Jogging

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I have yet to see a happy, healthy looking runner.

Pounding the living shit out of their lower joints, sweating like a bag of steaming piss, demonically red face like a smacked arse. Where’s the pleasure in this bizarre self-flagellation? Certainly not evident on their contorted features and their wobbly fat bodies are far from testament to the efficacy of their choice of health regime.

Most of these cunts will need new hips or knees (on the beleaguered NHS of course) before they’re done, as the overwhelming burden of conveying their corpulent carcasses along the carriageways of this country takes its inevitable toll. I walk my dog, at least twice a day, 20 minutes each time. Walk, mind – not run.

I’m fit and look happy, unlike any runner / jogger I see – Am I missing something here?

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

46 thoughts on “Jogging”

    • Ah your talking about the mighty MAMIL ( middle aged man in Lycra)
      Both equally irritating cunts!
      Watching some sweaty red faced cunt huffing and puffing and barely moving is for me both funny and annoying in equal measure but getting stranded behind a group of old cunts who all have odd bits of body popping out of the Lycra is a whole different crime!!

  3. Most of these “super-fit” cunts drop dead at 40 from a heart attack.
    The heart is a mechanical pump, and as such is only capable of performing a finite amount of repetitions until it wears out (if you don’t die of something else first).
    Raising your heart rate just uses up the amount of beats it has left.
    Best thing is to keep it nice and low by lying on a sofa and ingesting vast quantities of gin.

    • The highest I can expect to get my heart rate is while shaking hands with the governor of love furiously.

  4. …but then you can’t tell everyone that you went for a jog, which is the whole point isn’t it?
    Like those wankers that go down the gym so that they can tell everyone that they’re going down the gym….
    The fat cunts.

  6. The bloke that ‘invented’ jogging died of a heart attack whilst jogging, apparently, so I recall. The cunt.

    • He was one of The Gays too,but I don’t think that he invented The Gayness either. That was Alan Turing,I believe.

    • He was a cunt named ‘James Fixx.’ He did indeed die out jogging at the age of 52. Having a heart of stone, I was obliged to laugh when I heard the news. Cunt.

      • I’ll never be out of a job thanks to cunts like him. And NHS 111. And the snowflake generation. Dial 999 at the drop of a fucking hat because they ‘Feel terrible’. ‘You’ve got a cold, you malingering cunt’. I’m sure Nurse Cunty can back me up on this!

      • Too right, DCI! I can relate big time and I truly feel your pain.

        Lost count of the number of utter arsehole neurotic parents bringing their sprog to A&E with a fucking cold or cough. There they were, running around the waiting room creating havoc while Mummy and Daddy simply wanted bloody reassurance. Sheer lunacy. Not to mention the cunt who dialled an ambulance because they had ‘run out of Calpol’ for their snotty child…….words failed me. I went out with an ambulance crew as part of my A&E induction and to say it was an eye opener was an understatement. I was both in awe of the crew and their patience and appalled at the amount of thick cunts who dial 999 for bullshite. We went to 99.9% bollocks during the shift. An asian granny with a mild cough…..a bunch of cunt teenagers who hoax called 999….a pissed as fart twat who fell in the street and gashed his head, dialled 999 but then when we turned up, point blank refused to be taken to have his head injury monitored, fucking time wasting twat.

        I take my hat off to you, DCI, I really do.

      • Standard day! And then you get the one you where you make a difference… That’s why we do it.

  7. I agree about walking. I walk an hour a day always ending with the (gasping) ascent back up a steep hill. Joggers, by and large, are tossers.

  8. I like to see a fatty out jogging. The way that their breasts jiggle can be both alluring and mesmerising. Some of the female ones have nice tits too.

    Fuck Off.

    • I always speed up when I see a Greggnant cunt out jogging, just in case… Doesn’t do your back any favours lifting them onto the stretcher!🤣

  9. Worse is when the cunts run on the road against the flow of traffic and make no attempt to get onto the grassy verge or what passes for one. No it’s okay Petal, I’ll just drive around you yeah?!

    Ignorant cunts.

  10. There’s a couple of well-proportioned female joggers round my way. Can’t knock them. Sadly. For the rest, suffice it to say that if you eat too much, get fat, and go jogging, you’re going to be even hungrier when you get back, eat far too much and get fatter.

  11. I always hold my breath when they go past. Don’t want to risk breathing in their filthy stench.

    • Kinda like Darkies or Mexicans you racist swine? you should build a wall to keep them out mr bronald blumpf

  12. Kim Jong-Un lookalikey Ruth Davidson has finally resigned. Perhaps my recent cunting of the corpulent Remainiac bitch might’ve contributed.

    Fuck off and join the Liberal unDemocrats you Bully-from-Bullseye, nasty-faced cunt. You look like a fat 21-year old Borstal plumber, in a suit for the first time in front of the Beak for stealing the Greggs front shelf.

    • Greggs? Yeah, I bet she loves a sausage roll and a couple of pasties up her fanny box.
      Shit. I feel hungry now.

      • Well whatever you do, don’t lick Davidson. Her skin has the same druggy qualities as your hallucinogenic frog cousin. One slurp and you’ll see the Reich in magical Technicolour riding unicorns to a Kula Shaker soundtrack.

    • She actually made sense today.
      She believes that Boris is trying to get a deal and that the Quisling cunts in parliament should show that they are willing to vote for one. Good leverage with the EU and laying bare their real agenda – remain.

  13. In my neck of the woods there are several large parks and open spaces plus riverside paths and walkways. But where do these self obsessed arseholes like to run? Down the busy high street, especially on a Saturday.
    Utter cunts, all of them!

  14. Cholesterol doesn’t clog your arteries. The cholesterol is in your arteries to repair the internal walls from the damag caused by the post-war shit you are all being fed. Cholesterol is the main repair mechanism for your body, lowering it will fuck you up.

      • The British Heart Foundation’s own figures announce that men have far less cholesterol than they had 40 years ago, but heart attack rates have gone up. Statins and lower cholesterol do nothing to prevent heart attacks, fact!

        Men in Britain have quite a low cholesterol compared to those in Europe, but have a far higher heart attack rate, bcause lowering cholesterol does fuck all to prevent heart attacks.

        The Diet Heart Hypothesis is bullshit, simply because, everyone’s cholesterol needs, and levels, are different and they can change according to the seasons.

        Cholesterol is the recycling system of your body, your brain is made of massive amounts of cholesterol. Taking statins will give you Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s as it destroys the cholesterol in the brain. That’s why the rise of neurological diseases coincides with statin use.

        You go and learn your subject:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNDqtZWbSpM

        Linking to establishment figures do nothing to prove anything, as all your institutions are corrupted and compromised beyond belief, and have been for years, bent as butcher’s hooks, the whole lot of them. They also don’t give a flying fuck about either mine, or your health. The scum who push statins and want you to lower your cholesterol, not eat meat, eat margarine instead of natural fats, etc, etc are the same shit who tell you jogging is really healthy, And it doesn’t take much research to find out that jogging ages you prematurely.

      • As I suspected, I am talking to a fucking conspiracy theorist. Yes, you are totally right. Clinicians have it wrong for all these years and cholesterol is everybody’s friend, sigh. There is GOOD and BAD cholesterol. Good cholesterol is the stuff you were banging on about. Nobody disputes that. It is the BAD cholesterol that fucks up arteries. This is not some theory…..this is FACT. Saturated fat i think has been shown in studies to not increase the risk of heart disease, but bad cholesterol in too high quantities does clog arteries. Why are you even disputing this?? Just because someone’s cholesterol reading may fall within normal parameters means shit, because that reading may be the good cholesterol whilst the arteries are clogged with bad shit. You have to look at exactly what that ‘normal’ or ‘low’ cholesterol reading is and all of the separate components of the lipids test.
        Bottom line, I am not going to enter into a back and forth with you as it appears that is what you want to push your ‘great pharma conspiracy’ agenda to an ex-nurse and show how very superior you are. Good for you, job done.

        Now fuck off and argue with someone else.

  15. I have my suspicions about joggers, and early morning dog walkers.

    Strange how it’s always one or the other that find dead bodies….

  16. Used to be a jogger myself but found instead of keeping me fit it buggered up my groin/knees/feet.
    Prefer now to walk/swim/ have intercourse with an attractive lady.
    Mind you, one of those exercises is unbelievably rare.

  18. Not sure about jogging, but I used to do things called Combat fitness tests that involve long distant running with a full pack, I also used to do Basic fitness tests in fact I was ranked about 14th in the regiment for speed, Hobbies included rock climbing, snorkelling, swimming ect.
    Aged 47 Diagnosed with cardio vascular disease, The doctor was quite kind about it and said that I would have had to have smoked 80 fags a day all my life to get into this position I am just fucking unlucky (I do smoke but never got past the 20 a day mark) so I am afraid to say its luck of the draw if you lead a sensible life.
    Of course if you are a fat cunt that lives on ready meals well Jog on.

    (No sympathy is asked for or required for this comment, I dont give a fuck and sincerely doubt you do either )

    • If in need of exercise get yourself a large dog!
      Always out walking, dont have to wear lycra, they also protect the home & garden , are loyal, and you dont look a cunt jogging!
      Jogging will fuck your knees up.
      Or get off your arse, go the gym, or get a physical outdoor job, be ok.
      Im always doing something and apart from a few shooting pains in my arm
      Looking forward to next 20yrs.

  19. Fucking bastards the lot of them, die you fat cunts if you’re not happy in your own hide.

  20. I too enjoy a good walk. I leave the house and walk for a couple of miles until I reach the park at the top of the road,have a walk around the park,then walk back. And its a leisurely stroll,none of this “power walking” cuntery. I have never,and will never,jog. I see the cunts during my strolls to and from the park,and it always strikes me how fucked off they always look. And there are several power-walking wimmin on my route who have been making the effort for at least 15 years and still haven’t lost an ounce of blubber,the fat cunts. I’m a fat cunt too,but I’m OK with that..hence the avoidance of jogging, power walking or any other such unnecessarily strenuous fuckaboutery. Slow and steady. Followed by a fish supper and a 2 litre bottle of full-fat cola.

  21. If you wanna lose weight dont jog can’t run the fat off, just eat healthy. Plus eat less seems easy enough you fat fucks or just don’t eat at all for extended periods of time its called fasting

  22. Sometimes a flock of desperate looking brightly coloured joggists go past my house doing some sort of race.
    I always salute them with a large glass of cold lager.
    The cunts.

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