Non-alcoholic James Bond and ‘woke’ 007!
Yes, folks. The world has now officially gone PC mad.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi…en-advert.html
In a new advert, James Bond pushes away his ‘Vodka Martini’ and asks for a ’00’ non-alcoholic lager, as ‘he’s working’. This comes hot on the heels of the news that the latest Bond pic will be the most ‘woke’ and PC movie yet – Jesus.
In the ‘woke’ Bond movie, the phrase ‘Bond girl’ was outlawed from the film set. The women in this film are all ‘strong, brave and fiercely independent’. They are not ‘helpless girls’ who jump into bed with Bond (Bond tries his usual seduction techniques, but they fail miserably. ‘It’s very funny’, according to wank insiders) Craig is called out of retirement to ‘assist’ the new (black) woman 007, a character who has issues with her weight and questions what’s going on with her boyfriend – JESUS! ‘Bond’ also drives a quarter of a million pound ‘Electric’ car (hardly gonna convert the family car buyer at £260k)
If you don’t want to remain faithful to Ian Fleming’s books, then just kill of Bond and let it end. This snowflake ‘woke’ trend for re-writing classic characters and stories has to end. Last year the BBC pissed all over classic ‘War of the worlds’, ‘A Christmas Carol’ and ‘Dracula’.
Please FUCKING STOP THIS. You want to reflect today’s snowflake fucked-up world, then invent your own new original characters and stories. Stop stealing the past and changing it. Leave everything from history and my childhood alone, YOU MASSIVE FUCKING BASTARDS!
Nominated by Lord of the Rings
Do you ever get the impression your living in a slightly less draconian North Korea? So sick of this browbeating by wet fart snowflake twats. The names Bond, Sharonda Bond man innit.
21
‘So we meet at last, Miiizzz Bond. Tits oot fer the lads!’
14
Just make the new Bond a mango, the new Dr.Who a llama, and the new Spider-Man a piece of broccoli, and Superman some rabbit shit. Fucking ridiculous.
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The Living Snowflakes
The Woke Is Not Enough….
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Dr No Platform
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EU Only Vote Twice
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Thunberg-ball
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MeTooRaker
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The Living Gaylights
A View to a sex change
Never say, a male again
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The non-binary with the golden gun
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Scaramanga had 3 nipples. Fuck me if they made it now he’d he’d have a pair of tits.
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From Russia with Trump
Octoinvertedscrotum
On Zir Majesty’s Secret Awareness Course.
13
Die-versity another day
9
The idea that Commander James Bond would drink ANY form of lager would have revolted Ian Fleming to his core.
Daniel Craig is a massive cunt by the way…
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A fucking disgrace Baron. They’ll have him drinking a soy milk decaff next.
14
I recall from an early book that he also hated tea which he described it as “mud”, threatened to spank his secretary if she offered him it again and demanded coffee.
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“Vee hef vays of making you talk meester Bond!”
“Mr! That’s very presumptive! My pronouns are…”
“SILENCE! So, you think you are quite zee comedian eh? Vell you von’t be laugheenk ven you see vot I hef done to your leetel gadget from Q branch!”
“Now listen here Blowfeld, if you think you can threaten me… there’s nothing you can do to make me talk!”
“Ees zat so meester Bond! Here I hef your iPhone 11. And tut, tut meester Bond, 007 is your passcode. How wery original of you double-O seven!”
“You’ll find no information in there Blowfeld! All the important stuff I keep upstairs, and like I say, I won’t talk!”
“Do you recognise zis page? Yes, your TikTok homepage…now gone!”
“You bastard Blowfeld! That’s low even for you! You’ll get nothing from me!”
“Oops, zer goes WhatsApp…”
“YOU SWINE BLOWFELD!”
“Unt now Tvitter…”
“NOOOOOOO!!!”
“Unt how about Facebook, ay, meester Bond…”
“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I’ll talk… The passcode for the thermonuclear strap on device is: fisting. The i’s are exclamation marks…”
“You better be right Bond ozervise I start zee unfriending process!”
—-
Bond Will Return in The Spy Who Woke Me!
Bond transitions to a woman and realises he no longer has to give a fuck!
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My favourite Bond is Brooke Bond.
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Played by my favourite Dark Key
Idris Elba .
Who’s head is almost as big as his ego 👍
12
No fan of Bond but am sick of cunts tinkering with traditional set ups. We have an Asian David Copperfield. Mixed race Cratchits. War of the Worlds reflecting on the evils of British colonialism. All families now mixed race.
If they are going to persist in this nonsense then the mixed race family should not include a father but have a drug dealing stabber teenager. Innit. Devi Copperfield should hate the west and murder some random passers by. And Bond should be a depressive, suicidal tranny with anorexia.
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Absolutely, Cuntstable. Make up your own characters/films, put them against a traditional Roger Moore style Bond and see which does better… As you say, I am sick to the back fucking teeth of this shit, forcing fucking agendas into everything. Absolute fucking cunts. I am rapidly running out of things to watch, apart from YouTube and DVD’s, and I’ll certainly be giving this pile of wank a miss.
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Never a truer statement spoken, it’s endless and everywhere you turn, well said Gene, my fucking head is swollen by it all.
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You missed a Nigerian refugee Oliver Twist on R4 this afternoon. Can’t possibly comment further as changing the bike’s oil was a more attractive option.
We were going to hell in a handcart, and we appear to have arrived at our destination.
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Oh no I didn’t…unfirtunately: a very thin and utterly predictable plot spread over way too much time.
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Did you hear that shit after the Archers, Komodo? The thing with the news clips. Utter crap.
2
Aye. Would have cunted it but there is a superfluity of cunts to cunt, and it is just one more gateway into clinical depression. Absolute, nil-budget, LCD woke shite, targetted at amnesiac goldfish, and I was sad to see John Holmes appeared to be the perpetrator. Never a Conservative, sure, but could be funny once, before the Now Show died on its arse 94 series ago.
All part of the new policy of the BBC, to attract da yoof and tell older listeners to fuck off and die. Can’t turn R4 or 4Extra on without hearing wimminz with speech defects jabbering at each other about their feelings. Or plugging their anaesthetic ‘books’.
2
007 kids by different fathers.
12
Never liked Bond.
Always thought he was a bit Camp David.
I like smokey and the bandit.
6
Check out In Like Flint. A Bond spoof decades ahead of its time yet eerily now coming true and starring a true legend Mr James Coburn.
Makes that nobody Craig look decidedly inferior; JC was even cooler than Steve McQueen in the Magnificent Seven and is clearly NOT related to Jo Coburn. Also made a scene stealing cover appearance on Band on the Run.
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I bet you’ve got big flaming firebird on your van MNC? Nice luxuriant tache and mirror shades? 😃
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Hehehe! Naw! But have got some mirrored aviator sunglasses!
Then someone on here mentioned theyre worn by the gays!!
Not worn em since, self conscious in em now haha😀
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Watch it shit itself at the box office.
Even through the cocaine haze Hollywood will realise nobody gives a fuck about empowered female characters.
Eventually.
The silly cunts.
14
I fucking well hate all this politically correct bollocks. Bond is not black or a woman or anything in between. He fights baddies, shags women and downs martinis. Which is exactly what these little non gender fuckwits would never dream of doing.
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As she is black init, does she car a blade rather than a Walther PPK.
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Carry not car, ooops
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Vodka martini? What kind of stunned cunt makes a martini with vodka? Its made with gin ffs!, preferably above proof too..
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Looks like a remake of The Darling Buds Of May’s on the cards. Lovely series, beautifully made and acted, bound to be destroyed at the altar of Wokeness. I’ll stick to the DVD of the original, thanks.
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Absolutely will not be fucking going to see this total pile of cunt as long as I have a hole in my fucking arse. Hope it fucking tanks! Fuck off Craig! Lazza Fox for the new JB!
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That’d be wonderful. What about Smarmy Chuckyabutty as the evil villain trying to take over the world with political correctness?
Casino Roti
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Who wrote on an earlier thread “Go Woke, Go Broke” ?
That is what will happen here and then the nation will be accused of being rac!st for not going to see it.
They are twats to fuck up a profitable formula. The Poles call it pissing in the soup.
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Antidote to Ian Fleming – Part 2.
Bond put his case on the floor and looked around. A boy dressed in a purple uniform came over and smiled.
“Can I help you sir?” he asked cheerfully in good English.
“Sure” Bond smiled back. The boy picked up the case, which wasn’t heavy, and carried it over to the lift. They entered and the door slid shut.
“Room 37” said Bond, handing him the key. “Yes sir, that will be the second floor” the boy replied, and pressed the button.
As the lift ground into motion, Bond took the opportunity to study him closely. Tall, quite slim, about seventeen, pleasant manner, well-groomed. Well he would have to be, working under the reception manager, who was there to see that standards didn’t slip.
They reached the second floor and Bond followed the youth along the passageway, where he unlocked the door, entered the room and placed Bond’s suitcase by the bed.
“Will there be anything else sir?” the boy asked politely, handing over the key and gratefully accepting the fifty rupees Bond handed him.
“What time do you work till?” asked Bond.
“Tonight I will be on duty until eleven o’clock sir” the boy replied.
“I have to go out. What if I need you later?”
The boy paused by the door. ” I will be in the porter’s cabin until one o’clock sir. It can be reached on the telephone by dialling 0″ He turned and held Bond’s gaze for a moment before unhurriedly closing the door softly behind him.
Bond picked up the case and laid it on the bed, carefully opening the right clasp before the left. He hung his clothes in the wardrobe and put the rest of the contents into a drawer. He sat on the bed and glanced at his watch. Three and a half hours to the rendezvous. Plenty of time to prepare. His mind turned to the boy, remembering his friendly young face, his smooth brown skin, his lithe body. He began to imagine the boy’s breath on the back of his neck, his hands firmly holding Bond’s waist, and the first exciting touch before penetration. He had begun to perspire. It was time for a shower.
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In the new Dracula he said ‘I’m undead, not unreasonable’. That cunt ‘playfulness’ ‘knowing’ attitude to the material. The arrogance.
Like the other Nom about pronouns-‘ I have decided to change MY pronouns to they/them. But a pronoun is external you.
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That playfulness is obnoxious and a trait of Moffat and his boufriend Gatiss.
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“Daniel Craig is a massive cunt by the way…”
Amen. He has always been miscast, he looks more Russky bad guy than Bond.
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I didn’t mind Casino Royale but it was downhill faster than Eddie the eagle after that. Clive Owen should have got the gig back then, now it should be Laurence Fox😁
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Clive Owen would have been superb, as would have the late Lewis Collins, Bodie from The Professionals.
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Apparently, Lewis Colins went for the audition before it went to Roger Moore, but lost the role as he came across ‘too aggressive’..
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Fleming described Bond as:
“A healthy, violent, noncerebral man in his middle-thirties, a creature of his era.”
Lewis Collins would have been perfect!
Mind you, he’d also have to smoke 70 tabs a day, custom-made by Morland of Grosvenor Street, mixing Balkan and Turkish tobacco and having a higher nicotine content than normal. Now that’s what I call a tab!
No doubt the woke cunts will have him /her /it vaping next….
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WTF?! Comment awaiting moderation…
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It happens to the best of us, and apparently the worst too …….☺
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WTF me emoji’s have gone weird !!
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Lewis Collins was highly underrated. It wasn’t just the action in the Professionals that made it; the biggy was the camaraderie between Lewis and Martin Shaw, although Lewis always stole the scene and had bags of charisma.
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Oh yeah he played ‘compo’ in last of the summer wine.
Hed be good.
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Casino Royale would have been much improved by an actor who actually looked and acted the part.
Barbara Broccoli rejected Henry Cavill in favour of a Vlad Putin lookalike due (allegedly) to being taken with his “progressive” politics…
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‘as is Bond, James Bond man. Two o’ s and de seven, licensed to stab bruv innit’
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So the greatest generation produced mulberry, James Bond and peace through mutually assured destruction. The Victorians obviously invented everything else. The boomers have chucked in medicine, personal computers and the internet. The political correct millennials have done pronouns and a few apps. What a bunch of cunts. Let’s just laugh and never give the fuckers q penny from the bank of mum and dad. Stand on your own feet fuckos.
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Is it just me, or is this country moving in the direction of society as shown in Demolition Man?
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Im sure it was moving in that direction when Demolition Man was released (mid-nineties).
I believe Huxley’s view was more accurate that Orwell’s.
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Orwells overrated CP.
1984? I was a teenager then!
Wasnt like that at all, fake news!
Road to Wigan pier? About the Northern Soul scene, alright but over now.
Down an out in London & Paris?
Glorifying tramps.
Like Animal Farm though,
Like Emmerdale but with commie pigs
3
Things started going off the rails in 1962, when the filmmakers had Bond drive an Aston Martin DB5 instead of the Sunbeam Alpine described in Fleming’s novel.
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Id of had him in a sky blue disability chariot from the 70s.
Hes a square Rtc.
No, fuck Bond hes a stooge for GCHQ
Id prefer a black bird but a proper one!
Big fat arse, wig, massive talons wi glitter on an fried chiggun shaked not stirred.
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The names potamus, flabbopotamus…
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A bucket of chicken ….. shaken not stirred ………….
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Should have read MNC’s post first.
Great minds, etc. etc.
Get To Fuck.
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Sunbeam Alpine appears in Dr No. Aston DB5 turns up in Goldfinger but was a DB MK3 in the book.
I’ll get me anorak… 😁
3
In most of the books he drives a Bentley…
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Bentley seen briefly in From Russia With Love 😉
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I’d personally like to see Bond go down a route similar to Harvey Keitels character in bad lieutenant.
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Or kurt Cobains route, crying eith a shotgun in his mouth.
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You mean Courtney Love’s shotgun in his mouth……..
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Great film, Bad Lieutenant. Highlight for me is when he try’s to sneak off with a kilo of heroin under his jacket, drops it then says “look what I’ve found”.
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The belated sequel (sort of) Port of Call New Orleans is pretty good too, full on batshit Nicolas Cage being directed by equally batshit Werner Herzog!
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Moonflaker.
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Yeah it’s the sort of film that makes you feel dirty just watching it.
2
So, let’s see where we are now on the woke front:
Star Wars – fucked
Star Trek – fucked
Dr Who – well and truly fucked
Terminator – dead and buried with a headstone erected and flowers laid down
James Bond – heading that way
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PMS, you forgot Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, Dickens, politics, and all music,
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Who gives a fuck? You have to be brain dead to watch these films and programs.
When you start to worry now is when the Classics are fucked up such as Christmas Carol, War of the Worlds and Dracula, all brought about by the most poisonous public service broadcaster
On the planet.
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Slaphead Stewart’s upcoming Picard series will be the final nail in Trek’s coffin. He’s even admitted that it’s all about Brexit and Trump.
And I thought JJ Abrams was a cunt…
9
One Foot in the Grave in the 24th century? Why would anybody think that the adventures of some admiral, who was a cunt even before he retired, would be welcomed? Or have I misjudged the depths to which the modern generation will sink to when it comes to viewing habits?
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Our boilers broke, so been in waiting for the boiler bloke, we watched the latest Terminator film, it was shite.
Missus loved it.
And also first 2 episodes of Mandoloren the Star Wars spin off.
Fuckin boiler.
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Does having a broken boiler mean you have to watch shit on TV? Hope mine don’t break.
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Terminator should have ended after the second instalment.
Poor old Arnold and Linda Hamilton, sacrificing what little dignity they had left for a last pay cheque.
Sad…
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Theyre both in this new one the grabbing old bastards!
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For me it did. I never saw any after the 2nd, which I’d seen several times before I ever watched the original Terminator a couple of years ago.
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Same here Mog, I didn’t care for number 2 though, looked amazing at the time but I thought it was too much of a family friendly comedy, not a truly nasty horror like the first (dodgy stop motion aside). Plus James Cameron is a prize cunt.
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T2 is a class act but let down by making the titular character a hero instead of a ruthless assassin, because Schwarzenegger was concerned about his public image due to his political ambitions.
1980s Arnold didn’t give a fuck…
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Hehe my excuse Mog!
Waiting in for boiler guy got loads of stuff my mates burnt off for us,
So me n missus miserable sat in bed watching shite, boilers up an running now, still gonna watch shite though!
Was that cold had to burn loads of books!
Diary of Anne Frank
Winston Churchill’s autobiography
The importance of being ernest
1st edition of the road to wigan pier
Complete works of Dickens
Finally they came in useful!
3
Our boiler broke down about 6 years ago. Coldest fucking week of the year and we had to try and heat the whole house with the gas fire in the lounge and a couple of mega-expensive-to-run fan heaters. Turned out the boiler was fine. The ballcock had jammed off in the feed tank and the system had shut down. Changed the wireless thermostat and all the wireless crap that came with it and it was a fucking ballcock. Why the bloody plumber didn’t check I have no idea. I’d have done it myself if I’d have known it even had a fucking ballcock, but I’m no plumber. Still, we didn’t watch shit on TV. Or at least no more than usual.
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Weve got boiler coverage insurance Mog so he can get his arse round an fix it!
Went yesterday he came got it up an running, then in went down again this morning, running at mo, but hes got to come with a part tomorrow, keeps losing pressure?
Im no plumber either an when it comes to gas im not gonna start tinkering!
Dont want a Frank Spencer type scenario!😀
Watchin shite? Naw boiler a flimsy excuse, id of watched it regardless!😀👍
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Is this ‘broken boiler’ scenario just a ploy to act out a porn film with you, mrs Miserable and some hapless Corgi engineer MNC??? 💋
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Tried the old Fred n Rose seduction on him but the nerd only had eyes for the broken boiler!
“Jump in here an watch terminator pal” didnt work!
He seemed nervous of the akita too!
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Old Fred and Rose, couple of cards they were weren’t they!! At least Saville, Glitter and co had the common decency to fuck other people’s kids, not their own. He didn’t fancy a closer look at the patio then??
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Even the upcoming third Kingsman film is being produced by Disney, so that’s likely to be full of “woke” shite and Matthew Vaughn is a dedicated remainer, so it looks like a shit sandwich in the making.
Gemma Arterton’s in it though so Mr Fiddler should find it worth a wank… er, I mean watch 😆
4
David Copperfield is now a Parking Stanley.
Well goodness gracious me !
It’s a fucking disgrace.
As for Bond films, they should have been put to bed years ago.
These ‘ woke ‘ fuckers are pathetic, they’ve not got an original idea between them. All they can do is corrupt existing work.
Talentless twats.
Get To Fuck.
7
Last classic Bond film “Licence to Kill”
Last barely passable instalment “The World is not Enough”
Everything since a total clusterfuck.
Did I mention Daniel Craig is an utter cunt?
4
Vote with your feet and don’t watch it, go woke go broke, the’ll be enough free clips on youtube to get the jist of it anyway, no DVD sales and the wanktards will eventually give up on this woke shit…new Dr Who has lost half a million viewers already because of its woke preaching bollocks…they will learn the hard way
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Driving a Tardis through time and space?
Bet she cant parellel park it though!
Is there a mr Who to help out with the sonic screwdriver? Because my missus cant use a ordinary one.
3
Third time of mentioning, and still highly relevant: Oliver Twist mangled by psychopathic illiterati of Radio 4 to become the story of a Nigerian child immigrant from fucking Lagos. Earlier today.
I would genuinely inflict GBH on the cunt who thought that one up if I met him/her/it.
3
“Please sir, could you send your bank details?”
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So theyre trying to make a monkey out of Bond?
Its fucked, hes meant to be urbane,slick, a suited an booted gadget packed smarmy type.
Complete cunt.
Only way to fix it is make him Northern, more earthy, lose the GQ /Esquire magazine persona,
Moneypenny “good morning James”
Bond “how do luv, reet nice day int it!”
Q “drink Bond?”
Bond “aye, parched t fuck pal, got any ale?”
Scaramanga “when the hour glass empties agent Bond the lazer will engage cutting you neatly in half”
Bond “ee your fuckin puddled nipples,
Lerrus go yer fuckin jessie!”
See?
Make Bond great again🇬🇧🇬🇧
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Con-sider yourself, in jail.
Con-sider yourself inside for fraudery
3
Who will buy my wonderful heroin
Who will fall for my unfeasible scam
Who will pay for my multiple births
I’m so high I swear I could fly
Me oh my I have never had so much
God bless the British taxpayer
They must be as thick as shit.
2
I think Bond be blind, deaf, mute, cerebral palsy, albino, intersex, autistic, obsessive compulsive, pyromaniac, epileptic, nymphomaniac etc etc.
Those people have feelings, too!!! Ya haters :-p
2
Pyromaniac?! Hehehe
Anybody smell smoke?
Bic lighter and scrunched up paper at back of scaramangas place…
1