Dating Site Adverts

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A nom for dating site adverts on TV, please.

These things are shown in every single ad break on most channels, for things like ‘eHarmony’ and such; usually a bloke or bint looking into camera telling us how great the site is and how they found the love of their lives on there (whilst paying £30 a month for the privilege).

What pisses me off about them though is the fact that the bloke usually looks like Brad Pitt had a lovechild with Michaelangelo’s David; and the bint is of an equally gorgeous stature, massive firm knockers, beautiful skin, perfect teeth etc.

Point is there is no way in fuck these people don’t have members of the opposite – or same – sex chucking themselves at them every time they enter a room. How about some reality in these things; six-stone-overweight spotty bloke with greasy rats-tail hair, talking into camera from his mum’s spare room, telling us how he has ADHD and is on the spectrum and as such struggles to attract womenfolk whilst painting his latest Warhammer figurine perhaps?

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

I am afraid they are all a con and run off the back of white label who share your information across all sites.

43 thoughts on “Dating Site Adverts”

  1. Because millenials are unable to make eye contact let alone start a conversation, this is how they all start relationships now. God knows how they get round to copulation. Cunts.

    I used to be on a “Site” all of a sudden a local match came up that looked remarkably familiar, turned out that the other half had clicked on the “Naughty pond” on plenty of fish which then put their details (via white label) onto a number of other sites that they would definitely not have gone on

  2. On Ematch_date_professionalpersons_sackofshit.com we promise to make sure you’re matched to your nearest serial killer…..

    We have matched you with Harry the Hatchet, he only has two human heads in a dufflebag so he’s perfectly matched to you.

  3. ‘six-stone-overweight spotty bloke with greasy rats-tail hair, talking into camera from his mum’s spare room, telling us how he has ADHD and is on the spectrum’. You cunt, you been checking out my profile?

      • Sorry Cuntan your not getting a refund.
        ‘Miserables starstruck lovers’ is a reputable site,
        Just because you and pingpong were incompatible isnt our fault.
        In the spirit of goodwill we can arrange another date for you?
        Desiree
        Ethnicity =afro American
        Height =4ft.6in
        Star sign =aries
        Figure=cuddly but fun!
        Likes=fried chicken, hand gestures, oprah, an rap music
        Dislikes=Trump, work,exercise,paying.
        Good luck and hope you find love!

        Mr walter miserablecunt M.D.

      • I was disappointed that Pingpong could not perform the trick her namesake suggests, that Thai ladies are adept at (so I’m told)

      • I recall my POF advert some Years ago – Thrusting and ever young executive, into theatres, art galleries and eternal life. Looking for short term physical relationship with voluptuous young Lady – please call Whitby 666666 after sundown..

  5. At first glance, I thought there was a kind of theme going on today.

    Back in my day they used to charge people £50 to be sent six photos of suitable fits which would invariably resemble Frankenstein or a Jess Phillips-type. It seems that scams never change, they just evolve.

  6. Do the women on these sites still describe themselves as ‘bubbly’.
    As this would make me and most blokes i know run a fucking mile because when they say bubbly i only hear ‘annoyingly silly loudmouth twat’ for some reason.

  7. Outstanding Cuntan. Also, the way they look away from the camera and then back with that knowing smile that says “you can’t get your hole any other way you sad cunt”.

    I dabbled a while ago and fuck me, there are some crackpots on those sites! Some of them would put Lorena Bobbitt to shame!

    Get fucked.

    • Me and BWC run courses for ISAC cunters who cant find love or get shy with women.
      All in the strictest confidence and good value for money if anyones interested.
      Quick guide for reading between the lines on site
      Cuddly=fat
      Bubbly=wont shut the fuck up
      Zany=mental
      Shy=boring
      Long term=stalker
      Funloving= got crabs
      Mature=looks like fuckin zelda from Terrorhawks.
      Good luck have fun follow yer heart, bag up….

      • No thanks mate I can get that in Dundee for a pouch o’baccy!

        Plus if you stick your tongue up a Dundonian bird’s tea towel holder then you are guaranteed to encounter all sorts of horrors haha!

      • Dundee Gash?
        Tell me, can you get ‘Dundee biscuits’ still? Loved those biccies, big, solid, best of british, not seen em here in years.
        If so your a jammy bleeder, tell them i miss them terribly! 😢

      • I’m from Glasgow MNC so cannot comment on the biscuit situation, merely passing on my knowledge of the Dundee snatch from my years based at RAF Leuchars just over the water. Loved that place, but had to leave before my knob scabbed up and fell off.

    • She’s well sexy, although she’d need to learn some new words to get down to my level.

  9. I always assumed all these mating sites were just a front for North Korean hackers or that Dr Umbongo who tells people they’ve won the Spanish lottery and so on.
    Fuck me blind I never knew real humans went on them for romance.
    Bloody well done to you all.
    And Fuck off.

    • Romance? there are a few straight fuck sites you know and they do have real people too.

      • I thought I’d struck gold on one of those donkeys years ago Benny, decent milf, gagging for it, couple of towns over, all set; until she announced the clause that her wheelchair bound husband would be watching – and occasionally participating – in the romantic shenanigans….. the thought of old Ironside silently trundling over to tickle my nuts from behind put me well and truly off

      • Yes that happens, One turned out to be a bloke, correction two, but that was discovered before any travel arrangements were made.
        Oh and one had been a man.

      • I did have one where I heard ominous sounds from another room, had visions of beaten shitless by a gang of knife wielding Albanians while trying to leg it out of a window clutching my kex….

  10. I think it would be fair to say that the dating sites, linked in and a few others are closely related.
    The CV and the person are poles apart, having “Dabbled” in all of these I have been rather surprised at the audacity of some of the people.
    copy paste photos from sex sites to CV!
    Obviously the usual bollocks aim to please ect, I eventually ended up with a rather nice but insistent lady who was very eager to please ( most accommodating) but alas there was some distance between us so easy access was not possible.
    After a while I started to receive threats of violence, If I were not to magically appear then I would be in trouble, I don’t put much faith in the threats but they were rather annoying, so I said fuck off (as you do).
    Problem was the Lady worked at an associated company so I could not block the e-mail……
    Rather sad, I ended up forwarding the whole lot to HR where she worked and got a rather stern phone call from them, I said to them that I wanted it to stop and they said they would deal with it.
    This makes me a massive cunt, but fuck sake what do you do short of giving them a good kicking?

  11. I,of course,am a member of an exclusive dating site…

    “Millionaire Dating Site – Date a Millionaire in UK
    http://www.millionairedatinguk.co.uk
    MillionaireDatingUK.co.uk is the best millionaire dating site for millionaires, rich men and elite singles in UK”

    It is sometimes hard for us exclusives to find a suitable partner due to our hectic lifestyles. This way we do not have to sift through riff-raff. I am,of course, the bait photo and profile that the site uses to attract the better-bred fillies.

    None of you lot could ever be members of my dating-site..one needs breeding,manners,a country estate…and vast wealth.

    Fuck Off.

      • “a rural sex pest”,indeed !

        I’ll have you know that I don’t confine my “sex-pesting” to rural areas…I have no problem going urban if I catch the scent.

      • Heehee yeah!
        Remember as a single young miserable out drinking & chasing women, had a mate who was fuckin useless when talking to women, nerves i suppose?
        I used to enjoy talking to girls, flirting etc
        But this lad always fucked it up for hisself!
        Knew he liked this girl and i got her over for a drink at our table and id said to him mention something about her appearance say nice dress, or her hair looked nice etc
        Hardly difficult to be polite is it?
        The daft cunt said “my mums got that dress” hahaha
        Home alone again!

  12. I met Mrs Knott on POF 10 years ago and have been sexually abused ever since. Just goes to show that not all dating sites are a con. Married her in June 2018, should have done it sooner.

  13. Cheers MNC 100% true. My best mate used to be a bit like yours. We used to go out on the razzle and it was always me that had to do the legwork with the birds as he was too shy. Needless to say I normally got hold of some bit of scrag and he ended up going home on his own. I’m talking 20 odd years ago when you queued to get in pubs and clubs and sometimes didn’t get in. I used to love chatting up birds face to face. I got lucky online with Mrs Knott after 16 years with the ex Mrs and I count myself very fortunate. I speak to loads of mates, men and women who are still trawling the depths of the internet to find ‘The one’ and keep failing. A childhood girl friend of mine just dodged a bullet when the bloke she was seeing locked her in his house and went to church! My best mate had a kid with a right bitch he met online and she messed him right up. Another mate met a bird and one of the first things she said was “So you’re 44, what can you offer me ?”. He fucked her off out of it. I love this site and often wonder who all these people are, but the anonymity is what makes it so easy to engage with people, but dating for me should be done like the old days, where the dog sees the rabbit and either chases it and catches it or let’s it go. All of this talking shit from behind a screen making out that you’re something you’re not and being a massive disappointment when you finally meet. I’d never wish to meet anyone on ISAC. In my head I have some funny ideas of what half of the people who post on here look like and meeting some of these fuckers in the flesh would spoil it !

    • Yeah sort of get a ‘picture’ of the other posters on here dont you?
      Some very funny posters, some very insightful posts, some clever blokes.
      I always found when chatting to girls, be totally honest and you cant go wrong, think lotta lads bullshit an big themselves up, but if your honest women find it refreshing?
      Dunno, worked for me anyway!
      Feel sorry for anyone whos shy, must be frustrating, but youve gotta grab life an take a big bite while your here!😀

    • Totally agree.

      Met the wife in a casino, cant understand all the online stuff.

      I say casino, makes it seem all bow ties and james bond.
      It was in luton and i lost her 50p on a roulette table – still gives me grief about it to this day.

      • Grief for losing money or being in Luton AFB?

        Just had a bizarre experience with my good lady – I got back from a hard day of begging and shoplifting to find out she had untied herself and filled the house with OXO cubes!

        I believe she may have Stock Home syndrome..

  14. I used dating sites for a while when i was younger but about 90% of women on therm seemed very damaged.

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