Bossy Wives

Bossy wives…like mine.

“Will you get this laundry sorted out? No that´s not the way to do it. (Big sigh.) You do it like this and that. Let me show you.”

“Can you put these cases in the boot of the car? No that´s not the way to do it. (Big sigh.) You do it like this and that. Let me show you.”

“Can you move the table back a bit? No that´s not the way to do it. (Big sigh.) You do it like this and that. Let me show you.”

Why do you bloody well ask me to do it if your way is the best? Why don´t you do it yourself, woman? And leave me in peace!

Nominated by Mr Polly

70 thoughts on “Bossy Wives

  1. Lady Creampuff knows better than to try bossing me around. So she bosses her brother and mother instead, poor saps.

  2. I do try to help around the house, but my missus always complains about something or other.

    For example, I put some new towels out for the kitchen and bathrooms, but she says “They’re the wrong ones, They don’t match!”

    I change the bed with some new sheets and pillow cases. But she says “They’re don’t match either. And they’re creased too!”

    So I help loading the washing machine, but she’s there again moaning that I’ve put this in with that, and they don’t match!

    Or I put yogurts and tubs of butter in the fridge, but she moans because they’re on the top shelf and she can’t reach!

    Moan moan moan.

    One day I’ll dig a hole under the patio and bury the cow (although knowing her she’d probably still moan that I hadn’t put some top soil down)

    • I do all the cooking, washing up, day to day shopping, maintenance jobs around the house, and mowing the lawn.

      She does all the laundry, ironing, toilet cleaning, computer /printer maintenance and gardening.

      We are both strangers to the hoover.

      • I’ve sold my Hoover on E-bay.
        Well, it was just gathering dust.
        Afternoon Ruff one.
        They’re now saying that because of the situation in Spain, there will be a huge shortage of Seville marmalade later this year.

      • Afternoon Bertie.

        That’s okay, I stocked up on marmalade big time when Sainsbury’s had it on special offer just after Christmas. Only have it on Sundays anyway, so got at least 6 months supply in the cupboard right now. 😊

      • I kid you of course but at the moment it’s difficult to distinguish between fantasy and reality!
        It’s like stumbling onto the set of a science fiction film.

  3. “Shut the fuck up and suck my cock luv. Get me a beer before you get started. Hurry up.”

  4. Mrs fretting constantly about this virus. She only has problems no solutions. Which is what I said to her.

    “Listen, the world has gone to shit but leave it to me and I’ll make sure we’re ok. That’s my job now. Follow me, don’t question me, I’ll deal with all the stress, but only if you stop adding to it.’

    Seemed to work. She’s calmer and deep down, I think it gave her the ‘orn. Women are great but not a crisis like this. Most of ’em anyway. World is back to just the two genders now for sure.

    Be strong and shoulder the burden, gentlemen!

  5. Another reason I’ll never get married…at least with a girlfriend you can tell to fuck off and she won’t bother you again or try and get (in my case) half your considerable wealth and properties.
    When you first meet a sexy bird she can’t do enough for you…plenty of knob sucking and even sexy underwear. When you get married she gives up and becomes a fat whining cunt who only sucks you off on your Birthday if you have been a good boy.
    Nah fuck that I’ll carry on the way I am, although when I’m an old cunt I might get married so I’ve got someone to cook for me and wash my pants.
    Go fuck yourself.

    • “ When you first meet a sexy bird she can’t do enough for you…plenty of knob sucking and even sexy underwear. When you get married she gives up and becomes a fat whining cunt who only sucks you off on your Birthday if you have been a good boy”

      Something every young lad needs to learn, it’s a fact of life for many married men.

      • This what I don’t understand SV, I get the wanting to marry the lady you love etc but why does the passion disappear? It’s all the women’s fault…she gives up making any effort once her claws are firmly dug in.
        Not for me old chap.

      • I make you right B&WC, don’t surrender to a ball and chain until you have to, by which time you’ll care not.

      • Why are they all the same? My Mrs was exactly like that – exactly! It must be something to do with the original X chromosome having been spliced with cunts from Venus or something. They are so bloody alien! Grrrrr

    • Get sucked off on your birthday, you must be bloody joking. Blowjobs stop the day you put a ring on her finger.

    • Do what I did! Relocate to Asia, and get yourself a maid. £150 per month. Cooks, cleans and irons and will give a cracking massage with happy endings!

      • We stay together because of the dogs and I couldn’t risk taking them to Asia, some bugger would eat them.

  6. Wife: Get the coal in, im popping over to Angela.
    Me: okey dokey.
    3 hours later…
    Wife: what the fuck. Looks around kitchen. Rayburn is surrounded by buckets, flowerpots, bowls, cups, etc, all full to the brim with about half a ton of coal.
    Wife: ill get the coal in from now on.
    Problem sorted, she never asks me to do anything now.

  7. My other half ain’t so bad, but then we’ve not lived together long.

    My kids mum would never ask me to do anything directly, she’d just list out loud that all these things needed doing.

    • A swift fuckin uppercut will sort it mr Polly!
      Thats what happened in our house.
      Now i do as im told.😁😁

      • Good form Sir – I prefer being uppercutted by the good lady – it’s easier on the teeth! (She can’t reach up to me – haha!)
        And for gals who become a little fractious I recommend researching “acid bath murderers” and “where can I buy acid” – then accidentally leave the laptop mopen when she can see it that generally does the trick!
        Although, old mean sod I am, I have to admit that if my partner and I split I would badly miss her dog 😄👍

      • Excellent form Sir! Man is born to be a wild feral beast, Woman is born to control him – bash them over the head, drag them back to the cave, make all that effort in the name of romance, clean most of the blood out of your bear skin suit and what’s the first f*cking thing she says when she regains consciousness?
        “Ooh – look at the state of those curtains – you just love making me look bad in front of Ug’s Wife don’t you”?..

      • Foxy im outnumbered in our house, missus, daughter, even the akitas of the female persuasion.
        They tag team me,
        The fuckin goldfish has more of a say than me.
        Occasionally put my foot down but get a weeks silent treatment.
        I savour those times.☺

  8. The reason I never got married. Women are obsessed with control. I’ve always believed if two people both think their priority is to please their partner then a 50-50 relationship can work. That’s what I call a true partnership and it’s the sort of relationship I always looked for, but I never found it. I’ve found one woman who wanted me to be her boss and a whole load of women who wanted to be my boss. But no-one who wanted to be an equal partner.

    • Exactly that Allan, it needs balance. If your lucky you’ll find that balance once in your life. Well said.

      • “It needs balance”? …well in my case that balance will take the form of a fucking ducking stool with her bitch-witch of a mother at the other end!!!

  9. In other news I saw that Alan Titchmarsh talking abaaaaaht we must save our British growers…my mate Dave the Grower said his indoor growing business is booming. 😁

    • Excellent form B&WC – the plucky spirit of the great English businessman – well, it’s a growth industry, so to speak! 😄

  10. My instructions come in the form of ‘are you going to’. With a hint of menace.

  11. I suspect many men secretly enjoy being bossed about by their wives but only up to a point.

    As a house husband I set myself and complete many tasks throughout the day.

    Never a compliment or praise about the high standard and quality of work performed, but always keen to moan about the smallest fucking thing.

    Also often get the feeling that both my wife and son try on purpose to make as much mess as possible as they know I will have to sort it.

    Mixed feelings on this nom.

    • Take my sage advice WS – one word – and I mean ONE WORD from me – and my good lady does exactly as she pleases! 😄😄
      I do love her to bits though – a few more weeks of this lockdown and I will have to think about giving her a call!

  12. The thing about being married is that I can’t have a wank in peace; and neither can I watch porn on the TV or the computers because you just know she’s going to barge in at the most inappropriate of times.

    Even getting a hard-on doesn’t go without the usual questioning. In other words “Are you thinking about me or that Greta bird you keep on banging on about?” (more like Felicity Kendall from 40 years ago, but never mind love)

    • I was questioned about my alleged “self abuse” by the good lady – I told her firmly “it’s consequence free sex with someone I actually care about”!
      Then off I ran..😄

    • My wife seriously suggested to me only a couple of weeks or so ago that I might consider moving my computer from the top room of the house to either the downstairs dining or breakfast room.

      When I asked her for what reason, she said I spent too much time on my own and apart from the family.

      Two reasons I replied, firstly I very much enjoy being apart from the family, and secondly probably not a great idea for all concerned that I live up to my name in public view.

  13. Met a friend who informed me his really bossy wife was in hospital with women’s trouble. “Problems of a gynecological nature?” I asked.
    “No” he said, “A broken jaw”.

  14. The wife and I have a perfect relationship. I do what she says downstairs, she does what I say upstairs. She’s happy, I’m happy (especially when she’s got my Villa shirt on).

    • My wife NEVER does anything I want Ron.

      And that’s the honest truth of the matter.

      God I’m so fucking bored of being confined to home.

      Thankfully I will have access to my allotment for the very first time tomorrow and intend to spend much time there. Checked the governments website and allotments come under “exercise”.

      Find it rather strange though that we are allowing direct flights and untested passengers in from China, Tehran and Northern Italy, allowing them onto our underground but at the same time telling us to stay indoors.

      Anyway, the allotment comes with a large shed.

      Hopefully happy days.

  15. I was making wild frenzied love recently – then I heard the good lady’s car pull up outside and the girl from Morrisons had to jump out the window a bit sharpish!

  16. I remember the first time I “invited the good lady to the boudoir” – undressing to reveal a lovely lacy basque, stockings, sexy knickers, the lot!
    She looked at me and said “those stockings are laddered and that outfits way too small for you fatty”!

  17. A brilliant nomination and comments thread, one of the best, really cheered me up this one.

    If women are allowed to, then they will, be and become bossy that is. Nature abhors a vacuum. A high percent of women are soft in the head, but, they also think they’re know-it-all’s as well too.

    They have to be put in their place right from the early days, and kept in their place.

    I usually dump all my women at the 2 year mark, or sooner.

    In the historical past, surely, men were in charge at home. Nowadays what with political correctness we can’t even whack them around the head full force, to keep them in their place. Might be able to take them over knee for a sound bare bottom spanking, and a fuck afterwards, if they’re lucky.

    Listen love, if keep on nagging/bossing me around it is not going to end well,for you.

    A friend of mine, tells a story, when he was a young man of 21 he was shacked up with a bird, 19. He came home from work and he found her in bed with another man. He gathered up all her possessions, clothes, dresses, shoes, make up etc put them out on the front lawn poured a gallon of petrol over and set fire to the lot As the bonfire was raging, her father and some neighbors arrived and asked. He replied, found her in bed with another man. So it was fair and just. This was long time ago, like 30 years ago.

    Women need discipline, it’s obvious. Nature abhors a vacuum and if a man shows weakness the wife will quickly fill it with nagging and bossy boots etc.

    It’s not dissimilar to the manager and subordinate in the workplace. The lower orders are not given the opportunity to disrespect their superiors.

    A friend of mine from Uni days was once upon a time one of the greatest shaggers in town. Nowadays when he wants to attend our social reunion which is held once a year, he has to ask permission from wife, and sometimes she’s denied him, says HE has to be babysit etc. for a social weekend which is held once a year.

    Too many men are hen-pecked and beaten down. Black and White Cunt had it right, never give a woman the though or opportunity (or legal entitlement) to make a claim on 50%+ of your investments, it’s just not right.

    The most agreeable girlfriends I have had are Eastern European ones. IE they are old school more like how British women/wives used to be.

    +1 for Felicity off the Good Life, something of a perfect woman/wife, exceptionally attractive and never gave Tom any grief etc.

    Modern life, MTV generation and consumerism and “beauty” driven by the beauty industry is a lot to blame, has a lot to answer for. The behavior of most women on most online dating apps is absolutely fucking disgusting.

    Women fall into few categories, those that suck cock because they like it and enjoy it or those that only suck cock out of strange sense of duty or obligation and those blowjob privileges quickly dwindle, especially after the wedding cake has gone stale and the credit card bill for the Honeymoon has arrived.

    I’ve never been married or engaged and prob never will. I don’t like answering to anyone, and by rights a man shouldn’t answer to wife.
    Women’s lib, equal rights, and FEMINISM has got a fucking lot to answer for too!!

    PS: Ch-inky bat flu and it’s global propagation is man-made and intentional. It’s something worse than WW 1 and WW 2.

    Go fuck your wife ……or someone else.
    I’ve never fucked someone else wife but wouldn’t mind a go, consequence free of course, never leave your surname, of course.

  18. Mrs Unkle Terry knows I’m a horrible cunt so leaves me alone to make cuntish decisions.
    I’m having home made chilli for tea and I had nowt to do with it.
    And some lager.
    Bossy women can fuck off.
    Good evening.

  19. I must be one of the lucky few on here. Met the Mrs when I was 33 and she was 20. Didn’t think it would last long, but 20 years later we’re still together.

    Doesn’t nag much, and will suck my dick every couple of weeks. The kids knacker you too much for sex all the time.

    Do you have to change a bit. Yeah. But I’d have drunk myself to death by now.

    • When I was younger I had what you’d call a long term relationship. There was quite an age gap. At the time she was 19 and I was 35. We were out for a meal and some smart ass cunt gave me a load of abuse about it. Fucking ruined our 10th anniversary!

  20. Then say that and down tools, or do it your way and be damned … unless you’re an entirely illogical retard who can’t be trusted with anything, Up, hot or sharp.

  21. When I married Mrs Fistula the 1st I had relatives saying things at the reception like. “You love her so much you could eat her, in 10 years you wish you had “

    I only served 8 years in that god awful marriage.

  22. The issue with Mrs Plastic is we run hot and cold. Of a .morning-‘I’m freezing’ ‘ Are you? I’m boiling’. ‘Feel my hand’, I’m freezing’ ‘I’m boiling’. Never ‘Oh, you are, turn the heating on then’
    So all the windows thrown open on a cold day, even the door. A memory off looking at our row of terraced houses one freezing night. All the windows shut, ours wide open.
    The truth is she is hot all the time. I am cold.
    Of course it comes from her warmheartedness she says. Her inner warmth.
    I’m cold now typing this.
    Sentimental bit-yes it only works out well when I snuggle up at night.

    • We have something similar Miles.
      Me & the dog are made for cold weather, missus and daughter always cold.
      We always have the backdoor open even when snowing.
      Upstairs they have the heating on.
      Im never really cold.

    • Other way round with my missus, I was always (literally) the hot blooded one which of course makes you the snuggliest thing around, made sure I got into bed first to take the chill off her side, fuckin’ soppy cunt for sure but I never went short of a chewy or an ‘ate o’cock alarm call’. Used to chase her squealing roung the house with it swinging it round like Officer Dibble’s fucking truncheon. lol

  23. That reminds me. To paraphrase the nursery rhyme.

    #Mr Polly, put the kettle on, the kettle on, the kettle on.
    Mr Polly, put the kettle on, we’ll all have tea.#

  24. I really wanted to post on this thread but the wife’s given me a list of jobs 😂😂

  25. I’ve not experienced bossy wives as I have never been married. I have had experience of bossy women, though. Mainly during childhood. School mistresses, and my mother, Dessert Spoonington.
    “Tidy your room!” “Don’t talk back to me!” “Stop playing with it, you’ll go blind!” etc etc.

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