Catachresis – Spike

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Spike.
Not the word but the perverts who misuse it.
Spike, a good old English word that has served us for centuries.
You know what a spike is. Especially if your tyre goes over one, or you stab your thumb with one.
Graphically it rises quickly to a pointy peak and then drops equally quickly to the previous level.
But cunts have decided to abuse this word as a verb meaning to rise, slowly, quickly – doesn’t matter – to a higher level and stay there. Like a plateau, or a step. Just because “spike” sounds exciting and slightly scary.
If we don’t stop cunts abusing this poor, venerable word it will go the way of “ultimate”,” awesome”, “gay”, “incredible”, “spiral”, “like”, “quantum”, “infinite” – please add your own pet hates.

Nominated by Fud-man

142 thoughts on “Catachresis – Spike”

  1. Literally. I once heard a football commentator say “He is literally carrying the team on (sic) his shoulders”. No, he isn’t, you daft cunt.

  2. “Entitled”

    “I am entitled to those benefits”
    “I am entitled to that big council house”
    “I am entitled to eat, drink and do whatever I want!”
    “I am entitled to be a selfish, arrogant, always right:never wrong cunt!”

  3. English is no longer in use anywhere. If Chaucer came back today he would barely recognise a word of what we think of as English nowadays.

    • Works both ways RTC. I remember reading the cunt at school and was fucking baffled without the notes.

      • I think you understand the point I was trying to make Cuntstable. Language is in a constant state of evolution, it’s not a static thing. New words come and old words go, or change their meaning over time. ‘Twas ever thus.

      • Rtc@
        3 times now youve mentioned Chaucer coming back..sorry to dash your hopes but its looking doubtful.
        Are you getting him mixed up with Lazurus?

  4. ‘Journey’
    Used usually for a sob back story for some cunt on a talent or reality show. To show how they struggled and suffered. Utter bollocks. Cunts.

      • exactly, just when you think they’re about to get on with some action , it’s off into the facking backstory. I don’t give a shit what his budgie died of, I wanta see if he can cook/swing/climb/ shoot a gun/recite Proust better than the other contestants. I don’t wanta hear about his bad acne or missing luggage, its no xcuse for shit performance if the gormless twattt fucking loses LOSES get more contestants doing the job ansd waste less time Fack off you and the cunt your fuck your stupid TV show fuck off.

  5. BBC

    British Bullshit Corporation
    Big Bag of Cunts
    Bullshitting Bollocking Cuntboxes
    Biggest Bullshitting Cocksuckers

    I fucking hate the BBC – they wouldn’t know objective journalism if it kicked them in their not inconsiderable cunt!

  6. ‘If you don’t stop following me, I’m calling the police’ is another phrase I’ve grown tired of.

    • Loved that comment. Local tart round here dresses in almost fuck all, and with a rack visibly displayed , nips prominent and inviting a suck, complained to plod, about a young pup following her everywhere. FFS. Poor kid got nicked. SHE should be the fucker prostituted ( or prosecuted )

    • “Come out from behind there, I can see you”, and “Jeaus Christ I’ve tried to flush it 9 times”. Sick of hearing that.

  7. Hitmaker. As in Lily Allen the Smile hitmaker.

    Surely it was the record company bribing the radio stations to play it six times an hour that gave the song the appearance of being a hit.

    I would have thought that the music producer, mixing desk technicians and CD mastering bloke were the actual hitmakers.

  8. I of course am well spoken when I need to be and can hold an intelligent conversation with a variety of people.
    I also memorised and recited whole Masonic ceremonies whilst I was Worshipful Master of my Lodge and I was celebrated, so much so that I stayed in the chair for three year’s (two is usually the maximum).
    It’s not written in the English we speak today no, the ritualwas written in the 1880s.
    Another great achievement.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  10. Americanism again, I know, but the way the bastards pluralise ‘anyways’ and ‘ways’, as in “anyways, it’s a ways away”. ‘Anyway’ is plural you cunts and it isn’t fucking ‘Legos’ either!!

      • Listen to a yank say Madagascar.
        Madaga SCAR.
        The dumb pumpkin headed twats.
        Boils my piss.

  11. “Yeah”!
    This seems to be tacked on at the end of a statement. Almost seems the speaker is agreeing with themselves.

    • I remember hearing that at the Odeon: ‘You’re here to watch the trailers yeah’.

      It’s like when someone calls me mate. I’m not your mate, now fuck off.

      • Everybody is mate to me. Alright mate? I say it all the time. And girls are darling too.

  12. “Absolutely”

    “SLAM” – overuse in newspaper shite rags, particularly the dailymail

  13. “Like”

    Quite often over-used in interviews, especially with oiks, chavs, and footballers

    “Well, Brian. I like picked up the ball like, from Steve, like. And then I ran with it like and then I looked up like, and the goalie like, was well off his line, like. And so I looked at the ball like, and then I kicked it like, with my foot. And the ball went up in the air like, and over the goalie’s head and into the net, like”

    “I’m like over the moon, Brian!”

    • As Maureen Lipman pointed out re someone saying “it was, like, Monday”

      Noooo. it IS Monday, or maybe it WAS Sunday, or even Tuesday…

    • I met a girl who was a fan of similies, what was she like? Haha. No idea what I met her for (metaphor, haha).

  18. The most abused term these days is ‘troll’ . The daily fucking mail and 5he rest of the hysterical media haven’t a fucking clue what it means. So let’s remind them it is a term used for someone who says things online to deliberately start an argument and inflame a situation. IT DOES NOT MEAN someone who is simply abusive. Stupid fucking thick cunts.

  20. Nobody is born with the name Spike. The first person to use the nickname Spike was Spike Milligan, who was born Terrance Alan Milligan.

    What about Spike Dixon from Hi-De-Hi? How did he get the nickname Spike? Did the character supposedly nick the Spike from Spike Milligan who was a popular comedian at the time the program was set, and the writers of Hi-De-Hi thought that the character would be the kind of person that would use that to make himself sound funnier than he really is? Fuck knows.

    Then there’s Spike Jones the film maker did he nick it from Spike Milligan or Spike from Hi-De-Hi? It’s impossible to tell!

    • I had a mate with the nickname spike. No idea why, or what his name was.

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