2020 started off brilliantly. The swamp in Parliament had been cleared and Boris was saying all the right things, but so far it’s turned into bit of a cunt year. Here’s why:
– Corona virus C-19, but don’t worry and just wash your hands. Nothing to see here.
– 125 billion wiped off the stock market.
– New IR35 rules – contracts are few and far between and the rates are lower. That’s me fucked then.
– Weird media outpouring for Phillip Schofield.
– Panic buying and fighting over toilet paper.
– China gets 5G radiation contract.
– Iran plane ‘crash’.
– Millions of snowflakes panicked by Twitter spat between Trump and Iran.
– Rain and more rain… and then more rain.
– Mud like the Somme, at least where I walk the dogs.
– Flooding in U.K.
– Terrifying bushfires in Oz.
– Megxit (that’s a good thing though)
– All Labour Party leader candidates exactly the same as Corbyn, no lessons learned (don’t care).
– St Greta visits UK and ruins Bristol for a day.
– Turkey opens border to allow thousands of men on the make into Europe.
P.S. I have a loose tooth and need to go the dentist.
Feel free to add to the list.
Nominated by Cuntologist
this year is a major cunt already and it’s only mid-march – it has rained solidly since last fucking august except for about 10 days when it was either cold, windy or both anyway – it is fucking shit – no hope of grass cutting or planting veg as the ground is waterlogged – it is a total cunt if you include all the bloody news crap
4
With the kids potentially off until September, Mrs Mitten will be stocking up on wine, which slightly increases my slim chances of a blowie.
Cunt of a year so far, though I do wonder if people will now view freedom of movement and globalisation so wonderful. Diversity and freedom of movement are so great that they enable plagues to spread round the planet like wildfire.
Long term this may be a thing which stops the rot that’s been going on for the last 20 years.
4
Lat year for me was total cunt, and with getting divorced and buying my own home, I thought this year was going to be a massive improvement. Surely it couldn’t get worse? Oh how wrong can you be? Job gone down the shitter, with at least a million other people, the real prospect of being homeless, and the weather too shit to go for a mountain wander, or a spin on the motorbike, my two favourite ways to escape the shit we call modern living. All thanks to those bat eating locusts, who I had little time for before, but now are number one on my shit list. And, the worst thing is, they seem back to normal, well, normal for them.
7
If it’s any compensation Gutstick, they reckon a further outbreak will hit the Oriental cunts in the Autumn!
6
Let’s hope they do the right thing next time and shut them off, instead of letting them float around the world like dandelion seeds. The cunts.
6
Every cunt who left the fucking door open for the zombies to enter at will should be beheaded.
5
Weather getting better now, albeit slowly. Maybe the roads are quieter now – you can go for a blast on the road/twisties and cheer yerself up?
I’m thinking of buying a camper van and just fucking off with my wonky air rifle. I’ll identify as ‘traveller’ if anyone asks.
4
I’d say it’s going to be a good time generally to sneak in some lawlessness. I’ve been wanting to off my neighbour for a while now.
4
Good thinking. I am now working at home…woohoo…and my first task will be to refit the luggage rack to the bike. See you out there.
PS check out the popgun nerd sites to make sure it’s not your technique but the air rifle that’s at fault. Spring piston guns aren’t even slightly like proper rifles to fire, and a light one will twist and twitch like a bastard while the pellet’s still in the barrel. I have however tamed a Turkish-badged Chinese number adequately with this in mind. And I once knew a farmer whose .22 rimfire threw a foot to the left at 20 yards, and who never missed a rabbit while in motion on his grey Ferguson tractor. The field looked like Watership Down vs. the Somme after he had passed that way. I couldn’t hit a barn door with the cunt. Technique!
Apologies if all this is unwanted…
3
Most libtards are bigger than rabbits – should be easy targets.
2
I have, amongst others, a theoben rapid 12. If you miss, it’s definitely not the rifle. And yes, I’m hoping for dry weather and empty roads this weekend, as I self isolate all over the stunning twisty roads of Brecon, regularly featured on top gear. Who knows how many opportunities there are left to fucking enjoy anything?
2
You have the rights of it, GJ, and a good air rifle. PCP if I am not mistaken (ABV 4.7%, the jolly barman’s name was Ted…), so not prone to spring reaction forces. OTOH I once owned a Webley Viper PCP which was utter crap – no two shots were the same speed – and I’m back to springs. HW95K Luxus. The pigeons round here mostly die of a neatly broken neck.
1
A misanthrope, I’m absolutely loving this year. Good to see covind getting going in Stabistan.
3
On the upside; the pension crisis should be sorted and hopefully the Premier league will be declared null and void.
Scouse cunts.
4
Why don’t you take a jump. Not been on here long have you?
6
The reason for the pension crisis is about 10million immos who don’t raise the tax base by as much as people who were already here. The wartime generation should have just let the fucking nazis win for all the good it’s done the nation, now populated by muslims, africunts, and selfish, ingrateful insects who casually call this the ‘boomerremover’.
3
Welll, that and cash-strapped company boards quietly robbing the firm’s pension funds a couple of decades ago. And the 2007 crash and the continuing necessity for fund managers to maintain their income while the next bubble fails to inflate, and fuck the funds. And not forgetting the native UK businessmen with their assets in Grand Cayman rather than declared here. Oh, and the international zillionaires who manage not to pay tax here either while laundering their ill-gotten gains through London property…and…
1
Much easier to blame immigrants.
0
I blame Prince Philip. 😂
1
Top earners are actually paying an increasing percentage of income tax. 43% of adults in Britain pay no income tax whatsoever, while the top 1% now pay 27% of income tax paid to the government, in 1978–79, only 11% of income tax receipts were paid by the top 1% of taxpayers.
Middle earners pay on average 28% of their income on tax – well below other top European nations. Can’t speak about other forms of government income as I’m far from an expert.
1
In the near future,.aliens land and find the world completely free of humanity. After a thorough investigation, the scout team leader reports to the captain.
“Captain, every single human is dead. Looks like a severe cough carried them off”.
‘Any good news?’.
“Yes Captain, they had the cleanest arseholes in the universe”.
3
2020 also being the year of that colossal cunt, Stormzy….
Then there’s the female and black 007 in the new Bond fiasco…
Not forgetting the big black momma as Doctor Who…
And Dickens characters like David Copperfield turning black…
It’s been a pretty black year all round really…
3
Fuck me, Dame Vera Lynn is still alive (she’ll be 103 this Friday). Just read her well-wishing comments about the Chinese flying Aids.
Good on ‘er. Thought she’d been gone for years.
2