Is there anything more annoying and pathetic than a fat, middle-aged couple walking into a cinema, balancing a Flabbott-sized bucket of popcorn on one hand and a jumbo-sized Coke container on the other? It is a particularly disgusting sight when he is wearing a tight tee-shirt that shows off the belly of a heavily pregnant woman and she is dressed like a slutty whore from Montmartre, circa 1930.
Most films nowadays are junk, but do you really need to buy overpriced and oversized portions of junk food to watch them?
Nominated by Mr Polly
Which is one reason I never bother with the cinema: you get fat smelly noisy middle aged cunts like that; or you get those young twats who have the attention span of a fucking fly, can’t stop yapping or checking their fucking phones every 2 minutes.
But it’s the fat cunts with a bucketful of fast food shite, who always ends up sitting in front of me. And because he is tall as well as fat he totally eclipses my view of the big screen (oh and I have had instances in the past where they wear baseball fucking caps, which makes it even worse)
And my god do they chomp on their food, it’s as if they can’t masticate quietly, but have to tell the world how to fucking chew some popcorn.
Oh and soon after the cunt has finished you can hear him belch and/or fart throughout what remains of the film that you can’t fucking see anyway!
So fuck that, and fuck the “cinema experience”
24
Nothing worse than a noisy masticator.
12
I rarely go myself, but the 2-3 times a year I do, it’s always at the waitstaff-serviced one that brings you alcohol and where you can choose your seats in advance. The best part is NO FUCKING KIDS ALLOWED and they will happily bounce a cunt for being loud/obnoxious, including fucking around on their phones. It’s a beautiful thing.
5
I don’t understand the modern day need to chomp empty calories all day long full stop.
Is it a deep need to go back mummys breast perhaps or are they just greedy fat bastards?
17
A combination of both probably…
13
Come,come, Mr. P. Are you sure that you distaste for the fat middle-aged man and his Flabbott-sized bucked of popcorn isn’t rather due to the fact that he needs a large bucket when playing the “I poked my dick through bottom of popcorn trick” whereas you require only a small pack of KP ready salted nuts?
https://youtu.be/vujNcE_43Qg?t=2
đ .
10
Not been the pictures in years, used to go most weekends, especially when the kids were young, never seems to be anything I wanna watch.
Anyway, if we go im always if not the first then one of the first people in, like to pick a decent seat get my massive popcorn (don’t pull yer fuckin face mr Polly i see you back there with your smuggled in butties!đĄ)
Always get some daft cunt who comes in and decided to sit behind me probably the biggest bloke in there although other seats available, then tap my shoulder ‘i cant see!’
Well fuck off an sit elsewhere!
Not my fault gods decided to make you a dwarf!
Or itll be some african cunt who wants to talk loudly through the film,
And when you tell him to fuckin shut it your accused of being racist.
I like the pictures, but hate other people.
2
Fuckin moderation again!
Fuckin joke, word for a midget.
Stupid fuckin word to be moderated anyway its a correct term!
Tell you what Admin, for that if I see a dwĂŁrf today ill kick the shite out of the little fucker, due to time ive been moderated.
Pisstaking little fuckers.
16
It’s a trigger word to prevent repeated postings of Soft Cell’s ‘Sex Dwârf’ video.
6
Its a pain in the arse! To be honest Rtc im annoyed at myself I know it’s a moderated word! Forgot!
Other ones ‘dòcĂźmentary, keeps on getting me.
7
Why so um bongo drinkers always turn up late for the cinema?
Also,cunts with their phones on . Turn it off or stay at home.
Good morning.
Corbyn is still a cunt.
One more thing. I am not moaning but the continued references to gas chambers is slightly putting me off….
I am no snowflake but there are still camp survivors living today, and having met a few it does somewhat feel a tad uneasy.
Thanks cunters.
I am off to the gym ( and a cream cake on the way back).
9
Agreed with your gas chambers observation. The Extinction Rebellion/Police nom brought a couple of right cunts out of the woodwork. The sort of cunt that gives this wonderful site a bad name. I’m afraid I ‘bit’ and broke Site Rules and cunted them. The cunts.
6
I’ve noticed of late that any “argument” – generally more a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent – with any of the PC mob invariably results in them calling you a NAZI within minutes ot it becoming clear you’re getting the upper hand?? Jesus Christ, you don’t agree with Saint Greta and that puts you on a par with the fellas who exterminated 11 million people? It’s become the default insult of the brainless. These cunts should witness real suffering, not the fact that avocados have gone up 2p
15
The Left’s default replies to any well argued statement is “racist”, “bigot”, “retard” or “Nazi”. They then walk off feeling proud of themselves thinking they’ve won the argument.
They don’t want to think outside of their little comfort bubble because that’s when they’re on rocky ground trying to construct a more reasoned & robust reply.
And yet they have the affront to call Leavers thick ignorant xenophobes!
8
Always gonna get few clashes of opinion on here, strong characters etc
Hopefully most is in lighthearted banter, I like to think im a level headed peacemaker who calms the hot tempers and rises above squabbling with other ISACsđł
But to be fair Gene that ‘sailor’ comment was ace and im shamelessly nicking it!đ
5
You’re welcome to nick it! I did…
4
I quite like the alternate, “I wouldn’t dream of telling your mother how to suck cocks in Hell.”
7
How times have changed!
We used to be content teaching grandmas how to suck eggs and now itâs all about teaching them to suck Wayne Rooneyâs dick?
In my book, DCI Cunt rules!
3
It came from the fact that the left scream ‘NAZI’ at anything they disagree with. I originally used it in respect of our lesser brained brothers, sisters and other genders. As the old saying goes, ‘might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb’. You clearly don’t understand my simple brain.
6
Haven’t been to the pictures since the days when some cunt was playing a piano down the front and a tart came round at the interval, with ice creams melting under her saggy tits.
Excellent nomination, though – Rustling sweetie wrappers is another irksome activity of the undernourished – eat a meal before you set out you fat cunt and while you’re at it, stop twatting your knees / feet / belly into the back of me bastard seat !
9
Fuck me – what am I doing up at this hour ? Some cunt’s changed the clocks ??
8
Don’t you just hate having to get up at 2am to put the clocks back /forward?
And twice a fucking year at that!
CUNTS.
12
Your phone should automatically set itself, the clocks i do just before bed.
After 48hrs of constant rain its a nice day outside!
Pub later and sunday dinner yippee!!
6
My phone doesn’t. I forgot to change it at 2am – woke up in a cold sweat at 3:30 when I remembered.
7
I’m not bothering. For the next 5 months I’m just going to be an hour late for everything I do and fuck it.
4
What is this âforwardâ? Iâve been setting it back every time. Which is why here itâs 9 am last Thursday
2
I think I’m doing something wrong RTC, I got up at 2am to put the clocks back an hour and when 2am came round again I had to do it all over and so on. I haven’t had a wink of sleep.
4
Tell me about it! đ
1
âThe Picturesâ??? Fucking hell, I thought I was the only cunt in the world who still said that!
Theyâre called âmoviesâ these days you old fossil.
Oh, and youâre not allowed to smoke but eating and drinking in the âmovie theatreâ is compulsory.
10
happy days at the local Plaza. The old usherettes brewing tea in the back of the cinema, sushing you and, as you say, trays of delights under saggy tits. Standard of living gets better, but quality of life gets worse. I tell my kids, the best part of London was belting through it (before speed cameras and all the congestion) hanging off the back of a routemaster.
I’ll get my coat.
7
The very reasons why I have not visited the cinema in 15 years. I suppose I will need to break this suspension as I have two growing nippers who will inevitably wish to see the latest filum.
Anyway, breakfast like a king this morning. Kippers, buttered bread and a large mug of steaming Yorkshire Tea. I am setup for the day ahead!
8
Ah…..you canât beat tea grown in Yorkshire. It must be the atmosphere created by all those Joe Dakis.
9
Recently walked out of a film five minutes in for this very reason. A film is “me time” so I didn’t like people intruding with their rustling and munching. Oh, and I had lost interest in staying during the now-obligatory 30 minute pre-film adverts.
8
My alarm is my tv. Thinking it would reset itself. I set it for 8.15. It did rest itself but went of at 7.15. Wtf?
4
Ffs I canât seem to type anything these days without making at least 1 blunder.( only managed this through extreme concentration.)
4
If I want to see a film I always go a few weeks after it’s been released. Nearly always empty. Still doesn’t stop some cunt picking the seats in front of you, though. I mean, a nearly empty cinema and you sit in front of the only people in the cinema? What the FUCK is your thought process????
5
Everything was so much better before Brexit.
Yeah, I know it hasnât happened yet…..iâm just practicing in case it does ok?
8
I usually take a three course meal and a bottle of claret and then have a nice snooze
4
Some cunt who used to work in a cinema told me, at the end of the night, they sweep up all the popcorn off the floor and put it back in the machine. I donât actually believe that but I donât eat that cardboard shit so iâm not bothered.
Just thought iâd put that thought in your heads, cunts.
5
I’ve heard that some cunts put more than butter into the machine.
3
KFC superfan Dawn Butler rambled on about gay animals at an after dinner speech.
Fuck off back to the plantation, love. That cotton ain’t gonna puck itself.
Mammy!
Ole man river.
7
Time to change the record Krav. How about ‘The Israelites’?
đ
7
Just watching a docĂźmentary about Trojan records!
Symarip, prince Buster..
Skinhead moonstomp!â
5
I wouldn’t know because I don’t go to the cinema. I refuse to pay double figures to watch two hours of superhero/rom-com/Seth Rogen eff word laden base tripe/British luvvie shit. Let alone endure sitting with the popcorn munching and mobile phone-checking masses.
We’ve got a perfectly adequate home set up of a 50-something inch screen and extensive Blu-Ray catalogue. Started a ‘Halloweek’ season last night with a double-bill of Brian De Palma’s Dressed To Kill and the sublime Criterion Blu of Jacques Tourneur’s Cat People.
6
I’m really not sure. My rationale with OH is that we’ll have a colour followed by a b&w, to make it feel ‘old time’ like when me and my mum would sit up on a Friday/Saturday night, her with her flagon of cider and me just a teenager welcome for any hint of blood or the lust of fright. Just quickly scanning my Blu’s, my prelimary thoughts are ‘Bay Of Blood’ and ‘Eyes Without A Face’.
3
PS, Sisters is a really screwed-up accomplishment and let the world know where DePalma was going at the time, in the confines it could. It’s wholly chilling to this day, despite hailing from little old 1972. I remember it used to do the rounds on the regional ITV channels at 10.40pm after the news. God knows what the Whitehouse brigade made of it!!
2
DePalma sunk his career with Mission to Mars.
Shame really…
2
From Sisters through Carrie, The Fury, Dressed To Kill, Blow Out, Body Double and then the unexpected whammy of Raising Cain in 1992, DePalma is an unsung and unequalled fear-film maker. He worked under low budgets, which is why his films typically got sold to ITV, but ended up turning out the highest quality produce since Hitchcock. Yes, he took from Hitchcock liberally, but what’s wrong with following the lead of a Master. That’s what a true master’s ouvre is there for, to repeat the goodness of it.
2
Used to go to the cinema regularly when I was young but haven’t been in decades. Got fed up with people talking, sucking sweets, kicking the back of my seat, sneezing on me etc. Fuck knows what it’s like now everyone has a phone.
How much does it cost to watch a film these days? ÂŁ8? ÂŁ10? Add to that the cost of travel and parking. A DVD usually costs much less and you can watch it as many times as you want in the comfort of your own home.
8
A long awaited cunting ‘Mr P’ .. What a disappointment these venues are. Run by snowflakes and a cash machine to take your hard earned money. The queue at the popcorn counter should have sent alarm bell ringing for me. I observed a fat Cunt and his missus ordering two enormous buckets and recall thinking , ‘poor fucker who as to sit near these arseholes. I’m old fashioned and would have liked some help at the machine but I eventually worked it out however it managed to persuade me to invest in a luxury, privileged ‘fat bottom seat’ with the ubiquitous drink holders before swallowing my card. I got a bollocking by security for molesting the machine. Good start? In I go, a labyrinth of corridors and theatres 1-10 (no staff). So I end up in an almost empty cinema room in semidarkness. I find my designated seat and plonk down ready for the intro. A tedious , mind bending, ear shattering ‘Sony’ show off that heralds the next two hours of excruciating boredom. Just at the end in walks ‘lardy and his slag and make progress towards me. NO me thinks. “here it is honey” And you guessed it, These Cunts have got consecutive ticket numbers to mine. and rightly claim their space. I had to move, my piss was boiling. The film was shite and after 3/4 of an hour I got up to leave. Made my way down in the dark to an illuminated exit sign and forced my way through it. I discovered then that I was in a locked service area as the door automatically closed behind me. I ended up having to go through the kitchen of ‘Nandos’ next door to escape. The whole experience upset me so much that I decided to build my own theatre in the garden. So out goes the lawn mowers, spades and such. In goes the big telly and the 11.1 surround sound complete with Ebay auction chairs, Black painted ceiling and Blackout blinds. WE’RE READY… Its then my little granddaughter informs me that she’s SOooo looking forward to inviting all her little friends round AND “We’ve got POPCORN… Fuck off..
8
Have not been to the flicks (another long forgotten word) for ages , though I have noticed the declining art of film posters most these days are just some oversized mug shot of the star, whilst previously they were quite clever being inspirational, sexy or humorous
8
A nailed on bit of cunting MrP. These guzzling cunts should get a baseball bat across the back of the head.
Add in sweet and crisp packet rustlers, persistent talkers and cunts pissing about with mobile phones.
Makes you wonder why these twats actually bother going to the flicks at all, esp. with prices being what they are.
3
Looking at pic if that hot slut is with him /i need to put on twenty stone lol
1