Shitbag Tenants

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Shitbag Tenants are CUNTS.

I have just booted out a tenant from a small, but very clean bungalow I rent. The last three consecutive tenants that the rental agency has sourced for me have all been filthy cunts, the last one a filthy, nasty cunt.

I am not a cunt landlord. Before each one was occupied, the house was spotlessly clean and freshly painted. A real nice, clean and modern house. I have had to battle with each one of these shitbags to claim part of their deposit for cleaning the place after they had vacated their sorry arses, as they were incapable of keeping the place clean. They seem to think it is their divine right to leave the place looking like ‘Stig of the fucking Dump’ has lived there and the “good old rich landlord” can afford to tidy up after them, like some grubby, errant fucking toddler.

Christ knows what the friends and family think of these people if they come over to visit. Before I became a landlord, I really had no idea there are so many filthy fucking pigs out there.

The fat, lazy, peanut-brained cunt who has just vacated has left me with arrears of £1,100 and cleaning/clearance bills of around £900. The cunt has slunk back to his parents house like Timothy Lumsden from ‘Sorry’, but even his parents are full of shit, claiming they haven’t seen him and are no longer in contact. Presumably so he can try to avoid the court letters and eventual CCJ. Well, the bailiffs will then be knocking on their door ready to collect their flat screen TV.

The fat, lazy pea-brained, filthy cunt allegedly had his own business that folded. Despite promises of payment, they never materialised. I was very patient with him and would have agreed some payment plan with him if his predicament was genuine, as I am not an unreasonable person. However, like a big fat, hairy manchild he has slunk away and now refuses contact – even from the rental agency who want to speak with him.

I fucking hate tenants.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

50 thoughts on “Shitbag Tenants”

  2. My ex girlfriend had lots of trouble from tenant’s. She thought by going to estate agents she would be ok. No fucking way. The cunts trashed the place, didn’t pay rent and didn’t go till the bailiff came round. The estate agents are fucking leeches, just take money but you need them to sort things out and there hands are tied, so she was told. Absolute cunts as well as the scumbags who was supposed to be paying rent. FUCKING SHITE.

  3. You have my sympathies Paul.

    About 20 years ago I rented out a property to a Filipino couple who owned a nail bar in town. They immediately set about turning the place into into a brothel /dosshouse for illegals.

    Took me 6 months to twig what was going on and a further 3 months to get rid of the cunts.

    Following fumigation I sold up. NEVER AGAIN.

    • I advertised for a lodger in my old house a few years ago and I got a P…ki woman who would sneak her peaceful boyfriend in the whole weekend . Left the place looking like a shit house , used jam rags under the bed, it stunk of high heaven.
      Then this fuzzy haired woman from bongo bongo land who was using my place as a dodgy mail order firm , she got her mate in and was using my place as a knocking shop while I was at work. Pulled the race card when I threw the cunt out.
      NEVER again will I get tenants or lodgers.

  4. Good Afternoon Gentlemen,

    You have my sympathy Paul. I am about to rent out a property and that is a cautionary tale. I suggest you write to his parents and tell them he is like Timothy Lumsden. At least they might feel ashamed of him.

    RTC you had a narrow escape a friend of mine set his son up with a rental property and 3 New Zealand girls moved in and started having gentleman callers on the hour.. The neighbours involved the police and the son was lucky not to be charged with living off immoral earnings.

    • I agreed to accept them against my better instincts… but the cunt letting agency apparently checked them out and assured me they would be good tenants…

  5. Our (loaded) landlord says we’re the best tenants he’s ever had. Doesn’t stop the cunt putting the rent up every year even though he knows we’re struggling.

  7. Paul , already told you my mate had almost identical problem.
    Good luck resolving this, same to others who have had same problem,
    Hope you can put this behind you and get on with a happy future.
    Some people are beyond redemption,
    Born shite always be shite.

    • Fumigation with tenant in situ. Uragan D2, available from Czech Republic. Very efficacious, highly toxic, hydrogen cyanide.

  8. I am not surprised…. just travelled through London…. the place is full of shit (sub human doesn’t even cover it).

    My neighbour rents her house out, she works for an estate agent so she is very picky on who she lets in …. up to now all good ‘normal people’

  9. His parents won’t give a rats ass.. He behaves the way he does because that’s how he’s been taught to behave. The entire country is infested with dirty, lazy, scruffy work shy fucking scum. Bags..
    I currently own 3 rental properties and have had countless issues with rent payments, trashed houses, unpaid bills, utility companies owed money.. Etc.. Etc..
    It is my opinion that 90% of people who live in rented accommodation do so for a reason.. And they’re the last type of people you want living in your property..
    Tenants are cunts…
    The fucking lot of’em

  10. Seconded. When my parents rented out our house when we had to fuck off to another state when I was 14 (dad was military), the shitheel tenants left us with a similar scenario, complete with a massive dog turd between a door and its adjacent wall.

  11. You have my sympathy Mr.Maskinback. I own/have owned a lot of property through the years but I’ve been fairly lucky. Nonetheless, there have been one or two grotty oiks.

    Easily the worst are the foreigners as they simply have different rules. They have the personal hygiene of a pîkey and the class of a turnip-farmer dribbling his boiled pigeon “tea” down his ragged jumper. Fuck knows in which shithole they were dragged up and fuck knows to which tadpole-haunted ditch they’ve returned, just don’t bother me again.

    • Have you got a farmers nom coming up Cap? I may have made this up but thought I saw one the other day. I will break out the popcorn for that one and let the verbal sparring begin with a certain individual.

      • Afternnon, Liquidator.
        I try not to comment on my own nominations as I feel that’s over-egging the pudding. One’s had one’s say already. It’d be a poor barrister who has to lead the witness again in a Re-examination.

        Some of the biggest loudmouths I’ve met love to dish it out though simply cannot take it. A bit like Australian cricketers, the are Life’s worst losers.

  13. I too sympathise Paul.

    I have never rented or owned anything to rent out myself. Living in London, being single and hard-up most of the time, I have never been able to afford it, so live with my parents at the age of bloody 48 years old which embarrasses me greatly, but I digress.

    I just cannot understand tenants who destroy their rented property, never mind a property that belongs to someone else. Where is their pride in their home?? So what if it doesn’t really belong to you, why treat the place like a shit hole and think that is ok, not ONLY from the standpoint that you don’t own it, but when you are fucking living in it too?? What kind of mentality does that??

    At our previous address the bloke next door moved to the States to work and rented out his house. When he came back and they had already moved out, the place was destroyed. Walls written on and holes knocked through, great big fuck off nails hammered into the staircase where they had supposedly hung up their fucking bicycles!!! I mean, what the actual fuck??? I hasten to add that his tenants were social housing cunts.

    I would dearly love to have a place of my own, ANY bloody place and I would treat it like the gift that it is…..these cunts I just don’t understand AT ALL.

    • As always nicely said Nurse, why destroy something and someones properly indeed?
      Think its envy, spite at having to pay rent, like the landlord should let the feckless fucks live there rent free.
      Id never be a landlord, not that i own anything but the house i live in,
      But saw what problems others have had, dont need the stress!

  14. Nurse Cunty, if there were any justice in the world (and we all know there isn’t) ,then you deserve the nicest house money can buy. Seriously, I can tell how much it would mean to you from your comment. Perhaps we can all have a crowd fund for you?

  15. ps. You have to be nice to Nurse Cunty as you never know when the next heart attack is going to hit.

    • Agreed Bertie, always polite to someone who could be saving my life tomorrow!
      Same principle for waiters& waitresses Bertie, always be nice & tip,
      Like to know my food/ales not been tampered with.

      • Greetings MNC. This is also why I’m nice to DCI Gene Hunt and never ever take his parking space and give him plenty of room when I see him coming.

      • But of course! Why upset Gene when you might be in the back of his work vehicle on a fast ride to stepping Hill?

    • LOL….you might not want me on hand if one hit as I think my CPR skills are a wee bit rusty these days!….

  16. I’ve only ever been a rental tenant and have never had a deposit refund refused.

    With that said, might I suggest you pay for a lettings agency so that you don’t get scummy scumcunt tenants in future?

  17. A big thanks to all the well-wishers above. Nurse C sounds the ideal tenant, shame she isn’t around my neck of the woods. The first set of tenants I had in the place were very pleasant clean and always kept the place mint. Sadly they moved out when they had saved enough to buy their own house. They cleaned as they moved out and the place was as good as when they moved in.

    The three consecutive set of cunts were maggot farmers. They soon grizzled when I claimed for cleaning out of their deposits. Don’t these cunts see what dirty fuckers they really are?

      • Don’t worry MNC. I’ll be “gentle” with you.

        You’ll have to be well up on these terms if you’re going to come fishing with Paul,Bob and me in the next series!
        😀

      • God, thatd be great wouldnt it?
        Now that id like to do!
        Even if it was crabbing in Southport!

      • Thats right cap!
        So dont stand around with yer flyhole open dreaming of priti patel or theyll think theyve got a escapee!-😁😜👍

      • Captain@7.00
        Yeh, there are people who make a living out of breeding maggots! It’s big business, supplying anglers in all the fishing shops. Think of it as a legal form of cannabis farming!

  18. It’s the mentality of ‘It’s not mine, so I don’t give fuck’
    Some people are just thoughtless pigs. Needles to say, I am an excellent tenant.

  19. I’ve been looking to pick up an investment property but holding back for this reason precisely.

    I’m not a particularly patient person and I don’t want to end up in jail for forcibly removing the likely cunt tenant Id end up with

  21. I worked for the housing services department of the local council. The shit (literally) that I had to clean up was unbelievable. The overwhelming majority of tenants were bone idle workshy scum, junkies, alcoholics, serial breeders continually moaning that they needed a bigger home, and faux disabled chancers. Liberal left wing twats like Owen Jones should spend a month doing that job, might open his eyes as wide as his balloon knot. Ever had to clean up after a stabbing? I have, and the cunts had to have their knife fight in the top flat of a five story building. There was claret on every step, from top to bottom. I was even moaned at by the slag whose flat it happened in, because it took two days for some cunt to come and clean up the blood. This was during her and her smack rat boyfriend were coming back from purchasing their lunchtime lagers. Scum, and there’s millions of them.

  24. well Mrs B rented a flat that was a converted florists, the place had serious damp, the floors uneven and the PVC door filled up with water when it rained?
    When we moved out we had to throw the furniture away due to the mould, we complained to the estate agents letting agency, they made all the right noises and tutted at the pictures and moved in a single mother with two toddlers after we left.
    Next place was ok, I replaced the kitchen door, fixed the double glazing, insulated the loft, replaced the garage door and filled in a fuck off big unexplained hole in the garden.
    We parted on good terms and are highly recommended tenants.
    Now due to ill health I have managed to bulls eye a council flat which I have decorated, floored, done the garden, got my own little veg patch and lawn.
    Not all tenants are cunts, not all landlords are cunts, estate agents well they are.

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