Mouth Breathing Jogging Cunts

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MOUTH BREATHING JOGGING CUNTS

Whilst trying to keep Cabin Fever at bay from the Chinky Bat Bollocks Flu, I go for my allowed once a day exercise. During my walk I have to contend with wheezing, panting, sweating cunts jogging past me coughing, spluttering and spraying me with sweat. These fucking cunts boil my piss when there isn’t a Pandemic. There’s just something about them, the ‘look at me, I’m fitter than you, I jog, look at my new running shoes’. I’ve got one thing to say to you cunts,‘’Freddie Fit’. Supposed king of jogging who died from a heart attack outside whilst you’ve guessed it ‘jogging’. The irony of it is, he was probably found on the floor by two pissed up, fag smoking fat cunts who were both eating a fish cake at the time.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

51 thoughts on “Mouth Breathing Jogging Cunts”

  1. Cunts next door to me ,have just had there parents and grandchildren visiting, I wasn’t aware that the lockdown has been lifted,or does it only apply to fumb Duckers

      • If that cunt knocked on my door for some spare sugar, I’d then and there take a giant shit in his coffee mug, then kick the cunt all the way down the tarmac drive.

      • Terrible behaviour Empire! You should be punching him as well! 😀👍
        “Where are you shoving that birthday cake then boyo”?
        “Aargh”!

    • Speaking of next door neighbours, last night they had the window open, I could hear them having some exercise.
      Blimey!

      • 🎵 A window cleaner you would be
        If you can see what I can see
        When I’m cleanin’ windows
        Honeymoonin’ couples too
        You should see them bill ‘n coo
        You’d be surprised at things they do
        When I’m cleanin’ windows. 🎵
        😀

      • Ladder, MNC?! Absolutely not!

        —

        It was one of those things on the fire engine that you can stand in and go up. 😀

  2. I completely agree, these cunts feel a sense of entitlement and then give you daggers when they have to run in the road, I just want to trip the cunts up…

    That said on a positive there are some gorgeous ladies out jogging, I do take some pleasure watching sweaty bits, bobs and bums bounce around…

  3. My Doctor said that in my current state of health I shouldn’t be jogging anywhere, although weirdly he did suggest that I masturbate more often.
    He said I could have a stroke at anytime….

  4. Where I live is infested with the f*ckers, along with once a Year lycra warrior cyclists – out the way slugs – the Fox is coming through!

  5. This is a well aimed cunting if ever I saw one, Bob.
    I’ve noticed that many of these self obsessed cunts seem to make little or no effort to observe the ‘distancing’ code, just expecting others to get out of their way. It’s especially bad when they run up behind you. You can’t hear them until they’re right beside you, then they just brush past. I’ve seen a couple of people ranting at them in our park for just this, but they just ignore it, like those other cunts, cyclists, who ignore the Highway Code.
    Cunts.

  6. Smoking is good at keeping Chinky virus at bay. Breathing in vast lungs full of Corona virus while jogging will kill you. James F Fix who invented jogging died of a massive heart attack aged 52

    • Just to be a smugger cunt. He was a 40 a day man for many years and his Dad died at 43 of a heart attack.

      • My uncle smoked 40 a day…yup 40!.. he stopped on doctors advice and three days later – dead……run over by a lorry driver ….

  8. Absolutely top nom lad, and even as someone who goes out running himself, the fuckers gasping and wheezing really super-critically effervesce my piss because there is no need for it.

    To be fair, I only run my specific route i) at 5am, ii) along a mainly deserted countryside trail where I would lie undiscovered for weeks if murdered and iii) only have a brief section on a road when the few cars around are adjacent. Even then, I never fucking shower the foliage with emphasised phlegm to show the world ‘yes, I am exercising, I am fucking superior’, like some overhyped Parisian parkour-tier cunt.

    These shitcunts WANT you to know they are ‘fit’; similar to the cunts who take exaggerated gulps on smoothie bottles on fucking public transport. Well fuck off, because even when I push myself to the VO2 max, I never exhale like an ejaculating 80s German pornstar trying to impress the director. It is never necessary.

    And as highlighted by the nom, the last thing we fucking need to hear and see right now!

    • Until all this Covid lockdown shite I was considering getting fit again by going out for runs but my ankle is kind of dodgy due to a trip at work and even around my rural area, the lanes are chocker with jogging and cycling cunts so no thank you.

      Hey Ron, have you even seen 1 cunt on the country lanes at 5am? If not, I think that might be my ideal time.

      • Sorry to reply late – hardly anyone is about at that time, perhaps the odd cyclist (as in one during 40mins) and the odd bin cleaner, it is sheer bliss. Needless to say the real fucking challenge is getting up in the first place, and if I can shove myself out the door then I can run half-comatose and be back before I know what’s happening; then shower, then back to bed.

        As with most things, I try to run 2 times a week at that ungodly hour because I hate fuckers and especially attention seeking, lycra’d up cunts. Me, I’m happy to run around in my DIY tracksuit pants and ancient t-shirt clobber.

  9. My mates started running, its become a obsession.
    A life style.
    Gone from a big strapping lad to looking like a biafran.
    Its ok for those little skinny kenyan cunts they run 20mile to pick up a aid parcel, but for englishmen to weigh 7stone is Karen Carpenter terrority.
    Needs sectioning.

    • Can’t jog myself (f*cked knees), always hated doing it when I could – but randomly I have always been a very good sprinter! (need to be with my good lady!) 😀🏃‍♂️
      Hopping on a motocrosser is always a good work out though.

  10. Spot on cunting Bob.
    Had one of these cunts run close past me yesterday.
    Utter cunts.

  11. I go jogging frequently but i agree these fuckers are annoying. Don’t let them give all of us a bad name.

  12. No problem with Joggers here, the little cunts on their mini motto’s will run them down.
    I ask you, is there a flaw with the law, how can you buy a non road legal motor bike and not have the grounds to use it on, maybe they should licence the fuckers.
    in fact thinking about it I think you even require a licence for replica weapons so why the fuck can it not be ilegal to sell drones, mini motto’s to people who do not have the required certification?
    Why the fuck would you buy your kid a mini motorbike when you have a 2m square balcony?
    You should realise that they are going to take it out on the paths, it is not as if they are going to use it to zip round the kitchen.
    I might add to the comment about a local stroke victim in his invalid wagon, it has more lights on in than Arnold Swartznegger’s Hum-V and with his paralysed arm sticking out (Looks like he he is turning right all the time) even before social distancing I would find myself having to climb into a bush to avoid being punched as he zips past. (could it be amputated for social reasons?)

    • Yes, those little chav cunts on mini motorbikes grip my shit. About ten years ago, I gave up on my off-road motorbike. I used to love it, going on the legal trails, quiet exhaust, always give way to walkers or cunt on horses. Just off one of the trails was on old open cast mine, miles from anywhere, and it is used by several big name motorcycle manufacturers for testing and as an off road school. It used to be part of the old RAC rally too, so as you can imagine, you could have some great off road fun, without bothering anyone. However, the cops used to hate it, and would regularly patrol it, handing out section 59 notices to legal riders, and crushing the bikes of untaxed riders. On a given Sunday, there would be 6 pigs on brand new enduro bikes, 3 to 4 land rovers or of road vehicles, and a fucking helicopter. All to hand out a few notices, to cunts who were doing no harm. It was all old coal tips, not fucking farm land. Yet the scum of the parish could razz around on those fucking pit bikes all day down the estate, and they would never see a copper. They were having far too much fun up the mountain, the cunts…..

  13. A splendid cunting. We have a mate that’s taken to this jogging malarkey a while ago. He’s seriously changed, boring as fuck with an interest bordering on monomania. He used to sit around, have a beer and crap food now we rarely see him. I pity his poor wifey who’s decided that, as she can’t beat him she’s joining him.

  14. While reading this nom I had a thought, not sure why, but all this crap about BAME being disproportionately fucked over by chinky flu.

    If they are disadvantaged in this country why aren’t millions of them dying in Stanley land, India and Africa.

    Back to Joggers, if they keep their distance it’s fine but if not they are cunts!!

    • Ask again in 2 – 3 weeks, when the bug is widespread. With crowded conditions (in townships etc) and poor healthcare in many areas, I’d expect huge numbers quite soon.

  15. Have any of you ever seen one of them ever smile? Granted the local road and park is populated by quite a number of very attractive young females, let down by those for whom lycra should be a privilege and not a right. If they must wear such, could they not do so until after dark?

    • Never seen a happy jogger. They all look as if they are suffering. Find some exercise doing something you enjoy doing. Or something useful.

    • Personally, people should be pre-approved for a license to wear Lycra in public.

      Worse than joggers are the paunch-cradling middle-aged Tour De Cunt peloton, who believe wearing ill-judged lycra and a replica Maillot Jaune will somehow enhance their performance on the office cycle commute; instead, just make them resemble a frog’s wobbling gut when you hold it by the neck.

      Empire’s law dictates that only women of either the top 1% Nordic breeding, or classic Amazonian physiques be permitted to wear Lycra; and do so on the condition that they don’t object to me liberally and publicly wanking at the sight of them.

      • One thing about C-virus; it’s bringing out a fair display of tidy camels’ toes.
        The missus has caught me looking a couple of times already when we’re out for our daily constitutional.

      • Have to agree with you there regarding the cyclists. There’s always some cunt on my morning commute in spandex riding in the road next to a perfectly good cycle path that’s been provided for them, holding up every fucker who’s trying to get to work. Cunts

  17. I had to have my car serviced yesterday, this meant walking back from the garage, as I was strolling home something resembling a flump in lycra approaches jogging.

    Honestly she sounded like a Covid victim, I should think the furthest she’s jogged before the lockdown would be from the door of McDonalds to the counter.

  18. Back when I used to run, I mainly used to train on a treadmill in the gym. 5 miles in 36 mins 41 secs was my personal best. Not bad. Anyway, one of the many reasons I gave up going to gyms is because the cardio equipment is always placed too close to each other.

    At one particular gym I used to frequent, there was this tall, thin 50s something guy who would run on the treadmills. This guy had a sweat problem. For whatever reason his body just produced copious amounts of sweat. He obviously knew this about himself and would run with wrist bands and a head band, but the cunt would always pick a treadmill in the middle of a row of treadmills. Never one at the end. After his run, there’d be a pool of sweat on the treadmills either side of the one he’d been using. Did he ever go get some paper towels to wipe up his sweat? Did he fuck. Absolute cunt. Imagine being on a treadmill and that cunt shows up on the one next to you. It would be like having a run and shower at the same time. Cunt.

    • I have a bit of a sweat problem too. You can always tell which gym matt I have exercising on as it has a sweat angel on it.

  19. Can’t say I’ve e got a problem With joggers, per se! At least they are making a bit of an effort to improve their health instead of being a fat, bloated cunt. But as our PTI used to tell us, unless your job entails getting from A-B on foot at a rapid pace, then to stay away from it as it promotes impact stress on the joints. cyclists get my fucking goat! Most are sort of ok, but you always get one fucking Lance Armstrong wannabe in the middle of the road wearing a Go-Pro just looking for confrontation with licensed/insured road users then sticking it on fucking YouTube!

  20. I don’t run. If I did, I’d limp instead.
    I think swimming is better for the body.
    Unlike running, which puts pressure on the joints, when swimming, the water supports the body.
    Afterwards, I find myself tired and hungry.

    I need to get back into swimming. I’ve not been for ages.

  22. Fucking always get this shit when I pull out of my street. Sometimes it coincides with a jogger reaching the junction at the same time but on the pavement. I’ve had several cunts refuse to stop and break their rhythm and just carry on in front of my car making me break sharply; then the cunts have the audacity to give me fucking grief. I had one cunt shout “you fucking fat cunt” at me then carried on running. Fucking good job I am because I fucking guarantee I’d have kicked fuck out of the little cunt if I’d have caught him.

    • All you have to do though is pull out, drive up the road and park up on his side of the road, get out of the car, and wait for the little prick.

      If he crosses the road or u-turns he’s a pussy and if he if ready for a ruckus then even better.

  23. Went for a walk to the large local park this morning with wife and kids. A close family friend had died and we went to clear our heads. Plenty of room to avoid the joggers by walking in the grass.

    However in our way back, some younger jogger with a arse that was so large it needed it’s own post code, jogged past us getting within a couple of feet. Obviously the long grass was too much for her. Felt like shouting ‘keep your distance far arse’ but with the news we’d had I didn’t want to upset the wife again.

  24. Used to enjoy a fair bit of cross country but my knees are fucked now.
    The ladies in lycra remain a delight however.
    Those fashion joggers must fuck off.

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