Bow Ties

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I don´t know what´s worse – the shitty little knotted noose with its fusspot wings handily located to collect dripping snot or the shits who wear them because they think they look smart, upper class or endearingly eccentric.

Aficionados include Groucho Marx, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Fred Astaire, Frank Muir, Malcolm X, Alfred Kinsey, Robin Day, Yogi Bear, James Bond, Gore Vidal – what a bunch of losers. At least Fred Flintstone had the decency to wear a proper tie with a Windsor knot. No wonder Wilma had the hots for him.

OK, I grant a bow tie looks good on a bunny girl. And don´t forget Donald Duck. He really had class when it came to clothes although I always wondered why he was never arrested for walking around bare arsed.

Nominated by Mr Polly

61 thoughts on “Bow Ties”

  1. Morning Mr P.

    You forgot to mention the gôllywôgs on black-jack chews (4 for 1d in 1961).

    They wore white bow ties, if memory serves. Fucking waycisssts!

  2. Groucho and Churchill losers?. Can’t agree there – the world might not be so fucking awful if they were still around.

    • Even a cursory read of Irving’s “Churchill’s War” (free online on the author’s site) will quickly disabuse people of a large part of the hagiographic post war mythos constructed around ‘dear old Winny’. It throws a very different light on this unpleasant, arrogant, self regarding drunkard. A serial debtor who was bailed from bankruptcy and thereby firmly in the pocket of inimical foreign agencies and ‘FOCUS’ bag carriers’. His boy Randolph was also a right fucking cunt. His behaviour upon finding out that Coventry rather than London was to be that night’s blitz target was that act that would see him nailed permanently to the Wall of Cunts. To say more gets me into moderation.

      • He was a beacon of hope at one of the grimmest times in our history. I doubt any politician is ever as cuddly as he or she and their agents would want them to be, but the times needed a man of bluster, a larger than life character and I can’t think of anyone else at that time who would have suited the role.

        Imagine Steptoe or John Major in that role. You would’nt have seen their arses for dust as they went down to the Anderson shelter. Churchill could at least act the part.

      • Cometh the hour cometh the man. Winny had plenty of faults but were I to assemble a group of Admirals. Generals and Air Chiefs Marshall along with the inevitable politicians who start the fucking wars Winny is right up there – numero uno, top class, the best. His faux pas in the Dardanelles was calamitous when viewed as a straight win / loss but had it come off he would have been amongst the Wellington and Marlborough class.
        A marvelous writer, a genius of the English language and an inspiration to millions as PM for 2 terms there isnt a single man living or dead who could have started a war with virtually nothing and end up being a victor – albeit as part of a coalition but for the greater part alone.
        His debts were settled largely by sponsors – mostly by those who would lose most if the Nazis had triumphed.
        Analysis of historical figures inevitably are viewed as scalawags compared to today’s sanitised 24 hour media attention bound politicians and Statesmen but one thing for sure – give me Churchill and his ilk over some smart mouthed cunt posting about his propensity for over indulgence on a topic regarding bow ties.

      • Afternoon Cunto, good to see you back.

        I was hoping you’d post an updated version of your “100 reasons not to vote for the oxygen thieving swivel eyed cunt that is the Liebour leader (I cant even bring myself to type the cunts name)” in time for this election, but it was not to be. 🙁

        There must be at least 200 more by now….

      • Well said Cunto. It’s been trendy to knock Churchill for years and will probably become worse. I loathe hearing his name sullied. We shan’t see the likes of him again.

      • Right bollocks to Xmas; ECU in the motor’s fucked, public transport’s a total cunt shovel, 3 kilos of tinsel wrapped up the hoover, tree lights…4 packs of bulbs and still fucked!! Cock it! the door’s locked, the lads have finally dropped off and what we ain’t got we’ll do without so thought I’d absord a triple Jim Beam and check back where I left offff‘kin ‘ell… dipped me dick in the fucking wasp’s nest there I think! And I’ll stand by every word of it.

        “He was a beacon of hope at one of the grimmest times in our history.”
        And the electorate took the first opportunity they had to eject him and hand Labour a massive landslide win and form their first majority govt. Everyone raves about mass immigration on here but the ‘48 Nationality Act was ‘ground zero’ so fucking thanks for that. Windrush generation; oh what’s that I hear? Calls for reppurrayshuns? For descendants too? Where have we hears that tune before?

        “but the times needed a man of bluster,”
        No they didn’t, they needed a man of sobriety, integrity, foresight and sound judgement as there was no threat to Britain from Hitler in the inter-war build-up. Hitler had no designs whatsoever in displacing Britain’s position as a world power. He knew damn well that Germany had neither the resources, colonial legacy, infrastructure or political clout to take on the role of administering the Empire. and knew full well that the likely consequence of such an attempt would see Africa eventually in the hands of the Chinese and India annexed by the Russians.

        “…along with the inevitable politicians who start the fucking wars Winny is right up there.”
        Indeed he was, both a politician and a vehement advocate for and precipitator of war who was constantly lobbying and scheming to bring it about, even down to supplying faked and grossly over-exaggerated figures of German air strength. He thought nothing of it if, through war, it would gain him personal political/social elevation and further the aims of his ‘sponsors’. Which sponsors and the institutions they fronted were incidentally bankrolling Nat. Soc. in equal measure and had been for years as they had during the 1st European Civil War 14-18.

        “…there isn’t a single man living or dead who could have started a war with virtually nothing and end up being a victor.”
        Well let’s unpack that; we started with an Empire and… ended up with bombed out cities, a million plus dead men, women and children, stone cold bankrupt and in ruinous hock to the US, with a brutalist communist dictator firmly installed and legitimised who would go on to wreak murderous ruin in his own country, subjugate those very nations we’d notionally gone to war to protect from a ‘dictator’ (ah there’s irony) and whose ideology inspired the slaughter of tens of millions more across Indo-China, Africa and Sth America. That’s without considering the interminable, chaotic, festering sore of Israel and the Middle East and its ongoing machinations which, as far as US foreign AND domestic policy is concerned, now sees Congress as effectively little more than a rubber stamping sub-committee of the Knesset. Fuck me bandy; if that’s the smell of “victory” then hooray… now we can all eat shit and call it caviar.

        “…give me Churchill and his ilk over some smart mouthed cunt posting about his propensity for over indulgence on a topic regarding bow ties.”

        Nice; and a merry Christmas to you too. “over indulgence”? Well it wasn’t me who name checked WS I was just proffering my perspective and hardly a diversion from the nom’s given parameters of ‘bow tie’ and ‘cunt’ compared to some of the fractal off topic ventures in most ISAC noms. The man was a Zionist shill plain and simple, a fact which cannot credibly be denied given the historiography, whose personal ambitions over-rode the integrity and long term viability of the nation he administered. Example? It’s very difficult to square away the likes of the following incident (and there are many similar in the archived diaries of Wiezmann and others) with his propagandised persona.

        – The (Peel) commission decided to partition Palestine between Jews and Arabs, which was less than Mr Churchill asked (he wanted their complete expulsion!). He made this clear as principal guest at a small dinner party organised by (Chiam) Weizmann (Zionism’s leader & 1st Israeli prez) on June 8th at Sir Archibald Sinclair’s West London home.
        Weizmann disagreed: they should accept partition, (of Palestine) but if it was to succeed Britain must allow many more Jews to immigrate each year. Moreover the Jewish state must have defensible frontiers. (uh oh..)

        He chided Leo Amery and Churchill that both had been colonial secretary, yet neither had been able to influence their government.
        “Yes, we are all guilty men”, admitted Churchill to Weizmann. “You
        know; you are our master. And yours…” he added, pointing to Attlee and
        Wedgwood, “and yours…” to Victor Cazalet and James de Rothschild, the
        others round the table. “What you say goes. If you ask us to fight we shall fight like tigers..”

        How do you reconcile that and stay fashionable, it’s also too chillingly close to where we sit now, Iran’s being tee’d up, fucking hell how many did we sacrifice in Iraq? And for what? Well WS admitted that he “always enjoyed gambling” adding “…so long as it’s with other people’s money”. And lives it seems. Millions across Europe and the wider world subsequently lost their homes and lands but at least it kept Chartwell out of the estate agent’s window…again.

        So; a notable historian? Yes OK, orator? Certainly; when he didn’t fluff it completely that is, which he not infrequently did, inspiration to a nation in its ‘darkest hour’…

        “we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
        we shall fight on the beaches,
        we shall fight on the landing grounds,
        we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
        we shall fight in the hills;”
        we shall never surrender, etc…

        … well he alienated as many as he could persuade according to my mum who served in the Wrens for the duration and was ever a conservative: if I ever quizzed her about Churchill during school years for instance or he appeared in some documentary she’d just pull her ‘lemon sucking’ face and clam up and do a ‘Marge Simpson’ type growl. In fact the British wartime audience never heard that particular speech because it was never broadcast during the war years, it was delivered to Parliament. What you hear broadcast today was a studio recording made for posterity in 1949 but there are/were people who swear blind they sat and listened to it on the radio contemporaneously. All part of the myth you see. Interesting closing sentences too which mischievously reference (in anticipation) the ‘deal’ (by then all but done) to lever America into the war. nb the fleet were to be dispatched to the US in the event of a mainland invasion.

        Hero? No. not for me. Here’s and apposite quote though from another previously mentioned sporter of the bow tie…

        “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” – Marx (Groucho)

        Well, if this gets past moderation fair enough, if not, Gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure cunting with you. Keep up the good work and t.t.f.n. with the season’s best.

        Chops out.

  3. My old dad ,90 and a retired surgeon always wore a bow tie because anything else would be covered in blood at the end of the day.

    • Not only that but if a surgeon were to wear a long tie whilst examining your prostate when you’re curled up on your left side, and was distracted by a sexy nurse bending over, he would most likely accidentallypush the end of it up your arse.( the tie, that is)

      • Thank Dog for that…
        I imagined, for the briefest of moments, the end of a sexy nurse being pushed up someone’s arse.

        Jon Snot’s ties appear to be stored in a bile duct.

  4. My old English/Rugby teacher used to wear a bow-tie and wing tip shoes with segs…he was an absolute Cunt…hated fat kids,soft kids,swotty kids,weedy kids etc…I dread to imagine what he’d make of today’s spoiled brats.luckily for him (and them) he died of The Drink years ago.

    I still think fondly of the Old Cunt and the laughs that we used to have at the expense of the “non-sporty” kids during Rugby training.

  5. I’m not certain I can agree with this one. They’re from a time when people dressed well. Yes, if you wear one now while driving a van for Tesco or work in the council accounts department you’re a chump, but being smartly-dressed is no bad vice. I remember old Frank Muir was never without one.

  8. James Bond wore bow ties a lot.

    So did Jacob Rees-Mogg. I wonder what became of him…

    • Aren’t you interviewing him later for the job of butler at Creampuff Manor following the mysterious absence of Willie Stroker?

      • I did interview him LL, but he couldn’t provide a valid Nebosh certificate, and he refused point blank to go for training.

        I doubt he’s ever done an honest day’s work in his life.

      • Talking about being missing in action, does anybody know if Dame Keir and Lady Peter Mandeson are dead?. I know Mandy has a dodgy arsehole, but neither have uttered a public word for weeks. Little Hilary has also been very quiet – did they get naughty powder on their doorknobs, or indeed, any other knob? . Did Dame Keir really keel over on the khasi as I predicted weeks ago? Where are they?

  9. I’ve never seen anyone in a bow tie in real life, probably comes from being very common.

  10. probably the most dubious item in history is the father of the bow tie the Cravat, originally a piece of cloth given by women to their men folk to protect their throats in combat it exploded into the fashion world as a must have accessory mutating into all manner of pointless neck gear.
    Lets face it given the option of leather collar or piece of cloth to stop my throat being cut I would prefer the collar to keep Johnny turk at bay.

  11. I’ve seen premium marmite miners sport a bow tie a few times in my life; made them look like turbo fruits.

    Come to think of it, Oily Murrs wears bow ties and butcher hats and that guy is the supreme baron Cunt of Cunting.

      • Fucking Hell, ties AND bow ties?

        Say no more.

        John Major: The cunt that just keeps on cunting.

      • Bow ties are fashionable at the moment with blacks and hipsters.
        As stated above if a blacks wearing one he either looks like Malcolm x, the black jack logo or a minstrel.
        No matter who wears one,
        Theyre for absolute cunts!

  12. A plain bow tie used to be required for evening dress, I vaguely remember, though this was never a part of my existence. Nowadays the celebrity dress code demands a t-shirt and ripped jeans for the males and anything partially concealing the primary and secondary sex organs for females. On the whole, and bearing in mind the prevalence of obesity and sag, this is no improvement at all. In this context, the bow tie is IMHO preferable. However:

    The patterned and/or florid bow tie is the mark of the devil, or, more specifically, the university Arts lecturer, also to be seen in a wide-brimmed leather hat and frequently on a bicycle. Anyone emulating this stylistic mode is a vapid, pompous, self-obsessed cunt, though it is kind of him to be easily identifiable from a distance sufficient to avoid his proximity.

    https://images.app.goo.gl/eqrYCTrEnzqgKCaUA
    I think that about covers the whole subject

  13. Whilst I still like to wear a tie as required, bow ties outside of evening dress make the wearer look like a spiv antiques TV show presenter. And a cunt.
    The exception would be gynaecologists who wear bow ties rather than normal ties for obvious reasons.

  15. Many moons ago.
    When I was page boy at a family wedding, I wore black trousers, black bow tie, black shoes, white shirt and white dinner jacket.
    I felt like James Bond. 🙂

  16. Ignore him Spoons, hes just jealous of you looking like a young James Bond and dancing with the ladies!
    I prefer vimto to ribena, much nicer !
    Never been a page boy or a page 3 girl, for that matter!
    Always in the background me spoons so as not to make the place look untidy!😀

    • Cor, MNC. I’ve not had vimto in aaaages. Be careful, mind.

      I remember in an episode of Bottom, Eddie makes Richie a drink.

      Richie: *gasping after drinking* “Oof! That’s strong stuff, Eddie. What was it?”
      Eddie: “Vimto…”
      Richie: “Blimey!”.
      Hehe 😀

      • In manchester theres a statue to vimto!
        Or the inventor anyway.
        Found it by accident once going seeing the Damned at the Ritz.
        Nice someone thought vimto important enough to merit a statue.

  17. The bow tie sure is a badge of fuckery and pretentiousness but the “ready tied” variety favoured by drunken Scots at family weddings who were not born in Scotland and apart from a paternal Grandfather have no allegiance to the frozen wastes. Such a wedding I attended last year. A first cousin whose name was more Irish than Scottish. The groom, best man, brides father and all ushers and assorted cunts who bothered to hire one for the weekend – complete with that floppy Rob Roy type beret at a jaunty angle. At 10 when the assembled throng were way past pissy caccy all fall down the pre tied bow ties were hanging by the hook and the frilly shirts opened to the waist. Nothing more manly than your wife / bird undoing your properly knotted bow tie whilst smooching to a little slow jazz number with the tie equally and evenly draped down your still immaculate Gucci dinner shirt. If you are going to be tagged as a pretentious cunt its best to do it properly.

  18. There are still black tie events where a black bow tie is a must and certainly not one of those ready made atrocities

  19. When I lived in central Feicester in about ’87, there used to be a very smart guy on a bike that looked a dead ringer for Salvador Dali.
    Apologies for my Spanish-themed comments, I did a paella for supper.

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