of bats just burst out of my bottom, there’s rectal jus everywhere.

    Not sure if this helps at all?

    Goodbye for now.

  19. The first problem with the guardian is that even if there’s an article you wouldn’t mind reading (arts, very, very occasionally) you’d always be waiting for some whiny woke patronising moaning to crop up.
    The second problem is that it is written by and bought by utter cunts.

  20. The Guardian, every article ends with a begging plea. I’m not paying for cunt opinions when there are so many other cunts giving away the same opinions for free.

    The only reason to read the guardian is to reinforce your own bias, the guardian and the daily mail are two sides of the same coin. Both only exist to reinforce the paradigm. There’s only left or right, in all the centuries and millennia this is the best they have to offer?

  21. I once made the mistake of clicking on a Guardian article, now I get permanent contact demanding money from me. (I love emailing them calling them scrounging parasite b*stards and suggesting if they are skint then pick fruit – although I think their typical readership like their fruits a little younger than Owen rusks and milk Jones, AKA “fag hag”).
    I presume Donald Trump is making them doing this in between courses of Pangolin – but funny to watch these hideous caricatures disappearing up their own virtue signalling a*ses.
    The Cuntian is becoming increasingly desperate and hateful as its readership and subscriptions dwindle by the week, they will soon be writing articles for themselves.
    In other news – Little Hewitt and his slapper are now “no longer engaging with the press” – unless there’s a Million quid cheque in it for you eh, you CUNTS!

    • Brilliant. We should all subscribe to get begging emails and just keep bombarding them with abuse so they think they are no representing their own reader base….

  22. The Guardian are one step away from Illuminati space lizard bollocks.

    Fucking mentals.

    In the good old days, they’d be muzzled up and locked in a padded cell.

  23. I assume this filthy rag is secretly owned by The Yellow Peril or one of their underlings.
    Anyhow it should be shut down at once,all the staff interred,and all remaining copies burnt outside the BBCistan.
    Any resistance met with armoured cars.
    The dirty weasel cunts.

  24. Any paper that employs the likes of Owen Jones and Polly Toynbee deserves everything it has coming
    Absolute fake rubbish news 👎👎

  25. The Guardian is no longer reporting news but engaged in the rage/clickbait market, and has been for some time.

  26. I’m surprised these cunts haven’t yet pinned the JFK assassination on The Donald. Was that blur on the grassy knoll with fluffy hair the 46th President?

    • The cunts would pin old Abe Lincoln’s assassination on The Donald if they could.
      Absolute cuntitude of the first water.

  27. The Gaurdian, being one of many pieces of daily arsewipe, should be flushed down then universal shitpipe to oblivion. A publication firmly in the hands of Neo’s , poufters, kiddie diddler’s, Blairites and countless other groups of Fringe Freaks. My Brother in Law buys this shite , and reads it cover to cover. Once read, he folds the paper neatly, has a nap, then proceeds to cut out stories for his scrap book of “worthies”. The man ( as you can tell ) is a fucking fucking moronic libmong.
    Come the day of revolution, I will delight in the errection of the only useful invention of the French, is errected in Trafalgar Sq, and the beheadings begin! Gaurdian employees and readership be warned!

    • Look like clangers a bit?
      Pangolins not them at the Guardian.
      As a kid id watch the clangers and think
      ‘Wonder what they taste like?”

    • I think you’ll find that when the revolution comes it’ll more likely be beheadings by sword, whilst some swarthy cunt stands behind them and shouts something about allah being great, or some shit like that. Can’t be arsed to look into the details.

    • Somehow got to reading about guillotining last night. Apparently in 1905 a French doctor studied a head as it was lopped off of a murderer called Languille. Whilst it just landed in the basket he spoke “Languille!” And the eyelids raised, the doctor said the eyes looked alive. He did this twice more and on the third occasion the eyes only half opened, looked more dull, shut then never opened again. The doctor surmised that the head could have been conscious for around 10 seconds. I’d like to guillotine every cunt at the Grauniad.

  28. Poor creatures are in very short supply but don’t worry – Captain Corelli’s got one…

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