Over 50s Life Insurance Ads

I would like to offer a heartfelt cunting to the bloodsucking bastard companies who not only offer this service, but advertise the fact through shitty adverts with poor quality actors at every break on several commercial TV channels.

My enjoyment of “Talking Pictures” (Channel 81) is constantly undermined by their appearance at every advert break – not just one but all of them. During the “Night Of The Demons” the other night, we had the one where a group of people grab a friend or relative to tell them about the “wonderful” offer from one, then not to be outdone, the old bissom gets her letter about her Over 50s Life Insurance and talks about it to her daft-as-arseholes daughter. (“What’s that mummy?”) There is the one with the DIY man and his grandson, and the one where you can either pay for your funeral, or “leave a gift for a loved one”. Add the charities that want you to leave them a gift in your will.

We all know we are going to kick the bucket, but why do they have to keep reminding us with these asinine adverts? I don’t intend leaving Mrs Boggs anything – I like to think she could fend for herself. Nice to see romance ain’t dead – Admin

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

113 thoughts on “Over 50s Life Insurance Ads

  1. I’ve seen these, they are bloody awful. The old people almost seem happy that they will kark it, silly cunts. Every one of these adverts is depressing and boring. They are almost as bad as the continuous barrage of fucking online bingo adverts. The country would be a far better place without online gambling. Cunts.

      • Them HSl chair ads do yer head in as well.There used to be a fit granny in the ad but now they’re using a younger women and nowhere as sexy as the old bint.

      • HSL Chairs sponsor Louisiana State Penitentiary.
        Roll one.

        Maybe when I’m a bit older, and probably not much more daft than at present, I shall share a cuppa with a neighbour, grinning and chatting inanely about some stupid funeral policy.
        Fuck it; they can do me a pauper’s barbecue. If my corpse is unclaimed, they won’t pay the leccy bill at the mortuary forever, they need the space. So I’ll be cremmed in the “graveyard shift.”, on Economy 7. They don’t want you to know that.
        If anybody wants (a) service, they can nip to the pub for a few pints and sarnies.
        Sod Parkinson, Titchmarsh, and Vorderman with her improbable silicone bosom.
        That’ll learn them.

  2. What about old Joan keep popping round with the old git’s post next door. She obviously wants a seeing to but he can’t see it. Cunt.

  3. I tell my grandchildren I have no Life Insurance because I want them to be really sad when I die.

    • You have got that wrong.
      If you have life Insurance the relatives show a lot more grief until the will is read.
      It really upsets them when they find out that you have left it all to a Tibetan candle maker.
      Greedy cunts.
      Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

  4. i definately think June wants some screwing action. I know I’m going to kark it eventually. My ambition is to be shot by a jealous husband when I’m 103. My last words will be your Mrs was crap, her sisters a better ride, but not as good as her mother.
    Apart from that, the begging adverts get a do fuck off, together with a complimentary cunt.

  5. I see the rising scourge of the equity release adverts too.

    “Why not re-mortgage the house and then spunk all the cash on some shitty cruise, catch corona virus and then croak it leaving fuck-all to the kids, as it’s been signed over to us”

    The financial services sector inventing another way to fuck people over. Evil cunts.

  6. Then there is the plastic and botoxed fucking Vorderman, advising the stupid cunts to release equity, and help their kids. Fuck the kids, and fuck Carol. I’d rather shag a pig.

    • You’re not originally from Vietnam are you because I’m sure this is the second day running you’ve said “I’d rather shag a pig? “

      • Pig mad isnt he?
        Bertie, that CS bloke says your not real!
        Your one of his puppet personas!

      • In the words of B&W, I don’t know what he’s on abaaaht!
        Although Mrs B sometimes tells me she wishes I was a figment of her imagination.

      • By the way hes still here, notice the new names popping up?
        Jesus CS if a thick cunt like me can see you plain as day your hardly Moriarty!!!😁👍👍

        No it is not cs, (there are a few) Cs uses his mobile phone and is active on the Vodaphone network so the logs (that is IP trace) show him when he finishes work and reply on his train journey home, once at home he shuts up, make of this what you will but it fits his profile, however it is fun so let us roll with it.

      • Once he gets home he stops!!
        His mum!
        Hes living with his mum .
        Fish heads.
        The daft cunts given me a speech impediment admin, triggered my Tourettes.
        Fish heads up yer arse!

      • I must be telepathic. I stopped myself from commenting on one of his earlier efforts that he must be living with his mum. Either that or with a roomful of cats. But I never cunt cunters, even when they’re begging for it.

        That is the ticket, tucked up in bed by now.

      • By his mum.
        “Derek have you been the loo?”
        “Try again luv id like you to have a dry night tonight ive got loads of washing to do’…

      • You will be DCI, because the posts of the person in question have largely been deleted.
        But whilst you’re there did you read about a supposed paramedic who killed a baby girl she was fostering. I’m only pointing this out because it must be particularly galling for you and your colleagues who are dedicated to saving lives.

      • Should have left his posts up! Always comedy gold seeing a troll getting a panelling on here!!

      • Was he a troll…? I thought CS a boring and pompous twat, similar to but perhaps more so than me. His incessant italics and footnotes were more grate than great.

      • No, didn’t know about that. Pity the crew that turned up and dealt with it. Something like that doesn’t end with a take to A&E. Coroner, reports, police interviews etc. And the thoight about what you could have done differently. I know….

      • Don’t worry , he lives with his mum.

        Not that I am any better off, I live with my cat, he is worse than kids and at least my mum could cook 😂

      • I reckon Withering Shites could well be David Cameron, after all who else has a pig fucking fetish?

        We need to be told, Shites, are you David Cameron in disguise?

    • I would roast Carol Vordercunt in the following order.

      And then call a cab.

    • I am sure there are those who would stick their tongue up the Vorderman arsehole, but it wouldn’t come cheap – I suspect the avaricious old whore has a set price list.

  7. I am not going to pay anything towards my own funeral. I payed for the little fuckers the least the little cunts can do is see me out.

    • My funeral will cost about a tenner that my wife gives to somebody to hoof my stinking remains into the wheelie bin.

      • Ill do it for a tenner mogs!
        Least i can do! Even say a few words as i cram you in the general waste bin.

      • You could get that Abel bloke from yesterday to officiate. ‘We are gathered here today at this wheelie bin to pay our respects to our dear dead Moggie. And come to think dear Brethren where would you dispose of a dead moggie? It seems such an appropriate place. Many haughty moggies would request to be thrown in a skip but not so our dear dear departed friend. He was a moggie of a much more humbler sort. Ashes to ashes dust to dust….by the way when is the Collection? For me not the bin.

      • Great, I can now copy/paste and the eulogy’s sorted. All I need is for a beer lorry to tip over at the end of the street and the funeral’s ready to go. Oh wait, do I have to be dead, or is there such a thing as a ‘living funeral’ to go with the ‘living will’?

      • A few words
        “Fuck this Moggs is heavy”
        “This bin wheely stinks and needs a scrub”
        “I shoulda arksed for a twenty”

      • Mine is going to cost a fortune. First up Purcells march. All black. The fuckers are going to ball their twattish eyes out. Nimrod to finish off.

      • Another baroque fan? I was planning on the complete, uncut St Matthew Passion for mine. In Dundee’s Caird Hall if for no other reason that it has a terrific organ and the organist speaks fluent Bach.

  8. I don’t see the point, if anyone is worried about funeral costs, just buy a fucking plan and a no religious stuff, straight to the incinerator in a plywood (recycled tea chest – thinking about the environment) box. A few hundred quid!

    In the Ad, not the one with Parky……. Old Joan pops round, he whips his phone out like a fucking gun slinger, when the camera turns off his cock will be out even quicker 😂

  9. There’s about four or five companies all chasing the same business. Sometimes two company adverts in the same 5 minute slot. Same with the gambling/lottery/scratch card/bingo ads.

    Make sure I don’t watch daytime tv as everything about it depressing as fuck.

    • I’ve got a few week left where i can say im under 50, then thats it.
      Bedpans, werthers original an stinking of piss for me.
      Carol vorderman, parkinson an any other leech can fuck right off getting nowt off me !

      • Then the rapacious cunts can try to sell you specialised over-50 whatever, specialised in that it’s 3x the normal price.

      • I’m going to be 50 in July, don’t know about you but I find the prospect way less depressing that turning 40 in fact I’m quite looking forward to it.

      • I belong firmly in the ‘age is just a number’ camp and find that as the number increases, so does the time to remember what the fuck it is.

      • Fook me MNC ! You’re only a lad. You should have plenty left in the tank.
        I have no intention of snuffing it, as I enjoy life far too much to give it up.
        Yes, I intend to be a bloody nuisance for a long time yet.
        As for life insurance, it can Get To Fuck.
        Joan wouldn’t make a habit of calling round here, not after I’d given her a savage bumming for disturbing my carefree routine.
        Fuck off.

      • How do Jack, yeah im full of life!
        Few teeth left, still get the pecker hard, fit for work etc
        Im not going out in some plywood box either like a fuckin peasant!
        Want a mausoleum carved from marble, women weeping and wailing scattering rose petals in front of my funeral flotilla.
        And some sort of butty named after me.
        Fuck humility!!
        Fuck being humble!!
        I want my name carved on the moon for all time.

      • Your not going for a Viking funeral pyre on Lake Windermere then Miserable? Both my parents have opted for donation to medical science at a teaching hospital because they think funeral companies are vultures, but each to their own I suppose.

      • In all honesty LL id love to just be burnt on a bonfire in the woods an my mates have a drink on me, used to have a donor card, but not having some paki swanning about with my beautiful english eyes, or some tanned type benefiting from my huge superior organs.

      • You could invent a UK equivalent of Dagwood Bumstead ‘s ‘ Dagwood Sandwich ‘.
        Or as my grandfather called it, ‘ Dagwood Butty ‘.
        He loved a massive butty.
        Evening MNC.

      • Evening Jack, yes im a fan of a big butty too.
        Id consider it a massive honour if a ale or butty carried my name!!
        ‘Pint of miserable when yer ready luv”
        “Ill have a Miserable on whitebread please, yes the full miserable!”
        Pub goes quite after few intakes of breathe!!😁

      • I can envisage it now Miserable, after a nights clubbing on Canal Street someone asking for a “foot long Miserable meat feast please”.

      • The butty that carries my name wont be eaten in the blue oyster bar!!
        Be bacon on it (fix the pakis, dont want them eating it!)
        Nothing ethically sourced or vegan, its for English married men!
        In fact should have a questionnaire before being able to order a ‘miserable butty’.
        1 leave or remain?
        2 married?
        3 where were you born?
        4 what job do you do?
        Keep it exclusive an mythic.

      • Hows about a fishpaste sandwich called Miserable Northern Cunt. Goes well with a pint of Robbies.

      • I am 46. The cravings for werthers originals hasn’t hit me yet.
        But I am starting to yearn for mint humbugs and liquorice allsorts.
        Can anyone help me.
        I may might be turning into a cunt!!!

  10. I fucking hate Parky. Smarmy, money grabbing, professional Yorkshire bastard. And what did he get a knighthood for? Thirty years of sticking his tongue up the bum holes of equally money grabbing slebs when they’re selling a book or a film.
    The cunt is just a snake oil salesman and can stick his pen and his Yorkshire Tea up his arse. Wanker.

  11. I never understood the point of life insurance. You give money to a company, they pay themselves a fortune, then you get whatever’s left over.

    They even admit it doesn’t keep up with inflation. Might as well stick it under the mattress.

    • Maybe that’s why a pissed-up Tommy Cooper tried to decapitate the cunt during a “magic trick” live on TV in the late 70s. Parky had his head in the guillotine, and an eagle-eyed floor manager noticed that the blotto Cooper had failed to engage the safety catch….

  12. That bloke selling equity release . Comes running in the house of 2 old victims with an umbrella over his head. You know the one ? He drives down the road afterwards and you can see the caption coming out of his head saying FUCKING MUGS.

    • I hate that bloody equity release advert, featuring Alan ‘who loves his job’ Smug git gets into his car and waves bye bye, just having pocketed a commission from two suckers who have just signed their house away.

  13. I love the one when old Joan tells the knobhead neighbour that she has got her guaranteed sun Life policy. Oh, congratulations the cunt says. What a fucking prick, it’s guaranteed you cunt, they don’t turn down anyone.

  14. Totally behind this cunting. Not much to add the original perfectly former cunting.

    Apart from please include that beagle street cunt couldn’t get Ray Winston so got the 10 bob version cunt advert please!

    • My favourite Beagle Street ad is the one with the young married couple featuring a wussy bloke who might just as well be wearing a t-shirt with AUTISTIC written across it and his calculating bitch of a wife who should be wearing one reading SOCIOPATH.

      Unbelievable it ever got beyond the drawing board.

      Beagle Street appear to have recently pulled it from circulation… closest I could find is this doctored version which makes the point:


      • That is exactly what I thought every time I seen that advert.
        “What would you like for dinner tonight, darling? Now you’ve got your life insurance sorted, I’ll cook your favourite. Whadya say?”
        “Err, no its alright love. You put your feet up and relax. I’ll get a takeaway. Again”.

      • It’s the remake of “Double Indemnity” – the sort is no Barbara Stanwyk though, and the bloke isn’t the new Fred McMurray: “You said it wasn’t an accident,Keyes – check, you said it was murder – check. D’you know something Keyes, something that will make you drop your big fat cigar,? I killed him, Keyes…..”

        The golden years of Hollywood coming to a satellite channel near you.

  15. Insurance is for mugs.

    I have never taken out ANY sort of insurance whatsoever.

    As a result I have saved tens of thousands of £££s over the past 52 years. 😊

    (I tell a lie: I had insurance on a shitty Lambretta for three years, 1969 – 1971. And our dentist went private a few years ago so we now have Denplan (dental healthcare) cover – does that count?)

    On the few occasions I’ve caught these insurance /financial ads, they always make me lol to think cunts are actually taken in by them. Have also noticed, strangely, that unlike most ads, they rarely feature effnicks. 🤔

      • Mind you, you won’t be able to obtain that soon unless you live on top of a mountain.

      • Correct. Home owner and never had insurance.

        Bought my first house in 1978 for £3,500.

        It required a lot of renovation which I mostly did myself, though got some help from a government home improvement grant.

        Current house valued at approx £450,000.

      • PS: it’s on high ground, so no danger of flooding.

        Don’t fancy our chances if storms become a regular feature… maybe it’s time we took out buildings insurance…

      • What makes you think I’m cash poor? If the house blows down I’ll just buy another. Simples. 😊

      • You bourgeois capitalist Rtc!
        You should do the decent thing an pay for Moggies funeral.
        Only a £10
        £15 if you want to upgrade to garden waste bin.

      • Capitalist certainly, but far from materialistic – I’ll be going in the black wheelie-bin too!

      • Ask your missus if she wants me to lay you out respectfully, £10.
        Getting fair bit of business me an the binmen!
        For a extra £10 binmen will drive slowly like a hearse an tip their hats.

    • From what I have read in the local arse wipe, our esteemed friends from Eastern Europe don’t believe in taking out any insurance either, especially motor insurance.


      • Evening Willie.

        I don’t have a car or anything else that requires me to have insurance legally.

    • Rtc, you pay someone to do your dentistry?
      To lazy to do your own?!
      Flash bastard, more money than sense you lad.

      • Seems I pay him to clean my teeth with Ajax scourer every 6 months.

        Usually exit the surgery in worse shape than when I entered!

      • My dentist is a elderly Sikh gentleman i like him but hes constantly fuckin mithering me to go in, and Shane McGowan has teeth better than me!
        Waste of money…

      • I have just found a dentist who is actually not a fucking sadist, nice young woman very gentle, actually looking forward to my next visit.

      • I once had root canal therapy weekly for a month, each time my head cradled in the puppies of this gorgeous buxom young dentist. I can’t recall that I needed any other anaesthetic.

    • I used to have accidental cover for 2.million, now I am older and wiser I do wonder about if they would have paid up.
      So Mr Benny! you drove the Chalenger MBT through the Claus residence, Due to a foreign body in your eye?
      Should you have been wearing goggles?
      So you told the Computer you were firing Hesh and not sabot?
      Resulting in the DU round found in a lidil in osnerbruk?

  16. That cunt Parky should have been finished off by Rod Hull’s Emu.

    Emu should have scythed the cunt’s nuts off in its beak and then severed his carotids.

    He can stick his pen up his chocolate starfish. The cunt.

  17. I was once rather, how should we say, “Virile” I would strike fear into the soul of people as I kicked in doors, used weapons to effect ect and had life insurance (and accidental damage insurance) to the sum of AD 2 million and life £500,000.
    Obviously I did not die.
    The recipient of the insurance was Mrs B -1 who fucked off and shagged some wanker in the cotswalds whilst I fought the first gulf (not single handedly of course)
    After that I thought fuck it!
    As old age seeps in (been to a few funerals) and they are Bollocks, so I went to donate my Body to the local University, However I then found that there was a clause that my estate (car) could be charged should I die out of area!
    Well fuck that I am on the waiting list for the UK’s first body farm, although they have not been sanctioned yet I am on the waiting list!
    As for finances, I nominated Mrs B mkIII as the beneficiary to all my shares so sorted.
    So no funeral expense and she gets it all!

    • Why is life so complicated Lord Benny? No, actually, it’s not life, it’s death that’s complicated! Making sure that all your worldly goods don’t go to some cunt that you don’t want them to.
      I just got life insurance.
      It makes me happy knowing that now my life is worth something

      • Your determined to make me cry arent you Bertie?
        Cheer up ,dont be morbid, you might still have more children?!!😁

      • I recall doing an evaluation before a job, one chap had a full on gortex suit and danner boots my size I had a mag light that was (explosion proof) a personal organiser with a 200 year memory, and a watch that worked 20 meters under water!
        We would pool kit before work.
        If I did not come back he got my stuff ect.
        I Thought about it, I would not live for 200 years and I doubt I would survive 20m under water, as for the explosion proof bit, well if some cunt killed me I did not want them to proffit from it.
        As for that job Mike was shot twice, once through the arm and once through the leg, we were wearing “snow whites” and after the ambush we regrouped and checked each other.
        Mike Gary (American USDDR roll of honor) had two rounds go through his uniform, both making holes through his gortex suit.
        But it as I say a life changer, I am tempted to die on a Grenade to clear the vultures.

  18. I have life insurance. However, something I learned at plod training:
    If you own your own property, leasehold,no mortgage and more than 150 meters from a stream you can he buried in your own garden. You should notify the council but there is nothing to stop you planting a dead person in your garden for free.

    • The founder of the Sprite caravan, Frank Alper is buried in his, albeit substantial back garden. Really, I do know some shite….

    • hey i’m planning on going to italy – dont care about the virus but dont want to be locked up in a cold room with no windows for my trouble – fuck the virus and fuck the delirious media

  19. Anything which interrupts Night of the Demon should be cunted, not that I care so much, since I’ve got it on DVD, smug cunt am I.

    • Mrs CuntyMort got all Wendy when he made an appearance the other day. Bloody hell it’s only a film, fucking shut up sunshine. Got it on DVD too, lovely Jubbly

  20. Knowing my luck, I’ll croak it about thirty fucking seconds after I get my hands on the lump sum from my pension. My ambition is to claim my pension for longer than I served, just to kick the arse out of it. The General Public and NHS 111 however, have other ideas and I doubt I’ll see my pension….

  21. Thankfully Michael Parksinson has been dropped by The Over 50s plan because some old biddy phoning them to sign-up would get into all sorts of fankles explaining to the foreign call centre worker on the other end that she has calling in reference to Parkinson’s…

    Choosing very old, very young people like Carol Vorderman might be more suitable because some of the older gentlemen might want to fuck her. The correct sequence is of course: Face, Tits, Cunny, Cunt, Doggy, Anus, Face (6 consonants and 1 vowel please Carol) or a threesome with Carol Vorderman and Catherine Southon if you please.

    TBH Sun Life of Canada were a good company. My mum and dad had a policy with them from mid-60s to mid-80s and you paid in and at the end you got a lump sum which was greater than the amount invested. An endowment policy. You can’t buy them anymore because all finance and insurance companies are shit.

    • Catherine Southon? You have high expectations, AP – after 58 years with Mrs. Boggs, I’d aim no higher than a knee tremble with Anita Manning in the back of a classic Austin.

  22. With out a shadow of a doubt, one of the best things about living in Asia, is no fucking UKTV! Not being subjected to endless inane commercials, in particular that shouty mouthed cunt from Safe Style Windows and those fucking Meerkats, I feel like I’ve had 10 years extended to my life! Also, no DeadEnders, Coronation Strasse or any of that other shit that my ex fucking binge watches!

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