Having to State the Bleedin’ Obvious!
I was on Amazon earlier this morning looking for an anti-glare screen for my laptop as I can’t see a fucking thing when I use it outside in the garden with the sun shining.
Anyway, there was some decent choices on offer, but I also noted that some photos showed a screen and a laptop, but next to it a big message saying “Laptop not included!”
And it got me thinking: do people actually think they’re going to get a laptop as well as an anti-glare screen, and all for £16.99? Well clearly some morons must think that way otherwise the sellers wouldn’t point the fact out!
And then I noticed similar instances for HDTVs (remote controls and set-top boxes), smartphones (protective covers) and other high value goods.
I can only conclude that customers in the past have tried to sue Amazon (or any retailer come to that), highlighting the fact that they were expecting to take delivery of say,a laptop, with their anti-glare screen because the photo suggested that was the case.
It’s just a new level of stupidity in my book: just like cretins who have an accident in their car because they were drinking a hot coffee from a fast-food joint. But the driver sued because there was no message on the side of the cup to suggest the contents might be fucking hot to hold while driving!
Or the morons who don’t remove the outer covers of frozen foods, and just whack them in the microwave and then find their house burns down because the cardboard packaging caught fire.
I even saw a sign at a train platform suggesting that if you wander out on the tracks you may end up seriously injured by an oncoming train (and they used pictures to make the fucking point even more clear!)
So now we have a situation where common sense goes out the window and everything we buy comes with a disclaimer message stating the fucking obvious just in case the thick cunt doesn’t have the intelligence to understand what to expect!
Common sense – what the fuck happened?
Nominated by NoCuntForOldMen
Slippery when wet. Ya daft cunts
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An “anti glare” screen for a lap top? Bollocks! There’s no such thing.
This is a wind up, right?
Can I get one for my watch? 😁
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CAUTION! : Houses of Parliament contains cunts.
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⚠️ Corbyn’s Shadow Cabinet: Contains Nuts.
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The Flabbott – most definitely contains fat.
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The signs on the motorway boil my piss.
Queue Caution 40mph
I know, I’m sat in the fucker. And a double digit mph would be lovely. Cunts
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It’s all part of the “Nanny knows best” ethos allied to a refusal by people to take responsibility for their own actions.
It suits the Authorities fine to continually spew out legislation covering every aspect of our lives….it’s “for everyone’s benefit”. They can’t resist treating everyone,and trying to convince everyone,that we need Laws,rules and instructions to protect us from anything”nasty”.
It also suits “People” because not only does it give them the idea that The Authorities will do all their thinking for them,it also has the added bonus of giving the thick Cunts an excuse to sue for compensation any business that hasn’t had the foresight to realise that people need telling that irons “may be hot” or “don’t stick a fork in a toaster.”
I read of a women on a hen-night a while ago who broke her back when she fell off the bannister while sliding down it dressed in her party-frock and high-heels. She claimed that there should have been warning signs….
Fuck them.
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That’s all very well Mr Fiddler but she probably wouldn’t have thrown herself off the bannister if you hadn’t been standing at the bottom with your horrible cock sticking out.
Another one you got away with.
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There should’ve been razor blades embedded in the bannister.
Daft munter.
Morning Mr. F.
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Great riposte well made as usual Mr Fiddler.
“personal responsibility” is now a misnomer – some (I preclude all cunters – we are sharper than that) need to have the fucking obvious pointed out – underlined and backed up by legislation. I blame the ambulance chasing PPI type cunts – even the filth call a good old fashioned RTA an RTI – an incident as opposed to an accident. We dont have accidents these days as the blame culture insists where theres blame theres a claim.
That cunt clammy Lammy and his bandwagon jumping crew of racist cunts. We white folk have racist, nazi, xenophobic fascist cunts as labels regularly touted by clammy and he pushes the boundaries almost daily. His latest includes calling out Farage as a racist insisting his school chums called him NF – as Nigel insisted because he was a massive National Front supporter. Now I dont know how true that is but if i was Nige I would be having a word with my lawyers. Clammy will never yield the truth about the dark keys of Windrush fame. They were ALL granted residency but the onus was on them to inform the Home Office that at age 18 they were still here and wanted GB status, a not too unreasonable request methinks to guarantee pensions and healthcare – plus the good old rock N roll plus housing benefits till they pop their tap dancing shoes.
Thinking further – the standard of education amongst the innit – know what a mean blud stabby shooty cunts amounts to counting the proceeds of the days drug yield or moped robbery – maybe its for that solitary reason. I would be a lot happier if there was just a few hundred thousand spontaneous combustion cases, all dark or of Asian / African extraction. That would be like Brexit / Nigel as PM and the disbanding of the Liebour party rolled into one 😉
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Stormzy is a cunt
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Stormzy is a colossal massive weapons grade thermonuclear Mount Rushmore sized fucking cunt…
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Now now don’t pick on Lukaku.
His rap career is going better than his day job.
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Driving your car over this 500 foot cliff may result in damage to your car and even injury to driver and passengers.
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Maybe the referendum should have come with disclaimer that “leaving the EU also means leaving the customs Union, the EU Court of Justice and also may res in no deal”…… Because apparently leave voters were all too thick to know what we were voting for.
Cunts.
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*result, not res. Derp
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McDonald’s Hot Apple Pie……there is a clue in the name…….packaging adorned with the phrase “Caution. Filling is Hot”.
Fuck me, I would never have known. Maybe there is a clue in the scaleys and chavs who frequent the place.
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More like “caution contains molten fucking lava”. Mac Donald’s must’ve heated those “hot apple pies” in a smelter, foundry or neutron accelerator.
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I have sold two items on e-bay that have caused concern despite stating the fucking obvious and probably lost me legitimate bids too.
one was a bowser tank.
A big fuck off blue water tank that can go on a trailer or a vehicle, that went for around £400.
Then I was bombarded with questions on what sort of tow hitch was required to move the fucker, despite the flaming obvious picture of the tank sitting on a pallet. (most of these seemed to be travelers)
once I weeded out the wasters I got £80 for it.
Suzuki vitara MDPA roof (a rare item for soft top vitara’s ) A hard plastic clip on roof for a jeep, sold at £700 ended up taking £300 after ploughing through the cunts that had thought they were buying the car! (most of these were foreign)
Stating the obvious has to be done some times in big fuck off mile high neon letters even then you cant guarantee the cunts will read it.
Sad but true if you over price an item you discourage the thick cunts and your sale goes through with a lot less hassle, this also applies to services.
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Thanks for the valuable tip, as I’m considering unloading some of my junk on ebay. “No-one ever went bust underestimating the intelligence of the public” is ever my watchword…
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John Bercow plans to stay on as Commons Speaker
How bleeding obvious is that?
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Stop brexit at all costs
CUNT
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It’s probably because his whore wife has said she will leave him as soon as he leaves the Speaker’s post.
If I were him I would have left donkey’s years ago.
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“Dogs must be carried on escalators”
You try finding a dog in a busy tube station.
For cunts’ sake!
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Good luck carrying Katie Price then – the fat plastic cunt!
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I’m going sue Homebase… Bought a BBQ and was using it in the living room whilst copying a Jamie Oliver 15 minute meals…it set the smoke alarms off and ruined the newly decorated room.
Homebase can go fuck themselves.
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Wasn’t it rumoured that the fire in Grenfell Tower was started this way? Nothing more been heard of the Fucker who lived in the flat…wonder if he got his compo Ok? Hmmmm….
Are you going anywhere nice on holiday this year, Mr.Cunt?
🙂 .
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I heard the same Mr Fiddler.
Fuck knows what was going on in that building. Probably loads of subletting and dodgy maintenance carried out by unqualified cunts.
I think that will be a pay everyone, no questions asked as they don’t want to appear to be against Grenfell.
I’m off to Jamaica in September… Have to get some architect cunt to listen to my commands regarding the type of house I want to build ony land…Im thinking a nice roof terrace with jerk/BBQ cooking section and a private area I can get some action with one of my bitches.
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Let us handle your barbecue-in-confined-space claim. No-win, no-fee, and we only take 95% of any damages when we win. Call Komodo, Komodo, Reptile on 09-xxxxxxxx (charges apply, but you can hear Vivaldi’s Four Seasons arranged for xylophone in its entirety while you wait.) Registered Practitioner of Law And Stuff, Lagos.
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What a great offer Komodo, do you have a special offer where I may get 10% of any compensation instead of 5% but I give you my bank details and passport?
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By a fortunate coincidence we have the honour of acting for General Ubongoma Mbangona, the owner of British Petroleum, who wishes to make you his heir. Please remit USD 30,000 by Western Union to secure your inheritance and fund the legal costs of transferring the bullion from his bank.
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I’m on to it, please be patient Komodo whilst I rush to the bank. Please don’t let me miss this opportunity…. I’ll be as quick as I can.
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https://www.complex.com/sports/2015/06/cyclist-kicked-out-world-naked-bike-ride-erection
Unbeliveable !
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“The city of Kent, over in England” ? Is this some Yank website or something?
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You want cunts? I got em…
Lewis Capaldi’s ‘hilarious’ (according to those BBC cocksuckers) stage entrance goes viral?… I wish the talentless narcissistic fat cunt would go viral… As in Ebola…
And note every single tosspot in the audience holding up their phone… There we have Generation Cunt…
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07bjnl2
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Stating the obvious?
Jesse Lingard, Marcus Rashford and Paul Pogba are all social media whores and useless cunts…
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My favourites are ‘low flying aircraft’ signs (duck?) and falling rocks (avoid?)
We also have the frog/toad signs which I am all for preserving but wonder what the fuck you can do in a car to avoid.
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We must sadly accept that they will, despite our best efforts, croak.
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The Tesco packs of smoked salmon…
‘Warning! May contain fish!’
Cunts…..
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Unless, of course, it’s Romanian Smoked Salmon…
Answers on the back of a postcard !
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Pub and restaurant menus are a bloody nightmare to read now!
You have a list of foods on offer, followed by a little asterisk, or exclamation mark next to it. So you look at the foot of the menu and there’s a shitload of disclaimer:-
may contain nuts
may contain wheat
suitable for vegans
may contain bones
blah blah blah
You’d probably read War & Peace quicker than a fucking food menu these days.
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Even worse, look at the labelling in 500 languages, on everything covering most of the fucking packaging or wrapping. The worst is on Lidl’s own products. A 25p pack of noodles positively smothered in instructions and ingredients in 500 fucking languages.
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You missed out:
Barley
Yeast
Mustard
Celery
Jaguar nipples
Plutonium
And that’s without the patronising fucking “Traffic light” crap listing the fat, salt, sugar, polonium content, as if the VAST majority could give a flying fourex.
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Caution: Very Hot Water…
over the sink in my workshop and every other sink in the (very large) complex.
Yet no warning of the very real risk of drowning due to the careless operation of the cold tap. Must call H&S.
On the other hand, when some enterprising management aspirant put up signs discouraging visitors from warmer climes from standing on the toilet seats to take a dump, the signs were removed on the grounds that they might be seen as offensive by the culturally different. Such a delicate balance to be struck!
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“Danger Lorries Turning” signs.
Who the fuck allowed them on the road then?!
One of many eats shoots and leaves moments in modern life I suppose.
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“Slow children”. Bless ’em…
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Electricity pylons
i mean for fuck’s sake, they’re big steel frame things with barbed wire, notice signs and all sorts of shit basically saying “stay the fuck away”. And yet you still get some stupid cunt climb up one and touch the electricity cable and ends up on the floors brown bread!
What is really annoying is the parents of the crisp one taking a pop at the electricity companies for not doing more to prevent people from climbing their pylons!
Cunts
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“The crisp one….” CLASSIC..
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Perhaps they should build a fence around each one and electrify it.
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Welsh road signs!
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The only signs that if you read them out loud, sound like you’re coughing your fucking lungs up. GET SOME FUCKING VOWELS. Christ!!! Imagine Countdown in Welsh… Give us a consonant Rachel, “L”, another, “L”, another “L”, another “L”, another “S”, vowel, “sorry there aren’t any, have a “Y” two more consonants “B” another “L” and another “Y”
After 30 secs… I’ve got a NINE letter word LLYLLBSYL which as any half educated moron knows, is Welsh for toasted teacake…….
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You can get high scores in Scrabble, I’m told. Welsh speakers sound as if they’re talking through a towel to me.
Incidentally, ‘watchstrap’ might contain the longest consonant string in English. Any better offers?
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What about bLLcks
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On the other hand, you’re safe if your name is Sybyll
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Apparently some thick or clever cunt sued some coffee seller because that burnt their mouth on a… Coffee that they’d bought, hence the ‘Hot contents’ warning on every flat white or Latte lid.
What a pile of cunt.
They should put a warning before broadcasting Prime Ministers question’s… Something like… The following contains some serious cunts and cuntishness all conducted by a midget cunt.
Go fuck yourself.
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It was as a female American cuntess who sued McDonalds because she scalded herself when a cup of coffee she’d bought spilled in her lap where she’d put it while driving. She actually WON. If she didn’t know that hot coffee was hot, presumably having occasionally made it herself, I contend that she shouldn’t be fucking DRIVING in case she didn’t realise that running into a tree could be disadvantageous to one’s wellbeing.
Hmm, that gives me an idea for another fucking warning sign on every tree over 2″ in diameter…
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Although I am never again going to risk a Cornish Pasty off the pasty kiosk on Cambridge station (the chain that you see on all stations – “West Cornwall” ??). OK, I know Cambridge is NOT Cornwall, therefore I’m a bit of a cunt, but do they have to cook them in the core of the nearest nuclear reactor ? JC, it was as hot as bloody plasma. Safe to eat after about twenty minutes in February chilly weather.
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Of course they do AND charge 20% fucking VAT for the privilege of biting into the equivalent of a Hawaiian volcanic lava bomb.
There should be a special WARNING, MAY BE HOT notice printed in edible nut/gluten free organic eco-ink on EVERY pasty or heatable product that only becomes visible over 38.5°C. You can never be too careful, I mean 1.5°C over blood heat could scald a small child, just like “speeding” at 22.5 mph in a 20mph zone could easily re-enact the carnage of a Formula-1 pile up. You can NEVER be too careful. Think of the chiiiiilllldren, the preshhhhhuuuusss chiiiiilllldren who are our future and all the usual emotive shite used to steal our freedoms and choices…. CUNTS…
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The natural outcome when utter cunts sue other cunts for all and sundry, using ambulance chasing cunts who get a slice of any action.
That’s hardly a square inch of anywhere that doesn’t have a fucking warning sign for something or other.
I propose a “WARNING, BEWARE OF DISTRACTION BY WARNING SIGNS” sign a red triangle surrounding a symbol of a sign with “Warning” on it that has a smaller picture of a warning sign in the middle of a sign that has a warning sign in the middle until it becomes microscopic or disappears into a parallel universe through a gap in the atoms. Naturally there will be a warning sign to the Mighty Atom or the Incredible Shrinking Man/Woman/Trans to be careful in sub&atomic space and to look out for those annoying speeding electrons.
But the warning sign that takes the (produced in a factory that handles nuts) biscuit are the warnings on PACKETS OF NUTS that say “MAY contain nuts”. MAY??? Are they made of fucking PLASTIC? We of the older genre are being treated like stupid children who can’t find our own arses with a mirror, torch and map. On the other hand, those younger cunts “educated” in the Marxist infested, discipline-free knowledge-lite propagandized everrrrrrreeeeeee-chuuuuyyyyyuuulllld-is-preshh I-know-my-rights prizes-for-all state daytime crowd control units masquerading as schools, the State Academies of snowflakery and victimhood where self-fucking-esteeeeeeeeeeeem and 695.3 genders and correct pronouns are more important than knowledge, perhaps we don’t have enough signs.
As a final proposal, I think all of us should only be allowed out with a designated counsellor & a lawyer, ESPECIALLY when voting, to advise against antagonising the “I-believe-in-democracy-but….” lefty/Remainiac cunt types.
However, I do think that this site really does need a “WARNING! CUNTS HERE sign, just in case some cunt really cannot read the URL.
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On the subject of the Fucking Obvious..
The URL for this site is fucking obvious thereby gall my foul of this timely, nay required cunting.
Change the name to something like Badgerwatch.com and then when some poor unsuspecting cunt complains, put a “WARNING! CUNTS” notice on the homepage.
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“Serving Suggestion” it’s on everything. An example of this is on a box of cornflakes. As if some thick cunt thinks the box contains an actual ceramic bowl filled with fresh milk & cornflakes, a spoon & a fucking gingham tablecloth.
I wonder if it’ll get to the point where selling something on Ebay will have to include the disclaimer “photograph location not included” in case some cunt thinks my house is included in the sale of a £5 PS4 game.
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I dutifully ignore “recommend portion sizes” as they’re written by cowardly CUNTS who should tell the Government nannies to FUCK OFF and let us make up our own minds.
Likewise any sign with “eco” or “lo-anything” because it’s virtue-signalling bollocks swallowed by look-at-meeeeeeee virtue-signalling cunts trying to impress fellow shoppers who not only couldn’t give a flying fuck, but think the virtue-signalling cunts are cunts.
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You can bet that some interfering politicunt is looking to do this to show how “caring” they are of us knuckle-dragging, brain-dead Plebocunts.
And what did you achieve during your political career? I treated my constituents like toddlers who couldn’t wipe their own arses.
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Cuntemy Cuntbyn, you beat me to it with the ‘serving suggestion’ bullshit.
How about a box of jam tarts with a picture of them on a plate – serving suggestion. Well eff off, I eat them straight from the box.
Advert for denture adhesive, showing a woman standing inside a mouth which is crunching on a carrot – simulation. Really? There we were, thinking it was real.
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You only have look at an instruction manual for things like a drill, or a phone, or a kettle etc… and there will be pages and pages of “Dos and Don’ts” – some of them quite ridiculously obvious. But clearly the manufacturer’s legal department have told them to cover all bases!
And what is really quite annoying is when they put warning stickers on items that you can’t peel away cleanly! For example I bought some black Venetian Blinds from B&Q. All very nice and quite easy to fit. But when I pulled the cord for the blinds to go up I noticed on the underside of the last one a big orange fuck-off sticker warning that children shouldn’t play with the pull strings, or touch the plastic blades etc.
But since I don’t have kids I tried to peel it off; but typically it didn’t and despite using soap & water and diluted white spirits, it has still left and indelible mark that you can’t fucking miss when the blinds are up.
Cunts!
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Buy Chinese, from China, on ebay. Instructions either nonexistent or in Chinese. Exercise your ingenuity in working out how it goes together and what the menu buttons do. Enjoy the mental stimulus, and something costing half what it does from a UK retailer for the same item. Postage cheap or free, and the sender often knows how to blindside Customs. Recommended.
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“Do not clog-dance on a slime; it might explode.”
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Then there’s those level crossing where a road intersects a train line.
Despite the barriers coming down, flashing lights going off and a big fuck-off sign saying something like “don’t cross while the barriers are down or lights are flashing”, you still get stupid cunt either walking under the barriers to cross; or actually driving through the hanging barriers in their cars, and in some instances ending up getting stuck on the lines and getting whacked by the oncoming train!
Some people!
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Some Cunts are not that stupid. I think Amazon are just protecting themselves from professional litigants.
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Liticunts surely.
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I was standing at a busy junction the other day waiting to cross. In the left hand turn lane at the lights was a huge fuck off council lorry with left hand indicator the size of a fridge flashing at the front, one at the side, and two at the rear. These incredibly obvious features weren’t enough tho. The fucking thing was beeping like crazy, and an ear-piercing robotic voice was repeating over and over ‘Warning! This-vehicle-is-turning-left! This-vehicle….’. Well no fucking shit Sherlock.
Fuck off elf and safety mad cunts.
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I’m afraid that until bicyclists are made to carry something similar by law, that lorry has a point. The bicyclist version:
“I have just sneaked into your left hand blind spot unobserved and intend to proceed straight across the junction under your front wheels”
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Health and Safety legislation was created with the best of intentions but like so many things is often interpreted and acted upon by cunts. And the thickness of the GREAT BRITISH PUBLIC can never be underestimated, remember a few Christmases ago when some dick was whining that he’d spent £400 on ebay for a Playstation (or similar). Only to end up quite legally with a photograph of a games console.
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