Old mans Bollocks

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Old mans Bollocks,
No not the type that they talk down the pub, but the pendulous objects between my legs.
Over the festive season I damaged my back and ended up bed ridden and reverted to “Comfy clothes”, In this case a pair of jogging bottoms nice warm elasticated waist ones that have their own nice warm climate in them, Global warming affected my plums and they attempted to visit my kneecaps.
This in turn created other issues as they slid under my thigh as I attempted to slide left or right, My new found mobility and a return too boxer shorts is also problematic as they choose to go right (predominantly right) and are subjected to constant pressure during my drive to work resulting in a feeling like a mild kick in the nuts.
So I have a few life style choices to evaluate, do I change my style of undercrackers, maybe a cushion in the car to change posture or stand naked in the garden hoping the fuckers will retract before I drive to work.

Nominated by lord benny

61 thoughts on “Old mans Bollocks”

    • any change in nutsack slack should be reported to your GP as it could be spacehoppers disease

  2. My sympathies Lord Benny, if you’ve got this far in life with your bollocks intact you ain’t doing bad. My ex wife wanted mine for earrings.

    Lord Big Bollocks of Benny, wear your junk with pride, like a Stag with large antlers they are a statement to your testosterone fuelled masculinity. Benny has some stones on him they will say, he had fucking minerals.

  3. A 19:45 Cunting!? I was just about to go to bed and read my Captain Blood book but instead you’re getting my blood boiling cunting old man’s bollocks at this time of night!

  4. Try sprinkling salt on them, that’s an old housewives remedy that I just made up.

  5. Fact of life womens breasts end up like saddle bags, mens Ball sack’s droop it all goes South I blame fucking gravity what a cunt,move to space

  6. Totally off topic, was in Glasgow today. Not a dark ey or sand dweller insite. It’s only a hour and a half north of Mr F and myself. Only one issue full of Scottish cunts

    • That’s why I moved to Scotland. I was astonished to find Scotland something like only 94% white British, it feels like 99%. And the wøgs integrate better as a result, you’ll get one family living on an otherwise white street which is as it should be. Steer clear of Glasgow though they fucking hate the English.

    • Know your pain Lord B.
      My ballbag resembles them things you ice cakes with.
      In summer it sticks to my thighs an arse causing chafing, walk like John Wayne when humping furniture all day.
      Maybe a kilt would do it?
      But everyone would ask if im scottish then accuse me of cultural appropriation!
      Boil in the bag knackers are my summer might gaffer tape em up this year.

  7. Sorry to hear of your plum-based problems. Take it from me as both the proud owner of a pair of massive testes AND a member of the medical establishment that what you need is firm masculine support. The more that the nads are elevated and stopped from slip-sliding about the less they will drag and ache.

    • Yes just needs some support to stop them stretching out like tennis balls in dress socks. I think the ladies had this sorted out a long time ago, (except in remote Mali).

      I presume that Supportive garments will keep them close to your body heat, and we all know that may reduce the sperm count, if that’s still a consideration for you…

    • Or an ice cream.
      ” Two genitalia’s with a flake and raspberry sauce please luv ”
      Good evening.

      • Evening Jack!😜
        Just tried looking on ebay at support undercrackers for my tender jacobs.
        Bad move!
        Brought up loads of undies for bandits!
        No arse in em!
        Some made of plastic!
        Hahaha fuck sake…

      • @ MNC
        Just you wait until your missus trawls through your browsing history, and sees the forty seven pages of ” Panties for Poofters ” that you “accidentally ” stumbled across.
        Just say you were ” curious “. I’m sure she’ll understand ………. ( suppressed laughter )

      • Ill bluff my way out Jack!
        “This is your fault! Youve driven me to this!”
        Might get laid to set me back on path of the righteous?!
        My 50th in March, hope she doesn’t think im hinting and buy me blushing red plastic undies wi no arse in!
        Hehehe😀👍

  10. A close fitting, supportive jock – strap would probably help.
    You could wear it Clockwork Orange style and frighten the neighbours, although you may already frighten them, as you saunter past with your bollocks in a wheelbarrow, Viz style.
    If thy bollocks offend thee …………………………

  11. You can get plastic surgery for it – the procedure is called a scrotal lift and the price averages £2800.

    • That’s cheap. Getting them lopped off is much more. I’m just going to self identify as a tight bollocked cunt and save a few quid.

    • Small price for pretty bollocks.
      Bet afterwards they could be photoed on the red carpet!😀

  12. Boxers are a definite no no for the bollackley challenged among us. It’s a sensible tanga brief for me these days.

    About three months ago as a complication of my diabetes I developed an infection of the left testicle called epidydimitis. Fuck was it painful! Don’t mind admitting I was in tears at one point, if I moved wrong it was like someone slowly squeezing it. Two lots of antibiotics later and it finally went. Then the pain came back but only a lot less intense. This time my GP sent me for a two week turn around scan (sonography), thankfully my balls are all good. The sonographer told me it’s probably referred pain from a fucked hip…fucking brilliant! Only turned fifty two weeks ago and I’m fucked already.

    • I know what you mean West Cuntry, I’ve had that condition, also on the left side. Had a scan which revealed it followed by a course of antibiotics which eventually cleared it. Hopefully never again.

      • Apparently it’s very common in men who practice ” insertive anal sex ”
        I wonder if Black and White Cunt has it in his tongue ?
        Gertcha !!!!

  13. When I was a child, a teenager, one of my acorns still hadn’t dropped.
    I had an operation to fix it. For a while I had to wear those pants that cricketers wear.
    Maybe wear some of those.
    Best to talk to your doctor.

    • I would but its the doctor on the other nomination and he put his winkie inside me last time!
      Your balls ok now Spoons?

      • My balls are fine, cheers MNC.

        In my adulthood, I had a lump on my ball bag. I ignored it for ages because of nerves and embarrassment.

        Luckily it wasn’t cancer but a hydrocele cyst type thing.
        I urge anyone here if you have any worries with regard to your tackle, see your doctor.

      • Good!👍
        Mean good theyre ok not good theyre all lumpy.
        Mine are like a bag of broken biscuits,
        Im gonna make my own support!
        Half a coconut an some elastic,
        Not paying £40 for pair of undercrackers!

  15. If you siring days are over, have the buggers removed and have ping pong balls inserted into the ballbag in their place.

  16. I have developed pendulous bollocks in my old age. I used to like wearing slim fit trousers but now have to order them from Kim Jong – Un’s Taylor. They sit hammocked in my shorts and sometimes ache under the strain. I have become a laughing stock amongst Mrs fistula’s friends . it’s almost impossible to ride a bike anymore. Oh Fuck me I’m going to be consumed by them . Great big pair of Balls with just my head sticking out the top.

  17. The passage of time is the nemesis of bollocks, cocks and prostate glands.
    Time for a nice cup of tea and some jammy dodger’s.
    Get To Fuck.

  20. On the subject of bollocks, I see “Jim” the washerman has been re-elected.

    Unbe – fucking – lievable.

  21. Become a Labour MP because most of the blokes soon lose their balls when it comes to doing what is right for the majority and not the small minded minority.

  23. If your bollocks are hanging loose and this causes discomfort, you could try putting an ice bag down the front of your pants. This should cause them to tighten up, at least as long as it takes to drive to work. You’re welcome.

  26. Was trying to explain this problem to the wife….I used to ride a bike and wore jeans. I was telling her about the “jean seam bollock flick”…..unsympathetic cunt just said didn’t he play tennis in the 70’s.

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