I’ve been talking to a friend who bought a couple of Shepherd’s Huts and a couple of Yurts which he claimed to let out for anything over £100 a night, depending on dates. I thought that he was joking, especially when he told me that they contained copper baths, wood burners, etc, but apparently not. I looked up his site and it’s all true. Now, good luck to him and all that shit, but who in their right mind pays that kind of money to sit in a wooden hut, or tent in the middle of a fucking field?
I can understand proper camping (even, to a degree, caravanning)…cheap, healthy, ability to move on, etc, but what fun can there be in sitting in a fixed tent, or wooden hut for a fucking week? For the same kind of money I’d be expecting a decent bed, dinner and breakfast in a pub.
I can only assume that “Glampers” must be townies with more money than sense, who imagine that they’re “reconnecting with nature” (or some other equally appalling phrase). As far as I can see, all they are actually doing is paying a fortune to sit in an unconverted chicken shed with less room, but slightly more amenities than their own reconstituted stone, “highly sought-after”, commuter belt home.
I will also add that David Fucking Cameron owns a shepherd’s hut apparently…if my earlier points didn’t convince you, surely this one fact alone will validate my Cunting?
Fuck Glampers.
Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler
Don’t fancy settling up a few Yurts yourself then to rake in some coin? I know I would! If they want Almond milk for breakfast I’d be happy to provide it to Tarquin and Hermione.
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Na, I couldn’t stand the thought of that type whinging on about where could they get their vegan shite ….anyhow,they may get caught in the cross-fire when I’m out shooting a nice fresh young lump of animal for my dinner and that would be just terrible….cartridges cost money.
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Excellent nom DF – some luvvies I know went to “Glasters” – apparently the Winnebago with all mod cons was the order of the day. (Refused to invite me when I could not guarantee I would not belt Stormzy one!)
And if I wanted to live in a hut and be surrounded by filthy smelly idiots I would move to Pakistan!
Have at those ramblers with the Holland and Holland Sir!
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Holland and Hollands pies?
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You wouldn’t have to move to Pakistan VF there are plenty of SHITHOLE colonies here in Blighty.
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TT Rob Knott @6:53 – Agreed RK – I live in one, it’s getting browner and more stabby by the day!
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“Glampers” – well that’s my new word-of-the-day, sorted then!
Never heard of this phenomenon, but I guess it would probably appeal to to the vegan, hipster Islington types so that they can get “close to Nature” for a few days, just so long as they have access to all the usual things found in a flat, not least somewhere to charge their phones and tablets.
Greta Thunderbirds would probably approve. In fact she would insist the entire population of Britain should give up their bricks & mortar homes and all decamp into these glorified tents while shitting in a bucket – all in aid to save her childhood etc.
For the likes of Flabbott, she would probably need something a little bigger – such as an aircraft hanger or a barrage balloon!
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Caravans are for pîkeys, farm labourers, posh lefties, some farmers, East Europeans, ancient Persians, rápey people with mullets, social lepers, people who holiday in Wales, nudists, and migrants (also pîkeys).
They should be made illegal.
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I’ve always fancied my own log cabin away from the riff raff and hurly burly of the city.
Better get my lottery ticket bought.
8
This is strictly for your millennial, snowflake, save the planet, vegan dipstick. The trouble with traditional campsites and hotels is that you never know if you be mixing with Brexit voters and other such trash. This way you can guarantee that your neighbours are exactly the same Guardianista champagne socialists like yourself.
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I can see you setting up some yurts on your land for extra income Dick.
It reminds me of that Julia Davis comedy “Camping” where the naked farmer used to make an exhibition of himself.
This is not your traditional pose is it Dick?
https://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/news-photo/picture-from-a-series-of-humurous-novelty-images-taken-by-news-photo/639731436?adppopup=true
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Bertie,That photo was actually taken at a recent session at the Rose and Crown as resident organist Dominic Grieve threatens the audience if he feels they are not applauding loudly or enthusiastically enough. True gentleman that he is, Dommie ket his hat on.
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Didn’t know that WC! 😂
We could make up an IsAC calendar for the year of similar shots!
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Personally I am looking forward to the May picture, taken at last years May Day ball when Dommie was joined by Emily Thornberry and Diane Abbott in the topless go-go dancing, Dommie swaying rythmically behind the organ as the two girls shake it about a bit.
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I believe it is English law that if a gentleman is wearing a stylish hat he is not legally naked.
The Police disagree vehemently, and often make me go home and put pants on!
Poor sports I say!
6
I will never forget a fortnight in early winter, between premises, in a one-man tent, in the continuous pissing rain, in some forestry near Fort William. And if possible never repeat it. If I felt charitable to the sort of cunt who goes glamping, I would re-imagine the experience on video and put it on Youtube in the hope that they would learn from it, But I don’t and I won’t. And they wouldn’t, of course.
When much younger I often lived at the armpit end of the housing market. Including caravans, one of which was in spectacular scenery. The scenery soon palls when a gale is threatening to knock the bloody thing over every other night and the water surrounding the van is deep enough for spawning seatrout.
To the glampers I would say, get your fucking knees brown. And to Dick I would say there’s going to be an awful lot of holidays at home this year – best buy some glamps, set them up and wait for the mugs.
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I remember a friend of mine telling me about his caravan near Ford William.
He was working up there on a forwarder but decided to come home for the weekend. It was so blowy that he was frightened that his caravan might blow over,so decided to push some posts deep into the ground with the machine,wrap a couple of wagon straps around the axles and tie them off to the posts…. “Worked a fucking treat,Dick…got back on Monday morning to discover the fucking axle had never moved…..rest o’ the fucking caravan was gone mind”
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I believe that absolutely, Dick. Loch Linnhe is perfectly aligned to channel a good SWly gale all the way up to the Fort. Your mate should have roped or wired across the roof of the van, as he no doubt realised too late.
My caravan was at the junction of four glens further north, and wired down to fence posts at each corner. When the wind shifted, there’d be a deceptive lull before it battered the van from a different direction. The van didn’t move much, but the wind eventually started peeling the roof back. The “Fuck This” moment followed quickly and I found another job.
6
I spent a year in a wee pop-up tent too. Put me off camping.
3
Quite enjoy camping now and again combined with hiking but only in the finer weather obviously. Usually in the north of England as Suffolk is too flat.
Bought an expensive £500+ Cabanon 5 man tent (purchased circa 1991 as a 5 man and not as a 5 person tent) and a recent cheaper 3 man tent circa £100.
Happy to pay £25 a night for a nice pitch with electric and WiFi.
If spending £100 however would want to stay in a hotel or public house.
Having said that I did pay around £100 a night (just for the one night though) to stay with my wife and her family (and their friends) in the foothills of Mount Fuji. As the Americans would say “awesome”.
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I once went to a Wedding which was held on a “Glamping “site, with over weekend stays for guests. We had to stay in fucking “Teepees” like a fucking bunch of Apache Savages.. The weather was fucking freezing, it pissed with rain, and the “luxery ” equipment was fucking shit. Glamping was not a positive experience for me.
Imangine my horror the following morning to be wakened at stupid o clock by a horde of Glamping fuckwits who were doing a “bootcamp” Training stint, accompanied by Niger seed Music. I was incandescent with fucking rage.
Fuck all this shite! Getting married is best done in a pub ! End of !
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Teepees or wigwams? There is a difference. Did you hunt some bison and raindance like an indian?
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Never knew there was a difference Diablo..,Is it a bit like Council House and Private ?
2
Teepee is what we see indians in in westerns. Wigwam has an arched roof, sort of rounded. I didn’t know the difference until QI. Great show.
0
Excellent cunting. Glampers really are the epitome of campsite wankstains. We use a camper (lived in it for seven months on tour) having done tents and what have you for decades. You see the Glamper breezing through campsites like it’s shit doesn’t stink on the way to the communal facilities like everyone else. Pretentious clueless unbrave fuckknuckles, they irritate me like nettles in your pants.
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I can see this as acceptable if you’re the Duke of Wellington on campaign or Ghengis Khan, otherwise you’re a cunt.
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The mongolian horde swept across the country, conquering all, with the motto: ”if anyone can, Genghis Khan”
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Dick a lot of potential glampers appear on the BBCs Escape To The Cuntry, where Hyacinth Bucket types complain that they *only* have a three acre garden and they need – nay, demand – at least 5 acres because little Gemima wants a pony for her birthday. When they discover that the daily woman wants a pay rise for mucking out, Mrs. Bucket decides to give up her 2 acre rose and asparagus garden to pay for it, and the best way to acheive this, without having frightful people in the house as you would have if you operated a B & B, you put up some of these wooden huts well away from the house, downwind from the portable lavatory and let them self cater as they pretend they are roughing it, which indeed they are till 9 a.m. the next morning when they will depart in the 4 X 4 to the nearest town to enjoy “a coffee” and a muffin as they devour that days Independent or Tuesdays New European.
Campers up their own arse in fact.
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Spot on WC however you forgot to include the equally shitty Guardian.
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Equally shitty? I wouldn’t wipe my arse with it. Would you?
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I wouldn’t wipe your arse with anything K!
4
I arseked for that. But I am delighted to hear it.
3
Simple. If you’re going to camp, then CAMP. If you even think of glamping, go to a hotel, snob.
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All this camping was all right 80 yrs ago but now it must fuck off.
But I am keen on those migrant camps half way up a mountain in the snow.
Fuck those cunts.
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I have been camping twice, dreadful experience, never again!
3
Twice? That’s three times too many.
The best way to view a campsite is out of the open bomb doors of a B-52.
I should imagine this is also the best way to view the ones halfway up a mountain……shortly before a large bucket of man-made sunshine is poured over it.
5
I prefer the …..ahem…. holiday camps where the peacefuls- sorry, guests- have to work down a fucking uranium mine with a blunt plastic spoon for 16 hours a day, for a frozen bowl of cow piss with a few cockroaches skating around on it.
And if they don’t meet their quota, the lazy cunts get ovened..
6
Oven you say?
Yes that’s a rather splendid idea.
Oven all the cunts.
5
Aah – I believe these holiday camps are called “Chinese musdslime re-education centres”!
Topping principle IMO.
3
I’m a cunt then, but I’ve never made a secret of it! I’m debating a shepherds hut or glamming pod at the bottom of the garden as an occasional guest room. That will be offered to the in-laws should they want to visit and stay over. I will also keep a couple of my Tarantulas in there to make it more appealing.
6
Love camping!
My favourite thing, beer, whisky, fire, meat cooked outdoors, love it.
Dunno about Glamping though?
Never paid to camp in my life, deep in woods, side of a hill, a cave, yes, but giving some cunt money?
Naw.
I want one of those shephard huts, know a bloke that makes them,
Logburner, stain glass windows, thats my plan!
Buy small bit of woodland and plonk a shephards hut on it, second home.
An im taking my bow an going naturalist while im there to scare cunts off.
6
Basically posh tarts tend to have them for Hen Parties for some strange reason. Fuck knows, fuck cares
2
To be fair i am a bit of a posh tart.
2
Glamping is only appropriate and endorsed by certain types…..
1 …. tight cunts who try to kid everybody or the bird they are trying to shag that it’s “COOL “ whilst saving a few quid on the side…… ( get a decent hotel you utter cunts or actually fucking camp)
2…. right on cunts who support spoon faced puppet of liberal cuntery Greta Thunberg and think they are somehow saving the planet , “doing their bit” completely unaware that their BMW X5 has the fuel consumption of a WW2 king tiger tank…..
3…. Gaylords , uphill gardeners and certain types who prefer the “ tradesmans entrance”
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I prefer the bridge of The Black Pig, not had good camping experiences!
2
Chumming the channel and watching the feeding frenzy as the sharks nudge the dinghy over?😁👍
2
Outstanding idea MNC, and if the dinghies don’t “nudge” I am sure a couple of blasts from Sir Fiddlers blunderbuss and punt gun should do the trick – no need for the coastguard or silly rescue operations, could be coronavirus in the sea, can’t be too careful!
Just painting a nice friendly skull and crossbones on the bow!
2
We’ll sit an drink rum in armchairs made from the thighbones of the dead while both cheating at cards!😁
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Sleeping in a tent is when there is no other option e.g halfway up Aconcagua, or halfway to Moscow. Easily packed for a rapid advance or retreat as the case may be
3
Anyone who wants to glamp or fucking camp or fucking sleep at a festival is a fucking boring cunt who clearly needs more class A’s.
3
Given that commercial overnighting away from home is always going to cost, I’d sooner just B&B or hotel. I don’t want to wake up 1st thing to find a tubercular badger noshing me off.
3