Today the country goes to the polls to elect a fresh set of stale old cunts to run what’s left of the country.
Under the circumstances, it seemed fitting that we should let you vote for another set of cunts in our traditional annual contest.
Will anyone top last year’s triple winner Theresa the Appeaser? Bercow and Swinson are hot favourites but can they do it??
CLICK HERE to register your vote!
Boris Johnson would have been my vote for political cunt. But I didn’t spoil my ballot paper. I voted in accordance with the rules because I’m a democratic sort of cunt.
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Who care’s ? They are all cunts!
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Too right. Every single candidate in every category is a solid gold fucking cunt. I made my choices but there’s no point crying if none of the bastards come in.
Too many choices, that’s the problem.
However, my congratulations to the dirty, low life, stinking, traitor arseholes who carry off the main prizes. Hope they all die very soon.
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I’d like to see all nominations tied together in a large see through plastic sack and thrown into the Mariana trench with a four hour TV special as it sinks to the lowest point on earth.
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Surely the lowest point on earth is our houses of Parliament. I don’t see how you can get any lower than some of those in attendance.
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I thought there were laws outlawing the dumping of toxic waste into the oceans?
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What ever else happens today, I want to see the following hve their Portillo Moment on live TV:-
Dominic Grieve (likely)
Chukup Ummuna (likely)
Hilary Nancy Benn (unlikely)
David Gauke (possible)
Jess Phillips (unlikely)
Richard Burgon (unlikely)
David Hammy-Lammy (very unlikely)
and to save Labour from total incredibility these daft tarts:
Rebecca Long-Bailey (big teeth, big mouth, big glasses, small brain)
Laura Pidock (big teeth, big mouth, big glasses and miniscule brain)
Emma Bent-Toad aka Emma Dent-Coad – ugly useless cunt
Dawn Butler (serial expenses swindler, big mouth, ugly as fuck)
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Well not long now and we find out whos holding the whip and raiding the treasure chest.
Might be living in a communist state tomorrow!
Ive not ridden a bicycle since my early teens!
I dont know the words to ‘the red flag’
And not fond of rice an veg for a main meal!
Im fucked.
Not as fucked as you bunch of nazis though, least ive got a beard!
Might think im a old school marxist an take pity on me?
But you cunts? Internment camp.
Nice knowing you.
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I will be keeping an eye out for local Northumbrian news as Fiddler makes a last stand at the Towers as they attempt to seize his vast land for state controlled crop production and confiscate his firearms.
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Fiddler? Oh hes fucked!!
Moans at paying bit of tax now!
Hard to hunt when you cant afford to feed the hounds & horses,
His land will be confiscated for immigrant housing, hell go first!
Tell you LL buy one of those chairman kim suits, blend in..😀
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I have heard tell compulsory purchase orders are heading towards Fiddler Towers, should we see a Labour government in the next 24 hours.
Apparently the Towers is simply not diverse enough to meet the mandatory tick-box requirements.
Expect the bulldozers and wrecking balls to trundle up his drive after Christmas; and in a few months find blocks of flats designated purely for gimmecunts, LGBTDHXAs and Gender Neutrals, along with a small playpen for St Greta of Thunderbirds.
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No way!
Boris has promised to lie in front of the bulldozers.
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Well Boris has been lying to quite a few people. so a few bulldozers won’t make much difference
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It’s dreadful…they’ve threatened to turn my vast acreage into a “Peoples’ Park”!!…”A family-friendly haven criss-crossed with cycle routes and rambler tracks…watch the carefree foxes gambol on the old killing-grounds before you and the wee-ones tuck into a veggie-burger in the very Baronial dining-hall where The Monster used to plot his monsterishness.”
Dreadful times. Morning All.
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Just find a rare butterfly or endangered bird on your land, and declare that your acreage cannot be destroyed because it is A Site of Special Scientific Interest!
Say that you found a rare rat – Borisius Cuntyjohnsonus; or a slug – Jotitius Swinsonitus; or a flat-chested shagged out bird, Jessius Arseholeius Phillipsus
Sorted!
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I’d tell them that I’ve identified a critically-endangered breed of pigeon….but unfortunately I ate the last breeding pair in existence with a drop of bread sauce the other day.
emmm….tasty.
Morning,Techno.
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Ramblers tracks?😀
Its my right to roam, and ill be taking a picnic to eat on fiddler hill!
Admittedly a state sanctioned picnic of brown rice and turnip chunks.
“Oh I like to go a rambling with a knapsack on my back, fol dery fol dera,
With a knapsack on my back’…🚶
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Just in case of a Corbyn victory, I have buried all Cunter loot in a secret location, including the gold Doubloons, which have passed through the Cunter family from the famous pirate Long John Cunter. Who has been disgracefully written out of British seafaring history.
Rule Brittania !
Good morning.
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I think it could be quite a jolly place, the ISAC wing of Belmarsh prison.
Some do gooder, lefty prison reformer will ensure we have all the comforts of home.
And no fucking bills !
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Good morning.
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Morning Jack!
Enjoying your last day of freedom before the corbynista bootboys drag you to the cattle trucks?😀
Those eco cunts will do for us as well!
Gazing over field’s of long grass, a tear rolls down my cheek, i turn to my kids and say
“I remember when all this was slums”…
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Morning MNC. This could be the dawning of the Tofu Age.
It’ll play havoc with my bowels.
Corbyn can spread the end result on his allotment.
Get To Fuck.
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You got your commie cap and Flying Pidgeon Chinese bicycle circa 1950 ready Miserable? I’m going to get my head down ready for my 12 hour shift licking envelopes sent out to the rich bastards informing them of tax hikes.
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I fully expect to be appointed People’s Economic Commissar, and God help the fucking lot of you.
Expropriation, expropriation, expropriation…
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Komodo has expropriated my home prospectively for Shamima Begum.
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It won’t half raise the tone of the area!
Next door will be a welcome centre for courageous Channel navigators and a Somali pub, selling khat and heroin, is to be built on the former site of the war memorial. You won’t recognise the place should you ever escape from re-education, defy the KASI* guards and sneak back there.
*Komodo’s Army with Sinister Initials
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Miserable – you’ve probably had the gig booked for weeks for moving Jezza into no 10., You arselicking Communist sympathiser. Don’t forget to give us a wave on the telly as you’re trying to get his blow up sex doll through the doorway.
😂
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Would that be one of Dick’s ex wives?
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Ill take anyones money Bertie!
If that nice old gentleman Jeremy wants to hire my services, ill do it!
Bet he doesnt tip?
Seems the sort of humourless fucker not to tip a hard working honest bearded northerner at Christmas!
Ill tell him some jokes to get on his good side!
‘So this Pãki walks into the pub”..😀
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That Long Bailey fuckwit was the bookies favourite to replace Jezza as leader of the cunts last time I looked. Fuck me, she is so obviously and seriously dim. I wouldn’t give her a high viz jacket and put her in charge of a zebra crossing.
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Seriously dim does not begin to describe that one.
Times have changed. When asked which political party he supported J M Keynes replied’ I haven’t given it much thought but I suppose it would be the Labour Party. You see in the Labour Party stupidity is tolerated whereas in the Conservative Party it appears to be actively encouraged.
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“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.”
Shakespeare
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Polling Day? Are you sure?…it’s normally a Saturday night when the phone lines open. I hope that the Gay Dark-key wins, his Charleston was just divine …he smashed it and he’s been on such a journey to get to the final.
Vote Gervais Um’Bongo.
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Morning ducky ……
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Morning Jack.
There’ll be no room for your bigotry in The New United Kingdom.
I’ll report you.
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Teacher’s fucking pet.
You’ll get your comeuppance when Dianne Abbott flops down on your face, with her bomb doors open.
You’re doomed Fiddler, doomed !
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I will be heading off to my local polling station shortly – get in there early and get it done!
The candidates are all a bunch of self-serving cunts, but I really don’t want to spoil my paper and find a Labour or LibDumb cunt take the seat. So I will be voting for the rather cute Trudy “a MILF dragged through a hedge backwards and ravaged” Harrison.
As for the ISAC vote cunting – they’re all a bunch of needy, back-stabbing, two-faced, self-important skidmarks.
I hope next year we have ISAC Cunt of the Decade! I can think of at least 5 ballbags that will fit that particular bill.
Good morning: and go vote (even though democracy died 3 years ago)
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Im still undecided?
So many great candidates!
Like them all, so how to decide?
Sure whoever gets in theyll do a sterling job.
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Well that’s my vote in!
Almost jizzed over a pamphlet photo of the cumly Trudy Harrison before casting my vote.
I would definitely like to put my poll in her station!
Good morning
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Well that’s my vote in!
Almost jizzed over a pamphlet photo of the cümly Trudy Harrison before casting my vote.
I would definitely like to put my poll in her station!
Good morning
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There’s a Monster Raving Loony Party candidate where I live. Never had that before. I’ll vote for him then. Happy with that.
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Surprised to find there is a Brexit Party candidate in my stink hole, solid gold Labour constituency so at least i’ve got somebody to vote for.
Just hoping i’m going to see a lot of long, miserable, traitor faces on the BBC tonight. Cunts, every single one of the bastards (except the Brillo)
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I sent all my postal votes off a fortnight ago.
Get To Fuck.
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Why wasn’t Lilly the month in that list somewhere?
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Didn’t wanna vote
For a gloating scrote
But I’ve got no choice
And a lot less voice
Democracy… Yay !
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Dylan Thomas yn fyw ac yn iach
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Your vowels arent working on your keyboard Blunty!😀
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🎶
My vowels are broken,
My bowels are open.
As a rapper I’m a hit,
Excuse me while I go for a shit. 🎶
I’ll fetch my Mac. It’s fuckin’ pouring down outside!
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I just heard it referred to as “your General Election”. (I think it was M&S that started off this “your XYZ” marketing BS a fair few years ago.) Couldn’t be more wrong about today’s shitfest.
Talking shitfests, some cunts came round singing Silent Night last evening
🎶Silent night,
🎶Holy night,
🎶All is calm…
°B A G° O F °S H I T E°
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If Carlsberg did elections, it would probably be the biggest piss up of all times.
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I have just been to vote (Mrs Boggs still in her pit but more likely now to vote Conservative since a woman who works on Coroation Street has written an article castigating Magic Grampa – Mrs B will vote later this morning provided there are no “classic” soap operas on (classic merely means it was first shown more than 5 years ago, not last ights repeat).
It occurred to me on my way to the votethat I have been doing this for well over 50 years now, and however shitty the Labour party was, I have never before voted to keep out a Communist. Even Michael Foot wn’t as bad as this arsehole and his pal John McTrotsky. Blair was just a thorough-going hypocrite, Brown and Miliband windbags, useless cunts, but since the 1970s each one has been worse than the one before – what next Long-Bailey after her lobotomy?. These are anxious days.
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Come on people, we got the chance to give some total cunt a 79k plus expenses job with a second home.
What’s not to like?
Perversely young voters have the chance to impoverish their parents and put our homes and jobs at risk.
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I went to Sainsburys this morning and purchased a lasagne which was on offer . Its oven ready , good to go and I got a good deal
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So…they put out manifestos and say that they have certain policies to unite the nation, they get elected and then completely ignore their promises……again!
Regardless of the result, we will be pissed upon and told that it is raining.
All of them are cunts.
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I don’t like the results.
You Cunts didn’t know what you were voting for.
Admin, I feel it’s my undemocratic right to demand a 2nd go.
Loving the Greta Cuntberg option. Made my day that
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She got my vote
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At least if Magic Grandad wins Britain will be a much warmer place.
All those burning books will keep us nice and toasty…
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Logic dictates that the Lib Dems and Greens will have a surprisingly good start in the morning as all the yummy mummies cast their vote after dropping the kids off at school.
From 11am to 4pm the Labour vote will start coming in beating both the greens and lib dems as the unemployed get out of bed and shuffle past the polling station on their way to respective food banks/drug dealers.
From 5PM the decisive votes will be cast in areas of employment as the workforce comes home and does its civic duty.
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Now that’s an incisive piece of electoral analysis the like of which you will never hear on Newsnight – Nick Robinson, yer a cunt!
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I’m hoping for Swinson to lose her seat and if she does I’m getting in my diesel polluting car driving 350 miles to Scotland and kick her in the cunt for being one. That’s after pissing myself laughing for a couple of hours.
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Trouble is, it’s a no win, Once. Presumably if Horse Face does get the boot, those SNP cunts will take the seat.
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However … if the Scottish Liberals could get the Western Isles seat from Ian Blackford, there would be some solace in that.
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I am just back from my local polling station, there was a fucking queue!
I am sure the good people of my patch will vote conservative, especially the old ladies, the Tory boy is a nice young man
Ooooo Young Man!!!
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Yep its the black Friday sale on free wi fi that’s doing it.
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I doubt it. Any blips of unexpectedly-high turnout such as you describe will far more likely be Labour ❎ers
I’m worried it’ll be those funny glass vials of medicine and not the extra lashings brandy sauce on Boxing Day . (Nanny said she thought it might be cyanide, and that Daddy will do a Dr Goebbels if he loses, by the way😯 )
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‘For Brutus is an honourable man; they are all honourable men…’
Shakespeare, Julius Caesar
‘No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in’
Anon.
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I have been looking for updates on Kuenssgate, nothing concrete but with all the reporting on her comments the electoral commission will have to investigate.
I hope the silly cow gets fucked over!
CUNT!
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I’m having a spiffing day. The missus went out at 6am and won’t be back till 10.30pm at the earliest!
She’s an official at the polling station. Do you know how much those cunts get paid to sit there on their arses all day? £300 squid, I kid you not.
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Afternoon Ruff. It’s taxed, I suppose? What are you going to do with your half of the proceedings?
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Afternoon Ron.
It won’t be taxed. Lady Creampuff is a shameless layabout, and as a result won’t come close to breaching the £12.500 personal tax allowance for this financial year.
My half of the proceedings? You’re having a fucking giraffe!
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That’s Marxists and women for you mate; ‘what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine’s me own!!’.
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To be fair she’s very reasonable about money. She only charges me £5 a blow-job.
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Same here.😀
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No chance of a ‘three for a tenner’ special, Ruff?
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£5!!??
She only charged me £2.50 and a packet of salt & vinegar crisps!
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Liar! She hates salt & vinegar!
If you’d said cheese & onion you’d have had me worried.
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Deakin (seeking to determine the penance for a sin he’s heard in confessional).
Deacon: Billy, what does Father O’Flaherty give for a head job?
Altar boy: A can of coke and a Mars bar
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Bloody hell, how do you get the gig, I can sit around watching cunts vote, kerching!
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No Brexit Party candidate here, just the three, lib dummies, Tories, and marxist party of islington.
Right shower of shite.
Voted for that lying albino fucker,
Least evil i suppose.
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I spoiled my ballot paper as per previously stated.
If the Labour fâggot running in my constituency wins by one vote, and Catweasle thereby obtains a working majority of one, I promise to donate £1000 to a charity of my own choosing.
Be seeing you.
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Because schools are often used as polling stations, fuckin’ money grabbing teachers often get their names down for polling officers. They not only get a day off teaching with pay but get that extra £300 as well.
Needless to say, when I was teaching, my conscience wouldn’t let me do such a thing.
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Yeah, of course it wouldn’t Bertie, we believe you. 🤣
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Another opportunity I was unaware of. And perfectly placed for some electoral, er, readjustment. I was actually thinking of acknowledging the hard work etc done by the hard-faced WI frumps at our polling station, this time, but I won’t bother now. Hope the fucking heating packs up.
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Well I’ve voted, I had to bite down hard. Two Independants 1 Green 1 LIebore 1 of Swinsons turds 1 Conservative. No fucking Brexit twat. Farage you CUNT at least let me have a protest vote.
If magic grandpa gets in pass the Prussic acid.
Bastards
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Well if Commie Corbyn Cunt gets in at least I can tell work to fuck off tomorrow ,then get my sad cunty arse down the benefits office and get 500 quid a week for doing fuck all and not looking to work,might throw in im a white fucking somalian too for a free 6 bed house…Every cloud and all that….
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It’s simple. If Corbyn gets in, I and my business get out.
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Now the polls are closed, I feel I can reveal exactly what I put on my ballot paper, names excluded of course…
Conservative candidate : fucking useless
Labour : Bunch of commie marxists
Green : fucking eco loony
Independent (who happens to be a Lib Dem counsellor) : closet limp dump Remainer
“NO SUITABLE CANDIDATE. THEY’RE ALL CUNTS”
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