Anti-social Dog Owners

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Self-isolation being a bit of a cunt, earlier today the wife and I decided to venture out for a little walk, which Government advice states is permissible. Common sense told us to limit the walk to half an hour, and not take the car to venture further afield. In effect, this led us to take a stroll around the local park, strictly observing ‘social distancing’ etiquette in the process, of course. Naturally enough, plenty of other locals had been thinking along similar lines, so it was a case of more people, equals more dog-walkers, equals more dog shit lying about the place.

However, the odd, even slightly bizarre factor in this, was that almost all of the crap left about had been put into little black bags by the pooch owners. So far, so good, but these bags of shit hadn’t then been disposed of responsibly – they’d just been left scattered about the park in their dozens; on the grass, on the paths, hanging like macabre decorations from bushes and railings, even in the fenced-off toddlers play area.

Now a pooch may well be a most amiable companion, but his social skill set is basically limited to guzzling, chasing sticks, sniffing other dogs’ arses, trying to hump any available leg and…shitting. He can’t pick up his own crap, even if his muttish mind could possibly conceive the need to, so it’s up to his/her owner to observe the niceties. Sadly, it seems that while many owners feel guilty enough these days to bag up their dog’s crap, their conscience and sense of responsibility does not extend to taking it away with them, even simply as far as the nearest bin.

You might think that as we are gripped by the greatest public health crisis most of us have ever experienced, people would display a heightened sense of awareness about matters of hygiene. Apparently not, and large numbers of dog owners continue to display the same sense of selfishness and lack of consideration for others that they’ve always done. They own the dogs, but not the mess. It’s left lying about in those ubiquitous little bags, festering away. It’s somebody else’s problem.

Anti-social dog owners are oafish cunts; thanks for what is literally a sack of shit.

Nominated by Ron Knee

137 thoughts on “Anti-social Dog Owners”

  1. Dog ownership always splits opinion on ISAC, but we must surely unite behind Ron and his cunting of this vile habit. It’s great that dog owners pick up their dog’s turds, but their disposal seems to challenge some dog owning cunts.

    • I had a nom early last year on dogs that proved to be rather controversial.

    • Afternoon Sgt Maj.
      Hope this doesn’t come across as anti dog, or anti dog owner per se.
      It’s a go at those dog-owning cunts who seem to think that they can now use the current situation as some form of excuse to revert to old habits.

      • Ha ha! Not at all Ron. I’m a cat person, but I can see that this is a pop at irresponsible people rather than all dog owners. Hope all is well.

      • Thanks Sgt Maj. Hope all is well with you, as well as everyone out there in IsACland.
        I’m a bit worried tho; my daughter thinks she’s got the dreaded lurgy. Fingers crossed it ain’t; she’s in her house with her husband and our grandkids. Worrying times indeed.

  2. You’re right, they’ll bag it but because the bins have been taped up, it doesn’t occur to them to take it back home and dispose of it. Brain-dead thoughtless cunts.

  3. Don’t forget the selfish wankers (usually couples or middle aged Karens) who take 3 or 4 dogs out at a time and in doing so take up the entirety of the pavement, forcing you into the road as they refuse to move out of the way. Or the young family who do likewise by taking the mutt out on the ‘family stroll’. I see this quite frequently whilst out walking/running – I understand dogs need to be walked but if you have more than two there’s no reason they can’t be walked at separate times. People like that have no consideration for other pedestrians whatsoever.

  4. Fucking pets. Get some friends, a harem, or just be a self content bitter cunt like yours truely. Keeping animals for entertainment shows you’re lacking something. Keeping one that rolls in and eats shit is just idiocy – sheep dogs excluded.

    No one will ever convince me that ‘I love my dog/give him everything he wants’ is a superior life for a dog than if it were to be wild and know true freedom for even one day.

    A pedigree chud minefield is a sign of widespread societal cunt on the brain.

  5. I often see this in the countryside. Dull cunts turn something which is nasty but biodegradable and just leave the bag, which is now a toxic, undegradable parcel. Cunts.
    However, even this cuntitude is outdone by cat owners who have no responsibility whatsoever for the yowling, shitting, pissing, bird killing fucking vermin they inflict on the rest of us.
    (tick, tick, tick)

    • We used to have a cat but he’s gone to the great litter tray in the sky, thank fuck.
      The wife thought the sun shone out of the fat fucker’s arse. All it ever did was scoff, snore, scratch and sniff its arse.
      Good fucking riddance.

    • You just had to pull the pin on the “cats v dogs” grenade didn’t you Cuntstable?

      Take cover everyone!

      • Good Evening Ron,

        We don’t have cats because my dogs chase them off, the highlights of their day are last th8ngbat night and first thing in the morning checking the garden for cats.

        Bastard dog owners who think it is sufficient to bag their dog’s mess and then leave it decorating the bushes and countryside are low grade cunts of the worst kind. What the fuck do they think are doing?

        ,

      • A very good question WS. If they go to the trouble of bagging it, why not bin it? If they’re not going to bin it, why bag it in the first place? As Spock would say, ‘illogical!’.

    • And yet I have never stepped in a steaming pile of cat shit on the way to the shops. Ever. Nor have I ever been bitten by a cat on the way to the shops. And I have never been kept awake day or night by some fucking cat, whose owner has left it at home on its own, howling for hours on end. And I have never fallen over a 30′ extendable fucking leash so the fucking cat has ‘freedom to explore’.

      • I have neither a cat or a dog Moggie but I share your sentiments. I have no objection to well trained dogs. It’s just those owners who are the irresponsible ones that fuckin’ get my goat – no pun intended.

      • I have no objection to badly trained dogs either, it’s not their fault and yet the authorities put down the dog, and not the fucking owner.

      • I totally agree moggie63. I have little time for humans, (I learnt my lesson well there).
        I do dog rescue, ( I once did human rescue but that did not pay off) I do genuinely love dogs, but I draw the line, I am the boss not them, I do not hit them or any shit like that, but I withdraw my love when they do wrong, and you know it works, I have sight hounds, dogs trained to chase from birth to the next 4 years of their life, and I retrain them.
        we can play ball in the garden and chase but on the walk they can walk 3 foot from a cat without reacting because I taught them.
        I fucking hate irresponsible dog owners, dog beaters or the “it is only little” excuse, you take a dog it joins your pack, you are the pack leader end of.

      • Good for you lord b, what I would call not only a responsible dog owner, but one that wants to make the best of, and for, the animal. I have had people walk past our driveway and take a kick at our cat that is just sitting there at the end of the drive. One called the police after I saw him do that, ran out of the house and smacked the bastard in the face and they basically told him it was his fault (I can honestly say I was stunned at the response). After they’d gone I told the cunt if I ever saw him around my house again I’d kill him. Guess what, I never did see him again.

      • Moggie
        Have you never hand weeded you garden and got catshit on your hands? Been kept asleep by yowling ‘pets’ who are roaming all night? Never been bitten or scratched by a feral cat ‘pet’? Not picked up birds or their chicks mutilated by a free roaming ‘pet’?
        And let us not forget that in Australia these free roaming vermin are destroying the indigenous fauna.

      • My wife does the gardening and yes there’s cat shit in the garden. Then again, it’s also full of bird shit and they kick off at 3am in summer but I don’t want to get rid of them either. Cats may kill birds and while they also catch mice and rats, I have yet to see one kill another cat, or chase sheep or deer round a field until they die of exhaustion.

    • Cats rule!

      At least they do in our house.

      Cuntbubble is a psychopath. He once threatened to shoot my babies (and Willie Stroker’s) with his rifle! Not a lot of cunters know that…

      • The threat is still there. And if your manservant is about I will get that fucker’s vermin as well.

  6. Good nom as always Ron👍
    I see this every day.
    Im a dog owner, and think you can be fined nowadays for not having “doggie bags” on you.
    The problem is two foldvin that people are lazy and that councils dont put many public bins out for the bags of dogshite.
    So rather than carry a bag of stinking shit for half a hour people throw it.
    Councils are great at laying down the law not so great at putting their hands in their pockets.
    8m a responsible dog owner, i always bag the dog log and then throw it into the garden of a chinese family that live near the park.
    They give us diseases, we give it back.
    Circle of life.
    Hakuna matata.

      • Afternoon Ron, i share your disgust at this mate,
        Its lazy and antisocial.
        Although the other week my akita had a upset tummy and what came out resembled some sort of toxic curry, I couldnt bag it, id need a bucket!
        To my shame I pretended to bag it and covered it with grass.

      • Nah that’s a bit different mate. With the best will in the world, there’s not much anybody can do in such a circumstance.
        What I’m moaning about are those idiots who routinely go to the trouble of bagging up dog shite and then leave the bag lying about, a sort of ‘well that’s all right then, I’ve done MY bit’ mentality about it. I just don’t get it!

      • Me neither Ron, see little black bags hanging from branches, lazy people,
        Shouldnt have pets if cant be responsible.

      • Near some dog walks the wheelie bins are packed with dog excrement after a week can be hundreds of kg, plants in a radius of 10 yards dying birds falling out of the sky frickin reeks

      • The bags in trees and bushes are called Bransholme Bunting in Hull. No doubt other parts have similar terms. Where I hail from it wood probably be Ringland Bunting.

      • Plastic bags in trees are called -‘Witches’ Knickers’. In this case with shit in them.

      • Maybe they should be called ‘Shitty Knickers’

        Maybe ‘Shitty Buttocks’ can comment .

  7. It’s thoughtless and disgusting and, as has been mentioned, 100% the fault of the owner. When I have to venture in to my nearest town it’s like playing hopscotch around the dirt on the pavements. Almost as bad as Paris. This is just as bad. Don’t they have cctv in the parks?

    Doggo sometimes acts like he’s my Boss and I sometimes let him, though it’s all play. He gives me his eyes, wide as cherry pies, and I relent but I would never let him foul on a pavement.

  8. Take a skunk out for a walk and train it to spray on people on command. Usually people that annoy but anyone you don’t like will do hehe.

    I remember a friend had a cat and a dog when they kittens and puppies respectively.
    Cat thought was a dog and vice versa.
    The cat would go out walking with the dog and the dog would poo in the litter tray haha.

    • Afternoon Spoons, we have 2 cats as well as a very big dog.
      One of the cats comes for a walk at night with us and walks next to the dog.
      The dog is protective of the cat and wont allow any other dogs near.
      The cat has a bodyguard!!
      ☺

  9. I have a dog and I’m anti social, the two are not connected.

    If you have a dog you have to pick up its shit and then dispose of it properly.

    Disposing of dogs shit properly doesn’t mean wrap it in newspaper and set fire to it, knock on the door and run. This was a sport in Southall when I was a kid.

    • My Nan Lived in cherry Grove southall ( railway estate) I have fond memory’s of waking up and smelling the coffee from the Nestle factory that she worked in (also pink panther bars and pickled onions).
      When we used to go there my Mum used to say don’t stare at the Indians, I had images of tee pees and headdress, turned out to be most of the cast of it “aint half hot mum” very disappointing.

  10. Prefer cats and dogs (any fucking animal) to people any day of the week. A stroll down to any field will show its people who leave the most amount of crap lying around. Plastics a plenty, fag ends, tissues, cans and lots of nice drug paraphernalia.
    Humans are easily the filthiest most disgusting shite spreaders.
    Why should people take their bagged dogshit home? We pay council taxes for councils to provide and empty bins. No bins, then I’ll happily throw it at the first moaning bastard.

    • You’re right FEC, they do; and leaving bags of dog shite about justs make the problem worse!

  11. speaking of dog shit, the DAILY mail deserves a stunning cunting.
    Not satisfied with asking the same question at the daily covid update, they’re now trying to push the blame onto the health advisors to Borrris Fluffington de shit kicker Johnson.
    They knew about the deaths 2 months before it happened.
    Blah blah blah

  12. I’ve always been of the opinion that the actual dogs and the shit they produce has more brains than the owner. So typical of this country, it’s selfish behaviour and ‘somebody else will clean it up’ attitude. No pride in their surroundings, content to live in filth. Fuck them, I honestly hope they catch some ghastly disease off the dog shit they can’t be bothered to dispose of properly.

    • With regard to current situation I have dug a dog shit pit in my back garden, it is about 2ft deep and I encourage the dogs to shit in the garden, because it seems every time I stop to pick up shit on a walk some little off the lead cunt turns up!
      so far £280 in stitches caused by a terrier taking a lump out of my Greyhound

  13. Could not agree more with this cunting. I’m currently amidst a war between these bastards, myself and the farmer up the lane. Said farmer is a good man, proper ‘old school’ farmer and doesn’t take any shit (pun intended). He’s converting a 300 year old barn opposite me at the moment and has a skip just outside it. That thing is full of those bastard little bags, not a happy farmer. So he put a big hand made sign on the front of it “this is not a dog shit bin!” In big red letters. The irresponsible cunts are just dropping them on the floor next to the skip, right outside my fucking window!!!! Bastards! I’ve had some fucking shouts at them over the last few weeks. Threatened one snobby cunt with my following him home and posting it through his letterbox. The farmer was telling me how they throw them in the hedges (which you can clearly see) and when it comes to his getting the tractor out and trimming them, shit flies all over him, fucking disgusting. Doing some research myself, as a bridal path, it’s up to the local parish council to decide whether or not it’s a fineable act. I’ll be straight down to the next meeting as soon as Cuntbyn-19 is done and dusted. I know a few of the councillors…

    • Same here trees and bushes bedecked with swinging shit filled bags
      When I take my mutts out the left hand pocket of whichever jacket I’m wearing is filled with yellow nappy bags with which I pick up any crap produced by my two mutts. As I may have to walk a fair way before a litter or dog shit bin turns up I double or triple bag the mess so I can carry said mess to nearest bin without getting marmite fingers. If I can do this so can other dog walkers. I fucking hate having to navigate a footpath as if traversing a mine field because lazy bastards have left heaps of dogs shit all over the place. Come the warmer weather no rain for a few days and the footpath smells like Satan’s arsehole. In fact many of my near town walks smell like that thanks to no piccy up cunts. Signs all over the shop “Area monitored for dog fouling blah blah” who by? Wizard of Oz, non existent dog warden PCSO,s. Due to the horrendous cuts in government grants to councils I suspect they employ telephone psychics £10.70 per min “I see a brown dog having a dump….”

  14. My dad used to wait till the shit was white and solid until he lobbed it into the neighbours garden with an iron. The best dog shit I ever saw was in the Royal oak Colombia rd Bethnal green. It was there for years and was part of the ambiance.

    • Years ago when I still lived with the folks, next door’s dog used to get into our garden and shit in it. The old boy told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I did this but never understood what it achieved; the dog still shat in our garden, and the neighbour now had our shovel.

  15. Everywhere I go I seem to have a couple of unused dog shit bags on my person, at the checkout in supermarkets I’m always pulling out the odd bag by mistake.

    We have the same problem in my area, even before this ‘crisis’ – I wouldn’t care but there are countless bins around that can be used for the disposal of dog waste.

    In my old street, there was a guy who walked a golden retriever and would routinely let his dog shit along the backstreet and just leave it, right outside of our gates, huge stinking, steaming piles of shit. My neighbour confornted him and this guy told him to fuck off as well as threatening to break his kneecaps…

    We found out where this guy lived – it was a detached property 5 minutes walk away.

    I’m not going to explain exactly how we got our revenge as it wasn’t strictly lawful, but it entailed a shitload of dogshit and multiple 1ltr coke bottles filled with human piss…

    Anyway, a few weeks later, he was clocked by another neighbours CCTV, reported to the local council and fined. He never came back along our street.

    Happy days.

    • Hiya 3d, like you all my jackets have dog bags in,
      They come in handy all the time, when working, handy for screws, fixtures when ive stripped down furniture etc.
      Why are they made of plastic though?
      Surely nowadays they should be bio-degradable?

      • Hey MNC, I get mine from Wilko’s and I think they might be biodegradable, although they are quite expensive, 50p for 20, but they are infused with Kennel No5.

      • The dog’s (not mine) are bio degradable and I get them through scotts pet shop.
        I am endorsing the product because lesser brands have failed when scrabbling for turds under bushes and I have ended up with smelly fingers.

  16. This nom touched a nerve.

    As is quite common in Yankland, there are no pavements (footpaths) in my residential development. And no perimeter fences in front of your house either because that would be against the rules (don’t get me started on Homeowners’ Associations). At the front of your property, it’s house, then lawn, then curb, then the road/street. Consequently, when people walk their fucking dogs, they walk in the road. We also have a dog leash law which clearly stipulates all dogs must be on a leash when out and about.

    The cunt dog owners round my way mostly don’t give toss about obeying the law or showing respect and consideration for other people’s property. Some allow their dogs to just wander wherever they like, off the leash. Naturally, their dogs will piss and shit wherever they like and the owners simply walk away. Other owners walk their shitting machines on the leash, but allow them to wander up people’s lawns, mine included, to piss and shit and they too simply walk away. Others still, will allow their dogs – while on the leash – to piss and shit on other people’s lawns, then pick up the shit in a plastic bag and move on. Like that’s OK!

    These bastards don’t seem to understand that my lawn is private property. Allowing their fucking dogs to wander onto my land is trespassing. To then allow their fucking mutt to piss and shit on someone else’s land and just walk away is absolutely disgusting. The sense of entitlement that they can do what they like is astounding. I’ve caught a couple of them doing this red handed. All you get is a limp “oh sorry”. They’re not sorry at all. They’re just embarrassed they got caught in the act. None of them would dream to letting their fucking dogs do this if the homeowner was out the front mowing or gardening or whatever. But if no one’s around and no one’s watching, in their minds it’s OK. Absolute cunting fucking bastard scum.

    • Don’t know which part of the States you reside in Imitation, but I know a few people in Galveston (my daughter and son in law lived there for years). Like as not if they caught someone they’d threaten to put some buckshot up the dog’s arse and maybe the owners as well if it happened again.
      They have the same ‘no perimeter’ situation on many roads, and this sort of behaviour got right up people’s noses.

      • Hi Ron –
        I live north of Houston, so Galveston isn’t far from me. Maybe 2 hours drive at worst. It’s a cool little town. It’s got a cracking submarine museum which I want to visit. Me and Mrs Yank were going to do a VIP tour of the NASA Johnson Space Center a couple of weeks ago. Corona put the kibosh on that.

        Anyway, as far as the dog fouling goes – there is a network of public walking paths/wooded areas called the greenbelt, with multiple points of entry all over town. The dog owners could easily let their walking shitting machines relieve themselves there or let their dogs shit on their own lawns (what a concept). But they don’t. They just let their dogs shit anywhere like it’s OK. I have never seen behaviour like it. I’ve put signs up in my front garden telling people to keep their bastard dogs off my lawn – makes no difference.

        We made a HUGE mistake moving to a typical residential street. Where we lived before in Minnesota, we had 2.5 acres, semi-rural, cul-de-sac location. We’ve learned the hard way that once you’ve had some land, you can’t go back. We want to move, but to do that I need to get a new job. Corona has knackered the job market and the housing market so we’re stuck for now. Hating this!

      • Yep. Dogs don’t understand the concept of privater property and trespassing. But the bastard owners do. I’d love to plug one of those cunts. And have the means to do it too.

  17. Dog owners are strange creatures in and of themselves. One neighbour, who routinely leaves his dog in the back yard to bark all day long, doesn’t even blink when I call him a cunt. But if I shout at the dog and tell it to “shut the fuck up you useless fucking animal”, then he’s into me full bore. “Don’t shout at my dog!”, “mind your own fucking business” etc etc…..what an overprotective, ignorant twat he is.

    While I acknowledge it is not the dog that is at fault for doing what a dog will do, it’s getting hard to refrain from kicking it in the teeth, just to get some peace and fucking quiet.

      • There is a dog warden but they’re hamstrung at the moment due to the lockdown and social distancing. Under normal circumstances they can, and will, enter a property to talk to a dog owner about the complaint, and offer advice on how to address the animals behaviour. The dog can ultimately be destroyed if the owner does nothing to resolve the issue, so it’s a slow process anyway, as no one, myself included, wants dogs put down simply because of pathetic owners.

      • Fuck! There is a reply coming Ron, it’s gone into moderation cos I used the dreaded circūmstances word. D’oh!

      • Short answer was yes, I can report to the dog warden, but they’re unable to act with their full authority atm due to the lockdown and social distancing.

    • I have come to believe that dog owners can’t hear their own stupid fucking mutts barking. Either that or they think the rest of us don’t mind being forced to hear that fucking noise.

      Hey dog owners *** Newsflash ***…….go and find that memo everyone got when they were small and read it. You know the one. The one that tells you things like don’t put your hand on a hot stove, look both ways before crossing the street and if your dog starts yapping for no reason, get it to shut the fuck up immediately.

      If I let off an air horn for a second or two at a time for half an hour, I’m pretty sure I’d get a knock on the door from plod and be told to knock it off. But if a dog barks over and over and over again, that’s OK? Fuck right off.

    • A dog shouldn’t be left on its own all day in the garden. Ring the RSPCA. The owner is a cunt.

  18. Now I have two dog’s and I do pick up, when I go out on the army ranges, there are no shit bins, but having been there myself I wear a shooting jacket with a large kidney pocket for shot gun cartridges or in my case Dog shit, and before you ask yes I have forgotten about it a couple of times and climbed in the car, not nice but the bags seem to hold.
    Any way, I used to live at the end of a bridleway and there was a scrawny holly tree next to my gate, I found that local dog wakers thought it would be a good idea to decorate it with little bags of dog shit (which of course they meant to pick up on the way back).
    So one day I went out to my car and noticed a fresh swinger on the tree and the back of a local dog walker, I gave the bag a little squeeze, soft and warm.
    Now I am a Cunt with a capital C and have had many dog and cat shit capers, but this was pure genius on my behalf, That night I stripped the tree of its bounty and went round the dog walkers house and decorated his railings (3 per spike there were so many) So he got what he gave back with interest.
    Now the funny thing about it was I saw him a little later and I have never seen anyone with such a paranoid expression, I am sure he got a lot of Shit from his wife over the railings, and he knew that someone knew he was a dirty shit hanging bastard, but not who.
    ( I chuckle myself to sleep remembering this and some of my other shit related escapades)

    • “Shit related escapades?”
      I’m intrigued, but I have a feeling it’s best not to be.

    • I have never watched a cunt’s dog have a good shit, picked up the shit in newspaper, followed the cunt home, then smeared some over his nice uPVC front door handle, posted the rest through the letterbox, minus the newspaper, rang the doorbell and run across the road to sit on a wall and watch. Honest.

  19. Horse shit, cow shit, smell ok, but dogshit fuckin reeks, because of the diet I assume.
    Do vegans and vegetarians shite smell better than those of us who like a bacon butty?
    I know they certainly think their shit smells sweeter.

    • No, definitely not, my ex-girlfriends shite smelled so strong it almost singed your nose hair… and she was a vegetarian.

      She didn’t eat meat, but she certainly was partial to a bit of pork sword 😉

    • Cat shit is the best, I have a cat shit abuse story too!

      In fact it could be said “I know my shit”

      • fuck Moggie63 this is a tale in it’s self.

        as previously mentioned I lived on a private road, (bridle way) and I had dug out parking for me and mrs B MKII .
        So the council resurfaced a car park and some ofe decided he would nip up a side road and park up.
        He drove up the bridle way and snuck into my space and my good lady of the time came out and told him not to park there, private road and all that, well he told her to fuck right off.
        When i got home from work, not only could I not park but I was put under some pressure as to what I would do about the nasty man.
        I rather hoped that he would fuck off and I could park up and put my feet up, he had now been in my space 12 hours.
        well I thought fuck it at 18.00 hours I went up to the grave yard dump ( I lived next to a church yard and a monumental mason) picked up a fuck off piece of marble and dumped it in front of his car.
        (that will teach the cunt)
        At about 19.00 hrs I then went and pissed over said lump of marble.
        Any way i was getting it in the neck from the MRS about how rude he was so at 20.00 hrs after finishing a bottle of red, I dug in the gravel front garden for nice fresh nuggets of cat shit, I came up with quite a few fresh ones that I (in gloved hand) stuck under his car door handle.
        I went to bed.
        We wore awoken at around 21.30 by a terrible grinding revving noise as said “business man” attempted to leave my parking place, Mrs Benny MKII looked on and laughed about it, where as i could not be fucked to get out of bed.
        Next thing I knew someone was banging on the door quite heavily, I opened the door to find the biggest fuck I have ever seen! a serious Rugby player size, he was quite addiment that I had damaged his car ect.
        I pointed out that he was on private property and trespassing and that we had had damage to vehicles here before because of plod next door (true) he fucked off.
        A while later he returned, and knocked on the door, he apologized for what he had said and extended his hand in “Friendship”.
        Now some of you would shy away knowing that the hand was rather contaminated, but knowing full well that I was less than 4 meters from a sink, I took his hand shook it and said let by gones be by gones.
        He never parked there again, and strangely enough I am still alive despite numerous attempts by MRS B mkII to kill me.

    • Fox shit surpasses all in the eye-wateringly pungent, nostril hair burning stakes.

      Ask Mr Fiddler – There is no worse smelling animal chod

      • You’re right SG. One of these moth-eaten cunts regularly goes through our garden on his nightly round, and occasionally he leaves us a parting gift. Fucking hell, they should have thrown fox shit into the Jerry trenches during WWI; the war would’ve been over by Xmas.

      • Apparently anything dairy-related produces the most pungent smell be it cheese or full milk. I suppose it proves we’re not supposed to drink other animals’ lactate.

  20. I fell out with a local newsagent, Let us say he fucked me over and laughed in my face.
    The chap surprisingly did not live above his shop and commuted to work daily, He had a shrouded padlock half way up the side of his shutter so dogs or people couldn’t piss on it.
    Now I have a little history myself in understanding humans and their habits and how to terminally fuck them over, so logic dictates.
    Man will arrive early morning when it is still dark, man has no access to sanitation outside of locked premises.
    Action, well stuff shroud that covers padlock with dog shit, so when he sticks his hands in there he gets a bit of a surprise, He now has two choices, get back in his car with shitty hands, drive home and get some kind of cleaning implement and return or he will have to dig through it to access his shop and cleaning equipment.
    I was not there when he unlocked, but the rest of the day he sat at his window looking out and from the expression on his face I think he was going to kill anyone who laughed as they walked by.

  21. When I lived in London, there was some cunt who let his dog shit on the pavement in our rather nice street. I didn’t actually know who it was, but someone found out and the next time there was a pile of muck, they drew a chalk circle around it with the words ‘golden labrador, from number 33’ The cunting thing never shat in the street again.

      • When I was new on ISAC,
        Someone told me to go fuck my dog!
        Hehee cheeky cunt!
        Shes a virgin and staying that way.
        Cats getting a portion though..😁

      • That might have been me Miserable! Although I don’t remember putting it in so graphic terms.
        😂

      • No wasnt you Bertie,
        Cant remember who it was though.
        I dont take sexual advice off other blokes online anyway.
        You well Bertie?
        Hope you & mrs Blunt are ok after 3weeks of lockdown?
        God that poor woman…
        😁

      • Evening Miserable. Au contraire. Mrs B is getting under my feet as she can’t go out to yoga or aqua. Miss the grandkids though.

      • “REVENGE OF THE DOG TURD HATERS”
        Ron- those who are complaining about dog shit are those who would like to introduce a police state.
        Personally I think they’re just a load of faecesists.
        😀

      • Lol! Isn’t that what they also call those weird cunts who get horny if their girl/boyfriend drops a load on top of them?

      • I’ve heard of a ‘golden shower’ but I didn’t know some people get turned on by shitting over them!

      • Copro- I think. copra is dried coconut, and it’s in many fine sweets the missuz bakes, except the ones that taste like shit.

        It’s a fine line with some words, just one letter changing the meaning. In Bahasa Indonesia, kelapa means coconut, while Kepala means head, both objects similar in size shape hardness brittleness and in some cases content.

        I’ll keep going bahagia means happy while bahaya means dangerous. I recall a wedding speech delivered in halting Indonesian by an expat, mirth rippled through the crowd when he congratulated the ‘dangerous’ couple.

        Forgive the diversion I’ve been cooped up way too long

      • Talking of shit, there was an overpass near where we lived 20 years ago, across which some local philosopher had spray painted the words: YOU’RE SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT.

        Remember thinking that was so cool.

      • Talking of unauthorised daubing my all-time favourite was ‘real punks can’t spell cappuc$#no’. It stayed for years high up on an old factory visible from the commuter train, giving pause to thought for millions

      • Great graffos guys!
        My favourite turd related daubing was on a public toilet wall in Portoferraio, Elba of all places.
        Somebody had drawn the legendary ‘Kilroy’ figure on the wall and written ‘Kilroy had a shit here’.
        Underneath it some thinker had written ‘Heisenberg might have had one here’
        Why is almost all graffiti in English wherever you are in the world?

      • Because English is the most widely spoken language in the world today. It’s a legacy of the British Empire and more recently U.S cultural imperialism.

      • Popular among the aristocracy. Lord Boothby was supposedly partial to lying under a glass topped table whilst some poor boy from a kids home shit on the table top. Oh the swinging 60’s how fucking glad they are over Government infested with nonces and commie spy’s. Blind eye turned to all sorts of depravity by persons of influence. Some labour twat was so bad Churchill said of him “ He gives sodomy a bad name” Tom Driborg or something ended up a fucking peer no less

      • I’d happily smash any cunt to bits who let their dog shit outside my house and didn’t take it away.
        Never been lucky enough to catch anyone as I’m an unlucky cunt.

  22. Well what I do is pick up after my two dogs have done their business, I do use doggy bags, I am not an anti social person, what I do is I have one of those scam charity plastic sacks, you know the one’s, the ones that are always collecting for some poor 3rd world charity, poor Abdul..he needs all your unwanted clothes and shoes , so what I do is put all my dog’s shit in the sack and leave it out on collection day, so when some kosovan van stops outside my house to collect the charity sack I have left out it warms my heart to think I am helping poor Ahmed…. get fucked..

    • Now now Sid; that’s no way to welcome our enriching guests from Eastern Europe! (especially the cunting Albanians).

      • I’ve heard that 1 in 20 people actually shit in the shower! I can’t believe it though. I mean, I can’t believe there’s that many Pakees in the country.

      • My ex had a real go at me for pissing in the shower! My excuse was that I couldn’t help it as I was taking a shit at the time, and it just popped out!

  23. We’ll see how ‘faithful’ some of these dog owners are to their animals as this virus bites. There’ll be a fair number of these cunts who ditch their animals rather than find money to feed them. I’ve already refused to have Percy back in the house as an extra mouth to feed!

  24. Monaco has the right idea when it comes to hound fudge.

    They have dog poo bins every couple of hundred meters, with a poop scoop bag dispenser underneath.

    No excuse not to pick it up. Saw plenty of dogs and not a single hound log anywhere.

  26. Sorry, but ALL dogs are complete cunts! Fucking hate them and applaud the Chinese for bashing the stupid tail wagging cunts over the head and then eating them! Mans best friend, fuckoff! Would your best friend shit on your new carpet and look you in the eye while doing it?? I know one of you will say YES! I concede a point on working dogs, but these fucking yappy ‘handbag’ dogs can get to fuck! Cats in the other hand, are awesome. They have been running the planet since time began, and few of us have figured it out!

  27. Chinks eat cats too, in fact they eat anything that blinks.
    And while i couldnt harm a dog or cat i could cheerfully kick a chink to bits.

    • Totally agree Miserable but I would probably make an exception for the young tasty female Chinkies. That reminds me, my missus gave me the lockdown task of constructing a bird table.
      She was well pissed off when she only came in seventh.
      Wimminz eh?

      • Heehee, you keeping ok Freddie?
        You an yours safe an well?
        There was a chinky bird yesterday giving out masks outside the supermarket (guilt?😁)
        She was tiny must of been all of 6stone.
        Windy day if she didnt hold onto something, shed be back in wuhan.

      • I’m champion, as you miserable northern cunts say. Staying well away from dirty foreign bastards, and any other bastards for that matter. Not the most onerous task i’ve ever tackled to be honest.

      • Good to hear.👍
        Yeah stay clear of anyone who job description is ‘rickshaw driver’.

    • It was the koala bears that got me. Do they import them from Oz or breed their own stock?
      Maybe they’d think it odd that I enjoy a juicy sirloin.

      • Given the restrictions on outdoor activities, the little cunts will be running wild on the moors now, with no one to control their numbers.

    • I’m rather hoping that, at some stage, having a Chinese means just that. How’d you like your Chink, fried or boiled? With an egg.

  28. Sorry for the slight deviation from this cunting but the absolute dregs of humanity who are coughing on emergency services workers and claiming to have
    Corona-virus are some of the worst fucking pond life cunt scumbags on earth.

    Shame they can’t “fall down the stairs” at the local police station.

    Normal cunting will resume shortly.

  29. Just read a report in the press saying that in the wake of the C-19 disaster, the Chinese authorities have declared mutt to be off the menu. Estimates suggest that about 10 million dogs are eaten annually by the Chinese.
    Tasty, tasty, very very tasty. Im dug velly tastee.

    • I was I introduced to the delights of dog meat while in the Philippines! Used to sit at a roadside bar quaffing ice cold San Miguel, with Boracay Rum chasers. Around 2100 every night, guys would walk buy selling snacks in little plastic bags. All manner of delights including Dog meat. Didn’t know what I was eating until the bar girl enlightened me. Wasn’t too bad, at all!

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