Nominations are a cunt.
Don’t get me wrong some of them are very good, some witty and some remarkably long.
Down here in the cellars of ISAC a small group of (now very disturbed) individuals, spell check quantify and head your nominations.
Easy you say, well yes, I suppose it is, we search for a suitable photo to head your nominations in the correct format, find ourselves reading up on some bizarre subject or particularly unpleasant person and bobs your uncle, List it and as if by magic the nomination pops up at some point, but do you have any idea the horrors we have to see? Diana Abbot porn? Naked Corbyn ! this is just to mention a few, I am sure my firm has checked my browsing history but nobody from IT has the balls to phone me up and ask why I am googling this stuff, we at Admin put our mental health on the line to deliver your product, Please be nice to us.

Nominated by admin

Digital car radio, what a cunt.
The recent Benny mobile came furnished with a radio cassette player.
The car was purchased from the grounds of an old peoples home and judging by the log book its last owners from new had all been residents of the establishment and the car passed on as driving licences or owners expired.
Well tis quite a nice car apart from the stereo, which needed upgrading, perhaps a CD player?
Well being me (optimistic and poor) I decided to shop round for a new radio, in fact the first brand new car radio that I have ever purchased, I was surprised to find that these devices can pair with your phone and become a hands free set, an option that I did not choose was “remote control” this goes against my belief that its my car and you are not to touch anything on the dash board.
However I did go for the DAB option, this is digital radio of some sort, so once installed I decided to try it out, lot of strange stations out there and not all of them in range so fuck that, back to FM we go.
Or do we? This shit box seems to have a mind of its own, I select a station FM, it tolerates it for a bit then decides it will give me the better quality digital version.
This creates an annoying repeat of last phrase, lyric a sudden increase in clarity, but does not take into account that I am listening to FM for the reason the digital signal round here is shit so I will loose digital signal a little further down the road and it will have to reselect FM (probably at some breaking news point) in all truth its shit, just a perk that I wasn’t going to use on my nice brand new over glorified CD Player.

Nominated by lord benny

Justice Secretary David Gauke says he will resign if the next prime minister chooses to pursue a no-deal Brexit.

Tory leadership favourite Boris Johnson has pledged the UK will leave the EU on 31 October – with or without a deal.

However, Mr Gauke told the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show that a “sizeable” number of Conservative MPs believed the UK should leave with a deal.

His comments come as Tory MP Sam Gyimah said more than 30 Tory MPs could vote against a no-deal Brexit.

The EU has set the UK a deadline of 31 October to leave the bloc.

Many people are of the opinion Mr Gauke that of fucking course we should leave the European Union with a deal if possible however it is clear that after over 3 years of “negotiation” the deal offered by the cunts in Brussels is absolute fucking dog shite and we should leave without one.

You useless cunt.

Nominated by Willie Stroker

What about this pair of whinging cunts:

‘An engaged couple say their wedding plans have been scuppered by changes to next year’s early May bank holiday.
May Day is traditionally held on a Monday, but will be put back to Friday, 8 May in 2020 to accommodate the 75th anniversary of VE Day.’

Everything ruined 11 months in advance? For fucks sake get over yourselves. I know it is inconsiderate of the 75th anniversary of VE day to be May 8th but get a fucking life.
This shite made the BBC website. Surely there was a Brexit horror story to promote?

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

British fuckwits dressing up in stars and stripes to celebrate getting an ass kicking at the hands of the Mary queens.
Now I know that we are all friends now but fuck me.
Who in their right minds would want to join in, celebrating another country’s national day? Especially given that the day in question celebrates a war in which we came second.
24,000 of our soldiers lost their lives in the many bloody battles that took place in order to oust us from the colonies we had set up for them. (Ungrateful bastards).
Yes I know we were taxing them to the hilt, but that was to pay for a previous war that we helped them to win. (Ungrateful bastards).
Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked. It’s just as well I don’t have time to mention the dirty French bastards who joined in late on to kick us while we already on the floor.
Getting back to the dickwads who celebrate with them.
Understand what you are rejoicing in before you go out to eat your 3lb hot dog you fat simple bastards.
I’m sorry to say that London comes out top again in offending the minority British, with a special shout out to Covent Garden.
I know that it was 250 years ago but even so. Will we be having a party to celebrate the Nazi invasion of Jersey in 150 years time?
Probably, it’s about the only flag that we haven’t took one up the arse for yet.
It’s a shame that we don’t put as much effort into celebrating our own fucking national day!

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo