Netflix (3)

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A nomination for Netflix.

If it’s not decades-old series you’ve seen before, or flimsy documentaries with less depth than the average TEDtalk, or perhaps some dreck you were unlucky enough to see at the cinema in 2003, you might be watching a Netflix original with a half-baked plot, or a fantastically quirky limited release effort that grossed a third of its production budget because there just enough hipsters out there.

If you want to watch such fine cinema as Battle Drone, Colossal, Shanghzi Fortress or innumerable chopsocky action films from the eighties, watch Netflix.
If you want to binge on Family Guy wannabes with animation as slick as those drawings that loving parents of their semi-able children stick on their fridge, watch Netflix.
If you want a vast library of utter shit you once saw on Channel 4 in the small hours of the 1990s, watch Netflix.
If you want to watch stand up featuring mostly repulsive American women chirruping about cake and periods, or dopey American men talking about being a ‘new dad’, watch Netflix.
If you want to be hammered over the head with woke morality plays that only gets good reviews from millennial shills on zero hours contracts for clickwank sites like Fuzzbleed, watch Netflix.
If you’ve given up reading anything with pages, or been lobotomised, have no imagination and the IQ of an owl pellet, watch Netflix.

They’ve spent billions on acquiring the rights to whole libraries of wank, they have 30 billion dollars of liabilities, and their North American market has just seen its customer base shrink for the first time in many years.

Oh dear, and good riddance.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

79 thoughts on “Netflix (3)”

  1. Funnily enough I recently subscribed to this. I expect I’ll have run out anything to watch in around another three months.

    I’ve seen some of the “in depth” documentaries and yes, utter rubbish.

    So I’d support this cunting – albeit once I’ve seen the ten decent series they host…

    • After the government put a block on torrents in one FUCKING DAY. Think about that , one day to block all torrent shops. Over 3 fucking years with brexit, internet pedophilia still rife, Muslim radicalization still rife, fucking baking, dancing, celeb utter bollocks
      Still rife. Netflix can get in that fucking gas
      Chamber of shit fucking tv. Torrents came back a week after.
      VPN brothers, and sail the great seas of Pirate bay. Fucking Netflix.
      Grow up, get BitComet and be happy as a pig in shit forever.
      CUNTS

  3. Good cunting. Well played, CP.

    My problem with Netflix is twofold:

    1. About 30% of the time I cannot connect or have to try multiple times before it works. I have 400 mbps cable internet at home so I know the issue isn’t my end. When I am connected, about 50% of the time the picture will pixelate and/or the picture and audio will go out of sync. All this online streaming/cloud based bollocks is utter shite. This crap doesn’t happen when you play a DVD does it? I really need to write up a nom for how completely cuntish the cloud is.

    2. Netflix’s prices, much like everyone else’s, keeps going up. That’s to be expected within reason. However, if you shift from only buying the rights to show third party productions to actually funding your own, you’re making too much money. Something’s not right in the world when cunts like Netflix and Amazon starting thinking they’re MGM or Universal. Time for another price hike to pay for some Netflix original shitfest. Cunts.

    • I had similar when I was on a 6 month trial. I only ‘tried’ it twice. The first time I was browsing and found nothing I wanted to watch and bloody rubbish picture quality whilst doing it. The second time I was looking for something specific I thought might be worthwhile watching but spent so much time trying to find it I lost interest. I didn’t subscribe.

      • Afternoon Moggie,
        My daughter (whos still at home) has netflix, but I rarely use it, ad you said loads of stuff on there but nowt great and hard to find stuff, if It was down to me id not have it but she pays for it herself so nothing to do with me.

      • Afternoon Miserable. I trust you didn’t hurt yourself falling over dirty knickers they don’t call them skidmarks for nothing.

      • Hehe, its in the hands of my solicitors now, (the injury not the knickers) where theres blame theres a claim!
        When the case settles ill drop you a few quid Moggie for that witness statement.

  4. All of these online streaming merchants (the legit ones at least) are all cunts, serving up old shit, or repeating tired new shit, with nothing of any real value at all. To them its quantity over quality, and good luck trying to get a good stream even if you have some superfast BB.

    Fuck that shit: just give me Qbittorrent, pirate bay, and ExpressVPN, and I can download and/or stream whatever the fuck I want more or less for fuck all.

  5. Don’t subscribe to any subscription/streaming services, but if they can compete and sideline the BBC I wish them all the best

    • The Bbc periodically have a bitch about them as more people find out they dont need a TV licence to watch them.

      I suppose that’s one good point.

  6. Only going to get worse too. Disneycunts are launching their own streaming thing as are BBC/ITV. Soon if you actually wanted to watch half the stuff that’s currently on Netflix you’ll have to shill out 3x the price for the same levels of content.

  7. Never seen it but if you don’t want the fucker, you don’t have to pay for the fucker, unlike BBC.

  8. I have Netflix and some content is ok but, and there’s always a “MasterChef the Professionals” but, all new Netflix exclusive content is “woke” as fuck.

    For example I started to watch an original film called In the Shadow of the Moon. Now I must’ve assumed – wrongly – that it was a werewolf flick. It’s not, it’s a sci-fi thriller and the story was quite decent until right at the very end *** SPOILER ALERT *** it was all white supremacists’ fault! 💤💤💤

    Then there was The Circle, a Tom Hanks, Emma “two backs” Watson and John “only the 2nd black man in the entire Star Wars universe” Boyega vehicle. It was a parody on big tech and how every aspect can be monitored and monetised. Again interesting concept but instead of red pilling social media as the root of all modern day evils – which it is – it instead advocates that nothing should be private for the *benefit* of society (I wonder who bankrolled that ending…).

    I have Netflix for older shows like Still Game and the excellent Shearsmith/Pemberton Inside Number 9 series but the rest is mainly preachy right-on bullshit.

    Speaking of which, I thought I taped the Watchmen film (because Malin Ackerman is hot as fuck in it), only to discover it’s now a TV series.

    Ok, I’ll give it a go.

    Big mistake. The opening gambit is white supremacists killing black people in the 1930’s. Roll forward 50yrs and white supremacists are still the problem but now the hero is a pipe-hitting black woman played by Regina King. 💤💤💤

    Now if you don’t know who she is, let me remind you. She’s the black actress who plays Will Smith’s wife in Enemy of the State, Martin Lawrence’s wife in Bad Boys and Ray Charles’ main squeeze in the biopic Ray.

    She’s always purported as some “real looker” when the reality is that she has the face of a burst mattress!

    Halle Berry I get, Regina King… Er, I’ll take a pass!

    Either way, the Watchmen TV series is to be avoided at all costs. You can tell it’s right-on “woke” bullshit by the fact that Rotten Tomatoes critic (aka luvvies) reviews give it a 95% rating, whereas fan reviews give it 45%.

    Nuff said!

    • I also watched The Shadow of the Moon. Very sinister morality tale about people with the wrong opinions should be executed. An SJW wank fantasy. Deep down it’s what these people desire.

      • Unfortunately none of the cunts on their side have the stones to do it!

        And that’s from a self-confessed coward like me. I’d still fancy my chances against the “pin cushion” brigade!

    • Yes,yes,yes Rebel! Thought I was the only cunt who had watched this unoriginal, vapid dirge as i have been telling numerous people to swerve it. Biggest load of politicised, liberal and warped bollocks I’ve come across on Netshit and there’s plenty of it. It’s like getting your teeth pulled while being being told to feel guilty for being white.Vacuous shit.

    • I like the new avatar. This is obviously you as a kid, playing Joseph, after being told “there’s no room at the inn, but you can sleep in the barn”. Ah, the memories of schooldays.

      • Funnily enough as a kid did look a bit like Billy Casper!
        And always been a fan of the 2finger Agincourt salute!😳

      • Great film, pity the director is a champagne socialist cunt! At least his socialist axiom in Kes is believable, before he became one of the elite.

        “I, Daniel Blake” is turgid wank, and about as realistic as Jordan’s tits!

        Ken Loach is a cunt! A view solidified by his appearance on Cuntstion Time this week in South Shields (just North of me).

        At least the audience let the politicians on the panel know that ordinary people hate their bastard guts and can’t wait to fuck them off come the next election, oh but wait, it’s South Shields and so a vial of ebola would get voted in if it represents Labour!

        Soft cunts!

      • Your not wrong Rebel, while Kes is a truly brilliant film, ken Loach is a leftie luvvy of gigantic proportions.
        Cant square the 2 things in my mind,
        How did this bellend make this wonderful film…

      • Maybe Colin Welland had an uncredited hand in it’s directing??

        Would make sense IMO.

        Brian Glover, pure class! No way humourless Loach directed his part, either 100% ad-lib or had Welland’s input.

      • The humour comes from Barry Hines in the first place. I am sure he was much involved in the film, making sure it kept to the spirit of the book.

    • I agree. Very odd. I was watching’ Life of rock with Brian Pern ‘ earlier and noticed they used the same kitchen. Fucking geek.

  10. Netflix is fucked anyway. Soon going to be relying on their own content. Disney , HBO and numerous others launching their own service.

    Whoever owns the cuntshow Friends is also moving it too.

    They will die a slow death, like Blockbuster Video.

    Cunts

  11. It a all right if you’re a teenager or prone to amnesia.
    But good luck finding most good films of yesteryear.
    Instead Netfucks suggests shite that’s vaguely similar.
    Overall I rate it about as much as a night in the sack with Sturgeon.
    The horror.
    Get to fuck.

    • I should also have mentioned that it’s absolutely riddled with dark keys and every other sort of abberation you can think of.
      Very disturbing fuckwits.

    • Alrite Uncle?
      That thing where netflix suggests things similar? Its a fuckin broad shot when ive been on!
      Like ‘this is England’? Try ‘friends’!
      You recently watched ‘the Sid vicious story’ you might like Jack Whitehall live!
      Netflix, keep yer suggestions to yourself.

      • Did you try ‘The end of the fucking world’ ? Personally I think it’s a fucking masterpiece of English tv. It’s probably the best thing I’ve watched in years.

      • Well said sir.
        It’s a fucking panto but my ladies like it so I have to pay for it.
        Piracy for me.

  12. Granted documentaries are generally crap and a lot of the programs are politically correct and trite but there are some good shows among the dross. “Mad Men”, “Manhunt: Unabomber”, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace” and “The Crown” spring to mind.

  13. This lorry thing in Essex is a bad business . I assumed that they were all peacefuls so imagine my disappointment when it turned out they were all Chinks. Now they are telling us they were Gooks. I heard some copper on the radio…..”we are liasing closely with the Vietnamese community.”
    Fuck me! Is there a shithole country left in the world that doesn’t have a “community” in these tiny islands? Some cunt is making money out of all these immos and it ain’t fucking me, I know that much.

    • Those poverty stricken people paid 30grand each for the coach trip,
      Seeking a safe country, they fled vietnam where as far as i know is safe an travelled too the nearest safe country,passing through loads more for the easy mealticket the UK.
      At 30grand each surprised they didnt club together and buy oldham.

      • I wouldn’t pay much attention to the 30 grand storyline. That’s coming from Gooks already here who are claiming their relatives were among the dead. They may well be chancers hoping for some compo.
        Remember Grenfell.

      • Like Grenfell, this ‘investigation’ will be strung out out for years to come.

      • They were criminals, nowt here for Charlie, stay in da nang you fuckin slopes, dont want you here.
        And wherever the fuck the viet cong community is in UK?
        Send in some low flying helicopters playing the Doors….

      • Outstanding RTC, outstanding. Get you a case of beer for that one.
        I never realised Essex was so lively.
        Good evening.

      • Evening Fellas, yeah apocalypse now!
        When the yanks were in Vietnam buried deep on patrol in the jungle,
        The viet cong knew they were near because of the smell!
        No shit, because the yanks smelt like stale milk due to their diet.
        Now theyre disguised as bottles of milk in the fridge.

      • Evening Jack…. Mr Bastard, oops I mean Baron Bastard…. Miserable…. Freddie.

        Clocks going back tomorrow so getting an early night.

        Be seeing y’all.

      • Evening RTC. Seems like every bugger is giving themselves a title. Thought I’d jump on the bandwagon… 😁

      • Theoretically yes. But you have to get up at 2am to put them back, so not really worth it.

  14. If you had 30 grand to spend you would buy some nice clothes and luggage and apply for a tourist visa. Then you would waltz through Heathrow like you owned the place and then disappear into the Gook “community.”
    These piss poor cunts were slaves, simple as that, part of the modern slavery industry which flourishes in this country.
    It will all be covered up because there are a lot of powerful people making a lot of money. It will be the cunts at the bottom of the food chain, like the drivers, who will carry the can.

    • And naturally the whole think will be blamed on working class English males.
      Fuck knows how but I’m sure the powers that be will find a way…

    • They were probably all destined for nail bars or cannabis farms as ‘gardeners’, they are not seen as humans but a commodity and this ‘loss’ will be written off. The next container load is probably already en route.

  15. Netflix’s output seems to consist of PC ridden series about vampires, werewolves and zombies.
    Endless shouting and screaming, buckets of CGI blood, more noise and violence than Omaha Beach and lots of white men getting implausibly duffed up by scrawny actresses who think that being “strong” means acting like the worst male jerks they can think of.
    My missus and stepdaughter stare at this shit for hours on end.
    I fucking despise Netflix….

  16. If you’ve given up reading anything with pages, or been lobotomised, have no imagination and the IQ of an owl pellet, watch Netflix.

    That made me howl with laughter. Many thanks.

  17. Is it more a womans thing?
    Daughter loves it but I cant find a fucking thing to watch on it!
    In 3 month watched some crime docümentary about Ted Bundy and ‘the hateful8’ thats it.
    All American teen vampire stuff.

    • If they showed Al Bundy and his hot daughter, and even hotter wife, I’d watch that again! 😛

      • The wife was played by Katey Sagal Rebel, shes also in ‘sons of anarchy’
        About a outlaw biker gang, and still pretty hot!🔥

      • Sons of anarchy is fucking terrible, I watched it for about 12 minutes and binned the pile of bullshit

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