A five-alarm, socially conscious cunting please for The (fucking) Turner Prize
Ffffff… fffffff…. ffffff… and breathe… Facking hellski my piss boileth over. Just sat through Beeb4’s coverage of the (fucking) Turner Prize ‘awards’ and what an unalloyed, truly emetic display of virtue signalling jiggery-wokery it was. Normally, despite a passing interest in such things, I’d forgo the pleasure with an accompanying stream of invective hangs its ulcerous arse out the window and invites us to kiss it but this year, given the societal tumult that’s currently gestating, I thought “hmmmm I wonder… they’re gonna pull a stunt this year I’ll bet?” and put down the remote, cracked a tinny and braced m’self. I was not disappointed as The (fucking) Turner Prize (and god I bet old Turner is revolving axially in his grave that his name has been so appropriated) supplied big steaming sacks of cuntery by the hundredweight.
The Turner Prize has always been a vehicle for degeneracy in both the production and public perceptions of ‘art’ and what constitutes art. From its origins when Duchamp waltzing into a gallery with a piss trough to that shaved ape Ofili throwing elephant shit at a canvas it’s whole purpose has been to discount and reposition all prior art as reactionary, jingoistic remnants of dying empires. So what was offered up this year to delight the liberati and simultaneously baffle the rest of us?
Lawrence Abu Hamdan – is an artist and audio investigator, (I’m sorry?? He’s a what?) whose work explores ‘the politics of listening’ – Oh fer fuck’s fucking sake ‘ere we go. His installation entitled “Earwitness Inventory” should more accurately be called “Fuck me some cunt’s robbed the garage!”
http://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/turner-contemporary/exhibition/turner-prize-2019/lawrence-abu-hamdan
Helen Cammock – “The Long Note” – Filmic, feminist niggerwhine…enjoy.
http://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/turner-contemporary/exhibition/turner-prize-2019/helen-cammock
Oscar Murrilo – Collective Conscience (ffs!)- Oscar Murillo’s multifaceted practice incorporates live events, drawing, sculptural installation, video, painting, bookmaking and collaborative projects with different communities. In his work, Murillo particularly explores materials, process and labour; as well as issues of migration, community, exchange and trade in today’s globalised world. – Yes yes Oscar but that does not excuse the fact that your ACTUAL artistic skill tops out at that of a ten year old stuffing a guy fawkes for the bonfire. You fraud, you chancer, you unmitigated cunt.
http://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/turner-contemporary/exhibition/turner-prize-2019/oscar-murillo
Tai Shani – DC Semiramis – Shani “uses the structure of an allegorical city of women to explore ‘feminine’ subjectivity and experience, through a gothic/science-fiction lens…” gotta stop you there luv mainly because I can’t be arsed to fisk the rest of this drivel suffice it to say this animate tableaux of sub Dalian linear and morphic forms prompts the following question – Tai, do you always neck a microdot before you take your kids to Wacky Warehouse?
http://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/turner-contemporary/exhibition/turner-prize-2019/tai-shani
So who won then, Cunty? We’re dying to know who’ll be setting the nation’s artistic trajectory over the coming year.
I’ll tell you who won; like a special needs sports day (on reflection a pretty close analogy), they all did… yayyy! They decided that because they all sing from the same hyper-liberal hymn sheet they should form a collective and accept an award only on that basis. They chucked the sheboon front and centre to read their grandstanding, dribbling collective statement, the text of which I’m sure will form the editorial opinion and comment for every fucking newspaper for the next week if they don’t reprint the fucker in full on a giveaway centrefold poster. Expect this to be the Thunbergite groupuscle for the ‘art’ world. Expect a ramping of their commercial exposure. Expect them to last no more than 2 minutes on a gallows rope.
But here’s the kicker: the programme that followed this open mockery of all that we would legitimately recognise as “Art” was an hour long documentary on Rembrandt, the very antidote to this spasticated travesty.
Nominated by Cunty Chops
No wonder Hitler and Stalin banned all pretentious wank modern “art”
They did have a point.
7
But both of them used art for propaganda Cuntylugs, stalin all that workers stuff, Uncle Adolf that Aryan stuff.
Stirred up the population!
We did it with kitchener “your country needs YOU!👉
4
But at least there was a message, what kind of message does this send apart from they are all bonkers
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Dunno ES?
A fool an his money maybe?
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Agreed MNC, but a poster now would have Kitchener as a moustachioed tranny, mind you there were rumours that he was ” not as other men”.
4
Yeah back then a massive tache said
‘Sandhurst, cold water wash, and cold steel for the fuzzie wuzzies’
Nowadays a tache like that says
‘Poppers, leather underpants, and butt plugs for the fuzzie wuzzies’
Shame, they spoil everything, the bandits.
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Hitler and Stalin banned modern art because of its tendency to stimulate imaginative thinking. The last thing totalitarian scümbags want is for their populations to think, let alone think imaginatively.
4
“The last thing totalitarian scümbags want is for their populations to think, let alone think imaginatively.”
Look around you and tell me if that objective is not equally well achieved in the absence of totalitarian scumbags. Unless you are including corporate globalist scumbags in that category…
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Good point Komodo. But it’s hard to cover all bases with a forty word cunting…
1
Good point ruffers
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“and Stalin banned modern art because of its tendency to stimulate imaginative thinking.”
Ironic really seeing as how Stalin was promising that on the sunlit uplands of state socialist societies there’d be a Byron on every corner, a Mozart in every tavern, and a Shakespeare in every kitchen and all such aspirants had their brief flowerings ended in the gulags.
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Did you all a picture.
⛅☁🌠
🌲🌳🌳 🚴🚴 🏇 🌳🌳🌳🌲
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Please tell me that is not Saint Greta Thunderbox on her bicycle in the woods
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No , its Fiddler in the saddle chasing cyclists off his land!!
Tally Ho!!
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He said he’s got a busy day riding and shooting tomorrow so keep an eye out on the local papers. “Hunt saboteur shot in arse, local man leads police on cross country pursuit”.
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Yeah, after horse whipping some hunt sab, few drinks in rugby club an shooting pheasants he’ll be blood crazed!
Sat in the barn blood all over his pink jacket, pidgeon feathers round his mouth, muttering “leave my gate open, will you? I showed you!
Go back to your rabbit hutch house!”
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There is talent here MNC
The year is 2319,
The scene – Cunthebey’s auction house,
The time is – 11:15pm.
Ladies and gentlecunts, thankyou so much for your support this evening for our sponsored chariddee Art Action for the Repair and Restoration of Sensitive Ego’s
We have now our final sale of the evening, our featured lot as on the front of your catalogues; I refer of course to the iconic landscape work “Cuntry Pursuits” by possibly the 21st century’s leading exponent in the field, some Miserable Northern Cunt.
His deft skill with keyboard and lump hammer was renowned in his time, is unmistakeable still, much imitated but never equalled and is fully in evidence in this seminal piece. It is of particular significance as researchers agree that this was the last work completed during his “Hammer Phase” before he eschewed the hammer as sophistry and resorted to whacking the keyboard with his enraged knob-end.
He incorporates many archeo-historic graphic elements in his work. Note particularly how the artist homages the Egyptian hieroglyphic cartouche in the three suns which prefigure the tableau below. The first sun expresses the light of naïve hopefulness of the cunts on bikes in supposing they can trespass with impunity but yet this sun is shaded by the subconscious realisation that they’re likely to get an arse full of buckshot! The second sun is fully clouded by the coming storm. One hears the dread thunder of bloodied hooves that herald man’s despair when all hope of Earthly salvation is lost. The third glyph summons to mind Fiddler’s dark raw Breugelian animus, an avenging angel all too ready to fall upon the benighted wandering soul. Indeed the autopsy following the appalling events of Winterval 2024 revealed that Fiddler did indeed have a reproduction of Bosch’s hellish triptych The Last Judgement tattooed across his right arse cheek!
Northern Cunt was a known associate of Richard de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler and here he has playfully juxtaposed the neo-classicist aerial suspension of Fiddler’s favourite courser with the suspense we feel as to how the action will complete. Though the Philistine eye might describe the composition, draughtsmanship, the tonality and overall rendering as “juvenile fucking shite” they fail to see, as of course we do, (a smug chuckle ripples through the assembled art cunts), the late Vorticisist elements reflecting the inner turbulence in the minds of those pursued by either fate or Fiddler as to whether their end is escape or to be shot, roughly quartered and tossed over the wall of the kennels to end their life as dog shit. We feel their terror, we feel his hate and we recognise through their inevitable doom that, skin tight lycra is no protection from a riding crop and that none can escape their individual fates. A minimalist threnody to the human condition blah blah drone blether…
Ladies and Gentlecunts this chilling work is listed with a reserve of one point two million and I must tell you that we have had a great deal of interest and a telephone bid already of one point five million pounds so… shall we say two? Thankyou y’ soft twat, can I say three now? Yes, now five? Thankyou sir… yes the gullible looking fuck-knuckle at the back… are we all done then? Sold for five…million…fucking…pounds! Well done ya thick cunt, we’ll text it over within the next 24hrs.
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To me, like most things, art is subjective. If I see something and I like it, I like it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
P.s when I saw the title of the nomination, I thought it was something to do with Tina Turner.
#Steamy windows! Zero visibility#
#Steamy windows! Coming from the body heat!#
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It looks like the cast of Red Dwarf if Robert Lewellyn has turned into a tranny landwhale.
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Was it dwarf, Lewellyn, tranny or landwhale that got me mod’d.
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It was dwârf. 😀
Yes night admin has a thing about them and wont have anything said against them
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It’s an inflated Konchanski. Fat version of Chloe Annet. Not sure if I spelt her name correctly.
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Morning Admin!
Running late this morning?
Want me to get things started?
😀
NO, and to soothe your curiosity I may have accidentally sprayed the kleenex with deep heat, so chalking his cue after a dwarf porn session was a novel experience
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Good for you day admin!!👍👍👍
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Am certain the LimpDumps had a dwarf (a peer, to boot) amongst their ranks. But maybe he’s been “thrown” (rather than booted…).
If he’s still around, he’ll have plenty of time for filming. If a true dwarf, maybe he’s only got 8 mill to show off…
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