Spike.
Not the word but the perverts who misuse it.
Spike, a good old English word that has served us for centuries.
You know what a spike is. Especially if your tyre goes over one, or you stab your thumb with one.
Graphically it rises quickly to a pointy peak and then drops equally quickly to the previous level.
But cunts have decided to abuse this word as a verb meaning to rise, slowly, quickly – doesn’t matter – to a higher level and stay there. Like a plateau, or a step. Just because “spike” sounds exciting and slightly scary.
If we don’t stop cunts abusing this poor, venerable word it will go the way of “ultimate”,” awesome”, “gay”, “incredible”, “spiral”, “like”, “quantum”, “infinite” – please add your own pet hates.
Nominated by Fud-man
Justice. Stick social Infront and you create a load of bollocks and lies that has nothing whatsoever to do with justice the cunts.
19
” Celebrity” is the one that gets me. It seems to now be attached to any Cunt who has appeared on some reality show,married someone famous,given us their thoughts on a vlog (whatever that may be) or done something “wacky” for fucking charity.
I don’t call them Celebrities.I use the far more accurate word….Cunts.
26
“Journalist” when attached to Piers Morgan….Steaming Sack of Shit,Piss and Skittery Farts” would be far more apt.
11
Or when attached to any talking head on the Idiot Lantern.
Good Evening.
9
Telly bosses seem to think that bolting “Celebrity” on to the title of any programme improves it…it does not. All it does is allow a bunch of vacuous Nobodies,Past-it old Farts and survivors of Simon Cowell’s oral attentions to compete to see who can come across as the biggest Cunt.
It doesn’t encourage me to turn it on…in fact it has the opposite effect.
Morning Kiwi.
Morning All.
11
How about Celebrity Minefield Challenge?
21
Tremendous !
Celebrity Korean Demilitarised Zone Fun Run.
12
Almost on the subject……… Katie Price. Celebrity S.A.S. Is it a very carefully contrived act? I can’t believe anyone can be so gormless. I hear the S.A.S. surrender in part 4.
4
Celebrity Russian Roulette…..load every chamber.
14
‘pointless’ celebrities is a much truer statement
2
“MILF” when attached to Carole Kirkwood…”Tits that dangle like a 12 year old milked-out dairy-cow” would be far more apt.
13
“PILF” with the advent of online accessibility….over used far too much. Paraplegic I’d Like to F**k….
4
That’s right. Just because ‘Laura from Essex’ appeared on ‘Love Island’ for a couple of days and dropped her knickers for some dark key on the show as soon as the sea plane landed, she thinks she’s an A-list Hollywood actress.
Thing is, they end up quitting their jobs in the mail salon to become a ‘celebrity’. After getting on stage and waving to boozed up crowds in nightclubs (while the locals throw pints of piss at them) they end up topping themselves in a bedsit.
23
‘nail salon’ ffs
7
“Popular” when applied to James Corden…”embarrassing,morbidly obese,universally hated Wanker” would be far more apt.
24
There are some they are some bereft of talent and looks who seem to never be off the screen, that one does wonder if they are in possession of video clips of themselves as kids, backstage at Jim’ll Fix it, being bummed by BBC execs and Jimmy Savile.
Speaking of whom, I do recall the headline in a newspaper as the Saville story broke. They had interviewed 3 women and in their 30s who were recalling Jimmy taking advantage of them backstage on his show.
They used three photos of the girls from the 70s when they were kids on the left of the page, and three photos of them as adults on the right.
The headline next to the photos was, “Now then, Now then, Now then.”
I’ll get me coat.
20
“Fashion designer” when attached to Victoria Beckham….it’s just a downright lie….prosecute the bitch.
16
What are all of these ‘sporadic’ comments?
3
Good Morning Dick and every fellow counter
I might be wrong but I think the fashion empire has gone tits up, in Victoria’s case bee stings up.
I almost did a bit of work with them once, drove me mad for samples and nothing came of it. The only good thing was I had the office number on my phone’s contacts as Victoria Beckham which impressed the nephews and nieces.
3
As soon as that C- word is mentioned my instinct is to think “Who the FUCK is that ? Never heard of him/her. Looks a right nontz/splosher/fuckwit anyway.”
Afternoon m’Lord.
1
Literally
I literally shat myself there and then
My head literally exploded
Neither of those things happened so they were not “literal.”
Proper use of the word……..Alex Salmond literally wanks six times a day.
22
I often use a word back at them when some cunt says “I literally shat myself”…….
I say “did you?… literacy?”
8
“Heroes” …. as in “our European golfing heroes”. Fucking golfers…. heroes…. ppah.
14
“They golfed under truly horrific conditions, where no man has ever golfed before. They dressed in awful, scratchy uniforms, which subjected them to ridicule, as they looked like Rupert the Bear, they were golfing for King and Cuntry.”
My God, the clubhouse is all lit up !!”
2
then they had to play through at Hitlers Bunker
2
And that.
I know that’s two words, but why the fuck do people put them on the end of sentences?
Mrs K does it. I’ll ask her what she’s done with her day during lockdown while I’m at work…”housework and that” or “watching Netflix and that” . And that what? Folk dancing? Flicking your bean? No, apparently nothing else.
So don’t fucking add it to the answer then, you demented old bag! The boss at work uses the meaningless addition too but I can’t really call him a cunt to his face.
10
I had a mate, yeah right. He said yeah right at the end of every sentence, yeah right. It got quite annoying, yeah right…
7
Using ‘populism’ as a pejorative (Yes, you BBC, The Guardian, the MSM in general and ‘mainstream’ politicians).
Populism, let’s not forget, simply means that a politician is implementing a policy which will prove ‘popular’ (obviously where the word comes from!) with the electorate.
Perish the fucking thought…
14
Movie
Not the word in itself but it’s misuse in this country.
If you want to watch a movie get on a fucking plane and fuck off to the USA.
15
The silly “cool” cunts who use the term “movie” obviously think that we will imagine they were watching stills. The next thing is they will be saying “sidewalk” when they mean pavement.
10
Thats PATH to me. Walk on the path, drive on the road, cycle where you can.
3
“Aluminum” instead of Aluminium – does my fucking head in!
7
That should be alumium anyway, original spelling. Then aluminum, then aluminium.
3
‘You know’ when someone is in general conversation (not even trying to explain something and receive acknowledgement that you understand).
“We went to Cornwall for the week, you know. Weather was nice, apart from the Wednesday, you know. Brenda allowed me a ‘poke in the whiskers’, you know” .
NO! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!
8
I’m guilty of that one…you know.
I say that when I know someone isn’t listening. It forces them to pay attention.
1
” incredible / incredibly” beloved of presenters on wildlife,travel and house-y programmes. Used to describe things that are perfectly credible.
….the view from here is incredible. Er no it’s not. It exists, I can see it and it’s exactly what one would expect to see in this location you fucking melodramatic cunt!
15
Cunt. It’s correct and proper use. We know there are several types of cunt, but I like to think there’s generally two. There are cunts like you and I, decent, law abiding cunts that have been brought up well by our parents, that know what’s right and what’s wrong, that want to conserve our traditions, our culture, our history and our Britishness. That know that respect is earnt by always keeping your word and through hard work and know that it can’t be demanded. It takes many a year to be a decent cunt.
Then? Well then there’s every other cunt, these cunts are bastards and never the Twain shall meet in my opinion, for what it’s worth…
Good morning.
11
I’m reliably informed by the wife (several times a day) that I am indeed a cunt, although she never elaborates which category I fall into…..
6
What about a lady’s front bottom? That’s a 3rd type isn’t it?
Then there’s trannie front bottoms which, I am informed, are not the same as lady parts.
That’s 4 types of cunts innit?
7
Cunt – slang term for vagina/vulva. Calling someone it, as well as twat fuck shit ass bastard bugger arsehole, is all technically misuse. But these are swears, so I guess they dont count. Holy smeg, what the frell am I talking about?
3
fuck knows
1
My blood pressure spiked last night when I caught five minutes of some cunt called Nish Kumar. What a total and utter. bell end scum cunt.
Nearly as county as the Somali scum cunt who could not behave in a petrol station this morning. Told to leave by staff, went all “it’s coz I is black,innit” Then he hit the desk when yours truly went all Steven Segall on him. He got a good shoeing and I got a round of appaulse and a free chocolate bar!
5
And then you woke up from your dream.
What does your ‘story’ have to do with nomination… again try and stay on subject old chap.
9
Went all Steven segal? What fat?
10
What about “racist”? It’s inevitably implied that to hold such views is a bad thing.
9
Don’t you think being discriminated against because you are white is a bad thing?
9
I use the word racialist; it was the term used until recently and I see no reason to stop using it.
4
Transphobic. I do not have an irrational fear of the cunts. I sImply detest the fucking lot of them.
11
I think we fightback by using our own language.
Replace the suffix ‘phobic’ with ‘noncelebrationary’.
If you’re not celebrating something it doesn’t necessarily mean you hate it (so they can’t get you on that!), but that it just means that you aren’t a fan.
You can’t force someone (not yet, anyway!) to legally celebrate anyone or anything.
5
A very useful tip which also has an annoyingly large number of syllables. Can piss them off twice at once.
1
Phobia. As in Homophobia, same thing. Thats hatred of, not fear of.
2
Owen Jones seems to think the word ‘fascist’ applies to anyone with a different opinion.
Jones: So what’s your favourite TV show?
Other bloke: Oh, ermm… probably Match of the Day.
Jones: Not Sex in the City then, you fascist?
8
Just heard that Kim Jong Un has had heart surgery and might ‘chip out’!
5
I’ve put him in my Deadpool today…it sometimes pays to wait and then go in at the last minute.
4
Everything is fucking “awesome” or “super” these days.
“Oh that was a super meal of Big Mac and Fries, truly awesome!”
“My dad died last night, it was awesome to see him die”
And “disorder” is another one. Everyone’s got a disorder of some kind, especially millennials and Gen Zs.
“I’m fat because I’ve got a disorder that forces me to eat 10,000 calories every day!”
“I can’t go to work/school because I have a disorder, with the only cure involving the taxpayer funding my needs until I retire!”
12
Smart, a word to mean intelligent. Now also used to mean ‘looks nice’, as in dressed smart, a smart suit or a smart car (not to be confused with Smart Cars, the company). What about 99.9 percent, not misused just annoying, ‘this kills 99.9% of germs’ just say 100% you cunts! Can I include ‘text’ style language in this, if so: amazeballs and totes have to go in. Totes actually means carries, as in he totes a gun, now used as short for totally. Smegging hell man, people are nuts!
6
I thought ‘amazeballs’ was only used by Fiddlers effete neighbour ?
Never heard anyone actually say it aloud.
4
Said sometimes by teens, usually preceded by ‘totes’. ‘This car crash is totes amazeballs!’ *shoots cunt in head* ‘Now, THATS totally amazing’
4
Trendy media businessmen have also hi-jacked “smart” with “work smart/smarter” seems to be their go-to word as “synergy” was 20 years ago and “logistics” 10 years ago.
5
80 percent “Fatfree”. The way I read this the advertriser is implying that the remaining 20% is only partly fat, when the fact is that 20% is solely comprised of Bucket Pig Lard.
2
A small aside, but there’s lots of gnashing of teeth from the Remoaner Left on social media regarding the up and coming May bank holiday on Friday 8th, which coincides with VE Day (Victory in Europe).
Apparently they’re deeply offended/ashamed about the “xenophobic” celebrations that should be “urgently forgotten about if we want to move forward!”
13
I am really glad they are offended and I hope Lord Duckie-Adonis, the Lord Haw Haw of Twitter explodes with rage and drips his entrails over Chuka Umunna, who will have just dropped in for a circle jerk with Hilary Gladys Benn
10
Perhaps they might prefer “Kicking The Shit Out Of Krauts Day”
Much more progressive… 😀
8
Watching Where Eagles Dare the other evening, I kept dreaming of a similar raid on the Berlaymont bunker in Brussels.
4
I can’t think of a better reason to have a bank holiday than to celebrate VE Day. If you can’t celebrate the end of 6 years of death and misery for the whole of Europe, then your moral compass is truly fucked. Cunts.
14
So they’re against Nazis but also against celebrating victory against Nazis.
That’s liberal/left/remoaner logic right there.
4
Any word that is overused,current, gets on my tits after awhile.
‘Social distancing’ ‘pandemic’ ‘frontline’ being used a lot at the moment.
But the misuse of the word ‘hero’ really has me reaching for the knife drawer.
Recently its been applied to binmen and supermarket workers.
Bollocks.
15
I NEED A HERO!!!!
0
Oi, do you realise how difficult it is to choreograph a dance routine with your colleagues with full PPE gear on and get it out on tik tok, its very fucking stressful in these difficult times, blub, blub, heroes each and every one of ’em blub, blub
0
Carnage. The local rag has a habit of describing any traffic jam caused by roadworks or an accident as ‘carnage’. The same applies to massive crowds at a sale or even the panic buying at the beginning of this virus lark.
Carnage is the aftermath of a Dick Fiddler target practice session on a field full of Pikeys not 30 cars waiting for a stupidly timed temporary traffic light.
14
I do wonder how Lord Fiddler would react to a horde of pikeys turning up on or near his land.
8
He’d better ring me so I can join in the ballistic shenanigans or I’ll be most vexed. Shooting pikeys. I want in.
6
A skumbag safari. It’s a winner on all counts.
5
I think the root of CARANGE is flesh, thus carnage is the tearing/renting of live meat. So any motor incident that doesn’t at least have several dismembered bodies scattered about scarcely qualifies for the term.
Next: I first heard ‘decimate’ in the context of the Roman military motivation, e.g. threaten your men that if they lose this battle we will select by lottery one man in ten and put him to death. In situations where the damage is much closer to 100% need another term, maybe annihilate.
Endemic. From a place (define the place). it does NOT mean rampant or epidemic or pandemic.
And one more I first heard/saw the expression in TV Westerns. Jail is where they put bad guys away. Jail Never starts with a “G” and it never has an “O”
And now for some mindless invective I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS CORONA DICKSHIT FUCKFEST YOU USELESS FACKING CAAHHHNNTTSTSTST AAAGGRRRSASD
1
Journalist: Because lets face it, they really aren’t these days.
9
Sorry DF, missed your input on Journalist. Im a cunt.
2
Everyone forgot the big one…
.. furloughed
Who the fuck ever used that until the Wuhan Pox?
10
Sounds like a sex act. For example: ‘B&WC furloughed her rear entrance’.
9
Furloughed… I know naffink abaaaaaht it.
8
I thought furlough was a measurement of land till recently.
Breaking news!!!
Donnie Tango suspending all immigration to US, ☺
4
Aye and the key word he used in his tweet was ‘temporarily’. He’s also still allowing in people with work permits etc.
But Al Beeb are chasing the ‘The bad orange man is using the coronavirus to ban all immigration.’
Fucking bellends. China have done the same already, as have many other countries. The USA has had more deaths and infections than any other country (official numbers, that is). Other countries are doing the same while having just a handful of new cases a day.
But we haven’t heard the cunts mention that, have we?
5
I imagine given it’s 2nd world war useage it means “leave” as in a 48 or 96 hr leave from barracks etc,or shore leave as we had it in the Senior service
3
In the second world war, American bands played a tune called “A Sargeant On A Furlough”. You can find it on V-Discs of the period. Not a lot of people know that. Or want to know it.
3
Here I have even found a version for you, to save you bothering What a considerate cunt I am;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6pCPx53CRU
4
The Yanks. It’s an Americanism.
2
furlough is yet another military term introduced to the coronavirus lockdown – it’s war, war against the people of this cuntry
2
About. As in what are you lot on about?
Everyone knows it’s Abaaaaaht.
Go fuck yourselves. 😁
7
B&WC, Also, I think in Canada they don’t say about or abaaaaaahttt. They say aboot.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WUbpLiTq_uI
3
Haha, They are a confused country.
0
“So” is the most misused word in the English language today. Everything else cunts who misuse it spout is bullshit by default and should be ignored.
9
Rather!! :0)
1
Two other things get my goat. Firstly, using good instead of well. ‘How are you today?’’ I am good.’ Secondly, speaking so that you end a statement with a question mark. These two annoying habits have developed over the last 20 years and are not restricted to the great unwashed.
6
Ah, the upwards inflection. Makes a statement sound like a question. Yeah, that’s quite annoying? Haha, I had to.
3
The influence of Australian TV I am sure, so beloved of illiterate kids and bored housewives (like Mrs. Boggs).
6
Key workers…
Caught some soppy Trick driver in near tears saying he can’t get any food in the services stations because the shops are shut etc.
He then goes on to say that without lorries the nation would grind to a halt…no it wouldn’t I can drive a van and everyone would chip and drive vans to make up the shortfall.
The cunt even had a microwave in his cabin, so he can cook the prostitutes a nice ready meal.
What the fuck is he complaining abaaaaaht…make yourself a packed lunch at home before you leave and you can warm up your home cooked food too.
Go fuck yourselves.
9
I had an extreme phobia. A complete and utter fear of walking under horse chestnut trees during autumn, but I managed to conker it….
19
‘social media’ used to describe sites like facebook and twitter. Thats ‘social networking’ actually, facebook actually calls itself ‘the social network’ so that should give it away. Easy to remember: social media – Youtube, social networking – facebook. One is for communication, the other for video sharing.
2
It’s all media.
Media is defined as the main means of mass communication (broadcasting, publishing, and the Internet) regarded collectively.
2
At this moment in time.
You mean “now” you wanker.
You can fuck off and you better fuck off right at this moment in time!
Doesn’t work does it?
6
What about ‘as we speak’ ? ‘people are dying as we speak’ stop fucking speaking then! And don’t forget ‘even’ as in ‘I haven’t even had my tea yet’ or ‘he can’t even drive’…
5
“we are where we are”
“it is what it is”
“Haters gonna hate”
“The fandom”
“Awesome”
So-and-so “passed” (when they mean died, or in Alistair Campbell’s case “pissed”)
All terrible exporessions. I so agree about “so” used as the first word to answer a question – even used by CEOs these days
8
Good Morning Dick and every fellow counter
I might be wrong but I think the fashion empire has gone tits up, in Victoria’s case bee stings up.
I almost did a bit of work with them once, drove me mad for samples and nothing came of it. The only good thing was I had the office number on my phone’s contacts as Victoria Beckham which impressed the nephews and nieces.
1