People who stink of Weed on the Bus

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I’m finally not working a Saturday and so why not capitalise on this welcome surplus of free time cunting, ‘People Who Stink of Weed On The Bus’?

As if smoking weed regularly isn’t already the habitual equivalent of destroying your ambition, drive, basic logical reasoning, working memory and ability to look someone clearly in the eye and have a half-way decent conversation without shiftily drooling out inane, rambling bullshit, it also stinks of a badger’s arse after it’s been busy renting it out all weekend at a local homeless shelter. It’s fucking disgusting.

So, when a local autistic DJ gets on my bus home on a Friday night in his canvas khakis, anxiously gripping a record bag, sporting the oily, pallid complexion of Gollum and the kind of open-mouthed expression that completely repels lucrative job offers, the last thing I want to smell is the unmistakable foul stench of condensed, freeze-dried, weapon-grade ganja polluting my fucking air space (and every other poor sod on the bus with me).

Luckily, gone are the days when snotty herbert young kids thought it ‘cool’ to play shite repetitive music from their phones at the back of the bus. I mean, it’s hard enough containing my rage on a tightly wound, panic chamber of a busy local bus at the best of times, without the added misery of the Bluetooth amplified din of syncopated hi-hats and mumbled ‘social commentary’ to go with it. In these moments, preventative and punitive sentencing for murdering children is the only bulwark between me and a hard stretch. And don’t they fucking know it?

But, I digress. The thing to replace that previous public nuisance is these dopey, fucking carbuncles. Advice for weed smokers who might be leaving the house and catching a bus to your mate’s basement for another life-stalling smoke-up sesh:

1) Change your clothes. The chronic-encrusted wax jacket you’ve been replacing your actual skin with for two years is now past its sell-by-date. Even snakes shed their skin. And they don’t smell like a giant’s arse has just exploded all over them. Heard of a launderette? Save a few quid on not buying that 8th of Acapulco Gold today, splash out on some basic grooming and wash your civvies, you grim cunt.

2) Get a fucking job and stop wasting all your ‘downtime’ dulling your God-given faculties with a ‘natural herb’ you BELIEVE is giving you a shamanic window onto another plane of thinking, when actually it’s making you painfully embarrassing to listen to, MORE
depressed, totally unemployable, inarticulate, locked into a self-perpetuating, vicious cycle of poverty, and WORST OF ALL, robbing anyone of any way to discern any actual signs of life within that petrified husk of a corporeal vessel you call ‘you’. You smell like gum disease, you fetid, fucking cunt.

3) Or, just don’t get on the 9:59 pm Loop bus from Broadstairs to Ramsgate Mon-Fri. Cheers mate.

Nominated by Jimmy-Block-Bottom

79 thoughts on “People who stink of Weed on the Bus”

  3. Don’t mind the smell of weed. Positively pleasant compared with oniony shiteburgers being gnawed aboard public transport, or the powerful reek of last night’s vomited curry from the uncleaned – and perhaps uncleanable – seats. But then again, I used to use the stuff. Agreed, it doesn’t do much for the motivation, concentration or conversation, but the hydroponic skunk bud dominating the market now makes it ten times worse. That stuff has the effect of a sand-filled sock directly applied to the brain, and its entertainment value is minimal. I pity the youth of today. Bring back Afghan black…

    • Still have about 3 ounces of block in my freezer. Stopped using it a few years ago for the reasons you outline above.

      • Whereabaaahts are you RTCP, I can collect it as long as it’s free. My mate Dave said he could make a few quid out of it. 😁😁😁

      • Ha-ha, I bet my missus a million squid you’d soon show up B&WC! Sorry mate, it’s all spoken for. Once I get round to deciding how much to keep for a rainy day, the rest will be turned over to my mate Dave who has agreed to go 50/50 on the proceeds… 🙄

    • What wise words Komodo, the skunk of today is way too strong, not balanced and you actually get a hangover from the shite and also you don’t know how they’ve grown it (hopefully they’ve flushed the nutrients out before selling it). When I was a teen smoking the herb we had squidgy black, Soapbar, and a bit of slate in the bong and nice proper weed like Thai and if you had a few quid high grade Jamaican sensi and the skunk we smoked was no where near as strong as the stuff abaaaaht today. Nowadays it’s all skunk with names like ‘Green crack’… My mate. Dave is making a killing out of it.
      Thankfully I stopped smoking ages ago.

      • Aye. Wipeout + hangover you can do (legally) with a bottle of rum. Soap for working, Leb for a nice buzz and Temple Ball for special occasions, in my time.

  4. Excellent cunting, sir! Totally agree, and so sorry to hear that the area you are in is so affected. My loop bus was the 52/49 Margate/Ramsgate 60 years ago!!!! Thanks for the memories.

    • Apologies for the late reply, squire. Though my tardiness pales in comparison to the pregnant millennia-like intervals of the Thanet Loop these days. It’s not fit for purpose and has now made the cliched aphorism ‘You wait 40 minutes for 1 and then 3 come at once’ seem like an idyllic preference dreamed up by only the most wildly pioneering of minds.

      In this alternative reality, we call ‘Thanet’, if a bus driver is late or waylaid, they relegate their primary objective of transporting people to work or school on time in favour of adopting a fixed, single-mindedly frontal stare, imploying a determined zero eye contact policy of ignorance and blowing right past you in a rush typical of an ambulance on its way to ER to save the life of a dying 3 year old girl. It’s gone tits up.

      And this is after they have just unveiled the new, all-singing, all-dancing Loop busses, with added USB ports to charge your phones, a patronising automated tannoy that announces each stop’s name, comfy faux-leather seating to cushion your cramped arse, and no-doubt other unnoticeable, ergonomic minutiae that elevates the spiritual experience of these shit pits just above that of a battery farm.

      Great. Thanks for the modern add-ons, Stagecoach. But, it’s like buying a heavy machine gun but finding out in an emergency war situation that it doesn’t fire at all and actually it might just be better as an unconventional doorstop for your garage entrance. Lovely. But, it’s not why I fucking bought it, you fucking morons.

      I’m sorry to say @Attrix that I’d hazard a guess, your loop could at least turn up on-time 10% of the time – 60 YEARS AGO!!. But, my generation is laughing now because our phones won’t fall below 50% battery after all the time playing Candy Crush waiting to get on.

      Thanks for the reply, fellow-Thanetian. I doth tip my hat to you.

  5. Dr Elenanor Chowns. An ugly green slacktavist got nicked at a climate change demo and started arguing with the old bill.

    Put a sock in it,love. Get back to the kitchen: Those dishes will not wash themselves.

    Her CV is a typical green cunt’s smorgasbord of non-jobs. A PhD on the water supply in Malawi?

    Fuck off.

    Ugly dyke.

  6. Great cunting…the delights of public transport.
    Utter fucking shite including airlines.
    Get fucked.

  7. where I work there was an epidermic of builders vans and sites being targeted for tool theft.
    Being on our clients side we allowed plod to set up a display and advisory center in our yard (builders merchant) the advice was good, use the national tool register even offering free locks and advice on van security.
    It was a very slow day for us, non of the builders turned up and the yard was baron of clients.
    The next day when the police were gone trade was booming, rumour had gone round that they had a sniffer dog with them.

    • “The National Tool Register” Lord Benny?
      I didn’t know there was such a thing!
      I’ll bet half of it is made up of MP’s., most of them grinders.
      Def. of GRINDER . . . . . . . .
      Someone staying on top of their shit. (ie. making money)

      • There is, I have been contacted by the police on a few occasions where they have seized tools from “Certain people” contacted the manufacturer who then tells them where certain serial numbers went, Its up to you as the end user to register them

  8. Have to say I don’t mind the smell of weed when I’m aaaaht and abaaaaht, but not on some woman I am trying to pound. I was seeing this bird and she was a proper stoner… Super fit but looking at her super mashed eyes after her 3rd almost pure spliff made me realise she was an unworthy candidate for my love and affection (the fact I got it for her off me mate Dave is irrelevant as I wanted to make a bit of money out of her to pay for my fuel).
    I prefer a Lady who can hold her own when going out in London and has a bit of class… Drinks wines at the dinner table and has a few lines back at my flat.
    What the fuck do I want some giggly stoned women with the munchies eating all her and my food. Fuck off, and grow up you cunts.

  9. “Get a fucking job and stop wasting all your ‘downtime’ dulling your God-given faculties with a ‘natural herb’ you BELIEVE is giving you a shamanic window onto another plane of thinking, when actually it’s making you painfully embarrassing to listen to…”

    This, 1,000 fucking times.

    Sums up my early 20s, surrounded by regular users who truly believed they were elevated to borderline telekinetic capabilities by rolling some third-rate shite into a fucking Rizla. I tried it a few times and it just did nothing for me. So at friends’ houses during weed sessions I would be sitting there bored fucking cuntless, listening to the most cringeworthy cod-psychology and student wankshack tier pseduo-intellectualisms, which really made me yearn for a one-way ticket to Beachy fucking Head.

    Even worse are the cunts who truly believe that non-users are somehow inferior for not being ‘open minded’ enough to embrace the act of inhaling the vapours of arse-grown tea leaves. Fuck off you fetid pile of shitcunts.

    • First did it when in HM Forces. Really bad influence, that was…It “did nothing for me” the first couple of times, until someone in the company asked me why, if that was so, I had a big stupid grin on my face. Realising that I indeed had a big stupid grin on my face, I spent the next ten minutes pissing myself laughing – which put a big informed grin on the faces of the more experienced company. And it was really bad herb – African bush, and mostly stems.

    • Some people handle it better than others though. Got a mate in his 50s who runs a successful business who smokes a fair bit of this shite. Has done for decades. Don’t know how he does it.

      Me? I used to do a little years ago, but gave up quickly as it made me feel mental/paranoid. Also know someone who never opens his curtains due to doing too much (he’s on the sick for being a mental).

      But if I smell it on someone, I automatically think ‘loser’.

    • Today’s problem is that the cunts can do the “painfully embarrassing” bit without dope, as proven by EU-AlBeebistan, Houses of Wankpuffinnery &c…

    • You nailed it @TheEmpireCuntsBack

      When I was a teenager I’d sit in hot box bedrooms with my mates, rolled-up towels under the doors to keep the ‘goodness’ in and refuse joints ad nauseam, until slowly they gave up. Peer-pressure didn’t work.

      Now, after 20 years of diverging life-trajectories to analyze we can see that the mates of mine who STILL smoke ‘da ‘erb’ are still on a fast track to fucking nowhere, pushing 40. Those that eventually saw the wisdom in abstaining emerged from their green miasmic quicksand to actually do something with their lives. Their smiles aren’t induced by smoking something that reduces their sensitivity to their plight. Their smiles are those who forged ahead and did something to be proud of despite any inevitable hurdles.

      Sorry to get serious, but as I get older I’ve had mates top themselves and their lifestyles did NOT fucking help. Don’t get me wrong. If you’ve done well for yourself and your ducks and in a row and you smoke a bit of weed, no problem. But, don’t EVER tell me it helps when you’re broke and depressed.

      That was a bit serious, but you take the point. Weed is for rich rappers and those well clear of the poverty line.

  10. I know about as much about drugs as i do about the sexual fantasies of Nicola Sturgeon or the size of Flabbotts dildos. Never met a fully functioning ‘druggy’.
    Fags and booze for me. Boring i know,maaan.

  11. Almost as bad as mental people on the bus. Back in the day, I always seemed to get the nutcase wanting to sit next to me. I remember when I was about 16 or 17 a nutter who thought he was in the army getting on. He was obviously a mental not an ex soldier (he was well known for it). He dressed in poorly fitting army type gear he’d got from a camping or army navy store.

    He sat next to me and started telling me (in England btw and he was also English!) about how he killed over 50 Viet Cong with just his knife. I was trying to look out of the window when he said “This knife” and pulled out a massive hunting knife. I nervously said, “Mmmm very nice” and then (ding) I pushed the bell to get off about 10 stops early. The nutter was cackling to himself as I was getting off.

    Bloody lunatic.

    • I thought it was only me that got the nutter on the bus. Usually Irish and doubly incontinent from the ‘apple’ Which is a S Wales term for revolting rough cider, sold at a Newport hostelry called the New Found Out. The pub with the tramps trolleys in the doorway.

      • I’ve had the nutter on the bus a few times; he drives the thing, the cunt.

        “Do you go down Penarth Road ?”

        “Dunno.”

        Croeso y Cymru Mystery Tours, aka Bus Caerdydd.

  12. Also the cunts driving and smoking. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your own home, but don’t put my life in danger by smoking shit and driving.

  13. I used to work with a chap who dealt and smoked his profit plus some,
    Any way one weekend we all fucked off home and I chucked my uniform in the washing machine.
    Chatting to the then wife in the kitchen I noticed a large clingfilm ball about the size of a tennis ball stick to the glass door inside the washing machine.
    I would seem that I had grabbed his fleece by mistake and laundered a rather sizeable stash of roehamptons finest “white widow”.
    I returned it on the Monday slightly damp, with a nice persil freshness.
    (He was ok about it, but it was rather fucked and no longer had the kick it should have had)

  14. Wait weed destroys your productivity and ambition?! Damn maybe I should stop then… Nah come to think of it i’m too depressed and lazy and its about the only thing that calms down my nerves and anxieties

    Seriously if pot and hash didn’t exist i’d be a full time drunk or something I wouldn’t be able to cope with reality without it It also makes video games and films more enjoyable I’d be up schitts creek without a paddle if i stopped using it

    • Weed/Hash can make music listening and going to a rave, music event much better and you can properly get into the vibes but for me smoking everyday made me wonder and think too much.
      I didn’t enjoy the buzz anymore and I started smoking weed/hash when I was 13 walking to school in da morning.
      It’s a weird one as it genuinely works well for some people and others should totally avoid it.
      It’s obviously mot had a bad effect on me as I’m the sanest person on here.
      I have an imaginary friend called Dave. 😁😁😁

      • A Jamaican who doesn’t like pot? What am I reading this right? Smoka da herb man and tell your friend dave to chill da fuck out

        Yep school and pot use don’t mix I know this from excessive use and experience. School is a institution of the white devil man they try to fill your mind with da white devil nonsense smoke da herb brudda an relax to the funky reggae beat check it https://youtu.be/4UUPY902Ph0

      • Yes Titslapper, respec me bredren.
        For me though strong weed/hash made me paranoid and I don’t think smoking at a young age when the brain is still developing is a good idea. Probably made my OCD worse. That’s all in the past now though.
        What works for some doesn’t work for others.

      • I owe my affection for hard trance to cannabis. Can still do a little trip on the music alone, but the visuals when I close my eyes aren’t as good. Pure-THC skunk’s no use at all for music, though, IMO.

        The very best hard trance is, I hate to admit it, from Israelis.
        Here you go, Krav…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acmF_G1iubQ

      • I like a bit of trance/industrial/techno Komodo. I’m thinking of working on a few track’s in the studio soon. I like the reverb tails and delay effects. Can be hypnotic.

  15. I smoked the shit for years (18 years) and only knocked it all on the head last year.

    What a difference giving it all up made.

    You’ve summed it up pretty well in the cunting Sir!
    The only thing I miss is the sex, which is awesome after a joint, but nowhere near worth the stress, low mood and 0 drive to do anything productive (except shagging of course).

    Weed is shit and I think it should have an upper age limit (30?) as well as a lower age one (18?). Although I’d quite hapily vote to legalise it, proving folks only smoke the shit in their own homes or out in the sticks, but keep it PERSONAL because it fucking stinks, hence the name Skunk!

    • I have to disagree with you about the shit being legalised because it IS a gateway drug, no matter how many users try to deny it. Smackheads started by smoking cannabis. Then there’s their other argument that it isn’t addictive. Bullshit! Is anyone really going to try and convince me that people who smoke weed regularly don’t get withdrawal symptoms?! Of course they do….

      • Spoken like a true white devil mon… all drugs are gateway drugs this is a bad argument tho that pot is somehow the only gateway drug.

        Happy for you that you been able to cope without it but don’t flex on others using it because you defeated your habit Of course its fucking addictive! Its just not as addictive or habit forming as the harder drugs out there

      • Weed/hash is a lot better for you than alcohol.
        When smoked at the right age and in moderation… Alcohol is lovely but a cunt, an Alcoholics withdrawal alcohol is much worse than stopping a bit of weed/hash.

      • The main reason it’s a gateway drug is that the same cunts who sell it would like to introduce you to their more profitable products and a much more entrenched habit. Take the sale away from the cunts and the connection goes. It would also enable some quality control. God knows what’s in some of the stuff you get off the street.

    • Well done son for jacking it in.

      I quit drink and smoking about 6 years ago. Replaced it with martial arts and fitness. My life naturally u-turned. More outgoing, alive, present, energetic, able to adapt. Your time is more valuable. Of course I still have down days but they’re really just times for reflection. Not fun. But, sober you’re better-equipped to handle the tough times.

  16. I dread the thought of even using the bus for transportation. Don’t know how people can even think of stepping foot on one Even thinking about going on a bus right now has fucked up my nerves not even joking. Yep you guessed it I’m going to smoke some pot soon to dull my senses from the nightmare reality of buses. Well done jimmy block bottom you have given me more of a fright this morning then most horror movies

  17. Was the victim of an attempted car jacking two weeks ago at the front on house. Cunt tried to drag me out my car, fought him off and gave a kick in the mush for good measure. He dropped a huge bag of weed on the floor but some got in my car. Fucking car stunk of the shit for a week, cost me £30 for a deep clean. What is it with thick coppers too? Finger prints all over the door, never took any prints. Then they asked me if I’d smelt anything strange recently in the neighbourhood? What the fuck, I’m not a fucking bloodhound. All I wish on the attempted car jacker is ebola and the clap the fucking twat.

    • Are you sure you weren’t smoking and told the old bill this story to hide you weed addiction? I bet you blamed it on a Blackie didn’t you? 😂😂😂

      • Wait he dropped weed in your car? And instead of just taking it out yourself you paid someone 30 quid to clean it out? hahaha white devils mon i am right cunters?

        Also you should of stole his bag of dope when he tryed to carjack you seriously thats the 1st thing i would of done I wouldn’t save a crumb of it for that thief cunt you try an jack my ride i’m taking your ganja its that simple

      • It was a half black, half white one, B & W Cunt!!!! Makes no difference to me if they’re black, white, yellow or green with purple spots, I’m still going to kick you in the fizzhog if you try and steal my motor.

      • And rightly so BR, what a cunt he was… I hope you got him with a solid kick in the bollocks.
        If it’s happens again put a notice on here and some dodgy cunt will come and collect the weed.

    • My old boss bought a car rather cheaply, it had been used to transport something and a peice of the shipment was lost in the vehicle.
      We stripped the interior but couldn’t find anything, nice car but always a worry. (now scrapped)

      • Did you check inside the tyres? Also was the fuel tank sectioned off? Not that I know anything abaaaaht dodgy stuff like that.

  18. Come to Phnom Penh guys and try any of the ” Happy Pizza ” restaurants…..they are everywhere. Warning, don’t try extra toppings, they are lethal enough. Good pizza as well! The rozzers turn a blind eye to eating it ( actually an ingredient in many native cuisines ) but don’t get caught with a spliff.

  19. Mushrooms are shit, I used to have a friend in the army, he left, had a job got injured and well spent his sick leave in the fields eating mushrooms.
    He lost his wife, kids and I hate to say sanity.
    I went to visit him a few years ago, his flat is a fucking state, he wont have radios or tv’s and is convinced that aliens have tried are trying to kidnap him.
    He said these wise words to me ” You talk about that place but I have never seen it so I don’t believe it exists, I tell you about aliens but you don’t believe me because you haven’t seen them, but I have.
    That was the last conversation we ever had, poor bloke, really fucked up scared individual.

    • A friend put it like this: you lose a bit of yourself every time you do shrooms. I’ve not done much, but enough to agree with that. Would not recommend.

  20. Great cunting. Stink your own dive up with this shit, but don’t infiltrate my fresh air in a public space.

    I have no time for drug users of any kind, be it weed or fucking heroin.

    ALL drug users – potheads or smackheads – are sad, pathetic, weak bastards as they cannot possibly get through a day without getting high, like somehow most of the rest of us manage to do.

    All they do is drain society.

    I had the fucking stench of this shit hanging in the air I breathe when I went shopping the other week. I passed some ethnic who was loitering half comatose, sitting on a table outside Costa Coffee and was hit by the stench of the cow shit herb he was partaking of. A gas mask would have come in most handy. It was around 2pm…….and this pathetic cunt felt the need to get high as his day was doubtless so very stressful, the useless fuck.

    The weed smokers that really wind me up are the so-called ‘medical reasons’ users:

    Bad back? Weed helps
    Depression? Weed helps
    Epilepsy? Weed helps
    Stubbed my toe, aged 6 on my granny’s zimmer frame? Weed helps

    What horse shit.

    LOSER CUNTS, ALL OF THEM.

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