Don’t Offend Criminals

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Emergency Cunting please.

Apparently, we won’t be allowed to call certain criminals “offenders” any more, according the HM Prison and Probation Service, as they find this quite offensive and antiquated in today’s more inclusive society.

From now on, any criminal under supervision will be called “a person subject to probation services”.

So, never mind about rising crime and shite sentencing, let’s all worry about not offending the offenders!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2020/03/20/offenders-become-people-subject-probation-services-move-create/

Nominated by Technocunt

66 thoughts on “Don’t Offend Criminals”

  1. What? Individuals who have been convicted of a crime are….criminals!
    What next – victims of r*pe to be re-classified as “f*cking begging for it”?
    Victims of theft re-classified as “deserving it for having stuff”?
    Perhaps we should take this to it’s logical conclusion, jail the victims.
    Good nom techno, we live in a crazy World.

    • To be fair “victims of r*pe to be re-classified as “f*cking begging for it”” seems to have been the standard for decades. Statistics seem to show that a person’s no more likely to be convicted of rape now than they were 50 years ago.

    • Certain women who claim to have been raped are actually lying. Not all, but some. Plus, the term ‘offender’ in that context actually means a persn who repeatedly commits crimes, so a first time (and maybe only time) crime does not make you an offender. Saying that, the justice system is a cunt.

  2. Yeah, and if you catch one of the bastards burgling your house don’t forget to check that he hasn’t injured himself jemmying open your door and make him a nice cup of tea. If it’s cold out give him a nice warm scarf and a pair of mittens. We wouldn’t want the pikey cunt to be offended would we?

    • I wouldn’t give any pikey cunt in my house the time to become offended or anything else, except battered.

    • How to offend a pikey: “Get a bath! Learn to read and write! Stop driving uninsured transit vans full of stolen goods around! Clean up those shitty nappies you dirty f*cking animal”! “Stop running on to my hammer”..
      Dreadful Man I am! 😀

      • Also, stab a pikey intruder. That makes them really upset 😂

        (That poor old man. I wonder how he’s doing)

    • Law now states you can use reasonable force in any situation. Who decides whats reasonable, the law does. In that case mr law, tell us EXACTLY what we can do to someone breaking into our house – a simple punch, a baseball bat to the head, or a knife in the chest?

  3. We could always just call them “Sir Philip Green”s….imagine their shame!

  4. Kiddy fiddlers could be called “early educators” or simply “Father O’Mally”.

  6. You’ll find PC/SJW posturing like this will become less and less prevalent during current events – possibly the single benefit to the whole fucking virus debacle. After all, who is talking about feminism or tranny rights at the moment? No-one – because we can see how truly wind-pissingly unimportant this type of utter bollocks is in the face of real societal problems.

    This ’criminal label’ downplaying wank, I suspect, was in motion before the lockdown hit. It is nevertheless a glorious reminder of how inept, overpaid and utterly pointless 75% of governmental departments actually are, the useless shitcunts.

    • I hope you are right ECB. I can see exhibitionists like Eddie Izzard and Grayson Perry topping themselves to get attention because they can’t persue their occupations as pantomime dames to get attention.

      Even Greta Thunberg seems to have shut up her face. Every cloud…..

    • One suspects when all this is over and a notion of normality has returned, the Woke Community will be looking at the stats, suggesting that:-

      More blacks died
      more trannies were left untreated
      no one cared about the one-legged non-binaries
      And that Stormzy is blaming Brexit and the old Empire for the bug (which itself was probably racist and homophobic against the Alphabet Communuity)
      .

      • “It affected wimminz worse” – no, they just complained more.
        “The LGBT community were devastated” no, they just ran out of mascara and lippy – selfish Grayson and his panic buying!
        “It affected the gayness terribly” – no, Hampstead heath and public toilets were closed to all.
        “Eddie Izzard died” – yes, but that was on stage, teach him for borrowing Graysons outfits and Nish’s routine!

  7. Suck Dick Khunt , I feel, has fucked his chances of winning the next London Mayoral election.Good.

    Joe Daki cunt.

  8. Im going to worry myself sick over offending criminals!
    Cant keep up with modern lingo, know ill make a faux pa, upset some poor gyppo/paki/ tranny/bogwòg/……
    Oh the stress of it.

  9. I have just noticed in my nom the careless use of the word “So” at the beginning of a sentence!

    I beg forgiveness and will now suffer the appropriate punishment of licking Flabbott’s sweaty armpits!

    (In the words of Captain Oates, I may be some time)

    • No need for forgiveness, Techno – Your “So” is correctly placed, as an alternative to “Therefore” – Unless my English is a tad rusty by now, in which case… Techno Notice !

    • Interesting you mentioning Oates, I Just finished “South with Scott” by Evans. It’s a good Ripping Yarn to fill in a day or so of the current zombie apocalypse. Those blokes pulled 300 pound sleds 15 miles a day for months on end. Then spent 5 months snowed in a cabin in the dark; bearable I suppose, because they’d not bought their wives along. What are we now 9 days in?

  10. Crims they are and crims they stay, you could label them sugar plum Unicorns they would still be crims.

  11. Well we cant risk offending the law breaking shit stain scum, who are nothing but a boil on the ass of the country, these cunts should be put to hard labour, wear stripey overalls and be chained together by the ankles……in fact why do we give a fuck about offending them,a good cunting for these dont bend over to pick up the soap criminal cunts fuck em….

  12. Adolph Hitler, Chairman Mao, Stalin, Idi Amin, Vlad the Impaler , all of them no longer offenders against humanity, but “Persons Subject to the Naughty Step!”

    • “They were only giving orders”!
      That roll call sounded like the front bench of the Labour party (AKA “The British Communist Party”)

  14. How about calling them ‘perps’?

    I realise Americanisms are verboten on this site, but could we not relax the rules for once in this instance?

  16. Think they should be known as Person Recently Incacerated Criminally Known

    Gobshites

  17. Perhaps just an apology and compensation from the victims of crime will do it, hopefully that will assuage the delicate sensibilities of these poor little felons!
    Now, can we all club together to compensate the poor little Man who decided that NHS care extends to punching a fifty odd Year old NHS worker at Salford hospital so hard he broke his cheekbone.
    This poor misunderstood angel needs a trip with me for some up close and personal counselling with my assistant “Barry the bat”.

  18. My son is a prison officer, if that is still the name. The prisoners are now to be known as “men”, and their cells are “rooms”. Due to the lockdown there are no visitors and the “men” are only allowed out of their “rooms” for 45 minutes in small groups. He says it’s great and it’s actually like working in a prison now.

    • “Small groups.” Isn’t that contrary to official government guidelines?

      • Oh I should imagine that they would stick to the rules governing social distancing. They’re well known for sticking to the rules, those “men”.

    • The joys of prison privatisation Betty – poisoned with spice or stabbed! Glad to see some semblance of control being returned.
      The PC brigade seem to have somewhat forgotten that imprisonment is supposed to be a PUNISHMENT!

      • You would’ve thought there wouldn’t be so much spice getting in either. They’ll just have to sit in their “rooms” and think about their life choices. And then do it again once they’re released.

      • Sounds like me when the good lady is in a mood with me Betty!
        Luckily she is holidaying in Mordor at the moment.

      • Remember, its prison AS punishment, not FOR punishment. Anyway, forget the prisoners, its the prison itself that flouts their own rules.

    • When I wore that particular uniform, I made it a habit to learn all the cons first name! That way, I never once had to call them Mr!

  20. A few words, In old Romania, after sentencing a picture of the convict with charges and punishment was put on a board in the town square, every one knew you were a thieving bastard.
    Next respect goes two ways, you stop breaking the law and I will stop calling you a thief, that sort of sums that one up.
    Lastly I recall that prison slang, being called a Bacon was the worse thing possible, enough to get them killed in fact.
    Bacon bonce rhymes with nonce = kiddy fidler rapist hence the requirment of “Vunerable persons units” where they can be protected from the better class of criminal.
    Any way they are all cunts and repeat offenders should have their foreheads tattooed with a big C.

    • Those prisn wings also contain ‘anyone who could be victimised’. The elderly, disabled people, trans-people. Most sex-offenders still in regular prisons are on the main wings and claim to be in for ‘burglary’ or some other shite.

  21. I might be wrong but wasn’t there a time when prisoners had to wear prison-issue clothes in order to make them stand out from the crowd?

    And if they did why they fuck did they get rid of that idea and let them wear more or less whatever they want? Or is that because they didn’t want to make prisoners feel too detached from society?

    • You will love this.
      “Any Prisoner who is sentenced to 15 years or over who engages in a violent act against staff or inmate, or attempts to block access to staff or inmates can be shot”
      This is an extract from KZP (Criminal code Republic of Croatia)
      My question was, so how do we tell them apart? (they all wear blue denims).
      No answer to that one, which is why on the whole they behaved.

    • They wear grey trousers and jumpers and a blue t-shirt. Wearing your own clothes, you have to earn. This is contrary to prison rules.

  22. Well they won’t like my fucking idea then.

    After the Chinese Genocide Flu, we’re going to be skint for years. Decades even. The Chinese won’t pay up, you can count on it, so we’ll all be taxed to fuck for the rest of our lives.

    Therefore, we need to trim unnecessary expense from our coffers. One of those things; and there are many in my book, all of which would send Owen Jones into full temper tantrum mode, would be to execute life long criminals. Or to drop them of on an uninhabited island somewhere 1000s of miles from anywhere else, and let them fend for themselves/kill each other.

    I’m taking about the sort of cunts that are the serious criminals of course (nonces, murderers, rapists,) but also the twats who continually rob houses or mug old grannies. The lifelong criminals that never change. And yes, a lot of them are pikeys, but not all.

    Get these drains on our economy and quality of life off our tax bills. We can’t be having cunts costing us money from now on.

    “Readyaimfire!” (C) Blackadder

    • Dress all prisoners as Flu Man Chu, before release back into society, preferably near Lord Fiddler’s he’ll-hounds..

    • You remind me of a rather excellent Japanese film called “Battle Royale” with schoolkids send to a remote island and to fight each other to the death – a kind of updated “Lord of the Flies”

      Throw in some “Escape from New York” and you have the perfect mix of remote island savegary, murder and survival for all the scumbags in the country.

      Perhaps even throw in some “Running Man” and have it broadcast live on ITV1 at peak time!

      • Fucking love Battle Royale. Even the sequel is quite enjoyable. The liberal cunts in Hollywood have shamelessly ripped it off with Hunger Games and Purge

    • …and deport all the foreign people from our prisons! New ITV series ‘prisoner battle royale’, 15 prisoners put on an island to kill each other and the one who wins gets his record wiped. By the way admin: nónce is not a word, its an acronym, its n.o.n.c.e. Standing for not of normal criminal element, and covering ALL sexual crimes.

  23. “From now on, any criminal under supervision will be called “a person subject to probation services”

    I’ve got a MUCH better idea. Why don’t we just call them, CUNTS.

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