Linkedin

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A talking shop for the professional, terminally self-obsessed fuckwit, trying to out professional all the other professional and semi-professional terminally self-obsessed fuckwits. It’s like a web based front-end for all the bollock chop wannabes without the stones to apply for ‘The Apprentice’ to gather and tout wares and alleged wisdom via the medium of badly shot, unscripted videos in portrait mode or, regurgitated modern parables about helping a homeless person become a CEO after saving a dog that’s fallen in the drink because it’s owner is a fucking moron. All of these fuckers are trying to become influencers … translate as `bossy know it all cunts who think they know what’s best for everyone else, regardless of individuality, culture, country, field of endeavour, or demographic…generalising, catch-all cunts.

It’s also become a place where lick-spittle sycophants get to rim the collective arse of corporations. Why the fuck would you post a missive on a post by Microsoft or Dell or any corporations auto-generating spam cannon? Do they think Satya Nadella is sitting there so bored to fucking tears he’s scrolling through LinkedIn looking for inspiration or future employees? These self-proclaimed influencers aren’t at their desk spewing out trite nonsense about being loyal to brand, work hard, play hard, don’t fuck your colleagues (and if you do make sure you have a bullet proof NDA, a retained hitman, or secret and unfulfilled fantasies about living in a box under a bridge penniless and stinking, or being bummed sideways in a prison shower). They have a band of professional terminally self-obsessed fuckwits in the media department sitting in a break-out area wanging on about their first world problems, while re-hashing the same old shite they’ve been remorselessly pumping out like a Muslim call to prayer five times a day since, Linkedin plopped out the arse of Facebook like very wet fart that follows a shit, after you pulled your undies up.

It is a desperate, virtue signalling portal for those hoping that some cocksucker with a god complex will eventually smile upon them, gift them wings, a directorship and a twenty six figure salary, all in exchange for their every waking or unwaking hour.

LinkedIn is also the only place on the web where swearing is poo-pooed (unless it’s something worthy being sworn about..like dogs falling in the drink and moronic owners). It’s the only place on the web where telling jokes is just `Soooooo unprofessional’. It’s the only place on the web where being patronising, condescending or belittling in the guise of `debate’ isn’t seen as trolling. It’s also the one place where if you’re a bloke and you are NOT pictured askance to a camera in a shirt and tie, you’re clearly a pleb. BUT, if you’re a half decent looking sort, it’s perfectly OK to push out those titties, trout that pout and do your best office bike impersonation while (and this fucking galls me), expecting to be seen as an ultra- professional, modern woman.

Guess what LinkedIn cunts, there’s more to life than work and your boss is almost guaranteed not to be at your funeral when he’s wrung you out and you turn toes up, leaving the once office slapper who’s gone to seed and a couple of half-witted entitled children in the hands of the tallyman.

Nominated by GGRF

72 thoughts on “Linkedin”

  1. I would love to write a really indepth, thought-provoking and apposite response to this lovely nom; however, I have just spent the last 20 minutes rubbing my erect cock against the arse of a very attractive female of an age somewhere between 17 and 22 judging by her the text books she was carrying on a rather packed train roughly an hour ago!

    No idea whether she was aware of my stiffy, or if she was completely aware and enjoyed the grind!

    Anyway, in summary: LinkedIn is a bag of wank!

    And on the subject of wanking, where’s my sock?

    • That was me you cunt!

      The cock ring massaging the arse-grapes was a. nice touch (no pun intended).

      That’s one off my fanny like a bucket list. I feel a LinkedIn post coming on.

    • I am sure she must have felt it, women are just has horny as men and so having a cock rub on a train probably got her pussy nice and moist.
      I have been on crowded trains and had nice tight little arses pressed against me, fucking lovely!

      Dirty little bitch 😁

      • I’m sure she did because despite the fact the train was packed and we all had to stand, she could have quite easily walked to a different part of the carriage had she felt uncomfortable by my stiffy!

        But then again, she was glued to her fucking phone listening to some tinny sounding bollocks through her headphones. As a consequence she was probably completely oblivious to what was going on with her arse!

        I must admit to feeling rather guilty/dirty afterwards. It is simply not the gentlemanly thing to do is it?

        Oh well, at my age you have to make do with the odd highlight but without crossing the line too much

      • Fuck! In moderation now for the word pérverts…

        It’s been one of those days. 😡

      • Below: email from my next door neighbour, who I also sent that link to…

        Japanese men are perverts Ruff Tuff and will think nothing of shooting their load over poor unsuspecting girls on the train.

        The schoolgirls all wear the same uniform which includes long socks and very short skirts. Clearly designed by pervy men many years ago and worn unquestioned by girls for decades.

        Add the fact that many of the girls are incredibly beautiful and some do things for pocket money makes for interesting travel arrangements.

      • Damn it – I just did it again, using the same fucking trigger word: pérverts. Sorry admin…

    • I’m on a packed train at the moment and it looks like Middle Earth on here….I shan’t be voluntarily rubbing anything against anyone. Why do you see so many fucking weird looking cunts about at Christmas?

    • I am here!

      I haven’t used LinkedIn for ages. I am not too sure how relevant it is today. I used it to try and get contacts in companies I was trying to sell too.

  2. I closed my Linkedin account years ago. I got so sick of reading about people who I knew getting great jobs, when I knew they were absolute cunts. Wankers.

  3. I used it a few years ago thinking that it might help me in my job search after redundancy, it didn’t.
    All it did was to clog up my email everyday with loads of crap messages asking me whether I knew this or that person, or someone who I’d never heard of wanted to add me to their network. Why? You don’t even know me, so fuck off.
    Cancelled my account shortly afterwards.

    • Ah, but is he considerably richer than yow?
      By the way, following on from the ecclesiastical debate yesterday, I’ve got two tickets to the IsAC carol service if you fancy going?

      • Oddly enough Bertie I am considerably richer than he. I think.
        Yes, it would be a pleasure to join you at the ISAC carol service. Do you expect Miles be gracing us with his divine presence?

      • Evening chaps.
        Im going the carol service,
        In fact im in it!
        Im going to be lowered from the rafters playing harp, in halo wings and flowing robes, “once in royal davids city’ im doing .
        Bwc is dressing as a donkey for a dub reggae version of ‘little donkey’.
        Spoons is doing a crucifixion scene with Cuntan an capt mag.

      • Evening Miles!
        Like a carol service, but they dont seem keen on having me join in!
        Not sure why?
        Theres a chapel not far from me, its old, partly wattle an daub.
        Going to see if they have a carol service!
        Pass my hip flask round!😀

      • Evening Miserable. The tradition is me and Mrs P listen to ‘Carols from Kings’. That’s as far as she will go.
        I remember being a sheperd in the Nativity. A broomstick for a staff. It was all about falling over at ‘the blinding light’.
        My sister was the Virgin Mary! What an honour it was. I think my other sister never got over it.
        Yes I’d like to be the director. Mr Fiddler as King Herod of course. He would relish ‘The slaughter of the innocents’ I’m sure. The three wise men? Komodo of course, B&W as Balthazar (he’s the black one), Freddie the Frog carrying the myrrh. RT at the lecturn giving us the strict narrative of what happened. Bertie: Joseph, Nurse: Mary. You of course as the Angel of the Lord.
        Oh I nearly for got- Baby Jesus: Krav.

      • Im not sure we could trust Freddie with myrrh, hes a cockney after all!
        Wouldn’t be fair to tempt him like that, he’ll nick it.
        As for me being the angel of the Lord i think its only fitting, ill play him as benevolent but with a perchance to deal with the sinners with a flaming sword!

      • Yeah miles i like Carol King too!
        “Cos its too late baby yeah its too late,
        An i really thought that we could of made it! Something inside has died..”

      • If there’s an ISAC nativity play, I will gladly play the part of the innkeeper. I shall deliver my one line to Mary and Joseph with gusto ….. ‘GET TO FUCK !!! ‘

      • The roles yours Jack,
        Alternative line “GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!”

        Fiddlers mary should be good!
        As should Bluntys baby jesus in the manger.

      • The budget wont stretch to a donkey so Percy is stepping in. Some random peacefuls could play the three wise men, following a star from their shithole homeland to good old Blighty.

      • No peacefuls!
        Theyre everywhere as it is!
        They get enough!
        This is strictly whitey (an BWC)

      • Who’s going to play God the father? Joseph must have been well pissed off getting cuckolded like that.

      • God comes on here, hes a fellow cunter!
        He can play hisself.
        Rude cunt though,
        Never told me if im a shoe in for heaven.

      • Fiddler has kindly let out one of his barns and promised not to get on the Bushmills and barge in with the 12 bore yelling “Ger orf my land”.

      • Fiddler’s told me he’s turning down the part of Herod as he’s sick of being typecast as the villain.
        This follows last year when he played Scrooge in Christmas Carol and kicked Tiny Tim’s crutches from under him(accidentally he said). Then there was the year before when he played one of the ugly sisters in the panto. His jokes about the Gayness didn’t go down well especially with Christopher Biggins playing alongside him.

      • I’m the one with the gold, right? That will do nicely. I’ll put it in an offshore trust…for the kid… otherwise we’ll have to book Group 4 for the night.

  5. my COTY Joseph McCann got his just desserts today. 33 life life sentences with a minimum of 30 years. he told one of his victims ‘ this is what gypsies do. ‘. he’ll need to be segregated or he won’t last long.

  6. He will find out what black cock tastes and feels like by the end of the week.

    Cunt.

      • Are you old enough to remember Black Jacks Miserable? Four chews for 1d in 1962.

        Scrummy…. just like black cock, so I’m told.

      • Evening Rtc,
        Of course i remember black jacks!
        Was half penny as a kid, a regular in a 10p mix.
        In fact had some near halloween left over from the trick or treat stuff for the kids.
        Love em!
        But, remember the logo?..gollyiwòg.
        Not there anymore obviously.😢

      • Moderated again!!
        Fuck sake!
        Nothing in it too be offensive!
        Talking fuckin sweets!

      • Who told you that Rtc?
        I wouldnt think its the best marketing line “tastes like Leroys penis!”

      • Had some black jacks that the trick or treaters hadnt taken, love em!
        10p mix faithful wasnt they?
        Logos gone though!
        Remember the logo?

        Anyone else getting slaughtered off moderation tonight?

      • Yes, the black jacks logo was a gôllywôg with a bow tie. 😃

        I’ve been in moderation twice today – a comment on Japanese train etiquette is still in… since 6pm.

  7. Off topic, sorry but just watching the news, talking to ‘undecided voters’

    How the fuck can anyone still be undecided, what are they fucking waiting for, a sign from the big man in the sky, it’s fucking nonsense
    Just go in the booth and shut your eyes you stupid CUNTS!

    • Wipe your shitty arse on the ballot paper and stick it in the box. It’s not fucking rocket science.

  9. LinkedIn is the reason why every single thing I post on IsAC using my original nom-de-plume went (and still does go) straight into moderation. Having done extensive research, it appears that LinkedIn were subject to a massive database hack a few years ago, allowing my email address to be misappropriated by all and sundry – thus flagging it up across the web, as dodgy. Only me that pays to use my email address, mind – every other fucking cunt uses it for fucking free.

    Great Nom, GGRF – LinkedIn are utter cunts.

  10. I call it FaceBook for tossers. Yes, even bigger arselicking, virtue signalling tossers than the norm. Was on it for work but it is a waste of time unless you are a complete cunt.
    You can subvert the fucker by slipping all sorts of shite into your profile. Míne gets a mention of the Ku Klux Klan, knitting and Royston Vasey college.

  11. I loved the LinkedIn cunting and especially the reply from technocunt and his late after dalliance with a just over legal student, his cock on her ripe pert small arse – albeit clothed.

    I abhor pubic transport, but could this be the solitary advantage of pubic transport.

    Wonder what impressions she was left with, either sexual titillation, a juicy little fanny or “me_too” and she feels violated and almost raped. Middle aged men never stop fancying the arse off girls eg 18 to 25.
    ps. I only ever put minimal info on my LinkedIN and then shut it down. LinkedIN: designed by cunts, run by cunts, for cunts, a very well deserved cunting of the day.

  12. No. No. No.
    Boris, you should have seen this coming, regarding this 4 year old child forced to lie on the floor of a Leeds Hospital. Another staged performance? Possibly. I can’t believe the hospital didn’t have a small mattress available rather than the coat he was laid on. Boris seems to lack the ability to think on his feet. I fear this could be the election turning point.
    It was always Boris’s to throw away.

    • I know – such shit. What next – accusing him of being a puppy killer. Pathetic.

    • Clearly staged.

      McDonnell said on Politics Live: “this is happening all over the country.”

      • The mother of the boy is either a class 1 cunt or a fucking ignoramus. She announced that the experience will now make her vote Labour this week.

        Fucking contrived bullshit. If she is not a Labour stooge, does she seriously think Comrade Corbyn will magically solve the problem of too many people using a service with finite resources?

        Fuck off.

    • Just found out this lad had tonsillitis and is now home.
      Why the fuck is the mother taking him to A&E for that?
      This lad should have been at his GP’s.

  13. Linkedin wot’s that all abaht then, sounds like a rail station on Crossrail, there you go two fantasy projects for the price of one

  14. I assumed Linkedin was something to do with sausages. A site for purveyors of pork products and David Cameron etc.
    What the fuck am I talking about ?
    Get To Fuck.

  15. I find Linked in entertaining for all the above plus an few other things.
    My linkedin profile is very inclusive and has quite a few contacts from my old job in other words professional killers, I have no head hunters in my group just people who I work with and have excluded anyone outside my department.
    Now on the entertaining side I was a member of a “site” and anyone on Linkedin knows it scans your contacts for links, Well I did by chance have contact with a lady on another site and accessed her private photos (lets leave it at that) .
    I was very surprised that she used the same header photo on her linkedin page and lets leave it at that because I am a gentleman of sorts.

  16. When I was preparing to leave the Army, the (otherwise very good) resettlement service advised everyone to use LinkedIn. I gave it a try, but soon deleted my account. I now have a well paid job that was acquired by, yes, an old fashioned C.V.

  17. A very good nom this.

    I’m the MD of a company and my profile pic has no shirt and tie. I don’t wear one to work so why the fuck would I use it in a photo?

    When I was invited to join LinkedIn it was a network of IT and IT related professionals. Now I’m not in IT per se but my company provides a service that all businesses need at some time or other and it just so happened that the IT sector was a big spender back in the day. Invited is the key word here because back then you had to really be invited, by another member nowadays any cunt can join. (Such is the demands to monetise the service. Get shareholders involved and watch as it turns to shite).

    I have a lot of contacts and I know (much like Lord Benny) that I can actually call each and every one of them on their personal mobiles and that they would actually answer. This was and still is, my criteria for “linking” to someone.

    Today the fucking millennial generation treat LinkedIn like Facebook – simply collecting contacts. In fact, many would have no fucking chance in hell of actually ever speaking to, let alone be in the same building as some of their “connections”.

    In addition, the whole site now seems to be there with the sole purpose of becoming an HR data gathering depository. These fucking parasitic companies trawling for prospects to “place” often charging new employers up to 30% of yearly salary as a finders fee. Fucking cunts.

    It boils my piss to see the personal profiles of some of my past employees whom I had to fire for being total sycophant dolts, bigging themselves up like some kind of business gurus. When in fact they are just cunts of the highest order with zero talent.

    I wrote the word cunt once describing one of the shitty posts and was vilified by a lot of LinkedIn members funnily NONE of whom were in my connecting list.

    Why am I still a member you may ask. Mainly to help me avoid the growing hoards of business cunts out there.

    I’ll say it again…a great and very worthy nomination.

    LinkedCunt

  18. Joined Linkedin 20 years ago or so. Probably still there, linked to a defunct email account containing ten million spam messages – forgot both passwords with no regrets at all. It was self-promoting toss then, and I can’t imagine what it’s like now.

    If I ever start up a data-harvesting internet social hub, it will be called #enemiesreunited and it will make me a billion.

  19. All the above except one day there was a “please call me” message. It came from someone I knew of, but I also that he would not be bullshitting and I still have that job.

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