Jay Rayner

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An end of year, seasonal cunting for bon viveur, gastronome, food snob and all round annoying tosspot luvvie… Layyydeeezz an’ Gennnerrrmenn, I give you all round arrogant CUNT, Jay Rayner.

What has blubber-the-gut done that has got The Sheikh so steamed up?

Notwithstanding that this festering pile of superiority is, surprise fucking surprise an EU remainer, keen to be ruled by an unelected hostile foreign elite which makes him a Grade-A vulval area on it’s own, read below for why he’s up there with so many other utter cunts whose “celebrity” and self-importance we have thrust in our faces:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7754691/Jay-Rayner-Mum-Claires-ashes-West-End-show.html

Here’s a question for you fellow cunters. Would you want to eat in a restaurant contaminated with human ashes? No? There’s a fucking surprise. Yet the straggly bearded arsewipe has scattered/secreted his parents ASHES at some of the UK’s most prestigious places, for example, at the posh restaurant for wealthy up-their-own-arses, more-money-than-sense, celeb cunts, The Ivy.

Now I don’t know about you, although considering where certain contributors would stick their tongues, the thought of inhaling a lungful of desiccated, decarbonised, Claire Rayner dust while sitting down to an overpriced microscopic meal served on anything but a fucking plate, doesn’t exactly appeal. More to the point, as this stupid arrogant Cunt of the Century has admitted contaminating said restaurant with human remains, surely he has committed an offence AND affected the hygiene standard of The Ivy and other venues contaminated with his parents’ human remains.

Contact Westminster Council and complain about Rayner deliberately contaminating public places.

The odious straggly bearded slug lauds this as a “celebration”, while metropolitan Islington cunts comment of this “lovely gesture”. I wonder how “lovely” they’d find it if he scattered human remains in THEIR homes, all over the floors and kitchen seats.

The worst bit is the high-handed hypocrisy of the arrogant, self-important fuckwit. I mean, what actually does he DO apart from eat and complain? This is the hallmark of a truly decadent society when some fat tub of lard is “famous” for eating lunch. This cunt adds nothing to society, apart from his being an arrogant, pompous cunt. If I had my way, I’d have him dipped in beaten egg, 20kg of garlic/parsley butter rammed up his arse, rolled in his parents remaining ashes and turned on a spit, RAYNER KIEV a la mode, served on a bed of rocket (fuel) and garnished with remainer tears.

He is a cunt, his mother was an annoying busybody and hopefully he will fuck off into the great void, but not before being PROSECUTED for contaminating a public eating place. Anyone who doesn’t agree is a cunt, because I, the Imam of All Cunts, decrees it.

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh

131 thoughts on “Jay Rayner”

  1. I don’t know anything about this cunt but I want to put the boot into his fat gut so hard he spews his intestines all over the tablecloth.

    • The little fuckwit does one of those pretentious panel game shows on Wireless 4 on Saturday mornings called Kitchen Cabinet which comes back several times a year to entertain fat gutted “foodies” who no doubt switch on all over North London to have an orgasm after some wanker chef drools over some foul tasting muck.

      • Yes, Kitchen Cabinet. A smugfest of giggling, jabbering arsewipes. Which sums up Saturday AM on R4 until From our Own Correspondent comes on.

    • ALLACHHHHHU AKHBLARRRRGH. Sorry, just clearing my throat…. Thanks, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Cunting Year…

  3. I remember his fat fucking cunt mother threatening to haunt David Cameron when she died if he ruined the NHS. We know all know why the NHS is fucked you silly unliving cow.. As for her afterbirth I only know him as a smug, sweating ,portly fucker who criticises chefs who have infinitely more talent than he does. PS that beard makes you look an even bigger cunt.

  5. Always disliked this fat fuck . Got on in life through the family name. Can’t keep the hog faced prick off tv.

  6. Given that Rayner is Jewish, there are some horrible resonances about scattering his parents’ ashes anywhere near an oven. I will say no more for fear of accusations of antisemitism better directed at Rayner.

    • Served no doubt with a delightful drizzle of Zyklon B jus (sos admin, stupid laptop posted twice!)

    • Rayner’s parents were both devout atheists – as is he – describing himself as “entirely Godless.”
      That said, he is clearly fascinated by Jewish culture, evinced in his second novel, Day Of Atonement.

      • Thanks Bertie, much appreciated.

        I meant to apologise for raising the tone, but forgot.

        Speaking of raising the tone, I’ve just left a flattering post about you in the “Pugwash” thread below.

      • Weren’t you at one point reminding me that there was such a thing as a secular Jew? Bet he keeps Passover, anyway.

  7. I’ve seen this fat vacuous cunt’s horrible dial around various media outlets and was always puzzled how such a twisted looking cocksmoker ever got publicity in the first place. Thanks for the enlightenment, Sheikh. He’s definitely a cunt, and a greedy cunt by the looks of things.

  8. I fucking hate this smug, opinionated cunt!.
    I’d make him eat a plate of peaceful’s shit while having to listen to the entire collection of Jezza’s speeches at the same time as watching Flabbott doing a pole dance in front of his mum.
    CUNT!

  9. It’s a little known fact that the point of total saturation, where grated cabbage and carrot can no longer absorb mayonnaise is known as Cole’s law….

  11. Generally, could we please have some more various ranting, verbal abuse, piss taking etc. on leftists cunts. I still have the appetite to hear and read more and more ripping the piss out of: Corbyn, Abbott, Lammy, Phillips, Swinson etc etc. It is the Christmas gift that keeps on giving.

    • A smorgasbord of most excellent cunt worthy individuals most surely awaits our mocking, once the Labour Party leadership hustings commence, surely you can find it within yourself to let the poor dears have a peaceful christmas (or the marxist equivalent) before we indulge

      • Don’t you worry Glendower, that particular train will run for a while. As I said yesterday, What a year It’s been, this week.

        I don’t particularly like Johnson but it’s superb to see Remainers so crestfallen. Regarding the election, I’ve heard the comment, “yeah, but it’s just so depressing” quite a bit. I’d like to respond, “How many times must we vote to fucking Leave, you miserable sacks of democracy-assassins” but I bite my tongue, endeavour not to grin, and feed off the warm glow of their defeat.

        Personally, my favourite moment was seeing the demise of The Independent Group cunts who must all be donning their blue, silk scarves and shuffling down to the DSS to look for work.

        “On yer bike” as Tebbit once said.

      • I’m waiting for cuntfaces Steve Coogan and Hugh Grant to bob to the top of the toilet bowl again like the turds they are, bet they are apoplectic that the proles voted Tory after they were good enough to go on TV and TELL the stupid ignorant fuckers how to vote

      • CTheC, how daft must you be to have planned to vote, then changed your mind after seeing Grant wibbly-wobbling next to Chuka umP45inDeAir. Who are these dipshits?

        “We’ll, I was going to vote for Boris but after Steve Coogan called me a racist idiot I’ve thoroughly changed my mind.”

      • Yeah not the most well-thought out tactic in history was it! Love to be a fly on the wall in Chateau-de-Grant or Coogan right now

      • “The independent Group for Change” currently shuffling to the House of Lords to check out their new offices, along with Lord Compo of Stalingrad and Lady Swinson of unicorn, along with, apparently, every other defeated MP.
        I got sacked once a long time ago for head butting a “work colleague” (very well deserved, nasty bullying cunt) and I did not get contacted a week later with an offer of a promotion and a pay increase for doing fuck all!

  12. I know a little about this bloke and am able to confirm that he is indeed a fucking cunt. A fucking fat cunt at that.

    A fucking fat cunt who looks like Captain Pugwash.

      • Evening Evening

        The Good Captain was a most estimable fellow and I would never besmirch his character or good name.

        On the other hand, a grown man who seemingly models his appearance upon that of a ’70s pre-school targeted cartoon pirate can only be considered a veritable titan of cuntitude.

      • Ghee@
        Im a eyepatch away from a dead ringer for cut throat Jake.
        Sometimes you can be quite hurtful!😀

      • If I could only get the pissing link to work I’d show you that Northumberland Brewery reckon that Owen Fucking Jones is a dead-spit of Seaman Staines….

      • Verminhofstadt is delaying it until further notice…
        No borders for the man and his reindeer, and all Christmas presents must be paid for by recipients, and at the going rate, which includes a Winter Fuel Tax levied personally by Juncker.

      • He’s a poor man’s Laurence Llewelyn Bowen
        who I’ve got some time for. Might look and act like a fop but is a clever man.

      • MNC I’d formed the impression that you are bushier round the chops and chin. Beardy as that bald cunning linguist in the old joke.

      • OK OK A bald bloke is assured by his hairologist that regular anointing of his pate with his wife’s pussy would produce a lush growth on his head.

        A month later presents for a checkup with an enormous beard…

      • Sorry Ruff, reading that back it read as though I meant it was disappointing to see the subject raised; actually meant it was disappointing it isn’t true!!

      • “Joke” JOKE!!!!!!! It was blatant Pugwash misinformation and Satan will ice-skate to work before I don’t correct it!

        As a tasty titbit, the chap who voiced the Captain Pugwash character, Peter Hawkins, also did the voice for children’s favorite gimp Zippy from Rainbow, among his long acting and voice achievements.

      • What IS real I believe is the footage wherein all the actors playing zippy, bungle, freddy etc. used to fuck about in character and enact all manner of filth for adult consumption

      • Suffering seagulls only Cut-Throat Jake would use a coarse term like that, the Captain certainly wouldn’t.

      • Apologies Ruff, reading that back it seems as if I meant it’s disappointing the Pugwash thing comes up… meant it’s disappointing it’s not true!!!!

      • There used to be a hotel opposite Naaaarge Station called the “Swallow Nelson”…
        A reply to “Kiss me, Hardy!”?

      • What was definitely real was the adults-only Rainbow episode the actors playing George, Bungle and co filmed; very funny (never seen on TV though)

      • I had a wobbly VHS tape of that in the ’80s. Brilliant!
        Must be somewhere on Youtube, will have a look tomorrow.

      • @ Cuntan
        In my experience, making a slight error when entering your email address sends you into moderation.
        Also explains why your avatar is different when you come out.

      • “Seaman Stains”?
        “Roger the Cabin boy”?
        “Master Bates”?
        A ship called “The Black Pig”?
        Purest quality, wouldn’t be allowed today!
        Interestingly, all the names were changed after the first series..

  13. I have heard his voice on some pretentious food luvvie programme on R4 which I believe he introduces and often thought what a load of up your own arse drivel now having seen the photo to match the voice you can only concur what a perfect match of in your face pomposity
    With a foppish unruly thatch of hair like that and scattering mums’ ashes (one can only hope he hasn’t placed them in the pepper grinder) kitchen hygiene is not paramount, but what do I care, being most unlikely to be tucking in at some north London luvvie bistro, so I wish you all ‘bon appetite’ and enjoy christmas sat upon the fart box

  14. Stand back, stand back, let me through, gentlemen i can confirm this man is NOT the real Geezer Butler.

    Why should we respect Chefs?
    When did this become a thing?
    Armed forces✔
    Old people✔
    Police and firemen✔
    Emergency crews✔
    Medical staff,surgeon,doctor✔
    Bearded removal men✔
    But someone who cooks your dinner an isnt your missus or your mam?
    FUCK that!
    Get them chips in this table now, an some more of yer dead mams ashes to dip me bread in cook or youll feel my boot up yer harris! Chop chop!

      • Listen Capt, im a paying customer.
        If i wanna let my genitals breath at the table thats my prerogative.😀👍

      • Well said MNC! Going shopping now (jeez..) – wheres a helpful Akita to clear the crowds when you need one?

  15. What shabby end for Claire. After all the heartfelt empathy she displayed over the years. Squashed under a hush puppy.

  17. Should of just added a oxo bit of boiling water.
    Calls hisself a chef?
    Bet he doesnt even serve chips!
    Or turkey dinosaurs with potato waffles!

    • Oh he’ll do chips mate, but they will be “locally sourced Pentland Dell frites, triple-cooked in free-range Ardennes goose fat and dusted with Maldon salt”. There will be 6 of them, served in a fucking stupid little wire basket and they will cost £12.99.

    • Fabulous new avatar Asim!

      As Roger would say, “Hello, good evening and bollocks!”

      • Plus at least the majority of the heathenous acts described in it have actually taken place, unlike the Bible

      • There’s incest in the Bible. Two of Lot’s daughter sleep with him. In fact both daughters conceive and eventually give birth to two sons, Moab and Ben-ammi—the eponymous ancestors of the Moabites and Ammonites.

      • Ammonite shells would have blunted the teeth of TRexs, causing them to die from inability to hunt, leaving all the brontosaurus and other herbivores to multiply out of control, eat all the greens then promptly go extinct. I’ll review this later for logical fallacies but I’m pretty sure it’s right so I’ll release a draft now.

      • There are a load of old fossils on here.

        If Cuntan is saying that the Ancient Hebrews weren’t aware of deviant behaviour or ‘real’ life then he hasn’t the full story.

        From the Bible-‘There is nothing new under the sun’.

      • Sorry Miles, I am getting hammered by admin tonight! Yes well aware there is filth aplenty in the Bible to shame many a Hollywood blockbuster

      • Why weren’t the dinosaurs mentioned in the Bible? Ohhh, that’s right. Because it’s a load of childish nonsense written by daft cunts on acid two thousand years ago and fossils from 60 million years previous hadn’t been found yet. Ooops, how embarrassing.

        Godzilla must’ve been so peeved when he saw his name had been left out of the Good Boom.

  19. Yep, I wonder how this cunt would have faired in hit-lers time.

    I’d hazzard a guess and say not to well

    He was a cunt himself, but he knew how to deal with these bourgeois motherfuckers.

    Roll on The Purge…

  20. When the picture screams FUCKING FAT CUNT in neon six-foot high bold capital letters, I don’t need to read any further.

  22. Off road a mo….

    Not content with making a mockery of HG Wells’ War Of The Worlds, the BBC now appears set to emasculate Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, a favourite book of mine, along with several film adaptations.

    According to Lady Creampuff’s TV guide, Scrooge is no longer “a bitter, twisted character who just hates everyone, but here an unappealing cocky businessman with swagger and confidence.”

    No doubt he’ll be portrayed as an evil Brexiteer, keen to make trade deals with the rest of the world.

    Cunters won’t be surprised to hear that The Ghost of Christmas Present is to be played by a woman….

    Part one airs tonight on BBC 1 at 9pm. A full blown cunting may follow.

    • Will be in the same boat as the new BBC Dracula I would think… will the Count be a disabled Peaceful this time around?

      • A peaceful vampire may be fine with supping blood from a fresh neck wound; as long as the cut is halal; I can’t predict whether a crucifix or holy water will have nil effect or set him oops or her off vest-making

  23. I’m sorry for the diversion but my piss is boiling over the outpouring of indignation on racism after the Spurs v Chelsea game today. Chelsea fans were apparently chanting racist slurs against black players. Were the whole crowd doing this? No.
    Was it a few individuals doing it ? Yes. Yet, the Sky commentator blows it all up by saying it was ‘scandalous’. Look back 11 months and we find that Chelsea supporters were chanting anti Semitic slogans at Tottenham. Could today have been retaliation? Obviously it was. This does not stop the MSM from going in to overdrive and blowing all of this up in to something it isn’t. Fuck the MSM.

  24. Does this fat wanker not think that these overrated shitholes own a Vacuum cleaner, so now his beloved parents are mingling with all sorts of grime that is brought in on people’s shoes, quite possibly Dog shit and tramp piss. Seems that they are in good company. Ha Ha.

  25. I fucking hate it when my missus asks me to push the Hoover round the house, usually as she’s walking out the door.
    I hate doing it so fucking much, so before I do it, I sit on my arm until it goes numb so I can imagine she’s doing it….

    • Spoonington@
      Just watching Star Trek :discovery.
      You seen any?
      Ill hold your crutches while you set your phaser to stun…😊

      • Evening MNC, I’ve not watched it but I’ve seen clips off it.
        A lady called Michael? Blimey.

      • Youll like it mate!
        The klingons are revamped, pretty mean👍
        Im watching on Netflix so few shows infront.
        Enjoy and heal up soon
        No breakdancing!

  26. What a smug, self satisfied cunt…I bet he smells his shit and smiles to himself before flushing. The cunt.

    • His customers probably think the opposite B&W. After eating there the night before and taking their morning crap think to themselves “That’s two weeks pay I have just shat down the crapper, and I was still fucking hungry when I left”.

      • Fuck him an his lar-di-da food!
        I got 20 chicken nuggets for £3 from McDonald’s last night!
        Bet he cant beat that!!!

      • Good night! Meads got a kick!
        Had to swill the taste out with a few pints of Boddingtons.
        Got a nice photo of me in a full face viking helmet too!😀
        But the place had quite a few hipsters, and no roast hog!
        Hence maccy Ds , dont think they had the proper viking attitude LL
        In my younger days might of taken the till and shown em how its done!😀

      • Yeah this cunt gets all his food for free and then still probably criticises it LL.
        I’ve seen him in MasterChef and he sounds as much of a cunt as he looks.

      • As much as they are cunts, these chefs aren’t stupid. All this locally sourced, fair trade, ethical sustainability bollocks is a license to print money from rich cunts who are willing to pay for it. Wankers like Oliver just stretched themselves too thinly.

      • What’s the point of being a food critic if you don’t criticise the grub you’re being paid to evaluate honestly?
        Criticism is not just about being negative, it involves being positive too.
        That said, does anyone with a brain bigger than half a peanut take any notice of what these cunts say anyway?

  27. I worked at a restaurant where the house speciality was called the Sinatra sandwich, which was made with Wildebeest pate….
    Start spreading gnus….

    • That’s a very clever way of getting that song into my head for the rest of today. Thanks…dat daaaa de da

    • Quality! Frank Skinner had the best quote – “Cooking – it’s turning raw stuff into food using heat – even a chef can do it”!

  28. Anyone who associates with Stormzy has to be a Cunt.

    Rayner, you’re a Cunt, Fuck Off.

  29. A man who contracted several serious diseases after licking out dozens of rancid vaginas has been warned by doctors treating him that if he continues, next time it could be beef curtains….

  30. I’ve known about this cunt for years and never drew the conclusion that he was Claire’s offspring.

    Wasn’t Claire an agony Aunt helping people with their sexual problems? Well after seeing her fizzog on TV, any sexual problem I had disappeared, along with any sexual urge.

    I’ll be honest, I don’t mind this cunt. Cunt though he is, there’s more than a lick of irony and sarcasm in his repertoire, which keeps him semi-interesting compared to the other dull cunts who do the foody bollocks.

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