Spy in the Wild (BBC Shite)

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I’d like a 1080p cunting please, for this pathetic, boring and above all total waste of licence fee (telly tax).

The programme, as far as I can deduce, is about dumping a robotic animal lookalike into the animals environment, to observe behaviour. The robot mimics the animals movement, etc, whilst it’s camera, which is one of its eyes, films.

Straight away, I noticed that there was some cunt filming the robot that was supposed to be filming, rendering the whole thing fucking pointless. There was a smattering of footage from the robot, but that paled into insignificance because some cunt was filming it.The robots were quite sophisticated and quite lifelike, so they must have cost an absolute fucking fortune, add to that the variety of animals they produced.

The whole thing was so shit, I couldn’t bear to watch anymore, which for me was very out of character, as I love nature programmes. It did, however, inspire me to consider “spy cunt”, whereby I place a robot cunt in Costa Coffee and observe lots of woke cunts saying “ can I get a….”

Nominated by Cuntington Smythe

97 thoughts on “Spy in the Wild (BBC Shite)”

  1. The BBC of today is like the ITV of the late 60s – cheap brainless shit but with an added layer of political correctness. Mrs. Boggs is even pissed off with the way Eastenders constantly rams Peacefuls, Dark Keys and Benders down her throat (though not enough to make her give up watching the fucking crap).The BBC would do better to show the test card 24 hours a day.

    This country is totally fucked up -apparently Suckdick is 25 points ahead in the Mayoral race, which only shows you how BAME brainless motherfuckers have taken over London – them and the arty farty poofters in the “arts” such as the BBC. Forget the massive rise in violent crime, stabbings and gun crime all is well because the whaky P*ki is “in charge”

    • If they did show testcard F, I suspect the little girl/boy/non-specific/carbon based bipedal endotherm would now be darker. And while I’m here, whats the carbon footprint of the BBC’s Race across the world?

  2. Ah, the series that also had a camera in a fake piece of animal shit…that rolled around! Maybe theytfilm the robot cameras with other robot cameras? Most nature shows are crap, but this is the worst. Plus, they all just drone on about global warming in every episode.

  3. Have never seen the show primarily because I don’t both with the BBC any more – for all the usual reasons!

    Come on, Boris, please please please fuck the BBC over once and for all, and scrap the TV Tax!

  4. Good Morning, it looks as though Spring May have arrived in the East Midlands.

    Have they got they got that semi senile old fart, aka National treasure, Sir David Attenborough doing the commentary ? It seems impossible to make a nature programme on the BBCunts without him.

  5. Completely unaccountable corporation of cunts.
    Robot animals? Flying all over the world?
    Greta! ! Start a protest!
    No?
    Fuck them all.

    • I hate robots, an by default robot animals that spy on real animals.

      As Isaac Asimov famously said “robots are fuckin creepy as fuck”.

      Robot was derived from the Polish word Robot which means slave, bet you didn’t know that! Ditto Asimov’s rules of robotic’s were adhered too until recently

      • I must have missed that bit, although Elijah Bailey was of that opinion to begin with.

      • Positive Mac!
        Very literate i am,
        He said it off record in the pub.
        With Richard Harris an Ollie Reed.
        They trashed the pub.👍

      • Good old Isaac, and his Three Laws of Robotics (plus his latter Zeroth Law)

        Elijah Bailey was a bit of a whiny cunt – reminds me of Owen Jones, for some odd reason.

      • It was actually from the Czech word ‘robota’ which supposedly means forced labour, in Ukrainian it simply means work.

      • Whilst at Uni we had a professor who built a robot to undertake building façade inspections. He used to drone on and on about this fucking robot, boring the arse of us students.

        Anyway, one day he accidentally left his computer signed on and this contained the programme to operate the robot. I think its name was Fred. Anyway, one of the students was a computer whizz and fucked around with the computer so that when the lecturer tried to sign in, it replied firstly with “Hello, I’m Fred and I love you”.

        Any subsequent keyboard input would be met with a “Beep, beep I’m Fred and I’m a fudge packing robot, beep, beep”

        The lecturer must have got around my friend’s programme modification, cos we never heard about it.

  6. I’m still waiting for human robots/androids to appear on the shelves of Aldi and Wilko.

    I want a life-like Felicity Kendall (aged 24) with a nice pert arse, firm tits, dressed in a French Maid’s uniform or schoolgirl uniform. And the good thing is she doesn’t answer back and doesn’t say “I’ve got a headache!”

    Hurry up you bastard inventors, get it sorted!

    • Diana Rigg for me when she was Mrs. Peel – the proud arch of her neck, her eyes like pools of limpid water, the ripe fullness of her firm young breasts, nipples like acorns, wrestling with me in leather (her in leather, not me)….. nurse – the screens!

      • I bet there will be some masochist cunter on here, who would love a robotic Flabbott to play with!

        Imagine that!!

      • Need a generator to inflate it, like a bouncy castle!

        “Kids! Stop playing on my love doll! Diane is not a trampoline!”

      • A 1978 Kate bush for me.
        Dressed a right little scrubber.
        Jesus, need to reassess my life.
        Talking about shagging robots wi strange men.
        Knew no good would come of venturing on the internet.

      • I would like Diana Rigg circa 1965 also.Kate Bush of 1978 would be far too flexible for me.
        God only knows what B&WC would go for; it would have an arsehole count in the low teens in all probability.

      • Diana was lovely in those 65-68 Avengers – it made me realise what a mistake I had made in marrying my old hag in 1964 🙁

      • Diana Rigg – circa 1965 – oh yessss! Great suggestion. On her own she awoke my emerging puberty (and probably a few years before she should’ve done !). Caused a fair few embarrassing “Isaac’s got the horn” moments from my sister.
        I do believe that Marcus Garvey of Elbow is her son in law.

      • And a very honourable 60s mention to the exquisite Alexandra Bastedo from the Champions. Another very athletic lady sadly much under-employed in later TV.

      • Final word on this off topic subject.

        Anybody else watch ITV4 for the daily repeats of The Sweeney? Invariably used any excuse at all to feature a fair few filthy slappers with their tits hanging out. Strippers; barmaids; gangsters molls; secretaries etc etc. They even had that Lesley Anne Down episode on last week. Tight blue woollen dress, famously without bra; X-rated nipples poking through. Google it, you won’t be disappointed!

        All that clunge……and then Jack Regan fucks off home to that dreadful ugly bint Sheila Hancock (who should have been on Deadpool centuries ago!)

      • O god yes, Diana Rigg. I’m not an analinguist, but in her case I would gladly have made an exception.

    • A custom designed sex-robot can be bought.

      retail about 3k however weighing it up might be cheaper than remarrying.

      • As long as you can turn it off I think you’d come out well in front with the shebot

    • Aww c’mon Kendal, Rigg, Bastedo and what the hell an Agutter as well, why not have as many as you can? And if you were too fucked you could tell them to have at it with each other. Life expectancy well, that’s another matter.

      Filed under thoughts I was not expecting today.

      • I’d prefer a shortened life going out in a blaze of glory with those incredible women, Fish.

        The alternative ? Self-catheterisation and smelling of piss and shit and lingering on into my 90s. There’s only room for one Flabbott. No thanks.

        And yes, great shout re Agutter. Incredible in Walkabout and horny as fuck in An American Werewolf In London!

      • Drink more, smoke more, eat well and phone your bookie. Logans Run as prescient as Felicity going down on Alexandria .. a target rich environment. Hanoi Jane for shits and giggles.

  7. I like some of the BBC nature programmes and think that they alone make the licence-fee worthwhile. I would far rather pay the 12 pounds a month for the full range of BBC output than 40 pounds a month for Sky Sports say.

    Fuck Off.

      • Im happy to pay both, cheap at half the price for quality viewing.
        Wish they did a more expensive business class tv license if im honest.

    • You should have the choice to subscribe or not subscribe to the BBC Dick, same as you do with Sky. I shouldn’t have to subsidise your viewing though.

      • Yes, I would prefer to have a choice rather than being forced to pay for a licence.

        I know you can opt out, but the constant hassle you can get from the investigators, along with knocks on the door demanding to enter your house so that they can verify you’re not receiving a TV signal, is Orwellian in my books.

      • Hey Techno, just tell the cunts you’re self isolating, they’ll soon fuck off.
        I told tv licensing to fuck off online, three times, and I still get threatening firefighters from them.
        PS. I don’t have a tv, I sometimes watch tv at my mates, and he’s a cunt too for making me watch BBC.

      • ” I shouldn’t have to subsidise your viewing though.”

        @SV…Does this mean that you wouldn’t be happy to contribute towards my “Delux Channel For The Total Wanker” upgrade on Pornhub either?…c’mon,Sixdog..if everyone were to chip in a fiver I may well wank myself into a coma.

        🙂 .

      • If you’ve not wanked yourself into a coma by now Dick, you never will.

        Seems you are one of those people gifted with extraordinary attributes, in your case the ability to wank beyond what a normal man could dream of.

        I’ll decline the opportunity to subscribe to your channel but I’m sure it will come good.

    • Hey Dick, these robot sex dolls only 3grand?!
      Suit you one of these!
      During the day could use it as a scarecrow!
      Earn its keep!

    • I would suggest Fiddler and others who are happy to pay the BBC £12 a month for nature programs would consider the Bestiality Channel for £40 on Sky ( were it to exist. I have no knowledge of this of course.) I love Sky programs. It’s amazing, the variety of programs available when you go channel hopping.
      Besides, I’m considerably richer than yow, so I can afford it.

  8. Only good things on BBC now: Pointless, Mrs Brows Boys (irish, and getting stale, even ‘Rory’ left) and Red Rock (and thats irish too). Feck!

      • New Rory is a fecking tool though. (um, admin dudes, the site wont keep my name and email, even with the box ticked)

        Your computer should remember your user name and e-mail and auto fill the boxes, we do not do that and a hotmail.cow address will chuck you into moderation.
        Type, read, then press reply and it should all work fine.

      • Depends on your browser’s password settings and whether it garners or flushes cookies on every new session.

      • Definitely techno. My iPad is dependant on that. Sometimes it will save, sometimes not.

    • I watch Pointless (although they all seem to be repeats), Richard Osman’s House of Games, the local East Midlands news and, at the moment, Back in Time for the Corner Shop. There’s the odd documentary as well but that’s more or less it. My wife watches more, soaps , dancing, stuff that bores me rigid.

      lucky you! I am tortured with repeats of fucking “Death in Paradise”

      • Ah, House Of Games. Interesting, but it seems to want to sit inbetween serious quiz and comedy panel show…

      • Agreed, but I think it does it rather well. It always staggers me how ignorant and thick celebrities are, even those you would expect to know something, eg newsreaders, you’d think the cunts would remember something from all the stories they read out but it appears the news goes from teleprompter to gob without ever passing through a brain.

      • Celebrities ARE thick as shit. I’m no genius but invariably I answer more questions correctly on even the Celebrity Mastermind specialists round and 90% of the time on the General Knowledge.

        And these are the very same ignorant cunts who think they’ve got the right to tell us how to vote……

      • “Coast” and “Dad’s Army” used to be the go-to repeats if BBC2 had a problem – Snooker finished early? 20 minutes of Coast. Lord Adonis collapsed and farted in the studio for a live interview? a repeat of Dad’s Army.

        Just lately an episode of “Flog It” (long ago ceased recording) is the TV version of aspirin of choice.

  9. Put a robot spy in the BBC boardroom and we can watch the cunts laugh at us as they drink Prosecco and snort cocaine.

  10. Bae has moved on with these things quite considerably, breaking with the rules of robotics. However they are supposedly semi autonomous.
    There was a rumour that after Gulf II one of the systems was deployed outside fallujha with effect but that it locked on to friendly forces (it did not fire)

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foster-Miller_TALON

    Now you would think this is a flight of fantasy from a disturbed individual, however the Iraqi’s themselves started to manufacture their own kill bots

    https://www.wired.com/2017/02/warbot-builders-middle-east-spill-secrets/

    so my take on the BBC series would be “Hunting with swords talon” imagine the fun you could have trundeling round the woods blowing bambi to fuck.

    • Robots killing deer? Hmm, Bambo would have something to say about that…

    • If your robot can get a clear shot at a suspicious roe deer in woodland it’s a pretty fucking clever robot. You might manage it with several, driving in line. Anyway, Fiddler’s manorial defences will make the question academic…

  11. Of course there’s spies in the wild and spies in your own home, via the Internet of Things.

    Amazon’s Alexa garnering your data that you have no idea where it goes or what will happen to it; built-in webcams/microphones on phones, tablets, laptops and smartTVs, that can be quite easily hacked so that it is always “on” and recording whatever is happening in your room. FitBit trackers, SatNav, even doorbells with built-in wireless cameras are effectively spying on you, compiling P.I. and sending it off to be sold to some 3rd party.

    • Your entire existence will be monetised via your electronic toys, none of which does anything you actually need done. Kerfuckingching!

      Also Huawei will ensure a copy of your life gets straight to its wrongful owners – the Chinese government.

      • Another very easy hack is within Windows 10’s Advanced System Settings, and the “Remote” tab where the option “Allow Remote Assistance connections to this computer” is sometimes ticked by default, along with the option below it called “Allow remote connections to this computer”

        These should only be activated if you’re at your machine and in need of remote help and aware of what is going on.

        But there’s an easy piece of software out there in hackland that can remote-desktop to your machine without the need for login credentials and runs silently in the background.

        And all because either or both of those two options were “ticked”

    • That’s why I always cover my phone camera when i’m….doing my homework.

    • Just heard it being interviewed on LBC by an extremely bemused Nick Ferrari. It’s got a right posh voice! Imagined it would sound like something from Transylvania.

    • It is proposing to take its trivial concerns to the Supreme Court now, (Who the fuck decided we needed another layer of legalists on top money re-opening cases which have already been thoroughly lost? ACDC Blair, that’s who).

      • I think I cunted Eddie Izzards great grandad at the time it was kicking off – what does he look like? – like an extra from the Curse Of The Mummy’s Tomb, thats what he looks like. He just looks like an invitation to qu. eer bashing. Probably shares Izzard’s frilly knicker collection.

    • What is it with activists, especially the ones who are campaigning for stupid shit, all look like freaks.

      • Oh, I see, these are the type of ‘misfits’ Cu**ings wants. I thought it might be input from normal non academic people. Even working class people. What was I thinking? There was the racial superiority in intelligence bullshit fella. Now this cunt. There is a pattern emerging. Thinking outside the box. Economically only, fuck people. Not the type of ‘misfit’ I was looking for. I have misjudged Cu**ings.

  13. Living BBC free for years, won’t watch it as my MOT center has said that the boiling point of my piss is dangerously low. Actually that is a lie, on site R2 am and R6 pm if I can scare the asbos off the fucking set. But no beeb tv, try it, you will feel better, I pretty much guarantee it.

  14. I can’t really bare the ‘story’ they tell, the ‘journey’ that the animals are on. So soft..

    Jonathan Livingstone Seagull comes to mind. Rammed down my throat by a worthy aunt when I was a kid. At school indeed. I never quite got through it. All about his ‘journey’ across the sea or summat. It would have been more intersting come to think if he was described dive bombing fish and chip eaters in Grimsby. Did one make off with a Chihuahua?

    And another (a worthy friend this time) constantly recommending (for spiritual uplift) Life of Pi. Anyway, sat down to watch it. What the fuck? A boy and a tiger on a raft…ffs. How could you live on a raft in the middle of the ocean with a fucking tiger!…my friend’s smiling face (who I judged to be of good judgement) lapping this up…

    • Life of Pi is fucking crap watched it once so pointless clueless and the tiger was only a model.

      And jonathon fucking seagull for fucksake what is the fucking point wtf was the author snorting when he dreamt that up. Fuck it was Richard Bach even his stupid name is burnt into my brain.

    • Life of Pi book is terrific!

      The film, not surprisingly, doesn’t hold a candle to the book. It is merely a superficial representation of events, coming nowhere near articulating the emotional, philosophical and spiritual aspects at the heart of the book. Near impossible to translate onto the screen anyway, imo. Still worth watching and entertaining enough if you ignore the hype and don’t expect too much.

      Recommend the book 100%.

      • Ahh the film may have been OK but apart from the krap computer graphics the rest of it left an indelible blank on my mind.

      • Is it more believable than that other collection of animals on a boat story? Can’t be any more ridiculous….

    • Oh dear, I need to go to Spacsavers…
      Mis-read part of that as “Did one make OUT with a chihuahua?”
      It’s a grisly image.
      Particularly as I had a schoolfriend who was brilliant at Technical Design / Art, and did a superb pen & ink of a crow, with enormous human phallus, helping itself off…

    • I’d go for the moist basic model.

      If it can get wet between the thighs, it can have a headache, and say “Not tonight.”

  16. Maybe when the country has run out of toilet paper I’ll resort to using my TV licence…

  17. How sbout a ‘Spy in the Commissioning Editor’s Office’ to see what shit ideas get the green light?

  18. I’m deactivating my dad’s army private Godfrey mode just for second.
    In regard to those documentaries using robots, I wonder if that Andy Circus fella who dressed up as Gollum and that king Kong will dress up as that Flabbot lady and film in that place with old people that get 300 quid just for turning up.
    He would have to practice her laboured breathy voice and blinking eyelids first though.
    The BBC and Flabbot and their ilk are forking cans of can’t.
    I stopped paying television tax ages ago. C*nts the lot of them.

    I’m activating private Godfrey mode now. My apologies to gentle souls on this fine website. I love you all.

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