The SNP and Braveheart



I wish to nominate the movie ‘Braveheart’ for a Cunting. For the past 15 or so years this utterly shite movie had been pissing me off and I can’t hold it back any more.

First, there’s that premium cunt Mel Gibson exhibiting himself in a kilt with a 1980s mullet haircut. He looks a total cunt, with his face and ass painted blue and that phony Scottish accent.

Then there’s the appalling dialogue. Most of it is bombastic, grandiose and trite. To quote a few gems –

“ Don’t you speak Latin” , quoted to a 9 year old peasant living up the ass of the Highlands, “ well that’s something we shall have to remedy, isn’t it?”
“Your commander must cross that field, put his head between his legs and kiss his ass”.
“Your heart is free.. have the courage to follow it”.

And don’t get me started on the historical inaccuracies. This movie is just an over hyped vehicle for Scottish nationalism. The English are presented as having enslaved the freedom loving Scots for at least a generation. In fact the English had occupied Scotland for one year at the time of Wallace’s rebellion. The Scots did not wear kilts then – they were popularised by the Victorians. The Princess of Wales was actually 9 at the time and unlikely to have started an affair with Wallace as shown in the movie. And as for “ prima nocte”, this never even existed in the feudal period. Wallace is also portrayed as a rough neck, a sort of feudal Bruce Springsteen. In fact he had noble blood, was well connected and highly educated.

All this wouldn’t matter if it was just entertainment for ignorant Yank cunts. But Braveheart is the bible of the Scottish nationalist movement. The movie exacerbated nationalist sentiment and that cunt Gibson loved it. You will see many Scottish nationalists now getting themselves up like Gibson with blue faces and blue asses, displaying their gonads and shouting “ ffffrrrreeeedddddooooooommmmmmm”. Wankers.

There is only one good thing in this movie and that’s Patrick McGoohan as Edward I. Brilliant performance. I’m rooting for him all the way through. Loved it when he chucked his son’s pompous lover out the window. What a cool cunt. Cut out Wallace, the Scots and everything else and just leave in Longshanks. The rest can fuck off.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

49 thoughts on “The SNP and Braveheart

  1. Och aye, cobbers. Wallace was longing to get Scotland into Europe as a vassal state with it’s begging bowl out.

  2. It was a depressing load of shite and utterly forgettable. Spot on cunting Cuntstable. Trainspotting is the most accurate account of the Scottish. Take your freeeeeeeeedom and fuck off.

  3. Always fascinates me that being proud and nationalist in Scotland is acceptable by most people of different political persuasions.

    And yet if you’re proud and nationalistic in England you’re a racist, xenophobic, Little Englander bigot!

    • It’s the same in any country i’ve been to, nationalism and the flag are everywhere and foreigners are expected to toe the line. In England nationalism is sneered at by the libtards and snowflakes and foreigners are prioritised above the natives. Where do you see the flag in this country? And you know the libtards would love to replace it with that blue starry cuntrag.

  4. never watched it, but then again I don’t like the sweaty socks, cunts

  5. William Wallace was a barbarian and a murdering and plundering cunt…. Trust a Hollyweird turd like Gibson to romanticise a cunt like that…

    Would have smashed Sophie Marceau, mind… Frog or no….

  6. As someone who has only been north of the border twice in my life, all my impressions of the Scots have been formed by life down at the The Clansman. I am a late convert to the comedy ‘Still Game’, wishing I’d discovered it earlier. Unlike crappy American films, it should be made compulsive viewing for all Sassenachs. Seriously, it’s that fuckin good it would do far more for Anglo/ Scottish relations than any politician. Stick Mel Gibson in the Clansman for a night and he’d really have the pish taken out of him.

  7. You forgot the fact that the flag they paint on their face…..was invented a hundred years later. The Princesses (I thought she was three but I’ll concede the equally ridiculous nine) was living in Spain at the time of the events.

    An astonishingly poor film. It must be humiliating to be Scottish whenever this is shown.

    Gibson, the fascist ham actor, went on to make the anti-Semitic ‘Passion of The Christ’ and the insultingly-shite Apoocalypto, the Mexican Braveheart, which proved again Gibson wasn’t afraid to massage fiction into stories.

    Gibson is a cunt of Bono-esque proportions and Braveheart is about as alluring as dogshit on toast.

    • Bendadick CuntyMcCuntface has been cast for “The Passion of St. Tibulus.”

      • He’d be better off as the lead vocalist in The Passion of St.Winifred’s School Choir.

  8. More BBC cuntery and peaceful arselicking…
    On their website today the corporation cunts had this to say about George Best:

    He’s up there with Diego Maradona, Cristiano Ronaldo and Mo Salah – in more ways than one….

    Fucking Mo Salah?! Cruyff? Yeah… Pele? Certainly… Even Platini, Dalglsh, Beckenbauer or Bobby Charlton… But Salah?! Sergio Aguero is better than Salah ( and I’m no blúe)… I know these cunts are obsessed with these peaceful types, but putting him on the same level as a player as Bestie (or even Dodgy Diego) is a joke too far… Fuck the BBC… Box ticking and arse licking is their game…

    • I’d like to know how that cunt Salah gets through 90 minutes of high intensity football during Ramadamadingdong. He’s obviously breaking his fast of food and water or he just wouldn’t get through it, the cheat.
      Let’s hope some brother peaceful takes offence and chops his cunting head off.

    • Christ did you see that website article about white Victorian muslim converts described by Al Beeb as ‘pioneers’? Their agenda is so fucking transparent it’s genuinely scary.

  9. Labour are officially vermin and total cunts.. The behavior of the Labour Party and the EU snakes being more than happy with half of Africa and the Iron Curtain being allowed into Blighty has brought us to where we are now, they are totally responsible for the rise of the right, and they don’t even realise or accept that… Cunts…

  10. A spectacular piece of cunting, MM! I’ve tried to cunt this sack of shit before, and such is my disgust with it that I could never find the appropriate words.
    I think any reasonable person knows that ‘Braveheart’ is total wank, a pisspoor effort in every respect. Trouble is that north of the border, it’s become a symbol to every twat who’d vote for a fucking haggis if somebody stuck an SNP sticker on it.
    ‘Braveheart’ is as a big a cunt as the nuclear grade cunt Gibson who was largely responsible for it. I’d recommend this bit of stand-up on the subject to anyone looking to take the piss.

  11. I guess we’ll be lapping up films like Braveheart once we’ve been subjugated to the EU for a couple more centuries. And I doubt that the epoch-making “Henry V” was any more historically accurate.

    Wikipedia informs me that ‘Wallace’ may in fact mean ‘Welsh’, reflecting his family’s origins; also that after his capture he was tried for atrocities against civilians – though it’s unlikely that Edward was innocent of this too. A bit of a cunt, it would seem.

    • Actually, Henry V, is entirely accurate. Shakespeare puts all the contenders for the Crown throughout Richard I, and Henry IV (1 and 2) both Yorks and Lancasters, as well as Glendower who might have had the most authentic claim. The Bard pulled no punches.

      Agincourt was fairly accurately written, the French being despatched despite five times the army of the English, Welsh, Scots, and Irish (all mentioned). As Shakespeare scribed, Hal did marry the French bint, though probably didn’t have fatuous conversations about elbows and parts of the body (although apparently he did send her tennis balls as Shakey wrote).

      On comparison, Braveheart withers as a fictitious piece of chest-beating nonsense.

      • I was thinking of the film, not the play. And the dialogue was 100% invented.

      • The film is the play. Literally the same thing.
        Of course the dialogue was fabricated, how could it not be, but who cares about words.

      • Yes, yes. The film is a dramatisation of the Shakespeare text. Even I knew that. Who cares about the words? MMCM evidently does:
        Then there’s the appalling dialogue. Most of it is bombastic, grandiose and trite. To quote a few gems –…

        Braveheart was picked up, possibly even conceived – as Scotnat propaganda. Henry V was no such thing, of course not. The play, glorifying the rulers; the film brought out in 1944, who can possibly say why?

        Anyway. there are rather more facts available about Henry than Wallace – virtually nothing is known about the latter, so a film about him necessarily had to be a marvel of invention.

        This gives an alternative picture of Henry –

  12. I’ve watched it 8 times since it came out, including one with Director commentary. It was a great film at the time and made a lot of money.

    Sadly these days Nicola Sturgeon has it on loop in her office.

  13. “There is only one good thing in this movie and that’s Patrick McGoohan as Edward I.”

    Spot on,Edward I or Longshanks as he was known(he was well over 6 feet tall when the average height was about 4 feet),also known as the Hammer of the Scots(for obvious reasons).One of Englands greatest monarchs,gave the Jocks a pasting,went on Crusade to the Holy Land and even found the time to boot the Jews out of England.He were a lad was our Eddie.

  14. Ruff Tuff Creampuff stole the show and out acted everyone.
    Accurate or not I enjoyed watching it as I like films set in those times.
    Would be better if we were in those times… I’d be known as the ‘Le cunt’ and I’d kill at least 20 cunts a day.
    Starting in the House of Parliament, I’d have a massive Horse like the Normans did.
    I can picture myself now… Charging through the shopping aisles in Tesco slaying some cunts.

    • There must have been at least some black & white cunts back in ‘Ye olde Merry England’, the Crusaders putting it abbaaat in the Middle East after a hard day slaying heathens. And, Morgan Freeman was a Saracen in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves so it must be true.

      • It was true LL, my Grandad 70 odd generations ago was the illegitimate child of King Henry VIII and a black lady known as Queen Latifah.
        They were the first to introduce rice and pea and Jerk chicken to the masses way back then.

  15. Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but anyone voting today take a black biro with you or ask for one at the polling station as they’re supplying pencils to mark ballots with. Opening the result up to possible electoral fraud and vote rigging. Corrupt cunts

    • They’ve always used pencils at my polling station – that’s a good fucking point you make.

      • I’ve never noticed until today but apparently they’ve always used pencils, dodgy

    • I remembered to take a biro. Smug cunt that I am. By the way, Mr. Richard Eiaddio from the execrable HSBC “Because Globalism is sooo important for rich Bankers” ad would probably remind us that a biro is a Hungarian friend.
      Hungarian women are ok when they leak over your face, but biros not so good when they jizz in your pocket.

  16. Excellent and long overdue Cunting Mr Cunt Machine. And thank you so much for acknowledging my sublime Edward I as the “one good thing in this movie.”

    In fact I only took the part as I was a bit brassic lint at the time, awaiting payment for my roles (both acting and directing) in several episodes of Columbo.

    I do however take exception to CuntsR-US’s appalling smear that I “even found the time to boot the Jews out of England.” Who do you take me for CR-U, Jeremy Corbyn? Quite disgraceful! I had hoped I was dealing with a gentleman.

    I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, labelled, numbered, or portrayed as someone who would boot the Jews out of England!

    My life is my own. Ha-ha-ha-ha… ad nauseam.

    • We need you Longshanks.

      If Longshanks were here today to deal with Brexit how different things would be!

      Barnier, Drunker and co would be hanging from the rafters at Berlaymont. Treason May would have been hurled head first out of a top story window of Windsor Castle and Hammond would have had a red hot poker inserted up his fundament.

      They knew how to get results then.

  17. “I had hoped I was dealing with a gentleman.”

    Nope,I aint nothing but a grade A cunt,Ruff Tuff

    • Glad to hear it CR-U, #MeToo.

      It would pain me to think of you as anything less 😂

  18. The film is shite – embarrassing for most Scots apart from SNP CUNTS and say like Canadian Scots etc
    It’s a poor portrayal in my opinion as I don’t just dislike English Cunts but to be fair and honest just about every cunt Esp those from Auchinleck or who are bead rattlers , peacefuls etc
    Infact if I’m really honest I actually like some English folk – I mean obv “ real “ ones NOT imported ones
    Arkel vs pressdram

  19. Hells bells that film was a major crock of shite. Historically a politicians expense claim would have a higher fact content. Fucking in there mullet though. twat

  20. Got to disagree with this cunting. I don’t particularly care that Mel hates the English almost as much as Jews, or the historical inaccuracies of this movie, the battle scenes are fucking hardcore! They set a standard for medieval battles all film and TV aspires too – skull-crunching, spine-smashing violence!

  21. This shit was as bad as Gladiator was regarding historical inaccuracy (and audiences gobbling it up like gannets). Russel Crowe is somewhat tolerable than Sugartits Gibson, though, which thereby makes Bravecunt worse.

  22. This is one film I have seen only bits of and not the entire film.

    Mel Gibson’s pathetic accent and the rampant, Jock patriotism shoved right up my nose had me running for the hills. I just cannot be doing with that shite.

    This was Gibson’s ‘Dancing with Wolves’ moment, standing up for the Jocks the same way Kevin Costner stood up for Native Americans, but basically both of the fucktards were just after their ‘Oscar Moment’ using a ‘good cause’ to get there, cynical cunts.

    Mel Gibson should have stuck to what he did best……looking fanciable (and without a blue face), mindlessly blowing up shit and double-acting it up with Danny Glover in ‘Lethal Weapon 10’ or whatever the fuck.

    ‘BRAVEHEART’ CAN GET FUCKED …in my humble opinion.

    • Gibson has anti-British form, he was in a film called ‘The Patriot’, a humble land owner battling the evil Redcoats around the time of American Independence. And why is a ‘British’ villain in these films always an upper class borderline aristocratic English psycho?

  23. Currently listening to the Selling England By The Pound album…
    Genesis and Gabriel were fucking brilliant in their prime…

      • Strange that Cyclops wants an investigation into Farage and brexit but not into the fraud and corruption that involved him and the banks during the financial collapse. Fucking puritanical, hypocritical, miserable fuckwit!

        NB great album and so was Trick of the Tail

    • You’re a braver man than I , Bungditin !

      Mhairi Black, now she’s really hot… A sort of sexual bouncy castle.

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