30 % less fat Cheddar Cheese is a right Cunt.
It doesn’t taste right, the block breaks up when you try and grate it, it doesn’t melt and bubble like full fat Cheddar and it looks like plastic, but the missus keeps fucking buying it, the cunt!!!
‘We don’t want you having another heart attack, do we?’ she fucking warbles, as if she’s fully cognizant with my thought processes.
Fucking fascist in a frock.
30% less fat Cheddar, Cunt Cheese for Cunts.
Get To Fuck.
Nominated by Jack The Cunter
Fat has nothing to do with heart attacks. Neither does cholesterol. Men in Britain have around 30% cholesterol than 40 years ago. If anything, the heart attack rate has creeped up, according to the B.H.F’s own figures. But big pharma are making trillions out of peddling their statin muck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNDqtZWbSpM
10
Correction:
Men in Britain have around 30% ‘less’ cholesterol than 40 years ago.
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Yes, but half as many balls.
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Dig the new avatar Bertie! 👍
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Thanks RTC. The parrot 🦜 was a bit of a cunt when he was having his photo taken but he’s settled down again now!
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I don’t know what it is but cheese it is not.
Fucking rubbish.
I’d rather have a heart attack than live on it.
Top cunting thank you.
6
Fucking vile. Low fat non-cheese. Reduced fat, reduced sugar etc are all fucking cons one way or another.
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And not nearly as tasty to eat.
Worst is the “new improved recipe” which usually produced only to cut costs and rarely taste as good as the original.
9
All of the world’s cheese production is controlled by a secretive deep state cabal…
The Hallouminate….
Cheese gags…you gouda brie kidding…
Not very mature…
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?
A: Cheeses of Nazareth
Another from my Christmas cracker selection of 82.
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You gouda brie kidding me BBU, that was cheesy.
Taxi!
6
I told you LL, we’re singing from the same joke book.
JR’s are completely original. I’ve only ever come across them in his paperback, a copy of which I’ve been desperately searching for in the Yellow Pages.
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I should have read JR’s post more Caerphilly.
7
All these cheese jokes are grating on me.
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Well cunted Jack.
As a control freak I personally select all the food we buy and do all the cooking myself at Creampuff Manor. Have servants to do the washing up obviously.
Wouldn’t touch that plastic shit for nobody.
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I applaud your control freakery RTC. Although your mushrooms in curry passion is obviously the mark of a highly unstable individual.
Good afternoon.
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Cheese and mushroom curry for your delight…
https://www.ammachiyudeadukkala.online/2017/03/chilly-paneer-mushroom.html#axzz5x3rxkhsV‘n’
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“cleaned mushrooms”?
Not a million miles away from my recipe, if you substitute paneer for chicken or prawns…
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I did a bit in the kitchen yesterday, but made the mistake of rubbing my eyes after chopping up some herbs.
Woke up this morning parsley sighted….
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I loved that one.
😀
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It is crap. Tried it once and once only. However it is infinitely better than ‘Vegan’ cheese. My sister had a vegan fad for a number of years, she gave me some ‘Vegan’ cheese to try, fuck me static, it’s utter bilge, the wrapper it came in would have been nicer. Thankfully she is cured of veganism now.
6
My mate reckons the best thing on a cheese sandwich is HP sauce.
So I’ve just bought some.
6p a month over three years….
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Best enjoyed with some alcohol free ale…….
7
I see the office bints at work put a good 50 to 80 grams of low fat cream cheese on their toast compared to the smear of full fat butter everyone else uses. Keep fooling yourselves fatties, instead of enjoying the better product in moderation.
8
What is it with this ?
‘Now with 25%less fat’
Now with added vitamins’
I dont purchase food for anything other than taste.
Does it taste nice? ✔
Is it good with chips?✔
Is it reduced in any way? ❌
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I’ve already made a retaliatory strike with some extra mature ( not to her taste ) full fat cheddar.
Sliced it up and put it on a tin plate with some bacon under the grill.
Mopping up operations carried out with extra thick white bread.
Fuck off, bitch.
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Cheese on toast with a side order of baked beans is a strong contender.
Afternoon Cuntflap.
2
You’ll just have to divorce the fussy old bag, and trade her in for a younger model – just make sure she’s not another virtue-signalling health nazi!
These cunts bang on about eating proper food, but that doesn’t stop cunts getting heart attacks. Plus you might get stabbing or beheaded by a slightly unhinged peaceful in the morning!
So fuck the 30% less cheese – just go out with a bang: sex, drugs, rock and roll, and full fat cheddar cheese (and update your will so that the old bag doesn’t get your tangible assets when you choke it!)
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Hello Technocunt . I’d rather trade her in for something useful, like a dirt bike, or a shotgun.
I ain’t making the same mistake twice.
Dear me, no.
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To be eaten with non-alcohol beer and non-caffeine tea.
Yuck.
4
Full fat, full caffeine, full alcohol,
Full additives, and chips cooked in kilverts lard!
Fuck the tiling, done loads,
Im off to make a chip butty while
Mrs miserables at work 🍳🍞
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Have a chip butty and forget the tiling.
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Hello General, im taking your advice straight away!
She’ll go bananas if i dont get it done,
But a mans gotta eat surely?!
3
Total opulence Miserable.
Would that be with red sauce, brown sauce or with no sauce?
That reminds me, whatever happened to Danny Baker?
4
I keep tubs of beef fat from the butcher for chips and roast potatoes.
Reduced diet shite like benecol is for twats.
2
The only cheese that works on Beemack’s Super-Noodle Special is full-fat mature cheddar. Nothing else is the same.
Anyone interested in making this culinary delight for themselves? OK here’s the recipe:-
BBQ beef super noodles.
Firestick Pepperami, chopped.
Chinese five spice.
Chilli flakes.
Once the noodles are ready and the pepperami and spices added, sprinkle with grated full fat mature cheddar and pop under the grill for a few minutes. A cheap,tasty and greasy snack that has absolutely zero nutritional benefits whatsoever.
You’re welcome.
9
Hey Beesmack that’s copyrighted by Jamie Oliver but hes got a italian name for it and charges £25!
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What?? The thieving cunt!! I’ve been making that since 1995!! Thanks MNC, my lawyers are on the case.
Maybe he charges for the large amount of saliva that’s spewed from his gob as he cooks it?
“Lower fat malarkey?” My arse.
5
Thatis the sort of thing i’d cook if i ever appeared on Masterchef.
Perhaps swap out the super noodles for the Ko-Lee brand for authenticity, but the firestick is a great idea.
Colmans used to make a pilau seasoning and Tandoori masala twin pack that was genuinely decent.
2
“Many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese… toasted mostly!”
(Ben Gunn 1882)
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Cunters, The way to die is not die of old age prettily preserved, you drive in at full speed all systems totally fucked, beer in one hand favorite food in the other shouting whoo-hoo what a ride.
Reduced fat? BOLLOCKS
8
Under the doc’s orders I started getting this low-fat cheese from Asda, can’t remember the name, but I had to stop because it made my legs itch. I’m not kidding. Only cheese I bother with now is Lancashire crumbly, which despite my diet I allow myself once a month. Well you’ve got to die some time, right?
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Seriously, these doctors are fucking institutionalized order obeyers and wage slaves. Animal fat is good for you. It is modern, high-carb, processed food and high sugar content that destroys your arteries. Along with the vile vegtable oils and margarines. Don’t eat anything with cotton seed oil in it, as it contains gossypol, which is one of natures most potent human sterilizers.
How many fat people and kids were about even sixty years ago, when everyone used to eat animal fats and fried bread, dripping? None! Today, now everyone is on their low-fat healthy diets you have lard arses bobbing about everywhere. When I go shopping, it’s like a Weeble warzone in the isles, all these tubs of shit trying to steam roller me at every opportunity.
Beer is bad for you, as it sugars in the blood and then rips your artery walls to pieces. That is what causes coronary heart disease, sugars, which act as sandpaper on your endothelium. The cholesterol then has to go there to repair it. As you cannot have a scab form on your artery walls, in case it falls off, all’s your body can do is grow over it, thus narrowing your arteries.
Eat natural fats, leave processed shit alone.
Have you ever seen them manufacture these shitty vegtable oils?
bloody insane:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ynMiiusJE8
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Very interesting. It seems there’s more shit goes into producing margarine ( which I stopped eating years ago) than likely went into making my car.
3
Beer is bad for you?
Great!
I’ve been teetotal for 12 years.
How about cannabis?
2
Cannabis can lead to psychotic illness RTC but I think you already know that!
2
Of course Bertie. I am after all a Doctor of Psychotic Enlightenment (D.O.P.E.)
2
Apparently refining vegetable oils uses some rather industrial solvents, dunno how (or if) they get that shit out of it.
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Thanks Scampi-pants
An interesting subject indeed.
We tend to use only olive oil and sunflower oil here but do sometimes use an olive oil margarine. Otherwise we use butter.
Palm oil is finding its way into many products (peanut butter for example) however we check labels and avoid buying.
Nearly a lifelong veggie, non smoker and almost completely teetotal but perhaps a little on the stocky side as I do rather over indulge on strong mature cheddar which (apart from Canadian) is vegetarian.
Cholesterol level just over 4 which I am informed is acceptable. Oddly, my Japanese wife who has almost a dairy free diet has a higher cholesterol level!
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Ancel Key’s “Diet heart hypothesis” is bullshit! The Japs did a ten year study a few years back, and those with higher cholesterol lived longest. Look at the Eskimos and Innuits, who live primarily on blubber. Guess what? virtually unknown for them to have coronary heart attacks.
As mentioned. the crap we are told to eat damages the inner wall of our arteries. We are told not to eat anything natural, which is healthy. Why the hell would you get rid of the fat, that nature provides with the meat, so you can use some shit made in a factory and delivered in a plastic bottle? Use butter and lard.
Yes, beer is bad for you as mentioned it sugars inside and sandpapers the internal wall of your viens. Modern beer is known as liquid bread. A lot of evidence suggests it also causes diabetes, another disease that out of control since we all stopped eating natural fats.
Also, long ago, German beer makers made the startling discovery that the women who harvested hops actually experienced earlier menstrual periods. It also seemed to reduce the libido and contribute to feminizing the bodies of men. The reason for all of this is now known: hops is one of the more powerful phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogens) in the world. And, clearly, all of this extra hops is causing havoc in our bodies. the result of all this extra hops is that your body will exhibit the secondary sexual characteristics of a woman. Specifically, hops contributes to the buildup of extra fatty tissue in the chest, giving many men the appearance of breasts. It also leads to testicular atrophy. That is, your testes will shrink and harden as the estrogen in your body overwhelms the testosterone. Further, you will experience body hair loss, loss of libido, and a dramatic reduction in erections.
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That explains my half dead testicles and lack of leg hair!!!
2
I too have lovely hairless legs but no tits, feeling somewhat short changed here would drinking more beer give me the full set ?
1
I bought myself a 2 y/o Lancashire ‘bomb’ – a black waxed ball of Ambrosia, from the Truckle Cheese Co.
Needless to say, it didn’t survive long in my household. Sliced thick in a buttery croissant!
1
Truckle. Jeffrey Archer territory.
1