The Giving Tree

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A great big ho-ho-ho humbug of a cunting for ‘The Giving Tree’…

Just when you thought the retail festival known as Christmas couldn’t get more commercialised and cynical, there comes a new idea to prove you wrong – and just such an idea is the giving tree.

Kids hang tags on the tree saying what presents they would really like for Christmas, gullible twats take a tag and go into the shops and buy it. No OK, it goes to ‘cherity. mate’ but it’s basically still just a con to get you to part with your hard earned dosh.

Walk this way, sir, give us yer fuckin’ money…

Bah! Humbug! Cunts…

Nominated by Dioclese

78 thoughts on “The Giving Tree”

  1. I suggest surreptitiously putting some home-made tags on there, make it a bit of a lottery; “a weekend break in Thailand with Paul Gadd”, or “testicular cancer” perhaps

    • Morning Cuntan agree entirely!
      Any precious little spoilt brat deserves the tag changed.
      ‘Skinny dipping with Rolf Harris’
      ‘Pole dancing wi Dianne abbott’
      Things like that.
      Youll get what your given kid!
      £10 voucher for argos.

      • Spot on MNC. My daughter showed me the instagram of one of the little Tristans she goes to college with the other day, basically a shopping list to his parents of all the swag he feels he’s entitled to for the J-man’s birthday; it scrolls on for about 12 fucking pages!!! Shit on there you wouldn’t believe, HD tellies, rare Star Wars collector shit worth thousands, football season tickets, fucking unbelievable. I always like to say this year I’ll get you a fucking roof over your head and food on the table – not well received usually

      • Fuck that, being dictated too of a millennial!
        He’ll end up a monster, throwing Elton style tantrums, might work on his gormless parents but the rest of the world? Nowt down.
        Always got the kids what they wanted unless some ridiculous request!
        He needs a slap off his dad, best thing he can ever do for jr.

      • Yep. I’ll gladly volunteer my slapping services if Jonty’s not man enough (pretty safe bet I would think)

      • Joking aside have the PC mob not noticed that ALL animals use physical force to teach behaviour in their offspring? I’m not saying we should beat the shit out of kids willy-nilly but as a last resort all animals (including us) remember physical pain/discomfort as a discouragement to bad behaviour far more than a limp-wristed admonishment.

    • Plantations of them are available at Steptoe & Flabbott (Nurserymoengs); a snip for a few billion.

  4. It never ends does it. The greed that encompasses Christmas knows no bounds. Don’t you just long for them halcyon days when it started in December with the opening of the advent calendar and the advertising on tv. The shops closed for a week after the 25th and people were given a chance to absorb it all. It’s now rush and tear and fuck tradition from these corporations and charities who are just bloodsucking leeches attempting to extract every last morsel of “the season of goodwill’ I try at this time of year because of the kids but if i was childless I’d close the curtains and reemerge on January 2nd.

    • Indeed Earl, Christmas has become meaningless due to commercialism, when the highlight of Xmas becomes the M&S advert release in November you know the games up.

      I’ll try and find the spirit of Xmas, 10 quid a bottle in Tesco.

  5. This is the tree in Labour HQ? It’s the magic money tree, it’s for 5 years not just for Xmas.

    Close up on a few tags.

    Support for the Palestinian freedom fighters.

    Free money for lesbian theatre groups.

    Calculator for Diane.

    Medals for IRA murderers.

    Another title for Keir Cunt.

    A full body eye slot only little black number for Emily Thornberry.

    A statue of Marx for number 10.

    Christmas is no longer to be celebrated, in future we will celebrate the day Jeremy first penetrated Diane.

    • A truly scary and disgusting thought sixdog. Just saw basketcase comrade McDonnell on Marr show. Telephone numbers for budgets in a terrifying view in what could happen on Friday if they form a minority government with wee Jimmy. The world’s gone mad.

      • The combination of Labour and the SNP running the country. It cost a billion to buy the UDP off, that will be chicken feed compared to wee smells of piss Sturgeons demands for Scotland.

        I think all the late registration voters are probably Corbyn votes and at best we end up with a slight Tory majority.

        At worst kids will vote Labour not realising by the time they start work the tax burden will kill all their hopes.

  6. The sponging Sods’ll get Fuck All off me.

    Every fucking week is Christmas for those in receipt of child benefit….my tax money given to buy fripperies. I’d ban it,particularly in the run up to Christmas…Maccy Ds and the local tattoo parlour are presumably closed on Christmas Day so that’s one day’s worth of free cash that they can’t justifiably need.

    • Not very christian attitude Dick!
      No at Christmas, think those less fortunate should receive double benefits!
      Surely you wish single mother Stacey and her 3 kids all the best at yuletide?

      • 3 kids, 3 fathers, none of the fathers paying a penny towards their kids. Stacey opening her legs for any cunt who’ll buy her a packet of fags and a few drinks.

        Stacey ain’t every single mother but she’s a fair portion of them, Stacey believes she’s a victim of an unfair society, her own piss poor choices incidental to her situation.

        Stacey will vote for the first time ever on the 12th, unless she bumps into potential father number four on the way to the polling station.

      • That triggered my wolfish side Sixdog!
        Let’s get some beer go round Staceys an fuck her retarded!!
        Get em off stace, im a cüming..

      • Scroungers allowed to live high on the hog by taxing my CAP subsidy cheque…it’s a fucking disgrace. I hardly dare order my new Range-Rover for fear that one of those bloody politicians offers the ne’er-do-wells a pre-election bribe using my money…it’s a worry,it really is,MNC.

      • Chill out.
        Were getting Stacey to ‘pull the train’
        At the ISAC xmas do!!
        Want your go after me n Sixdog dont you?
        Well then!
        Dont forget to tip her as well, and i mean a note not fuckin small change!

      • If we’re lucky her mates Tonia and Chelle will be there. DSS deviance, might not be a bad plan, if Corbyn gets in they will be rolling in it.

      • Got my Christmas bonus last week.
        £10? What the fuck can you buy with £10? – a quarter of a Xmas tree? Half a bottle of good quality wine? A leg of Flabbott’s used panties from EBay.
        Cos I’m considerably richer than yow, I gave mine away to charity.
        Go fuck yourselves.

      • Hasn’t Catweazle promised a £500 bonus for next year and his recipe for a seasonal vegan nut roast yet Blunty?

      • Afternoon LL.
        I know that he’s planning to solve the social care problem by offering one way free trips to Dignitas. To soften the blow, everyone gets a last minute wheelchair trip around the Christmas market with a hot totty ( that should read toddy!) and a Bratwurst.

  7. We should all be ashamed of ourselves…a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ somehow ends up in us feasting like pigs, buying eachother presents and getting pissed.
    It really shows how far western society and culture has fallen.
    It’s no coincidence that with the fall of Christianity in Britain our morals and general society is now a pile of cunt.
    I’ve seen poor people without much around the world who are a lot happier than us in this commercial, keep up with the Jones load of cunt.
    Buying things you don’t need and can’t afford…yeah that’s a good Idea, car on finance, mortgage, 60 inch Tele on finance, etc etc.
    We really have gone backwards, it’s all abaaaht money making companies exploiting dumb customers.
    M&S adverts for Christmas showing heart attack food…then on the 2nd of January M&S adverts for slimming food until Easter and more fattening food adverts, Mother’s day, Father’s Day, etc etc. What a pile of shite.
    No wonder everyone’s pissed off and needs a drink.
    I love Christmas but it’s become an embarrassment, I should have lived in the times of the Crusades.
    I think I’ll buy myself another Omega watch to cheer myself up… Merry Christmas and go fuck yourselves.

      • I’m with you BWC. I’ve met people in countries with literally fuck all to their name other than their family around them and they at least appear to be far happier on a fundamental level than us; bit embarrassing for us really. My mrs loves all the Christmas bollocks and gets mad with me when I start ranting about how shallow and facile it all is; some poor cunt will still die in an accident or get diagnosed with cancer on Christmas day, don’t care how much magic pixie dust Santa and Jebus sprinkle on us all out of their blessed arseholes

      • Fuck them.
        Theyre in other countries, own fault!
        We deserve to celebrate the hippy jews birthday as decadently as possible as reward for being British.
        Smother me in brandy butter and pass the turkey, Christmas has always been decacadent, jesus had gold bling, Frankenstein, and myrr for his first birthday!!
        Opulent! Why he ended up spoilt.

      • That’s a god point MNC, never thought of it like that before! Yeah, fuck ’em! Proper little philosopher you are MNC 😄

    • Are you taking the piss Black and White?
      If not, it proves that sinners can indeed be saved!
      😂😂😂

      • Nope not at all Bertie…I believe in God and I am truly blessed. I am a sinner but I like to think I’m a sinner who can see the error of my ways.
        I always look back on history with a romantic view, belief in the almighty was something that bonded people and was a foundation of being a Knight.
        The problem is though is that I like the seedy side of life also, I’m in a constant battle.

    • “We should all be ashamed of ourselves…a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ somehow ends up in us feasting like pigs, buying eachother presents and getting pissed.”

      But that was the whole point before christianity appropriated its pagan predecessor, societal groups celebrating the turn of the year at the Winter solstice in anticipation of the end of their seasonal privations and the coming of Spring.

      “It really shows how far western society and culture has fallen. It’s no coincidence that with the fall of Christianity in Britain our morals and general society is now a pile of cunt.”

      Personally I think the rot set in with the establishment of christian formulations of ‘morality’. I certainly never felt in need of a book to tell me ‘right’ from ‘wrong’ and me deeply suspicious of one that instructs me to “turn the other cheek” when someone tries to fuck you over. Such passivity and fatalistic acceptance has never formed a part of the Chopsian credo.

      “What a pile of shite…”

      On this we are in total agreement 🙂

      • Couldn’t agree more, CC. If you need a book to tell you that it’s naughty to rape or kill people, then you are just as backward as today’s Mo’s are.
        As you say, Christmas was never about the birth of Jesus, it was a bastardisation of the winter solstice, designed to appease the recently converted pagans.

        If you want to look to the bible as factual anecdotal evidence too, then you will see that there is nothing to suggest that Jesus was ever born in December. In fact, all evidence points to him being born in the spring months.
        There’s the fact that apparently shepherds were out in the fields watching their flock during his. Well, during December in Bethlehem, temperatures often drop below 0. No shepherd will be taking his flock out in the midst of winter amongst sub-freezing temperatures.

        Then there’s the notion that someone told Mary during the birth to “Shake the trunk of the palm-tree and it will drop fresh dates” Now again, there is no date palm that will produce fruit in the middle of winter.

        There are many more instances of such contradictions that could be note too, if anyone was of the mind to question them. All in all though, I think it’s safe to say that Christmas is still today, exactly what it was always intended to be.

      • Whether accurate date wise or not and obviously originally a way of breaking up the miserable winter months with a big piss up Christmas today is abaaaht Jesus as the name suggests. It has been for many years. They used the old pagan day that’s all probably as a way of taming the barbarian horde but that does not excuse the commercial shite that it’s become.
        I suppose if your happy with the state of the country and the trash that make up the majority who express themselves loudest at Christmas then carry on old chap.

      • Where’s Miles? He’s missing this one.
        Who’d have thunk IsAC of all places could spark off a great theological debate?
        I hear Archbishop Welby is a great fan of the site!

      • In the stead of Pope Miles, perhaps I can share my thought for today.

        In historical terms, it’s not long since Christian priests were burning cunts at the stake if they did not believe that wine turns to blood when a priest prays over it, or that the earth sits immovably at the centre of the universe.

        Crusades, Inquisitions, religious wars, drowned witches, oppressive morals and hostility to sex… cunts were whipped and their throats slit for having sex outside marriage. The Church preaching that masturbation is worse than rape (because at least rape can result in pregnancy) was all par for the course.

        Christianity’s major contribution to European Civilisation was to fuck us up, hold us back, and give birth to its idiot bastard sons Communism and Socialism.

        If it hadn’t been for the Enlightenment (or the Age of Reason) with its thinkers in Britain and throughout Europe questioning traditional authority and embracing the notion that humanity could be improved through rational change, we would still be stuck in the Middle Ages along with our Peaceful brethren…

        Religion can go fuck itself, here endeth the lesson.

      • Evening Miserable.

        I’ve nowt against Christmas per se, it’s a continuation of the old pagan solstice culturally appropriated by the Christian establishment.

        I tend to avoid it if I can, but each to their own.

      • The church did take yuletide the winter solstice as Christmas,
        And the evergreen tree brought indoors is also a old pagan tradition.
        The drinking as well , ‘wassailing in the year’.
        Churches tend to be built on old pagan sites, oak groves, stone circles,
        Some incorporated the stones into the church itself.

      • @Cunty Chops. You say-‘Personally I think the rot set in with the establishment of christian formulations of ‘morality’.

        Christianity came to these shores 1400 years ago. That’s a very long time ago for the ‘rot to set in’
        If the ‘rot’ set in with the advent (excuse the pun) of Christian morality how was it that this small island by the time of the high Middle Ages could vie with Spain militarily for world domination.
        Even into the 18th, 19th centuries this was still a Christian believing nation which established the Empire on which the sun never set.
        That strength came from a determined organised people held together by a strong religious belief.

      • Hear hear Miles, I wonder how many of these non believers would suddenly become believers if they were unfortunate to be in battle and were facing death? Religious belief and life is what formed this and lots of other countries foundations, law, marriage etc.
        It also creates a bond between man and can be an aid to a better world. Of course most know right from wrong but we have to have hope and believe.
        In God we trust.

      • I consider myself a humanist. Humanists value traits like reason and rely on science to explain the way things are, not on fairy tales.

      • Erasmus, Thomas More were known as ‘Christian Humanists’ Bertie. So even the word ‘Humanist’ is of Christian origin.

      • How does that follow Miles? You’re saying that because some Christians also identify as Humanists, that means the word Humanist is Christian in origin?

        Bullshit.

        I suppose you also imagine the word Scientist is Christian in origin, because there are known Christian Scientists.

        Doh.

        Enlighten yourself here:

        https://www.britannica.com/topic/humanism

      • “I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without expectations of rewards or punishments after I am dead.”
        ― Kurt Vonnegut

      • A question I always ask Atheist’s is how did everything begin…they say the big bang, I say who or what started the big bang? Silence…It simply started they say… bollox I say.
        You can prove to me me that a fart caused the beginnings of everything but whose fart was it? Science cannot explain everything and man cannot handle not understanding things beyond their comprehesion. It’s an admirable quality of man to want to understand…but we cannot understand everything.
        Amen.

      • Christmas pudding is rich in theology-‘the pudding should be made on the 25th Sunday after Trinity, that it be prepared with 13 ingredients to represent Christ and the 12 apostles, and that every family member stir it in turn from east to west to honour the Magi and their journey in that direction”.

      • Im not Christian. Wasnt raised religious. Im not a atheist either.
        But to play devils advocate,
        Ive noticed when conversation turns to religion the atheist viewpoint is always the more aggressive, more angry in tone.
        Dont get why though?
        I don’t give a fuck what anyones beliefs are, not my problem,
        So dont see my arse one way or another.

      • Do you know what MNC, the only religious text I’ve ever read that struck the slightest chord with me was The Satanic Bible. Very misunderstood philosophy, for a start they don’t actually believe in a literal Devil (or any deity at all for that matter), instead the gist is that man is basically an animal with the relevant desires such as food and sex – and that all of these should be indulged in without guilt as much as one likes. Licence to fuck owt basically.

      • Anton le vey? ‘Do as thou wilt is the whole of the law’
        Yeah read bits of it Cuntan!
        Interesting bloke, publicity seeker but funny!
        What i read i didnt disagree with.

      • It’s flagrant displays of pure ignorance that tend to get my goat Miserable, not cunt’s religious beliefs, however absurd they might be.

      • Not sure i understand what you mean Rtc?
        Maybe im missing something, bit tired.
        But had similar conversations on here few days ago with someone, cant remember who, and they were bit hysterical in calling out religion,
        An i thought ‘so why do you care so much?’
        Dunno if im making myself clear, not advocating or condemning either view.

      • Well if pudding is to be made in accordance with strict theological rules a lot of us are going to miss out

      • Yup nice cover there Dioclese, mixed to put the bass up front but frankly that improves it.

      • Good work Dioclese, I did try and message you via your site but no joy.
        I would suggest a slightly different reverb and a touch of EQ boost around 4-6khz to bring the vocals out more.

    • Verily. Though I was inspired: IsAC could set up a cunting tree graphic for the site with the 10+ cunts’ faces hanging from it. Very festive! Maybe next year.

    • Im sure i could think of a few things id like en all off this magic fucking tree!

      1)that other bird from sweden(pop starlet sigrid)totally fucking naked
      2)a ton of cash
      3)all terrorist arseholes /lined up worldwide and executed.
      4) the goverment all lined up &executed worldwide if they refused to execute all convicted terrorists.
      just a thought!

  12. I’d like a tax refund for Christmas. The tax I pay to keep the feckless in comfort. So fuck charity.

  13. Tree of giving, I am going off topic here I am re assembling our pre light delux plastic Christmas tree, I am hitting a few snags here.
    Firstly I have spent a lot of time camouflaging shit, shape shine shadow, I know all that shit and can make most things look like thickets or bushes.
    Can I get this fucker to look like a Norwegian spruce? can I fuck.
    Next in assembly I note we have extra parts, we all know there is no such thing as extra parts so I have been trying to cobble this cunt together with some success only to find an extra base in the box.
    Yes it seems that we have two Christmas trees now separated they make sense and the plug in wasn’t bad they all work!
    The dogs on the other hand took it differently, one hound is asleep under it and doesn’t give a fuck, whilst the 3 month from rescue is shitting it and eyeing it with suspicion.
    Thank fuck I don’t have cats, I remember the havoc Mrs B’s MKII fur baby’s reeked on all aspects of our lives.
    So tree of giving, yes I have got one (two actually) and I am giving up on it! ,

  14. Weren’t you just spilling the virtues of Christianity there B&W? Now you find amusement in the poor and hungry being given literal shit to eat?

    openbible.info/topics/feeding_the_hungry

    What happened to all that?

      • I am a sinner and although a believer in God I still get involved in some dodgy stuff and I like cocaine, I also find things funny like what you’ve mentioned, I am of the people but not always for the people… Most can go fuck themselves… Not you of course dear Rubber lip’s.

  15. If it’s anything more than one of those gelatinous alien embros in an egg they’ll be most disappointed.

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