Baby on board

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I’d like to nominate ‘Baby on board’ badges – available from London Transport, so that every up the duff bird can announce to the whole world that she’s expecting.

I don’t need to see this badge to know that someone is pregnant, or to prompt me to give up my seat to an obviously pregnant lady. Although maybe I won’t bother, as it might be seen as sexist and demeaning, in which case, fuck off and stand in the crush.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

82 thoughts on “Baby on board”

  2. All those years ago, when my wife was very large out front with our expected daughter, we got on an extremely crowded bus on an abysmal March day. Every cunt with a seat studiously stared the other way and avoided eye contact for the entirity of our journey. I was going to ask somebody to give up their seat but the wife didn’t want any fuss.
    From that day to this, I’ve taken a view that nobody gets our seat if we have one, ever. I may be considered mean spirited on the matter. I am.

    • I was once at a meeting in londoninistan – wouldnt want to be anywhere near the place if i didnt have to be – and stood up on a tube train to offer a pregnant woman a seat.

      People looked at me like id suddenly grown horns or turned into an alien.

      I can only assume theyd never seen someone with manners before.

      I fucking hate london.

  3. I’m a fucking gentleman but would never stand for any cunt demanding I do. Stick the badge up your husband’s arse for being a useless cunt who accepts a pregnant or any other type of woman should do more work than cooking dinner and sucking your cock. Both exhausting behaviour for the fairer sex. Nurse cunty exempted obviously.

    You charmer!

  4. It won’t make any difference at rush hour, no one gives a shit, it’s dog eat dog.

    But this is typical off out woke fucking attitude to everything, a fit young woman who is only a couple of months pregnant doesn’t need any special privileges, I just wonder how many cunts will actually wear these fucking things anyway.

    London transport can fuck off.

  5. In London shouldn’t it say:
    ‘Future architect on board.
    Babyfather fucked off. Or possibly stabbed.’
    Innit.

  6. You’re fuckin’ lucky to have transport in London that you can sit down on. Every fucker up North has to stand up in cattle wagons. Piss orf Northern Rail and go bust.

    • Do they let you take Percy on board Blunty? I suppose you could argue he is some sort of alarm to squawk “cunt approaching” when undesirables get on.

      • I see what you mean Blunty If he was to insult any peacefuls, ethnics, transbenders , the fat, elderly, disabled or wimminz you could find yourself charged with a hate crime while trying not to get sectioned for insisting you have a talking and foul mouthed parrot.

      • fuck me that reminds me of Mrs B MkII.
        I took her to Budapest shopping and I went into an army surplus place (just looking).
        any way lots of kids in bomber jackets, crew cuts and bleached jeans ( and combat boots).
        I was looking at the stock and she walked in and says ” is this a gay hangout? ” very loudly.
        I said “No they are neo Nazis!” ,
        she said “You can’t say that!”.
        Well they were and I am still not sure how I walked out of that one. hence Mrs B MkII.

  7. What next, pink labels for The Gays? Green labels for Greta loving cunts? Black labels for minorities – all of whom must take priority over horrible whites on public transport, supermarket queues and whatnot.

    • Pink triangles for gays
      Yellow stars for 4X2’s
      Green inverted triangles for criminals
      Red ditto for Communists
      Jehovah’s Witnesses – purple triangles.

      Does that seem familiar? Wearing labels requesting special treatment can be bad for your health.

  8. Buses? Fuck off, people’s transport for peasants and plebs. Greta might want me to take the bus, she can fuck off.

    Heavily pregnant serf women in headscarves carrying a live chicken, we ain’t in fuckmanistan yet.

  9. Before I married her, the wife’s nickname was ‘train tracks.’
    Been layed all over the country….

    • Whats the point? ‘Baby on board!’
      So what?
      What am i meant ti do about it?
      I couldnt give a fuck if youve got a schoolbus full of kids, just watch the road, keep up with the flow of traffic,
      I dont want to know your fucking life story.
      Is it a excuse for driving like a cunt?
      Might pay attention if saw one in back of a hearse, or ambulance but a car?
      Stop fuckin bragging!

      • That’s what always bothered me MNC, what difference can it make. Chav boy riders in a stolen car taking any notice? Cash for crash ram jam going to leave you alone? Drink driving wankstain going to sober up due to your baby on board sticker?

        It’s a prime example of cunts being robbed of money buying something that no cunt will take any notice of.

        Cunts don’t take notice of ambulances with blues and twos on ffs. Half the time the bitch driving is on her fucking mobile looking at social media anyway.

      • Responsible do not need telling, irresponsible people will not be told.

        We need “cunt on board” signs!

  10. Is it too cuntish to suggest these badges should be used as a target for an “accidentally” placed elbow in the stomach in the crush? Probably.

  11. Is it on board, or onboard?

    P.s I have a walking stick and I look pregnant even though I am a fella. Do they give up their seat for me? Of course not.

  12. In the unlikely event of me being on a bus there’s no way that I’d give up my seat to a pregnant woman. I’m already expected to pay tax to keep her and her child in the lap of luxury through child benefit…no fucking way that I’m standing for some bugger happy to live off the proceeds of extortion.

    If a pregnant Gemma Arterton got on board I still wouldn’t give up my seat…she’d just have to sit on my face and thank her lucky stars.

    • Well said Dick!
      Same for that Rosa parks too!
      Id of got her out of that seat soon enough, put a lighter to her hair.
      “I can hear you back there moaning!
      Shut it!’

    • Apparently a lot of pregnant women have bladder control problems.Instead of sitting down it might be better if they stood in one of those small inflatable paddling-pools. That way they wouldn’t need to buy a badge as everyone would already know that they were pregnant, plus they’d be able to judge exactly how long they’d been travelling by the “overspill”.

  13. Sometimes I don’t wash for weeks, I normally get a whole row of seats on a bus and trains a carriage to myself.
    I have a walking stick too.

    • If I ever lower myself (quite literally – do they make these things for f*cking dw*ves?) to get on a bus I sit rocking back and forth glaring into space muttering “the sinful will pay, the sinful will pay” – thus guaranteeing no bugger ever sits near me, excellent!

    • Lord Benny, sometimes I wish my walking stick would do the walking for me.

      Me: “Ere, Sticky, pop to the shop and fetch me a mars bar would ya?” 🙂

  14. This must be a Suckdick approved idea…….his Dad was a bus driver, but you probably didn’t know that. When I was a kid you wouldn’t need a badge, people would be falling over each other to give up their seats. But that was when everybody was BRITISH, before we were culturally enriched. The Europikeys and 3rd world trash don’t give a fuck for anybody else.
    I don’t know what it’s like elsewhere but in Londonstabistan nobody queues for a bus anymore. They just hang around and rush for the door when it turns up.
    Fucking foreign cunts.

    • Round here the bus drivers refuse to open the doors if there are any queue jumpers and then shout “can you get to the back of the queue” and make them do it in front of everyone, and Arriva drivers are “a bit feisty” if they get any lip!

    • Not taken a bus in awhile id give up my seat for the elderley,people on crutches pregnant white women etc
      Got to be decent havent you?
      Dont miss catching buses, that Stagecoach buses, the drivers always seemed to be proper miserable, cheerless bastards,
      With people like that be overfriendly!
      Drives em mad😀
      “Hello! What a beautiful day driver!”
      Bye driver have a lovely day!”
      Hehehe
      The cunts hate it.

      • if I’m on a bus for any reason I’d be wondering what the fuck a pregnant woman was doing on a bus to HMP in the first place.

      • I get the bus once a week Miserable, mostly full of school kids so I don’t give a fuck about them but my fake suicide vest does deter the pregnant and the elderly.

      • Here in the east we have border bus, and quite to my surprise they really are a cheerful lot, always get a good morning, afternoon etc, will not let anyone on until others have alighted, astonishing really seeing as most of the drivers are exiled london cunts.

  15. I’d print myself a badge that says “Incontinent Old Cunt” and wear it on the bus.

    Then happily offer my seat to a Baby-On-Board badge wearer, accompanied by a cheery “Might be a bit damp, love – I’d give it a few minutes to evaporate”

  16. It’s a good job you’ve got that badge on your back window because I was thinking of rear ending you hard and watching you crash and burn in a ditch.

    Seeing as you’ve got a kid in there, I’d better not….

    Cunt.

    • Thats exactly what i meant Ghee an what Sixdog said,
      Just what are they warning me about?
      What do they think I’ll do?
      Just want them to concentrate and hurry the fuck up!
      What are they accusing me of?
      “Dont! I have a baby!”

  17. Anybody putting an advisory sign on their car instantly
    self identifies themselves a CUNT!!
    “ if you can read this sign your too close “
    “ brat on board”
    “ passion wagon don’t laugh your daughter might be inside” ?????
    All fucking cunts
    The only bumper sticker I ever really liked was some cheeky Essex cunt driving a Porsche 911 with a bumper sticker “ my other cars a Porsche “ cunty but made me laugh …….

    • Saw a 911 the other week with “My other car’s an Aston Martin” on the bumper.

      The only bumper sticker I’ve seen that is even vaguely funny was “If you can read this you don’t need your fucking foglights on”.

    • And the cunt who had a “Bollocks to Brexit” bumper sticker outside Halitosis Hall deserves to be metal-pineappled by his wifey’s pikey lovers…

  18. Strange how women make a song and dance about equality but then still expect to be treated differently. What’s is to be – equality or preferential treatment?

    • Just seen on the news about some female Beeb who reckons she should be paid the same as Jeremy Vine….

      Instead of increasing her pay (which would be the normal thing to do), they should cut his, the fucking libtard annoying cunt.

      Yes I edited it

  19. No one cares if I’m busting for a shit. Then again, if I was on a bus, it would probably be going past a cliff I could throw myself off, as there was no longer any hope.

  20. Fuck me sideways.

    “Presenter Samira Ahmed has won the employment tribunal she brought against the BBC in a dispute over equal pay.
    Ahmed claimed she was underpaid by £700,000 for hosting audience feedback show Newswatch compared with Jeremy Vine’s salary for Points of View.”

    How much were we paying for her if she’s underpaid by 700k? For presenting a feedback show? The BBC is grotesque, it’s a parasite.

    Ahmed can fuck off £465 plus expenses per episode isn’t enough? Vine gets 3000 per episode of whatever shite he presents! I’m dumbstruck and dumbfounded by these figures. The BBC is raping us all.

    Just as I type a question of sport with Sue Barker comes on TV. What’s that fucking talentless loser being paid?

    We are being harvested and fleeced.

    • Agreed x 1,000 and more on the general sentiment but Sue Barker ffs. Yet another overpaid ex-pro in the Linemepockets mode presenting a so-tired-it’s-dead 50 year old show.

      Time was when there were proper active stars from their sport; nowadays the guests are people you’ve never heard of (bronze medalists in the Krankie Caber Toss or other retirees currently pundits on the BBC teat getting overtime)

      With that useless unfunny as piles cunt Matt Dawson, QOS deserves a cunting all of its own

  21. Equality means I keep my seat and bun in oven can fuck off.
    They made their bed and they can fucking lie in it.
    Fuck off.

  22. Once offered my seat to a “pregnant” woman. Who then sat down, unbuttoned her voluminous clothing and proceeded to chew on a giant burger, XL fries and then polished off a 2 litre bottle bottle of 7Up.
    The fat bitch did me like a kipper.
    Never again.

    • Another removalman said to a customer “so whens the baby due?”
      Customer stonily “im not pregnant.”
      Had to sit in cab till i could control myself.

  25. Who would want to sit on a Londinistan bus seat in the first place, just imagine all the worlds cunts who have been there before you.
    Bet most of the up the duff women are ethno’s anyway, better to be handing out condoms or a ticket out the country

  26. I was stood at the bus shelter, there was a pregnant woman beside me. I asked her, “When’s it due?”
    She replied, Three weeks”.
    I said, “I think I’ll walk”.

  27. Off topic. Who’s the Ravi bird presenting News at Ten? She would get a good tonguing. Phwoar.

  28. This fucker won’t make a damned bit of difference in Londonistan.

    You would have to be cardiac arresting on the floor before any cunt would even begin to contemplate moving out of their seat for you. Even then they wouldn’t bother, as they would figure you’d have carked it in a few minutes, so what’s the bloody point in wasting energy?

    I saw a girl on the tube a few weeks ago with one attached to her cardigan. The train was not heaving and she had plenty of seats on offer anyway, so it was somewhat redundant in terms of getting her some consideration and seated really.

    Quite frankly, I was less interested in the badge and more focused on trying to fathom how the fuck she managed to get knocked up anyway. She was, putting it tactfully, one of Londonistan’s more ‘avant garde’ types…..

    I am suspecting chloroform and viagra……

  29. Way off topic but for any fans of the rock band Rush you’ll be saddened to hear that Neil Peart (67) died of brain cancer a short while ago!

    Rip Snowdog

    • I remember fucking a babysitter on a strangers sofa while listening to “Finding My Way “.
      Poor Neil Pearl, poor babysitter, she died years ago.
      Fuck me ! I could be next !

      • Side 1 of 2112 is one of the most wonderful pieces of music ever recorded and Neil’s drumming on it was unbefuckingleivable…..

      • I have seen Rush at least 5 or 6 times over the last 30 years, and both Geddy and Alex were brilliant axemen; but Peart was the glue that kept everything together, and some of his drumming was fucking mindblowing; and yet he made it look so easy!

        Time to dig out some “Moving Pictures”, “Permanent Waves” and “Power Windows” later this morning

      • A mesmerising drummer and a great loss. Could listen to his drum solos all day. RIP.

  30. I give my train or tube seat up to the elderly or pregnant and actively look whilst onboard to accommodate these kind of people.

    C’mon chaps, its not all bad out there you know.

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