Today, Wednesday 23 October, I thought I would catch up with the local news before heading off to work.
Now, the local news station that is calendar, is not known for its groundbreaking stories, or cutting edge research, as they don’t like setting foot outside of Leeds, but even those miserable sour faced cunts outdid themselves today.
Item number three in their headline stories was,
‘Sixty three year old Lincolnshire man learns to swim.’
I will watch this, thinks I, what’s the story? Has he witnessed someone drown while being unable to help? Is he going to swim the channel for charity?
No, he has just learned to swim! (Honestly, Google it) he is encouraging others to do the same.
Now I know that not a lot happens in Lincolnshire but fuck me! ‘A man has learned to swim.’
Unless being able to swim is an achievement in Lincolnshire? Maybe he is the only one there who can.
I learned to swim when I was around nine but I don’t remember it being on the telly.
Calendar broadcasts to the largest county in the UK but I doubt if this story would even have got a slot on ‘Craggy Island FM’.
Looking forward to tomorrow’s installment of lazy journalism as I have sent them some interesting stories for their bulletin.
‘Child in Scunthorpe learns to ride bike.’
‘Horse spotted in field in Boston’.
Sit back and wait for the ‘EMMY’ award.
Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo
Like stories like this, ‘filler’ I think they call it in those circles,
Pedestrian non-stories to bulk out the news.
This elderley Johnny weissmueller breaststroking his way to happiness warms my chilled blackened heart!
Hope he continues to learn vital skills and takes the stabilisers off his bike.
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Can you say “breaststroke” these days? It might cause offence to some non-binary cunt.
Or “cox” as in the cox steering a rowing boat. Surely the wimminz will be wetting their knickers (can I say that?) complaining about that blatant sexism
Drives me crazy (can I say that?) sometimes
But on a more relevant note, I will always remember the dog that said “sausages”.
I think it was on “That’s Life” from decades ago. I reckon the dog spoke more sense than some of the fuckwits we have in government at present.
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It was indeed on ‘Thats life!’ Techno.
Next day every kid in the playground. Was growling ‘sausages’.???😁
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Ha! I used to want to knob Esther Rantzen as well (shameful I know but when you’re 13 and Vicki Michelle in allo allo isn’t available for masturbatory pleasures you had to make do)
Get a life
https://youtu.be/-1ypwTxpxpI
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Watch out for those choppers if Esther blows you Cuntan!
Shear yer foreskin clean off!
Dentally like a bag of chisels.
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Esther could eat an apple through a fucking letterbox.
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I must admit to finding Esther hugely arousing during my spotty teenage years!
Obviously back then (mid to late 70s) my cock (and socks) was locked and loaded on the incredibly cute and hugely fuckable Felicity Kendall.
But when she wasn’t bending over kitchen tables in those unfeasibly tight jeans of hers my attention would move to the slightly more older woman in Esther – she was like your favourite aunt you always wanted to fuck!
This is the second comment in this ilk that I have found, any one else mentions Esther and I will change it to a Diana Abbot fantasy, you lot really are wrong arn’t you, and I thought running admin on TV chics was bad.
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Sorry admin, I stand firm. And even firmer if Diana Abbot’s got my cock in her hands.
(Actually just kidding, I look back I horror now – xhamster was the stuff of far-off sci-fi dreams in those days)
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You cheeky monkey admin
Power corrupts
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Admin is probably far too young to remember the titillating, yet alluring Esther in her heyday!
I bet she and those 3 male presenters she had on the show indulged in a 4 way no-holes barred gangbang afterwards (That said, what was the name of that bloke with the specs and quoted some oddball items on the show? He looked like a kiddy-fiddling uncle with that snidy grin and Brylcreamed hair!)
I think he was called robin and he had a shit bow tie too! so you may be wrong about admin, now Angela Rippon thats a different kettle of fish, I remember watching he on Morecombe and Wise (come to think about it Michael bentines potty time and the clangers! used to have one of those gas fired black and white televisions that had a door on it so it pretended to be a cocktail cabinet when it was asleep)
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Doc cox I believe (and I bet the doc used to administer a stiff dose of his cox to esther on a daily basis)
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it was Cyril Fletcher! Google him and you’ll understand what I mean with his rather creepy looks.
As for Ms Rippon – didn’t do anything for me at all
I knew it was a noncey name.
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Nor for me – I’d have rattled her gladly enough but she always looked to have a condescending sneer on her face, it would have been all “Oh you’re done are you? Was that your best effort – shall I finish myself off then?” Bitch.
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Oh fuck I remember that dog !!
They really built him up, the Amazing talking dog , “ next week on that’s life we have the amazing talking dog”
A nation held its breath , could it be true? Were we about to witness a DOG talking? For some unfathomable reason I was expecting the dog to be presenting the show!! ( obviously I was a child)
Even my dad was relatively excited, were we about to see the most exciting thing on TV since 1966? The moon landings?
Little prince the pooch delivered in spades!! Grrrr “ a jar” grrr “ jumper “ and the truly epic “ sausages”
FUCKING AWESOME 😂
https://youtu.be/ajsCY8SjJ1Y
Who needs ant and dec ?
All those local Tv round up news shows are fucking crap , it’s amazing how little news there is , south east at 6 is a cunt
Unless you want to watch a stream of sandy chancers being pulled out of a lorry in the UK or get a health report on Derek the donkey turn over!
Even better turn off…..
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As I remember every other piece was about a potato that looked like it had a cock….”hilarious”. Then occasionally a serious teary eyed bit about some goony kid who couldn’t walk (when you could still refer to them as “spastics”)
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I still do.
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Yeah me too to be fair.
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Guilty ……… 😂
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‘…I was expecting the dog to be presenting the show…’
There was A dog presenting the show.
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Fair point M63
But with her huge nashers I doubt rantzen could pronounce sausages so the other dog got the gig…….
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When I lived just outside Birmingham the local TV news reported that a GP had received a written warning for alleged racism because she told a dark key patient of hers that “most dark keys have brown eyes”
But before that item they reported on a bloke who had let his finger and toenails grow to about a foot long – and on close up you could see they were in a right fucked up, manky crusty old state!
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Yet as a Boston resident, I notice that without fail they never cover stories such as this week’s local news, which is “pissed up Eastern Europeans involved in yet another drunken brawl on a residential street resulting in yet another stabbing”, or the old favourite “Romanian jip hoe pisses on Cenotaph memorial” or “Latvian drops trews and shits in the kids sandpit in the park”. Funny that.
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Very true, never many “human interest stories” in our neck of the woods either. But you do get some idea from the names in the court section of the Lincs Echo. Hopefully the waters will be receding soon.
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After years of conflict Croatian’s take everything in their stride as this outtake from a local news story shows you.
https://youtu.be/IhqUUBF_W6w
I cant find the full version, the interviewer was shitting herself and the old boy didn’t give a fuck.
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Now that is what I call laid back. I reckon you wouldn’t get any more response if you set his hair on fire.
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The people they interview are thick as shit. Lass from Doncaster during the recent floods was asked where the water came into her house, she replied “It came in through the door like slow but quick”. Ehhhh????????
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But on the flip side, some of the questions from these fuckwit reporters really are a joke. For example a news reporter was interviewing a mother who had lost her daughter in a boat accident. The first question the twat asks is (am paraphrasing now), “Your daughter drowned while getting into difficulties at sea. How do you feel?”
I mean FFS!!
Perhaps the mother should have said: “Well actually I’m glad the entitled young cunt is dead! In fact I’m the cunt that holed the boat and removed the life jackets before she set sail. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off down the boozer to get pissed!”
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Yes that’s always irked me as well, what the fuck do they expect people to say to that. Or in the paper there’ll be a euphemistic “the parents declined to comment”, in other words they told you to get fucked when you all kept shouting “have you any thoughts on how Timmy fell into that industrial mincer?” through the letterbox
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Yes, why is that? Every fucker being interviewed are always inevitably a fuckwit. Do the reporters actively find these cunts to do the soundbites or is it any sane person who sees the camera and so called journo a wide berth in case the question they get asked is so fucking stupid the sane person gives the cunt a proper and decent left hook to the temple?
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Calendar is my local news programme and I agree it leaves a lot to be desired at times, but it is streets ahead of look north which is completely shit.
This story would have been newsworthy if the elderly carrot cruncher in question, didn’t have any arms or legs, or had to learn to swim to save himself during the recent floods.
Also Christine Talbot needs fucking all over the bedroom, and I’m the man for the job.
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You’d be better entertained if you looked out of the window and watched the turnips disappearing as the floods submerge the farmer’s low lying fields.
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I only watch Netflix. I get all my news and current affairs here.
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Your doomed if ISACS your news!
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I get all my political comment from Alistair Williams on youtube
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👍 Ignorance is bliss!
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Couldn’t be better thanks Cuntflap. And keen to be exposed to opinion from all quarters…. well almost all. Fortunately I have a very powerful inbuilt bullshit detector.
PS: I don’t blame anyone for choosing ignorance. This country is finished.
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I miss them days when wooden boats full of peacefulls would smash on rocks within shouting distance of Christmas Island, no Christmas for them. Your so lucky.
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Same for me, I’ve given up papers, news, everything. Only used to have sky news on to ogle Sarah Jane mee’s tits of a morning, was making me fucking depressed hearing the news though
There you go sugar puff brighten up your life.
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/
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I think someone should play “Rule Britannia”, if not only to piss off her Ladyship Lily “fuckmesideways” Allen.
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On my local news last night they reported that the police were looking for a racist attacker.
I phoned in immediately as I thought I might be able to help, only to be told it’s not a job….
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Fuck, respect to the Cat, Seagulls are vicious fuckers, I don’t think my cat would tackle one.
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Mine hides from the pigeons in the garden.
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Just watching national news, which isn’t much better however I did like the report of the woman rescuing the little Koala down under, poor little fucker was getting scorched, good new it’s recovering….
Even better, just on now the launch of the Labour Manifesto, can be summarised thus.
Spend money like fuck until it runs out and we are bankrupt!!
Oh Jeremy Corbyn….. what a cunt!
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Pity it wasn’t Steptoe stuck up in a tree getting scorched. I’m fucking sure I wouldn’t bother to help!
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That one actually made national BBC and the Independent. All the more cunts they.
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“Welcome to Radio Lincolnshire. The time is Thursday.”
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“ Craggy Island FM” – love that 😂
What you have identified is the malaise of most local news outputs – nothing to report on and mediocre journalists who can’t be bothered. I loathe most local news, even in London – 9 times out of 10 its shit parochial rubbish that no one wants to hear.
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Looking out for the one
Mansfield Man puts together a complete sentence without using the F Word👍
The picture of the reporter is that Christine Talbot the woman with the amazing big knockers and come to bed eyes She knows exactly what she’s doing 😘
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Having reported on district council meetings and interviewed cunts about their lost cats/alcoholic relatives/the price of sausages, in order to fill a local paper in a boring town, my sympathy is with the reporter. An advertiser had pulled out, perhaps, leaving a 30-second void in the schedule….oh shit, have we got anything?
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When there wasn’t enough news to fill the slot, we used to get an extra Tom and Jerry. Not any more.
Civilization in decline….
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Just to lower the tone for a moment, but I don’t know who that wench is in the header photo, but I will gladly give her arsehole a good seeing too!
Okay, carry on!
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Christine Talbot amazing boobs very fuckable Get in the large queue Technocunt
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Nah… not the hood ( bald bloke)
he looks like ‘Parker’ – Lady Penelope’s Chauffeur.
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I so love this site. I laugh like a cat at every cunting. Brilliant stuff. Wish this was a Sunday newspaper delivered to every household in the cuntry.
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